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August 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.08.25-15.13

I've had a few emails from people asking me what the hell all the voting crap is that I dribble on about all the time.

It's quite simple. You click a vote link on my site and you get taken to a page that says to click through if you do actually wanna vote for me. The more votes a site gets the higher it moves up in the rankings and the more it gets noticed get by other surfers browsing the Top 50 lists thus giving me more people checking out my site.

More people checking out my site gives me a nice warm feeling inside and I feel like it is worth pumping all my spare time into this thing I call orsm.ii.net.

There are 2 places you can vote for me too:

Stile Project Top 50 - IWANGF Top Sites

I hope that explains it for y'all. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.08.24-16.58

Thanks to everyone who has sent me Priceless pics lately but I already have the Wedding Bouquet one and the one with the chick with the Duct Tape across her boobs.

Wedding Bouquet - Duct Tape

Stop sending them to me PLEASE! It's driving me frickin loopy!

Mr. Orsm.

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orsmupdate 2001.08.24-1.31
This update is has the one that I just couldnt get finished. Every 5 minutes the fone has rung, I've needed to get some sleep, finish an assignment, go somewhere or someone has dropped in to say 'gday'. Not that I am complaining about all the attention - I love every bit of it but I get a nasty guilt complex kick in around the 1 week since last update mark. I'm sure its something I'll be discussing with a Shrink in later life.

If history is anything to go by, from September through to New Years is by far the busiest time fo the year for me. September is Birthday month too. I'll be 24. It's also around this time that my baby [my site!] celebrates its first birthday. I cant remember an exact date so I'm making it the 20th of September [because I can].

Priceless? Thats how most of you end up here isnt it? If you didnt notice, theres a whole heap of new ones for you to enjoy. They start here.

I'd like to send out a few thankyou's if I could.

1. Thankyou for all the feedback I've had on the new site design. It seems like it was all worth it.
2. Thankyou to all of you who got infected with the Sircam virus. I think I recieved around 2500 emails ranging in size from 200kb to 3megs ALL infected with Sircam. BIG thankyou to that fuckwit in the US that contributed 800-900 all by himself and his Service Provider which was practically useless in sorting it out for me.
3. Thankyou to all of you guys have emailed me letting me know about broken links around my site. There's so much shit on here now it's bloody hard to find ALL my fuck-up's. If you find any - let me know.
4. Thankyou to the dude who sent me a pic of his girlfriends tits taken with his very own web cam. What can I say - Breasts make me happy.
5. Thankyou to the 2 stupid bitches who drive around the US in the N' Sync Fan Bus for making me laugh. For me you define what it is to have N' Idea and N' Fucking Life.

I keep saying that I'm going to finish it but I just don't have the heart. Orsm's Boob Tribute is something that I have been running with for the last few months now. Why haven't I finished it off? Due to me being lazy and due to you guys out there in surfer land sending me some decent pics pretty much sums it up. Strap yourselves in as I try and improve the quality this time...

Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies

Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies - Boobies

In a train car there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful ugly looking lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

(1) The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the ugly lady, who in turn must have slapped his face."

(2) The ugly lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him."

(3) The American thought - "That fucking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me."

(4) The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again."


Seems like every man and his dog has been getting their USB web cam cable in a knot over the article on Salon.com about Cam Girls. Some of these lovelies [somehow] manage to get bombarded with gifts from adoring fans all in the hope of that elusive nipple shot.

I think the thing that most of these girls have realised is that the common Female Vagina can be a powerful earning tool.... all without even opening their legs. Good on em! If you've got it - flaunt it. If you dont got it - stay the hell away from your web cam [like I do].

Actually, I respect their Vaginas just as much as anyone else does but what I wanna see is some of us bad-boy web masters getting the love thrown at us too... to know that you guys care. What are my chances? Somewhere between fuck all and none me thinks.

This being the case, I proudly announce the new 'Buy Orsm Somethin Nice' promo. I know that in all reality there isn't a fuckin hope in hell that anyone will check my list and buy me something but it's worth a try right? Why would you? Anyways - here goes...

