Welcome to Orsmnet. Obviously you have a beef, Stu... but please don't stir things up...

Another week? Seriously where the hell does it all go? I could have sworn I just finished last weeks update yesterday...?

Talking of updates... some of you may be happy to see they are 100% back to normal again this week with nothing omitted or missing. The whole holiday/take a break thing never really eventuated but I did at least put the time to good use.

Sadly though I've come to define 'good use' as working like a dog. Even with a weekend and the Anzac Day public holiday thrown in for good measure not a whole lot else has been going on except sitting at my desk chained to the computer via my mouse hand staring blankly into the screen and punching away at the keyboard.

Turns out that taking on more work than I could handle wasn't such a good idea after all and now I'm paying the price. It's a case of one day hopefully it'll be all worth the trouble but for the moment I'm starting to get sick of the sixteen hour days, seven working day weeks and stress-filled sleepless nights. I'd usually throw in a 'poor me' here but people who feel sorry for themselves annoy the crap out of me...

Moving on... I hate to admit it but I've been fighting off Big Brother withdrawal symptoms since it wrapped up last year however, much to my delight, it has returned in earnest for 2006. For the next seventeen weeks or so we'll be provided with ample opportunity to criticise, bitch about, hate on and gossip over fifteen relatively random people.

Such is my addiction to this show I have even gone as far as signing up for the 'premium' section of the BB website so I can see what's going on in the house any time of the day or nite... and trust me that I have been doing! This is where having a widescreen monitor is awesome - I can keep working away and have a little streaming window open in the corner without interrupting what I'm doing.

For the most part I find reality TV excruciating. The Amazing Race, Idol, Survivor, The Apprentice - they all suck ass and I can't think of a single other reality show that is worth watching but for some reason I have stuck with BB since the first series way back in 2001. Despite the closely controlled environment [and as sad as it may be], BB seems the most real and entertaining.

This weekend... I have no idea. As utterly boring as it sounds it looks like I will be stuck working once again. Not that it matters much - now that the cold weather has kicked in night time activities are limited to strictly indoor unless you like freezing your janglies off [which funnily enough I don't]. With some luck all this extra shit that has been piled on my plate will come to an end over the next few weeks which means life can return to normal and I can get back to some of the things I miss like the odd DVD and sleep. Here's hoping!

Don't even think about paying for porn on the net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn? Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us who get it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and accept paying for porn the less free porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!

The Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resource.com has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if they use her free adult comsumer resource.

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Naked Pool Party - Artificial Love - Base Jumper - Emo Song [Hilarious] - Human Touch - Cop Chase - Idiot Owned

Pimpin' Preacher - Funny Bushism's - Jenna Jameson - RateMyPix - Tasty Teen - Big Drill - Big Boobs - Sex In Public

When Bob found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening. Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese - Mel & Therese

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar - a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!"

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table. The Irishman called out, "Hey! You!!! Are you Jesus?" The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus" he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table. Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles "thank you" and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me Sir, but would you be Jesus?" Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Australian calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?" Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus." The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of VB for Jesus, which he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men. He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement. "Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock. By jove, he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Australian, who has a terrified look on his face... "Fuck off, mate! I'm on workers comp!!"

ORSM VIDEO

Worst Porn Ever #2

More Cassidy

Why Mommie Left Us

Where Boners Go To Die

NOT GETTING ENOUGH OF THE REAL THING? FLESHLIGHT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU GET OFF FOREVER!

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"

Mr Mandela is getting a bit jacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man. I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts.

This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

REDNECK WEDDING [TRAGIC] Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin' - Redneckin'

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READER MAIL
After a nice two week break Reader mail is back! I can hardly believe it myself! The good news is that because there has been an onslaught of quality mail flooding my inbox during this little hiatus I have decided to make it up to you guys by posting as much of it as I can... and I'm sure you will all agree there is some cool shit contained within.

