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April 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.04.27-17.32

It looks like the i.am/orsm and come.to/priceless url's for my site arent very friendly and seem to crash the occasional browser or two [although some dodgy HTML around the place written by myself probably doesnt help!]. This being the case I proudly present the new domain name for my site:


And my new email address: webmaster@orsm.net

While I think of it - are there any iiNet users around the place that would be interested in donating their iiNet web space to me? Would be muchly appreciated.

Fuck knows how I have done it but I managed to reach second place in the rankings on Stile Projects Top 50. I'm impressed. Thanks to all you guys who have voted and to all you guys who are going to vote for me by clicking these things everytime you come to my site:

Anyways... let the update begin...

This accident occurred a few days ago in Cananea (Mexico). The truck driver lost control of the truck and went over the protective barrier. The truck kept going for 30 metres (100 feet) and stopped just before a 200 metres (600 feet +) free fall thanks to the tires being caught in the loose rock. Now they don't know how to get it out of there.

Tonka Toy 1 - Tonka Toy 2 - Tonka Toy

Make SURE you check out Jack's site - I Want A New Girl Friend. I surf his site pretty much everyday because it kick's ass.

Also worth the effort is Blaasje's. Unreal looking site and a shit load of Mp3's all for your listening pleasure.

Am I Going Down - Animated Karma Sutra - Class Or Sex

Priceless Pics. Just added over 50 of them to the gallery and they start about here. As usual there are a few good ones and a few crap ones...

Fine Naked Lesbians.... very nice too.

Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes - Blondes

Reader mail... SO much reader mail.

There seems to be a whole lot of people wanting to do nasty things to Tikki God. Without even realising what the fuck was going on this has turned into a big US Vs Canada mud-slinging match. I am neither so dont really care too much - it's just fun to watch.

Tikki God wrote:
Subject: the monkey matter

you misunderstood what i was trying to say last time...I didnt mean that Americans are monkeys that learnt to fly planes, I meant that they treated the Chinese like monkeys who learnt to fly planes. It was just a way of pointing out Amercian arrogance... although I spose they can afford to be, being in possesion of the largest, best funded, and most deadly defence force on the planet.


Brian Shannon wrote:
Subject: TIKKI GOD

Here's my response to [snipped in] TIKKI GOD.

"Just a small note here to remark on the stupidity and arrogance of the majority of the population of Northern America."

Speaking of stupid! What do you know about the majority of our population asshole?

"I've noticed, .. that Americans and Canadians love to dote on the fact that Australia was, in essence, a British gaol in the 19th and 18th centuaries."

Actually we don't spend a lot of time "doting" on Australia..in fact we don't think about Australia a whole hell of a lot generally (unless a new Crocodile Dundee movie comes out or an Aussie puts up a great website like this one).

"While they prance around"

Nope not much prancing here either

"that both the United States and Canada started out the same way."

Huh? What do you do, make shit up as you go along? Actually I don't give a rat's ass how a country gets started. Kevin might..but that's probably because he wanted to learn something about the country of a guy he admired.

"However as we managed to stop the flow of criminals with a bit of reasoning, the united states had to revert to a war."

Is that what the hell that war was about? I thought it was to get away from the tyranny of my ancestors. Shit I didn't know it had anything to do with convicts

"Kevin - are all canadians as stupid as you?"

Well presumably so, I'm responding to a dickhead like you who calls himself God

"and finally George W Bush is a typical arrogant yankee as he shows with his treatment of "

Shit I didn't think he was being arrogant. He was in a tough spot. Frankly, I think he should've just appologized right away if it meant getting their people back faster and what the hell they WERE buzzing up and down China's coast. 'Course I'm a Canadian, we tend to lean towards settling thingsamicably where possible.

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Chris Hayes wrote:

In regards to Tikki God I feel I must rebut. Canadians and Americans are nothing alike. I have traveled allot in my time (All 28 years of them), even living in your great country for a good chunk of time. And in my endeavors Canadians are treated with much more respect than Americans. Did you know that 65 percent of American kids can't even find their home state on a map. So please do not group Canadians in with them. We are very proud to be Canadians as you guys are proud to be Aussies. We are not rude, arrogant people. We are the funny fucks from the North. ROCK ON!

