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Welcome and for some of you welcome once again to Orsmnet. If it's your first time in this overtly heterosexual orientated corner of the internet then brace yourself as you have just entered the realm of one of the most tireless purveyors of all the good things in life... porn, jokes, videos plus a bunch of other stuff too... and it's all free! Pretty cool huh!?
Ever heard of the great Australian dream? It is, or so I am told, 'owning your own home' and now more than ever this ideal is being rammed down our throats. It's all over the news, all over the lifestyle shows and it's all anyone ever talks about. Has it always been like this or do you suddenly hit that age where it's what you are supposed to be doing? Long gone are the day's where you live week to week.
Don't get me wrong here - I'm looking forward to delving into this world of having a mortgage so big that it'll consume 25 long years of my life paying it off and I'm looking forward to having a place that I can truly call my own but it's a scary proposition.
I remember back maybe 3½ years ago going into the post office to renew my driver's license. I filled out the form and owing to the fact I actually had more than $5 in my pocket at the time, I renewed for 5 years as opposed to my normal 1. As simple and little as that was a thing to do it made me think long and hard. Although completely insignificant it's the first thing I had ever done that made me realise I had no fucking idea where I would be or what I would be doing in 5 years.
The next one after that was signing a lease for 12 months when I first moved out of home. Seemed at the time to be kind of restrictive - what if I wanted to move out after a few months and I couldn't? But here I am 2 years later and about to sign another lease... in the same house I might add.
My next biggie was the car. Before I signed the countless finance application papers they throw at you it crossed my mind a few times what I would do if I couldn't afford to make repayments... what if I wanted to go travelling etc but I think in the end I was too blinded by wanting a new toy. So far so good with that one thankfully...
So with them ones out of the way the natural progression of things would be home ownership. A 25 year commitment to responsibility. The pressure is on too... both from the parentals constantly nagging me and me constantly nagging me.
There's no chance I am getting out of this one either. I look around and see most of my friends already set sail down this path and find myself thinking I had better hurry up and get my shit together otherwise I'll turn around in 25 years time and realise I've been left behind...
I guess I don't really know what my point is here. When you're staring down the barrel of 1 year or 5 years or however long it seems like a long time but it's honestly fuck all. I'm in my mid-20's now and I have no idea where the last 10 years have gone so it's a safe bet that the next 25 will do exactly the same thing...
Speaking of houses, you can easily find your nude & horny neighbours over at Newbie Nudes. Among other things such as the blogs, they've just launched their profiles area so you can now search for people in your area to hook up with or just see their nude pics. Check it out - Newbie Nudes just keeps getting better.
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A General Speaks - Comics 14 - Comics 15 - Comics 16 - Disturbingly Funny - Wild Engine Build - Plays Smoothly
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Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.
And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realise that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship... maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
And Roger is thinking: Wow. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: So, that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... let me check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment... maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm going to have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty... scum balls.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so... (She breaks down, sobbing.)" "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. "It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says. There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work. "Yes," he says. Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes." Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks. "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.
When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyse everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say, "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
And THAT'S the difference between men and women!
One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb. Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud.
She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing. He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before.
She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb. On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure.
She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now! He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud.
"Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him. He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos. The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.
Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?" The biker answers, "I'm Cess."
A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said "I think I'm the most talented of us three" and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think... " and was promptly sucked into the magic mirror...
On a tour of Perth, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a West Coast Eagles jacket, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Dockers jackets aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Eagles fan from the water.Then using baseball bats, the three heroes in Dockers' garb beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat also.
Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Dockers and Eagles fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth."
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?" "It was the Pope, " one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."
"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have God's wisdom, but he doesn't know jack shit about shark fishing... how's the bait holding up?"
Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "Ok, old fella, time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young to take over so take a hike!"
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!"
The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farmhouse with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
The two roosters line up in back of the farm house. A hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion, looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: "DAMN IT! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."
Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing?" I'm listening to the music of the tree." "You gotta be kiddin' me."No, would you like to give it a try?"
"Well, OK." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this the other guy slaps a set of handcuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewellery, car keys, then strips him ass naked and leaves.
Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy handcuffed to the tree, stark ass naked, and asked, "What the hell happened to you?" He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there. While he was telling his story, the other guy shakes his head in sympathy, walks around behind him, kisses him behind the ear and says, "Sweetie, this just isn't your day."
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate."
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: "Dear Sir, Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part."