- Buy Orsm Somethin Nice -

link whore
Link Whore: Da Gimp

Link Bitch of the week goes out to Da Gimp. Feel free to make me look good and check out his site!

If you want your site linked then grab your girlfriend/mum/sister/grandma/aunty/hot school teacher and show me the word 'ORSM' somewhere in a pic. Failing that [i.e. you have a penis], stick your ugly mug in a pic and send it my way. NOTE: Male genital pics will not be accepted.

- Da Gimp -

Other poor starving Link Bitches that deserve a plug are:

4 Bitter Guys - Revdre - Crazy Fucked Up Shit - Ed's Life

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A woman walks into a pub and sees a really good looking bloke sitting at the bar. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.

He says "Magic Bitter." She thinks he's a bit of a nutter, so she walks around the pub.

After realising that there is no one else worth talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar.

She says "That isn't really Magic Bitter, is it??" He says, "Yes. I'll show you."

So, he takes a gulp of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back into the window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that again."

So, he takes another drink of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times, and comes back in the window.

She is amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Bitter. So the bloke says to the Bartender, "Give her a pint of what I'm having."

She gets her pint, takes a gulp, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body and dies.

The bartender looks up at the bloke and says, "Superman, you're such a wanker when you're pissed."


When you were young did you ever do anything like this? Whether its a true story or not its still a good read.


Random Shite. Proudly brought to you by no one at all....

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

baby baby

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you sir?"

"Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies. The cop asks, "Where was the car the last time you saw it?" "It wassss at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies.

About that time the Officer looks down to see that the man's weiner is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down woefully at his crotch, and, without missing a beat, blurts out "SON-OF-A-BITCH... THEY GOT MY GIRLFRIEND, TOO!"


<whinge mode>

Web masters who cheat can kiss my ass. What the fuck is he talking about I hear you ask? Stiles Top 50 is what. You know who you are and I dont have to name the poor ass sites that partake in such deception.

For those of you who still don't know what the fuck I am babbling about I refer to those sites who would usually dwell in the lower realms of the Top 50. Because they are totally lacking of any sort of a clue and really not interested in putting in the hard work to get noticed, they exploit the fact that the list resets every 24 hours by getting all their friends to vote JUST after the list resets. Next time you check the list have a look at the Kooks who are ranking in the top 10 one day and back down to 38th the next.

No - I am not upset about it or jealous or whatever. I rank pretty well most days. All I am saying is if you are a web master, try putting in some work before you expect the rewards.

</whinge mode>

As this update winds to a close I think I had better post some vids. Some fuct up shit and some funny shit... even some Aria perhaps. If you have problems with any of them check the site help page.

Head Rush - Hyundai Ad - Parasailer - Skate Or Crash, Dude - Dodge Viper - Wedgie

Introducing Aria 5 - Introducing Aria 6

... and the last two pretty much sum up what happens when the Boss is sick.

Office Olympics 1 - Office Olympics 2

Well that about does it for me. I really have to settle back into a routine of more often updates. Last time I ran a poll asking what you guys would prefer it was pretty bloody clear that you wanted smaller updates more often as opposed to bigger updates less often. Current restrictions on my time include Part Time AND Full Time Study, building a web site for a bar in this lovely city in which I live AND developing an existing web site for a charity. I also do the occasional bit of charity work too. Arent I an Angel??

Anyways, I'm outta here. Vote. Buy me shit. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.08.13-23.35
For the 4th time this year I have come down with the flu or something similar and it's starting to fuck me off. I did manage to drag myself up off of the couch a few hours ago to check my mail and to my suprise I see that the fine people at Amateurs Hut have organised a fan pic for me. Nothing makes me feel better than a fan pic...

- Click here to check out Amateurs Hut -

If I've got the energy tomorow, I'll be adding a whole bunch of new Priceless Pics to the Galleries for y'all to enjoy. In the mean time I'm going back to bed to feel sorry for myself and to curse the evil person who gaveth me this illness. Vote. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.08.09-22.25

Sorry about the down time over the last few days guys. From what I understand it was pretty much all completely 100% my fault. Certain bits and pieces have been removed although it shouldn't disrupt you all too much.