Chris Hayes

Cheers for one of the more sensible emails Chris. You actually would have won the prize for 1 years free pizza but unfortunately I ate it. Why can't all the Yanks hug all the Canucks - and then all the Canucks just go ahead and hug the Yanks right back. There'll be no bickering then.

Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes - Brunettes

On with the reader mail....

Shagy Scoby wrote:
Subject: Stupid Shit

This talk about how Australia got just plain fuckin' stupid, What the hell is the point in arguing? All I know is that you have to respect a country that produces Paul Hogan and The Crocodile Hunter. Keep producing quality actors and Americans wont talk shit like we do to Canada for unleashing Celine Dione on us.

It appears that you must be joking so I can't take your email seriously. Paul Hogan? Yeah he really is funny... actually make that he WAS funny - about 20 years ago.

Crocodile Hunter? That guy is probably the biggest fuck-stick this side of the red stump in Kangaroo Creek [if there is such a place]. I'm assuming that you are American right? The same way that you guys churn out cinematic masterpieces such as Beverly Hills 90210 for all the good little imbeciles like us to lap up, we get clowns like the Crocodile Hunter doing it back to you guys. It's only fair.

Like most Aussies, I shudder when I think how badly people like these guys must make the rest of us look, with the exception of Kylie Minogue coz she has a nice ass and Russel Crowe coz he is cool.


Okay so I haven't posted any of the lovely Aria for aaaaages but I had the feeling that there may be some of you guys out there looking for something to get off on. Anyone who has been reading my babble for a few months now will remember when I posted the very first Aria pics which were sensational... all the ones that followed weren't quite as good. Hopefully this next series can change that a little. Check em out...

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria

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UncleJollyRoger wrote:
Subject: Chili Dog

Just the other day i heard of something called the chili dog. No im not talking about the food im talking about the sexual act. So hey if you could enlighten us all what exactly it is and looks like, that would be great.

After setting my stand-by team of Physicists, Scientists and Intellectuals off on the task they've worked tirelessly to find out what this was. It can be defined as this:

Chili Dog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.

There's also a whole heap more of these type of sexual acts. I'm eager to try the last one...

1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her chest. (i.e. the Cleveland Steamer)

2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.

3. Western Grip - When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.

4. The Blumpkin - You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.

5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.

6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (i.e. water sports)

7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewellery.

8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.

9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.

10. The Flying Camel - A personal favourite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.

11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.

12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.

13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.

14. Jelly Doughnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.

15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on her forehead.

16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.

17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc.

18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use of the tongue.

19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.

20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.

21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).

22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.

23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honoured event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.

24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.

25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.

26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

27. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside.

28. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.

29. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.

30. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.

I was looking through some of the sickening shit you guys send me. Firstly, you should be disgusted with yourselves and secondly you should keep sending it to me. This week's theme is what I have dubbed 'violated'. It's refers to either the person in the pic being violated in some way or me feeling violated after looking at it.

NO they are NOT rape pics and stuff like that so don't even go there. Just click the links, sit back and be enlightened at the shit people do.

Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated

Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated - Violated

A lady approaches a priest and says to him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female cocky's but they only know how to say one thing".

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, Hi, we're prostitutes. D'ya wanna have some fun?"

"That's terrible!!" exclaimed the priest, "but I have a solution to your problem.

Bring your two female cocky's over to my house and I will put them with my two male cocky's who I taught to pray and read the bible. My cocky's will teach yours to stop saying that terrible phrase and will learn to praise and worship instead."

"Thank you!" the woman responded.

The next day, the lady brought her female cocky's to the priest's house. His two male cocky's were holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady put her female cocky's in with the male cocky's and the females immediately said "Hi, we're prostitutes. D'ya wanna have some fun?" One male cocky looks at the other male cocky and exclaims "Put the fuckin bible away - our fuckin prayers have finally been answered".


I'm posting this next link not only because it is pretty cool but also because I keep getting the file sent to me over and over and over again...

- Fight -

Did you ever find yourself wondering what it is that the people in Iraq watch on TV? I know I do - all the time too. Check out their weekly TV Guide....