The man is really furious now, because the company has gone from emphasising his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head. So he writes a really rude letter of complaint.
A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with an accompanying letter: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. Pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your head, stick your wooden leg up your ass - go as a toffee apple."
A 75 year old man went to his doctor to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day, the 75 year old man returned to the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened, and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this... First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arlene, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeez'n it between her knees, but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried, with our arthritis, we still couldn't get the bloody jar open.
ORSM VIDEO
There's something just so god damn funny about watching someone get hurt and this vid, which whilst watching almost caused me to bust a lung from laughing so hard is no exception. It's a simple case of 'thats what you get for trying to be a smart-ass'.
Grape Stomper: Owned |
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable." The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly... com-for-da-bul".
A Cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the golden gate and said,"You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking". The cat thought a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. "God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to heaven at the same time. God met the mice at the gates of heaven with the same offer that he made the cat. The mice said, "Well we have had to run all of our lives, from cats, dogs and even people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller skates we would never have to run again". God answered, "It is done." All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, "Is every thing okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?" The cat replied, "Oh it is wonderful. I have never been so happy in my life. My pillow is so fluffy and those little meals on wheels you have been sending over are delicious."
A Greek family is sitting around the supper table and the son asks if he can ask a personal question. The father said, "Ask away." The young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?" "Yes, when you see them, they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter, so the daughter said, "Can I ask a personal question? Mum, how many kinds of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root and the balls are there for decoration only."
A pompous minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips." The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three 'clock in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
ORSM VIDEO
A HEARTFELT LETTER
Dear Napisan, I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning of my married life, when my Mum told me it was the best. Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I stopped and got a tub of Napisan OxyAction with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and then my lawyer said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Glad Wrap people...
Signed, Relieved Menopausal Wife.
At 85 years of age, Morris married Lou Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Lou Anne decides that after their wedding she and Morris should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Lou Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Morris, her 85 year old groom ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Morris takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Lou Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Morris. Again he is ready for more "action". Somewhat surprised, Lou Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, you guessed it - Morris is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more "action". Once again they enjoy each other. But as Morris gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, "I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, "Morris."
Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Lou Anne and says: "You mean I was here already?"
A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant, and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone.
He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his for the night.
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying it is from the gentleman at a nearby table. She looks at the the man, then at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.
The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
The man, after reading this note, sends another note to her. It read: "Just so you will know, I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage, plus I have over twenty-million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off my dick. Just send the wine back."
A guy and a girl are having sex when they both say, "I'm really hungry and thirsty too. It was freakin' freezing in the house so they both have an argument over who should go get the food and drink.
After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed.
They both think for a while when the guy says, "Okay, I got one. Two times two is four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine". So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."
READER MAIL
Apart from the couple of thousand or so virus infected emails to come my way each week there always seems to be a steady flow of stuff from you guys. Nothing I love more than logging on each morning and finding something interesting to keep me occupied. If you wanna drop me a line you may do so here.
Paddy wrote:
Subject: True colours
G'day ORSM, I love your work.
There's nothing quite like a good ol' April fools joke to find out what a person is really like. Some of these tight-arse dumb-arse cunts wouldn't be able to smell a sloppy turd if it hit them square in the face. They bitch and moan about paying money for a quality website, (which couldn't have been a more obvious April fools joke) and clearly don't appreciate the amount of time and effort you put into it. Talk about wanting something for nothing! I put it to you, Mr ORSM, that if these scum-of-the-earth sponges had a chance to "sell out", they wouldn't think twice about doing so. P.S. See if these fuckwits fall for it (again) next year.
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Robby Coleman wrote:
Subject: sorry :o(
Im really sorry for ruining this one, i wanted to believe, i realy did! Check the link here.
Damn... it was just so fucking cool too. -Orsm |
Mick Draper wrote:
Subject: Those desert spiders....
Hey Orsm mate.
I'm sure being the web guru you are, you already know those 'Iraqi' desert
Camel spiders are quite harmless. They according to the sites i visited are
shy and nocturnal and DO NOT have any poisonous venom with which to gnaw off
your leg or kill camels for their blood. They usually live off other insects
and scorpians.
apparently there are smaller versions in the US/Mexican deserts.
Check out this site FYI.
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Bill Gleeson wrote:
Subject: Prycless
I'm thinking you can take some legal action against this !
If Mastercard can get you on Pryceless, then you should be able to sue
these guys for OSRM ? :)
Click here for the article.