Looks like it might be time for some more changes around here. I'll keep ya's posted.

Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.08.07-16.00
Well here it is... finally. Yes, there has been a reason for my lack of updates lately. For the last 3 or so weeks, and with well over 150 hours of work, the all new site rebuild has been completed. Every single page of the site has been rewritten, recoded, and redesigned.

Why did I bother? Basically I was sick to death of looking at the old layout. It was so boring, so amateurish, so crap. This whole thing started as a poorly planned muck-around toy to keep me amused whilst I was sitting at my computer. Unfortunately, the down side of that was a whole lot of browser crashing action combined with a shit load of broken links around the site. The bulk of my time before was spent fixing my fuck-ups around the place, trying to make it more surfable and lessen the flow of email from people asking me why things don't work like they should.

I've spent hours upon hours going through my archives fixing every single link and just generally cleaning them up. I've also now added all the chick galleries into the menu down the left hand side of each page so all you new people that surf the site can get full value for my money.

The other major change is the Priceless section. Each and every Priceless pic has now been thumbnailed which should keep those of you on a standard modem connection a lot happier so you can enjoy the biggest Priceless collection on the entire web.

I've also added a Site Help section that will hopefully assist a few people when they have problems with videos and various other things. I'll add to it as I come across problems that people may have.

You should all find that the site will load a lot faster and generally find heaps to keep you amused for a little while. I've also incorporated a few cgi scripts around the place which will hopefully make my life easier and your surfing experience a bit smoother too.

I'd love some feed back on what you think of the new design. Whether you love it, hate it or whatever - drop me an email.

Now for the update...

Boniface comes up to the Zimbabwean border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "what's in the bags?"

"It's sand" answered Boniface. The guard says, "we'll just see! Get off the bike."
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Boniface overnight and has the sand analysed at a poorly-funded Beitbridge laboratory, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Boniface, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "what have you got in that bag?". "Sand" says Boniface. The guard does his own thorough examination, as he cannot send the sand to get analysed because the laboratory has shut down due to corruption and gross mismanagement. Most of the equipment has been stolen as well.
So he concludes again, that the bags must contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Boniface, and Boniface crosses the Border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, Boniface doesn't show up one day and the guard bumps into him in a beer hall at a farm recently invaded by war veterans, just outside Plum tree.

"Uribo, shamwari" says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Boniface wraps his lips around his skud and after taking a huge slurp he says.... "Bicycles."

- 50 of the crudest, most vulgar sites on the web -

- The I Want A New Girl Friend Top 50 -

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I get a heaps of email from random people wanting to be linked. I've said it before that if you want a link then you have to follow the rules!

Reject wrote:

I own RandomWrestling.com and I'm writing to you because I feel I am link worthy. I don't want to sound like an asshole, but my site to way too good to be getting the traffic it gets now. I pull in 10,000 unique a month, which compared to you, is pretty low.

I really think that giving me a kick ass link would be beneficial to us both. I get some phat hits, and you get the satisfaction of knowing you helped a retard out.

I've already got you linked on my main page and obviously won't take you down if you don't link me, because I don't pay those games. If you do link me in your main section, I'll do a raindance in your honour.

I know the old boys routine about how you can only link top referrers to be fair, but surely you can make an exception for me. Don't worry about what the other sites say, we can just lie and say I am a top referrer. I love it when a plan comes together.

So you're probably thinking either, "How long till the mpeg 30 second porn clip downloads?" Or, "This guy has some balls and is upfront but can back it up."

My reply is that clip should be about done by the time you've linked me, and yes, I sure do have balls, even if I haven't had an erection since the Spice Girls movie.

In all seriousness, you've probably already dismissed my site on the fact it is about wrestling, and rightly so. The thing is that we aren't your average wrestling website, we mock, parody, and expose wrestling for what it is. Crap, but crap me and my writers enjoy.

We've got the content, we're not on some shitty free site. We are on a speedy server that's just waiting to see what kind of bandwidth it can take.