8:00 Husseinfeld
8:30 Mad About Everything
9:00 Suddenly Sanctions
9:30 Allah McBeal

8:00 Wheel of Misfortune
8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right
9:00 Children are Forbidden to say the Darndest Things
9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers

8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy
9:00 Just Shoot You
9:30 Veilwatch

8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi
8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H
9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses
9:30 My Two Baghdads

8:00 Judge Saddam
8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things
9:00 Achmed's Creek
9:30 No-witness News


Vid's time. I thought I'd keep within the Violated theme and post some stuff that I just didn't think was possible to do. So here goes....

Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video

Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video - Violated Video

I think that'll do for this week. I've spent way too long updating and I'm tired. Poor me huh?

The Priceless Vids section of my site is about to fatten up again. Maybe today, maybe tomorow, maybe when ever the fuck I feel like it but it will happen I swear to god and may he strike me down where I sit if I don't.

Don't forget to vote for me.

Don't forget too publically belittle me here.

And don't forget to email me with something good.

Adios Amigos. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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orsmupdate 2001.04.42-17.02

Well fuck me - I actually did something by the time I said I was going to. The Mp3's are up. 45 [I think] new ones to download. I've filled as many requests as I could and that'll hopefully keep a few campers happy for a while. Don't like Dance-type music? Try it out - I guaruntee that there are a few things there that'll change your mind. You can make a request here, check out my [not up to date] lists here and here and you can download to your hearts content here. You've got about 150-160 tracks to choose from so have fun and enjoy the free music.

Got an absolute shit load on new Priceless pics almost ready to be posted soon too. With a bit of luck they SHOULD be ready by the time I next do an update.

By the way - thanks to all you guys who have voted for me so far. It makes me all moist when you do.

Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.04.24-1.10

Apologies for my site being totally fuct lately. Have changed a few things around the place and i'm having a few probs finding out where it is exacty that things are fuct. If my site crashes your browser or does weird things then email me here so I can fix em. Cheers. Mr Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.04.18-20.30

I hope everyone had a lovely Easter break blah blah blah. I spent most of the weekend trying to get myself motivated to do an update but it just didn't happen.

I went out clubbing last thursday nite on account of I was lucky enough to score some free tickets to see [Dj] Matt Darey play live. Fuck he is good. He also had Marcella [his female vocalist] travelling with him. Probably one of the best live performances I have seen. I'm a sucker for anything dance related that has chick vocals in it.

I got a chance to have a quick chat to her after she had finished doin-her-thang and told her she rocked. What did she say to that? "This place fuckin ROCKS - it shits on the clubs back in london!".

High praise for us aussies is all good but really... is it possible that we could even begin to compete with the British super clubs? Anyways, if you ever have the chance to catch either him/her live then I suggest that you do it!

There's a Matt Darey track available on my Downloads Page and I'll add some more of his stuff AND fill the requests that I have been promising to fill for the last few weeks hopefully in the next few days.

The USS Constellation was in port today. Got to have a walk around it and look at all the jets and shit like that. I have decided that I need to by myself an F-14 Tomcat. The only bad point is that they run at around AU$60million. Only slightly out of my price range. If anyone wants to donate one to me you can do it here.

Talking of unrealistic ideas, I have an idea that it is possible to create my own planet that would orbit the Earth. Doing this will ensure I have somewhere to go when this planet is too fucked up and polluted. This will be done with some sort of chemical reaction. Ie. Mix 2, 3 or even 4 different chemicals together that produce some sort of big solid rock-like substance. The only people that would be allowed on there include hot chicks and guys who are less smart and more ugly than I am.

Not unlike 'The Earth' and 'The Moon', it would be known as 'The Orsm'.


I spent all night trying to hack into Bill Gates' computer. When I finally broke in guess what I saw on his desktop?

Holy shit, what a fag!!!!

Not only is he the worlds richest man, but the worlds biggest fag as well. Now I know why he always wears those fucking ugly wool sweaters. Get some fucking class, Bill.

There was a cruise ship going through some rough waters that ended sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island. There were only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women. After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself. It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel really bad about what they were doing so... they buried her.

Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde

Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde - Joy Blonde

I've no idea if anyone outside of Australia heard of or even saw in the news anything about an Aussie Rugby League player who goes by the name of John Hopoate.

In the middle of a game, after being tackled, he somehow manged to jam half his hand up one of the opposition players ass. It was all caught on film too and has since been replayed about a million times for everyone to laugh at how much of a sick-fuck he is.

As you would expect - the jokes have been flying thick and fast...

  • "Yet another inconsistency with the NRL Judiciary. Two Wests Tigers player get suspended for the season for doing cocain and ecstasy, and John Hopoate only gets 12 weeks for doing crack."
  • "You put your left finger in, you pull your left finger out, you put your right finger in and you shake it all about, you do the HOPOATE then you turn around, that's what it's all about".
  • " I think the criticism levelled at Hoppa is totally unfounded, he is being fingered for a crime he did not commit.
  • I heard that Hoppa has a segment on the Footy Show called Hoppa's Up-date.
  • " What's the bet Terry Lamb will tell him to pull his finger out.
  • " John Hopoate: Public Enema Number 1.
  • " Hoppa...the human thermometer.
  • " John Hopoate is James Bond in... "Brown Finger".
  • " John Hopoate stars in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Finger".
  • " Heard that he has a job behind the bar at Wests for the next 12 weeks... pushing peoples stools in.
  • " The NRL have been pushing for him to leave because he is such a shit stirrer.
  • " What's the difference between Hoppa and Liberace? Hoppa has more rings on his finger.

Hopoate as a child

I couldn't find a decent pic of the incident so if anyone has one, send it my may so I can post it.


The little rascals were at school one day, and their teacher, Mrs. Crabtree, said it would be a spelling day. Mrs. Crabtree said that she would give a student a word, and they would have to spell it and use it in a sentence. She called on Dorothy, and told her to spell "stupid." Dorothy spelled it and used the sentence, "Spanky is stupid." Mrs. Crabtree said that wasn't nice, but it was correct. Then she told Spanky to spell "dictate." He spelled it and then said, "Dorothy how did my dic-tate last night."


Ah yes... and now for my favourite part - Reader Mail.

The first one is just Priceless. Anyone care to respond to this one? Email me.

Tikki God wrote:
Subject: yanks & canadians

Just a small note here to remark on the stupidity and arrogance of the majority of the population of Northern America. I've noticed, and I'm pretty sure you have to, that Americans and Canadians love to dote on the fact that Australia was, in essence, a British gaol in the 19th and 18th centuaries. While they prance around and pour shit on Australia they fail to realise that both the United States and Canada started out the same way. However as we managed to stop the flow of criminals with a bit of reasoning, the united states had to revert to a war. What i'm trying to say is:
Denis Roy- shut up you dumb prick
Kevin - are all canadians as stupid as you?
and finally George W Bush is a typical arrogant yankee as he shows with his treatment of China- much like they are a bunch of monkey's that have learnt to fly planes.

I actually quite disagree with the comment about the Americans not being able to fly planes. The 26 year old pilot and the rest of the crew did a fuckin great job in my opinion and they deserved the heroes welcome they got.

Click for more awesomeness

Tony D Man wrote:
Subject: Secret & Haunt

A friend of mine from Germany sent me these following photos. I'm very interested in the occult and the paranormal, so I found these images even more interesting than most people would. Supposedly they are "haunted," as you can plainly see, some VERY strange things are happening in them. I don't know if they are haunted per say, but odd nonetheless.

Wow. That's some creepy shit. I felt my spine tingling while looking at those pictures. Take a look for yourself


Haunted 1 - Haunted 2 - Haunted 3 - Haunted 4

...and this next email which I thought was quite funny.

Freddie wrote:
Subject: FBI Investigates illicit web sites

Thought that would get your attention!

Well its five in the morning however at 1am I was going to sign off, just thought I'd better check my emails. Low and behold an email from my long lost dyke friend in the land we couldn't give away ( roughly 213 years ago ) therefore if we can't sell it fuck it well get rid of all the bollocks, but anyway back to my dyke friend; she sent me a COUPLE OF YOUR PRICELESS PHOTOS. Hence I am still awake and writing to complain!!!!!!!!!!