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Bruce Todd wrote:
Subject: Bank Accounts Compromised
All, please read and beware, this happened to me last week.
You see it on television but never think it will happen to you. Well, it happened to me. Someone compromised my bank accounts. The banks call it "Skimming" and apparently it is happening all the time. Here is how it happens. You hand your bank card over to a teller to make a purchase via debit. The teller swipes your card through the machine as normal and then makes like there is a problem with the card. Cancels that transaction and restarts. They may reach below the counter for a plastic bag claiming the magnetic strip is faulty on the card. I am sure we have all seen the "bag" trick. The point is there is allot of movement of your bank card and you do not see the teller swipe your card on a hand held small scanner (fits in the palm of the hand kind of small).
From here the bag tick does it's job and your typing in your info on the keypad to finalize the purchase. What you need to know here is most important. Cover the keypad with your free hand as you type your PIN number. If the teller sees your PIN then they are in. Don't be fooled! Cameras on the ceiling and behind you can also record you as you enter your PIN. Once the thieves know your PIN they make a false card (apparently this is extremely easy to do) from the info the scanner has read. From here it is off to the nearest branch ATM and they have access to everything. Deposits of empty envelopes and large withdrawals is what happens next. Not at all fun.
So, do not let anyone see you PIN!!! Forget about looking like the over protective and untrusting moron at the counter by covering the keypad as you type. DO IT!!! Support places Safeway and Wal-Mart where they never touch you card and ask that you be responsible for swiping it. Above all change your PIN from time to time. With out the PIN thieves can not do anything. |
<with held> wrote:
Subject: orrsumm
Hey Orsm, Out at a job last week in Belmont (West Aust), found this car nearby. Any relation?? or have you rolled into some instant cash?? Cheers for your great site. (no details listed please)
Anyone know this guy? If so can you please get him to email me! [Don't worry it's nothing bad!] -Orsm
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Gord K wrote:
Subject: If it's too much snow to shovel, find a new use for it.
Hi there, love your site, have killed many a boring afternoon surfing it. Just got these pictures from my sister on Prince Edward Island, if you haven't heard anything about it in your 40 degree temps, the eastern coast of Canada has been getting the crap kicked out of them by the worst winter in one helluva long time. Cheers, enjoy.
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bashir muna wrote:
Subject: [no subject]
Not only has the website gone tamer, the women have gotten more and more average. 2nd rate. Also do you have a vagina phobia dude? First there was Holly, the cuntless wonder. Now, even pictures found on the internet showing everything are on your site with the vagina cropped out. Are you scared of cunts? We all came from there, don't mean its gonnasuck you back in. Aussie retard.
I keep getting this question so I will try and answer it as best I can: "It's my site. I choose the content. If I don't want it to be all about vaginas and chicks ramming objects into themselves then that's the way its going to be." By the way, if you think Bashir is a dick you can email him here. -Orsm
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Jason Kruger wrote:
Subject: hey wassup!!
Wassup ORSM your site fuckin ROCKS. I got a picture of a pillow biting fan of yours. Hopfully you can incorporate this into you site somewhere. She may not like it but she probably wont ever see it. So any ways keep up the good work. Peace
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Robert Schultz wrote:
Subject: That's one burnt pizza!
So my friend got totally drunk one night, and started cooking a pizza. Well, he passed out. Several hours later his roomate got home and smelled something awful. Here is what they found in the oven...
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Mike McDonough wrote:
Subject: Good Information to know about strokes
Is It a Stroke? This was published in a monthly newsletter where a friend of mine lives and she sent it on. I had never heard this advice before and hadn't a clue. Perhaps you hadn't either and would like to file it away in the back of your head.
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke. Now doctors say any bystander can recognize a stroke asking three simple questions: 1. ask the individual to smile. 2. ask him or her to raise both arms. 3. ask the person to speak a simple sentence.
If he or she has trouble with any of these tasks, call and ambulance immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher. After discovering that a group of nonmedical volunteers could identify facial weakness, arm weakness and speech problems, researchers urged the general public to learn the three questions. They presented their conclusions at the American Stroke Association's annual meeting last February. Widespread use of this test could result in prompt diagnosis and treatment of the stroke and prevent brain damage." |
Tristan Qualls wrote:
Subject: pic of ex
Dating Crystal was one of those "hmmmm I need to get laid" decisions you make that turn out to be haunt you and haunt you and call your new girlfriend and visit your mother and threaten your gf and hire people to attempt to beat you up repeatedly. Not to mention it was a relationship so exciting and fun filled it made me think "This makes celibacy look like fun" and even "this makes self mutilaziation look like fun". Needless to say, I moved on quite quickly when I realized the age old truth, anyone that puts out that easy for you puts out that easy all around, but appearently she hasn't managed to move on. It's been 4 years and she still WILL NOT GO WAY. Think Fatal attraction but set it in a trailer park and give the bitch one brain cell, bad grammer, and terrible teeth. So she wants to send me naked pictures... I opened the file and knew EXACTLY what to do with them...