If you'd like to be part of the Reader Mail revolution then we are always more than happy to see pics of your bitch Ex, jokes that make you laugh so hard a lung was busted, videos so amazing that they'll go around the internet ten million times and pretty much anything else! All you must do is click here and send it my way.

<with held> wrote: Subject: Fiona Cunnenn Rad dude. Here - post this. Most superficial chick in Melbourne.... Fiona Cunneen, she lost her top on a machanical bull at a outdoor broadcast for NOVA FM - stupid bitch. Stupid bitch? I have no idea. Good boobs? Definitely! -Orsm

Mike wrote: Subject: german random shite and ad-clip Hi Orsm, attached a pic of an unshaved redhead's rear I banged. Relaxed rest of the week. Sometimes it's the simple things... -Orsm

James Haryett wrote: Subject: Beach lesson #43 Don't be shy and ask someone to help put sunscreen on those hard to reach places on your back, even if it's only your guy friends around. For even a mildly homoerotic situation is better than this... That hurts even just to look at. -Orsm

DavidsonImagery.com wrote: Subject: Pics Just some fun with photography. From down at Lane Poole Reserve, near Dwellingup. (south of perth). 2 minute exposures ... got my mate to sit dead still while rest of the camp went about its normal business Love your work Braddles. -Orsm

Aaron Carr wrote: Subject: the ex............ G'day Mr Orsm. Sick site, good to see a west ozzie doin it for the boys..............!!! Keep up the good work. I stole some photo's off the ex's phone before she left. Hope you enjoy em.... Please leave details off or i'll be off for good. Cheers

Darkghost wrote: Subject: Some Wet tshirt photos for your site Hi there, love your website! here are some photos that i took at a wet tshirt comp in a small town called broome, it was at the local pub. Hope you enjoy and maybe post on your site!

malektaus wrote: Subject: 2006 Dallas Auto show Thought you might like these for the next update. 1st one is Fords concept truck, unluckily this is the only pic that turned out. 2nd set (4 pics) is the Camaro concept, retro to the 67' through 69' series but the only resemblance is the roofline. 3rd is Dodges contribution to the police, better pull your ass over now!! 4th is Dodges new Charger concept, hopefully they will do it!!!

Bung wrote: Subject: Foam test Ellsworth AFB hey matey, don't you love the office e-mail systems? the cover page for these said: "The Foam Test AFFF system at Ellsworth AFB Was only supposed to last a few seconds System wouldn't shut off... I'd hate to have to explain this." the hangers house B1 bombers ... BIG planes ... BIG hangers ... LOTS of foam i suppose if you're gunna screw up you might as well do it properly :^

graeme wrote: Subject: vid g'day orsm, this week you featured a harley doing a burn out in a shed, which i thought was kinda crap, cos it was a harley. so, howsabout a burnout in a shed with a true aussie icon - the good old holden ute? ok, it's not quite the standard 202 in it, more like a 454, but it is a local. that is, if you'll allow bunbury to be local. if you ever go to the drags down at the motoplex, this is the guy with the turboed ducati. enjoy

<with held> wrote: Subject: boyfriends revenge find attached video phone footage of a lass from our area. She's dumped the boyfriend in the footage but now he's deceided to send it to every fucker and its spreading like wildfire Absolutely fucking HOT! -Orsm

A lawyer married a woman who had divorced 8 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband "Please be gentle with me, I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be, you have been married 8 times?"

"Well, husband #1 was a Politician, he kept telling me how great it would be. Husband #2 was a Salesman, never tried it but told others how great it is. Husband #3 was an Engineer, he understood the process but wanted a few years to study possible methods of implementing the process. Husband #4 was in Management, he thought he knew how, was told by others how to do it, tutored and seen video clips on how but was never able to deliver. Husband #5 was a Mama's boy, she would not let him do it. Husband #6 was a Psychologist, all he did was talk about it. Husband #7 was a Gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it. Husband #8 was a stamp collector, all he wanted to do... GOD I miss him!"