That no site should be as fucking funny as yours without some kind of disclaimer not; "if you are under 18 bollocks" no more like "this is funny shit and its free, no credit card required, no cyber penis, cyber cash, cum dollars, fucking lucky net chips, just download our software and dial this number in Kuwait or any other mother, however you do need at least three hours to view the site.

In short thanks a fucking lot, the wife is pissed off and I absolutely no chance of getting laid. Also I have to work in three hours, so next time you have some fuckin funny"goodies" keep the password to yourself! (after reading some fucking losers email you posted )

Just kidding, really enjoyed your site.. not bad for an ex cons grandsons, nephews, twice removed, aunties, sisters, daughter, does that mean your a girl?

No seriously... if a man travel at 2.5 mph to the strip club which was five miles away how long would it take for him to get a hardon? 2.00.30... wrong he couldn't get in coz he was a twat and didn't get in.

But now onto other matters... this fag Spam thing you are expatiating ... Well what's the difference between a fag and a fridge.... when you pull the meat out of the fridge it doesn't fart. Disclaimer: told to me by a gay male friend of mine so gay pride on this -------------:

Honestly... I really enjoyed your site,


A wanker that's over 25 and cannot get a work visa to visit your sorry ass country; therefore like the rest of the modernist shit of the world now resides in the grand old USA.


Ronald Alzate wrote:
Subject: Weird Asian Pics

Dude, for some reason those nasty little slanty-eyed fucks are BIG into enemas, feces, urine and all manner of human excrement. The "Doc" in those pics is just collecting her crap! Shit like that sells big in Japan. For Christ sakes, the sick fuckers sell soiled underwear in fetish shops!

This reminds me of the age old comment of "I'm not a racist - I just hate all blacks and asians". By the way I AM NOT a racist so please dont send me any hate mail calling me a racist asshole.


Sent in by the very spunky Kristi:

  • Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
  • The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.
  • American car horns beep in the tone of F.
  • No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
  • Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
  • 1 in every 4 Americans has appeared on television.
  • You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
  • Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.
  • The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
  • The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.
  • A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.
  • American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.
  • Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
  • The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA."
  • Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
  • The 57 on the Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
  • The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
  • Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
  • The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer.
  • Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
  • Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.
  • Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
  • Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.
  • All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.
  • Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
  • The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.
  • Pearls melt in vinegar.
  • Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
  • The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
  • A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
  • Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton!

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Questions that could go both ways...

  • "If I were to dial a toll-free number reverse charge - who would pay for the call? Them or me?"
  • "If an ambulance were on it's way to save someone who had just had a heart attack and a big accident happened in front of them, and both cases were of equal severity - would it stop or keep on going to the original call?"
  • "If you win 12 months video rental for free, you hire out a new release and take it back 3 days late - do you get charged late fees?

Got any other good ones? Email me.


Blue Sky Snog. Now this is some funny shit. I got bored and thought it would be nice to have a browse through the 18-23 year old female seeking female category. Here is a selection of what you can find and what they have to say for themselves...


I'm looking for artistic people (bois in particular), bisexual tendencies a definate plus (I am soooo the faghag!!) ^_^ ...someone I can stare at stars with.



well... i enjoy watching arthouse movies, going to the movies, the beach, rollerblading and skateboarding (no expert or nothing!), chilling out with friends, going to live concerts, going to pubs, music, alot of music (NIN, marilyn manson, magic dirt and korn), camping, stars and things that are weird. i'm more of a night person, i prefer night to day. i am a smoker. i have my nipple and tongue peirced, plus two tattoos. i also wanna travel around australia in a VW kombi, and visit america.


Perfect match is a reasonably intelligent one who likes to talk about anything. And I really mean anything. If you want to talk about your pet Koala eating your 100 year old goldfish while he practices Thi Chi, I'm up to it.



i like to wondring with partner.and i like to do romance.and see movies of romance,action etc.and my hobby is to wondring at beautiful places and see the movies.

Languages Spoken: Gujrati (Fluent), Hindi (Fluent), Indian (Fluent).