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PlNOY 123 wrote:
Subject: Big FAN
Helloo Mr. ORSM .... I'm a big fan really love your site... Here is a pics of my Ex Girlfriend would to share pls put this pic to your "Priceless PICS" ... Also include this statement... "Raquel Tabil your're nothing but a money grabbing whore "
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WORTH A SURF
If you've made it this far through the update then there's every chance you are in need of a break... that's why you should check out the websites of some friends of mine. Anyone else wanting to be my friend whould click here.
Aim Cool - Mobile Asses - Shag Nasty - Shoosh Time - College Slackers - Jarkey - Aberrant - Pronographic
Teen Rave - Newbie Nudes - Revenge TV - Mad Pleasures - Party School
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect", she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits.
An hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but his wife isn't home yet. He calls her on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice.
"What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper..."
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?" When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit." "That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office."
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events." "Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Mikey's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Mikey walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said! Little Mikey. "Toothbrushes?" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Mikey, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing: 'Hey, this tastes like shit!' Then I would say, "It is shit. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
A young farm girl answers the door and sees an older neighbour there. Girl: "My father isn't home, but I know what you want and I can help you. You want our bull to service your cow. Well, my father charges one hundred dollars for his best bull." Neighbour: "That's not I want."
Girl: "We have a young bull who is just starting out. My father charges fifty dollars for him." Neighbour: "That's not I want." Girl: "We have an old bull out in the pasture. He can still do a job. My father charges only twenty dollars for him."
Neighbour: "That's not what I want. I came here to see your father about your brother. Your brother Elmer made my daughter pregnant." Girl: "Oh. You'll have to see my father about that because I don't know what he charges for Elmer."
One day an old lady went to the doctor because she had an itch in her crotch. She told the doctor her problem and he said, "You have the crabs". She informed the doctor that it could not be the crabs because she was an eighty-year-old virgin.
She went to another doctor and explained her problem to him. The doctor said, "You probably have the crabs". "No" she said, "I am an eighty-year-old virgin."
Frustrated, she went to a third doctor. She said, "Doctor can you help me? I have an itch in my crotch. Don't tell me that it is the crabs because I am an eighty-year-old virgin. It can not be the crabs." The doctor said, get up on the table and let's have a look." After examining the doctor proclaimed, "Ma'am, your right, you do not have the crabs... this cherry is so old, you have fruit flies."
Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Then one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him "very quick". The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:
The lawyer asked "Have you any grounds?" The Pole "Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms". The lawyer: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.
The lawyer "Does either of you have a real grudge?" The Pole "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." The lawyer becoming frustrated "I mean, what are your relations like?" The reply "All my relations are in Poland."
Again the lawyer "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set and DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." The lawyer "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?" The pole "NO, I'm always up before her.
Almost ready to snap the lawyer asks "is your wife a nagger? The clueless Pole "NO, she completely white." The lawyer "WHY do you want this divorce?" The Pole: Because she is going to kill me!" The lawyer "Oh? And what makes you think that? The Pole "I got proof." Lawyer "What kind of proof? Pole "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read - it says, 'Polish Remover'".
ORSM VIDEO
An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Antonio! Why you a such a fat-a boy?" Antonio says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it." Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"
Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Guido! Why you-a such a fat-a boy?" Guido says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good." Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."
Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Vinny! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a." Vinny says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a pussy." Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste like shit!" Vinny says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!"
Two Arab mothers are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older mother pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures, and then starts reminiscing.
"This is my eldest son Mohammed. He's 24 year old" says mum. 'Yes, I remember him as a baby", says the other mother gleefully. "He is a martyr now", his Mother confides. "Oh dear", says the other "and this is my second son Kalid. He is 21 ".
"Oh I remember him" says the other happily; "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too", his mum quietly says. "Oh gracious me', says the other." and this is my third son - my baby - my beautiful Achmed. He's 18'" she whispers.
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