"But now that I married you, I am really excited!" "Good" said the new husband "but why?" "Because" said the new bride "You're a Lawyer, I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted - Ice Sculpted

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

- If they are counting the bricks.... put them in the accounts department.
- If they are recounting them... put them in auditing.
- If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks... put them in engineering.
- If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order... put them in planning.
- If they are throwing the bricks at each other... put them in operations.
- If they are sleeping... put them in security.
- If they have broken the bricks into pieces... put them in information technology.
- If they are sitting idle... put them in human resources.
- If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved... put them in sales.
- If they have already left for the day... put them in marketing.
- If they are staring out of the window... put them on strategic planning.
- And then last but not least... if they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved congratulate them and put them in top management.

RANDOM SHITE I'm quite proud of this weeks little RS concoction. There is some cool shite from all over the place that's sure to turn some smiles into frowns into smirks. Check it... RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

I'VE BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!

An elderly couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare...!!"

Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies - Kids Prezzies

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man. "Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.

ORSM VIDEO

All In A Days Work

Cars Cars Cars!

Pretty Woman

Quadriplegic School

Guess what? That's all! Finished! Acabado! Finito! Fini! Terminado! All done for another week... which I have no doubt will pass in the blink of an eye. I put my heart and soul into this bad boy so if it sucks then I guess I do to...

Will I return next week? Yes... weather permitting of course. In the mean time feel free to show me some love and spread the Orsm word. It would go something like this: "Hi Fred, you should really check out ORSM-DOT-NET. It's full of hot chicks, jokes, videos and stacks of other cool stuff. As a matter of fact if you don't go there and tell all your friends about it I'll kick your fucking teeth in okay?!". Simple. Direct. Effective.

Until next time be good, stay off the chem's and don't forget to rug up. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Welcome to Orsmnet. You like boys, dude. Admit it.

I guess it's safe to say at this point that summer is well and truly over and for the most part it has completely sucked this year. For starters the heat didn't really kick in until mid-January and we haven't had a really hot day for weeks. Speaking of which, really hot days were few and far between for the duration... totally opposite from last year where summer started cranking early and we had plenty of warmth right through until the end of April. The reason I say this is because we have rain forecast for tomorrow and for most of next week. Something tells me that it's going to be a long, cold, depressing winter.

Once again this week you guys will probably notice the update is slightly chopped down. Reader Mail has been ditched [because I figured you all could live without it] but Random Shite has returned. It kind of surprised me how many emails I got about leaving it out last week... so much so that I was left wondering if RS is the only reason people come here!

Anyway time to bore you all with the mundane tales of the last seven days...

The long weekend was an absolute killer. As is the norm, I was up bright and early Friday morning. Guaranteed the first thought to pop into my head is always that of something catastrophic having happened overnight following my update whilst I obliviously slept through it. Thankfully there was nothing so the first hour or two of my day was spent pottering around the house trying to restore some vague sort of order to the place.

I had pretty much one goal for the rest of the day and that was to get my car cleaned and stereo working again... something which took around six hours to accomplish. Why? Drop-in's! That I can remember, there were at least five random visits from friends and family throughout the day... I guess it's nice to know I'm loved huh!?

Obviously with the whole Good Friday thing red meat was off the menu so a few of the guys rolled around for some fish and chips and beers. Following that we decided to sit down for a DVD [and made what would later be deemed a critical error] and watched Syriana... not exactly the light hearted time-wasting entertainment that was required.

Saturday was the start of a three day gardening onslaught. As a matter of fact I have checked with Guinness and they have confirmed that no one else anywhere, ever in the entire history of the world has gardened as hard as I did on the weekend. Frustratingly, despite how proud I am of how much I managed to get done there's still more than enough to keep me going for a few days yet. Oh how I am looking forward to winter and the way shit DOESN'T grow...

As was planned we hit the town on Saturday for a big one... not a ginormous one... just a big one. Just enough to get drunk and be merry but still be able to walk across the road to catch a cab without getting run over. The good kind of drunk. Unfortunately it didn't help me much the next morning with a mildly early start for Easter breakfast. It was definitely a case of avoiding anything greasy and sticking to dry, non-reactionary things... like toast.