On the other hand there are some absolute honeys in there. I'll post a few of the good ones next update.

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By the way - I've had about 10 [serious] people email me so far applying for the job as a contributor for my site. If you are interested then email me or Icq me with some of your details and perhaps even a few demos of what you think you can bring to this site.


Time for this weeks vids I think. I thought it would be nice to NOT post all sick vids for a change so here they are... over 40 megs of them to get you off [or whatever].

All Fall Down - Anthea Turner - On Fire - Chainsaw Arm - Chipendale

Flares - Pizza Delivery - Poor Birdy - Poor Sid

Post all non-sick vids? Who am I kidding? I couldn't do it to you guys... Check these out.

Bitch Slap - Tranny - Tranny Too

The vid of the week award goes to this next one. Thanks to Steve for this next one.

- Akela -

I got an email from the guys over at Alltrue.com asking me if I wanted to post links to their vids. I've signed up so that'll be happening soon. Something extra for you guys to do when ya's get bored.

Don't like me? Go tell someone who cares more than I do.

I'm outta here. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.04.08-14.12

Once again it looks as if I have been dragging my feet between updates. Not true.

On top of been pretty much flat out with assignments due, exams [read: tests] coming up and now starting to come down with the flu - I have been busily getting the Mp3's back online properly. Add to this, I somehow fucked the CGI script that I use to run the hit counter on my site. It went bananas and generated a massive error log file for my host which they werent too happy about. After looking through the log I found a billion more little errors across the site. Thanks to the fine people at iiNet their help.

Fone Support - Fone Support - Fone Support - Fone Support

Yeah so what? I fixed em.... I fixed em all! Pretty much every page on here should now work perfectly and never ever crash a browser.... I hope. Add to that I also fixed every page so that it will work properly in 800x600 resoloution. Email me if you are having probs so I can fix em.

Linkage: Fine Beauties - Wicked Weasel

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The ongoing diplomatic crisis between the United States and China over the stranded EP3 spy plane worsened today after Chinese Premier Jiang Zemin told United States representatives, "All your plane are belong to us."

Analysts are divided as to what the significance of this latest statement may be, but the consensus is that "somebody set up us the bomb."

A delegation from the US consulate was allowed access to the plane's crew on Tuesday and met with President Jiang immediately afterwards. Jiang is reported to have greeted them with the words, "How are you gentlemen!! All your planes are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."

President Bush is now faced with a diplomatic stand-off not seen the days of the Cold War, and the most serious test yet of his presidency. Last night he told a packed news conference, "I have three words for President Jiang Zemin....'What you say??'"

Top-level Pentagon officials have begun seriously considering military options should the situation escalate.

"China is known to possess zigs," says Robert Flynn of Jane's Defence Weekly, "and the possibility that they might take off has not been ruled out. If that were to happen, we have no chance to survive make your time."

Fuckstones - Fuckstones - Fuckstones - Fuckstones - Fuckstones

Fuckstones - Fuckstones - Fuckstones - Fuckstones

Brandy 1 - Brandy 2 - Brandy 3 - Brandy 4 - Brandy 5 - Brandy 6 - Brandy 7 - Brandy 8


Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question BEFORE scrolling down to the answer of this one.

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates:

Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologers. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8-10 martinis a day.

Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening.

Candidate C:
He's a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extramarital affairs.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

And by the way:
Answer to the abortion question... If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Heather 1 - Heather 2 - Heather 3 - Heather 4 - Heather 5 - Heather 6

On to some reader mail now. I love reader mail...

Denis Roy wrote:
Re: Kevin from canada...

Hi Mr. Orsm,

Ive seen your update yesterday and can say that being from canada.... im ashamed by that Kevin dude... shit he's from Montreal Quebec (because of the email address @sympatico is a montreal based server that only serves montreal and the region) and now he makes us (Im also from the Montreal region) all look like fucking idiots... Hes wright when he says that you all come from murderers and shit (dont take it personal) because when I was in school, they tolds us that the British criminals where shipped there in like the 1600 or something like that but this doesnt make you a murderer...(I hope!!! joke)

He's probably a little kid, 15 max, who should have listen in class when the teacher spoke about this, instead of getting stoned before class and now looking like a complete jerk on the net where everybody can read his stupid question ... but you have to understand him... he's just a kid... Hell he will learn not to ask fucking stupid question like that one!!!