I'm not making any money off my site, its just a hobby that I enjoy and I try hard to see it entertain others. I'm sure you remember what it was like before you became an online icon. How about giving me the rub, (not homosexual sex, unless that's what will give me the link)? The rub as in just being associated with you. It will make me look big time.

Its not money, fame, or cam sluts I want, I just want hits. Everyone knows numbers are what count. I hear that N Sync is reported to have sold 2 million copies of their CD in its first week. To most, that number is staggering, but to me, it signals the end of the N Sync legacy.

Sure, Joey still makes us smile when he tells about how he USED to be a nerd. Not that being a nerd is funny, but it's funny that he's 36 years old and singing so he can get some 14 year old poon. My whole point is this....2 million CD's may seem like a ton, but when I've preordered 1.73 million of them through my Columbia House membership (I get the SECOND 500,000 for only a penny!!!!), it really makes you realize N Sync could only just outsell a video of Kenny G dry humping a box of Quaker Oats.

The fact that I've spent 20 minutes of my life trying to suck up to you and show my comedic genius proves that I hope my link can become a permanent fixture on your site.

Feel free to publish this e-mail if you want to ridicule me, just be sure to publish my e-mail address. I love hate mail.

So I'm thanking you in advance for the kick ass link you're gonna give me. Also if you have a sister maybe you could hook me up with her, I eat out on the first date. [MENTAL NOTE - Never tell a girl's brother that again.]

If I can ever do anything to help you out, just ask. I'm skilled in finding mature porn and flyfishing.

Hugs and kisses, or a manly handshake, depending on if you sleep on your back or front...

btw, LINK www.randomwrestling.com, we got that retard demographic.


Surely after reading the above email you are going to surf James' site right? The poor guy, sounds like he's got some serious problems and needs all the help he can get. So go on - go surf his site!

- Random Wrestling -

M4dc0w - God Shave The Queen - Amateur Shut - B0g - IWANGF

Crude joke of the day award goes to this one...

Q: What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.


Random Shite? Strangely enough, my Random Shite is proving to be a bit of a crowd pleaser and somehow is attracting it's own cult following. Weird. You guys like it so who am I to disappoint?. I'll kick off the festivities with a few random celebrity Nipple Slips...

Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip - Nip Slip

Aquarius - Aries - Capricorn - Gemini - Leo - Libra - Pisces

Sagitarius - Scorpio - Taurus - Virgo


A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.

Although she wasn't familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take the boat. She rowed out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book.

Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside her and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replied...as she thought to herself, "isn't it obvious?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "But officer, I'm not fishing, Can't you see that?", she said. "Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." replied the sheriff.

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," snapped the irate woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," groused the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true," she replied, "but you do have all the equipment."

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read. It's likely she can also think.

Gotta love it. The Vixen in fine form with my name scrawled across her cam. Talk about making my day. Feel free to do the same as she and I'll link you or whatever. And just to prove that I am a good sport I'll link you even if you have testicles.

I'm still hangin out for some of you fine women out there to send me some Boob pics of yourself with 'ORSM' written where I can see it. If you can't do that then how about getting up to some tricks like this guy did...

Sleeping Beauty 1 - Sleeping Beauty 2 - Sleeping Beauty 3 - Sleeping Beauty 4

In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name. Tylenol is acetaminophen, Aleve is naproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced that it has settled on Mycoxafailin. Also considered were Mycoxafloppin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Mydixadud, and Alimpdixafixit.


I haven't posted vids in aaaaaages. I've received some decent ones lately so I think now would be the time to post em right? I got a pretty decent response out of the Aria ones that I posted last time too so there's a couple more of those for you guys.

Boobed - Bus Nut - Bull Stack - True Deep Throat

Intoducing Aria 3 - Intoducing Aria 4 - Aria Dildo

And the shocker of the day [and let's all hope it's a fake!] I proudly present...

- Heads Up -

That's it for the time being. I've got a tonne of new Priceless pics almost ready to be posted so stay tuned for those. In the mean time dont forget to vote for me on Stiles Top 50 and on the IWANGF Top 50.

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