As I mentioned above, the rest of the weekend was relatively null and void of anything too exciting happening except for one curious occurrence whilst I was burning down the freeway at around 15-20kms/hr over the speed limit. Hiding behind a bridge in the shadows were about half a dozen motorcycle cops with the laser gun out clocking speeds. As I went past, not noticing them until it was far too late to slow down, the cop just gave me a wave. No indication to pull over. No speeding fine. No double demerits. Nothing. Just weird considering the Easter road blitz.

Thus far this weekend is mostly plan free and I intend on keeping it that way. There's a mountain of work that requires my attention so I dare say my days and nights will be spent chained to the computer but one thing is for sure - there will be absolutely no fucking gardening or house related shit whatsoever. In other words its time to have a break from having a break...

The Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resource.com has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if they use her free adult comsumer resource.

Don't even think about paying for porn on the net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn? Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us who get it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and accept paying for porn the less free porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Pamela Anderson - Adriana Lima Hotness - Original Zoolander - RateMyPix! - Magic Ass - Can't Say *** - Don't Steal

Who's Your Daddy? - Bitty!!! - Jessica's Boobs - What The!? - Foamy - Veronica - Alizee Strip - Amateur Porn

A British company is developing computer chips that can store music in women's breast implants as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts without listening to them.
--
Bill walked into his favourite dive bar, took his regular stool, looked around, and asked Louie the bartender, "Where's Beverly the waitress?" "She's dead," replied the bartender. "Dead?", asked Bill. "She died from herpes.", said the bartender. Bill replied, "You don't die from herpes." "You do if you give it to Big Louie!", said the bartender.
--
The only thing that casts doubt on the miracles of Jesus is that they were all witnessed by fishermen.

BLONDE BEAUTY Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana - Dana

A man enters a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, bio-mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?" The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, the Bathurst 1000, cricket, supermodels, favourite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think." And the robot says... real slowly..."So............... ya gonna follow the Freo Dockers again this year?"

ORSM VIDEO

Unnecessary Censorship

Darth Gets Bitch Slapped

Disco Motorbike Man

Hungry Hungry Snake

NOT GETTING ENOUGH OF THE REAL THING? FLESHLIGHT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU GET OFF FOREVER!

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

So the man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."

Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated - Motor-vated

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ORSM VIDEO

The Burnout

Final Destination Wannabe

Close Call Crash

Funny Bingles

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mum, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

THAT TH-TH-TH-THONG... Thong On - Thong On - Thong On - Thong On - Thong On - Thong On Thong On - Thong On - Thong On - Thong On

A Somali arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am from England".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia." "The person says I no Australian, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Australia." That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Iraq, I am not an Australian."

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an Australian?" "No, I am from New Zealand" "Where are all the Australians?" The New Zealander looks at her watch, shrugs, and says....... "Probably at work!"

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Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favourite Aunt, Mom.

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Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Bill's girlfriend glanced up at it and said, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her."

"No," Bill corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her."

ORSM VIDEO

Brazillian Volleyball

Passport Control

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Stunt Fish

Well what do you know... another update all done and dusted. With some luck I've managed to not only entertain you for a while but also keep you away from whatever else it is that you're supposed to be doing.

As for the question of when I will return the answer is next Thursday. Updates will be back to normal with everything in place where it should be. There has also been fucking tonnes of awesome Reader Mail flooding in so if anything it'll be worth surfing by just for that. In the mean time feel free to tell the world about this fucking great website you found - O-R-S-M-DOT-NET - and make me a happy boy!

Until next time be good, stay off the chem's and don't forget to spare a moment for the ANZAC's! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Welcome to Orsmnet. Show me the drug-fucked shimmy!

If you think hard enough you will probably recall I spent half of my blog last week crapping on about how I was looking forward to this week on account of the fact I was planning some time off. The idea was basically just to relax and stay the hell away from the computer for a few days with some gardening and random odd jobs around the house thrown in for good measure. All pure fantasy as it turns out...