You probably know that in the north of the province of Quebec there are some inuits (people that where on this continent along with the indians when Christoph Colomb ``discovered`` Canada) and they lived in igloos (Small houses made out of snow blocks) and they now live in regular houses since maybe the year 1900!!! but I know some american kids from Los angeles (Hockey exchange... dont ask) that thought we ALL lived in igloos in canada.... shit this is something we expect from americans ... the king of the wolrd as we all know!!! but not from Canadians... im trully deeply trouble by this guy... shit I hope he stays in school to learn a bit about something someday... unfortunaly its kid like this that will be prime minister of Canada in the futur... and I can say that its a kid like this that is KNOW the prime minister... Mr Jean Chretien would've probably ask a question like this one ...

you can post this email if you want...


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Overweening wrote:
Subject: help me ?!

I would like to say that your home page makes me lol very much. And i want to keep your hp on the net. I saw a pic called 'priceless019.jpg' and we cannot see the girl of the picture, but i think that i know who is she. Do me a favor please, try to find who taked this pic and where (the city) and when (the date , the year and the month) this picture was taked. Because i know her name , e-mail, and others things. I am not american, so sorry for my english. Keep in touch and dont forget to try to find this informations,

Due to the fact that I try not to sit at my computer 24 hours a day and he didnt get a reply after 5 minutes, he contacted me on Icq. Sent three requests for authoristation in a matter of an hour or so [If you want to annoy me then do that!]. When he and I finally end up online at the same time he start harrassing me again.

It turns out that he thinks the whench in the picture that is being shat on is his girlfriend. What I want to know is how the fuck can he possibly tell? There's gotta be millions of fat bitches who look identical from that angle.

Note To The Internet Community: I do not know any of the people in the pictures I post. DO NOT ask me for help when trying to track the person in a pic down. I will also not tell you where the pic has come from so do not even ask. I am sick of it.

Your Lover wrote:
Subject: Gush Vids

Hi Mr. Orsm

My girfriend recently discovered that she can gush, but felt weird about it. I'd like to know where you got those vids as it has helped her realize that she is not alone with this unique ability.


All i can say is SEND PICS!!! I'm sure everyone would love to see them. Maybe she still feels weird about it? Show her these and hopefully they will help...

Squirt 1 - Squirt 2 - Squirt 3 - Squirt 4

The Mp3's should be back online and working now. Anyone who has been surfing my site for a while would remember that I had a whole shit load of em hosted on Funyon.com. Unfortuantely, Funyon went down and so did the music. The good news is that Funyon is back now. There's over 100 of em available for and I'll keep adding to the collection everytime I get a request or everytime I find something that I love. YES it is pretty much all dance because in my opinion that is the best genre. People wishing to debate this can do it here. Music is a bit like politics - it comes down to personal taste. You hate one guy and you love the other. The same way you shouldn't argue the point with someone who doesn't want to vote for the fuck-wit you are, you prolly shouldn't give someone the shits for not liking Metallica like you do.

Fuck I dribble shit sometimes....

Anyways... you can find them here.

Thanks to a generous individual who goes by the name of Hardliner, I've been donated a bit more webspace to play with. This means I can post a few more vids and shit like that. Here's this weeks...

Airbags 1 - Airbags 2 - Orange 1 - Orange 2 - Long Dongs

I think I may have answered a few prayers with these ones.. Britney Spears porn and it's all free!!!

Britney Spears 1 - Britney Spears 2

And finally these last 2. One of em is a puzzle which I thought was wicked fun and the other a vid too. VERY VERY funny. Piss funny you could say. Make sure you have the sound on for it.

Tit Puzzle - Pissy Pants

Anyways thats it for this week... next update either later in the week or when ever I have time.

Am sort of kicking around with an idea to have another contributor [besides me] for my site. Basically just someone who is interested in writing updates and shit like that. Email me if you are interested. Outta here. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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