It dawned on me at some point last Friday that I was committed to a new project thingy that has an end of April deadline so I should probably sit down for a couple of hours and have a look at it... you know - just to make a start and all that.

Didn't take long before I realised that I have way more work ahead of me than I originally thought and as such ended up spending the majority of my Friday, Saturday Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday camped in front of the computer working my ass off. Lets not forget the nights too because they were chock-full of the same thing. But poor me huh? Well not quite. To be honest I don't really give a shit. A change is as good as a holiday [or so they say] and it's been good staring at something different for a few days.

Sunday was my only real reprieve. Even though it's now 100% functional I still have some bits and pieces to finish on my carport. Because of its position in relation to the lawn, the sprinklers have a tendency to cover the carport and my car in nasty, brown-staining bore water. The fix is to cover up the end adjoining the lawn with a whole bunch of fibreglass sheeting I liberated from a demolition site but to make it work I first had to build the frame which is what Sunday was all about. Pretty straight forward but more than anything just good to give my carpentry skills a bash for the first time in a long time.

As I assume most people will be well aware - this weekend is Easter and that means a nice four day weekend. I've resigned myself to the fact it's going to pass in a flash so plans are in place to make sure I get the most out of it.

For starters tomorrow morning we'll be camped in front of the computer working on that project thing I mentioned above followed by complete cleanage of my dusty and shit everywhere house. Late afternoon a few friends are coming over for dinner. What's on the menu? Fish and chips! Okay so I'm not exactly what you would call religious but there is the odd tradition I casually abide by and one of those is no red meat on Good Friday. I seem to remember something about no alcohol on the day too but I figure I spend enough other days throughout the year completely booze free so I'm not letting this opportunity to consume some pass me by.

Saturday is going to be a big day. We have a council green-waste pickup next week and there is a crap load of trees and plants and shrubs and bushes and weeds and god knows what else in dire need or trimming or removal. So yeah... that's my day gone before its even started. Saturday night should also be a big one. We're doing the annual go out and get rolling drunk thing and as it's a long weekend there should be no excuses from anyone for piking out.

The only thing I will have to worry about is sleep. If I get too drunk and get to bed too late there's a damn good chance I will sleep through the family breakfast at my old man's place on Sunday morning. It'll be a trade off - restraint versus never hearing the end of it...

Rest of the weekend will most probably be a case of more gardening and that kind of shit. There's rain forecast so that may put a dampener on things [so to speak] but if all else fails I don't see myself being to upset about having to park it on the couch, put my feet up and watch a couple of DVD's...

Anyway before I get cracking with the update please keep in mind I have been busy with other stuff so this week has had a few sections dumped... namely Reader Mail and Random Shite. Rest assured they will return in a week or two!

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If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

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What An Idiot - Dukes Of Boobies - Ali G [Hilarious] - Bloody Americans! - RateMyPix! - Quick Combi - String Bikini

Slam Ball [Crazy] - Happy Families - What An Idiot #2 - PitBulls Vs Bull - Gabriella - WWF Catfight - Easter Prezzies

A Black man goes into the doctors and says he can't stop jogging. The doctor puts 2 lines of white powder on his desk and tells him to snort them. This he does and he immediately stops. "Fuck man - is that cocaine?" says the black man. "No" replies the doctor, "It's Omo - guaranteed to stop colours from running!".
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A woman is in her doctor's office, and suddenly shouts out "Doctor, kiss me!" The Doctor looks at her and says, "It's against the code of ethics to kiss you." About 20 minutes later the woman again shouts out "Doctor, please, kiss me just once!" Again he refuses, apologetically, and says "As a doctor I simply cannot kiss you." Finally, another 15 minutes pass, and the woman pleads with her doctor "Doctor, Doctor, please kiss me just once!" "Look" he says, "I'm sorry. I just CANNOT kiss you. In fact, I probably shouldn't even be screwing you right now!"