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Welcome to Orsmnet. The site for guys whom Valentines Day forgot. The site that doesn't push the envelope – it mails them. The site where you're likely to find a naked pic of someone you know. We have it all folks.
I've been wondering where time goes. Here we are again just two weeks from the last update and I can safely say that I've barely noticed it pass. It feels like 14 days have flown by with little else going on except for staring blankly at my monitor and trying to stay cool... not that I aren't already cool... I am... honestly... I meant in a temperature related sense obviously.
Much to my dismay Perth has been forced to endure a couple of 40ºC days this week which if you ask me, sucks harder than a gay man on a virgin cock. It sucks so much that due to the no-smoking inside rule at our house I've almost drop the habit completely because standing outside when it's like this isn't an option. What's even worse again is that yesterday the state government issued a warning saying anyone caught using an air conditioner will face a $1000 fine due to the states electricity grid being hammered so hard during aforementioned heatwave. As you would expect I've chosen to ignore this... running the gauntlet of a $1000 fine versus cool, comfortable serenity was well worth the risk plus I didn't vote for these guys so why should I do what they tell me huh?
The good that's come from this heat induced madness is that I've been able to spend a shit load of time doing long neglected tasks around the site. For starters we have another new Prycless gallery, Chicks And Stuff has finally been updated and I even went through the entire site archives cleaning up broken bits and pieces.
While I think of it... I'm getting tonnes of emails asking if I'm going to and why haven't I added a 'next' link to the Random Shite pictures that are posted each update. Yes! I am well aware that it would make it easier to view them! The reason I haven't is very simple – I have limited programming skills! This is something that is high on the list of stuff to rectify this year so as always, please be patient.
Aside from the above I've been spending some time tinkering with my car. I sorted out a couple of minor stereo problems, got a few bits and pieces colour-coded and did some de-badging. All relatively minor stuff but my car [or my favourite toy as I prefer to call it] is increasingly becoming like a pimple that you can't stop picking at. I find myself constantly dreaming up more and more things to change or modify or whatever. I'm not quite at the point of unhealthy obsession just yet but it probably isn't too far off.
One last thing while I am on the subject of cars... if there's any of you guy's out there located in Perth who are up for a cruise this weekend then we'll be out this Saturday nite. You don't have to be driving a show car to attend but all we ask is that you don't be a dickhead. All welcome. More info @ UltimateCruises.org.
Tasty teens, webcam wonders, nightclub escapades and all of it caught on camera at Teenrave.org. I had my doubts when I was told about Teen Rave thinking it would be just another zero content website but I was far from right. Check it for yourself at TeenRave.org.
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...
The Bush Presidency - Marketing Methods - Asian Porn - Paranoid Propaganda - Imagination
NoS N00b - Knee Surgery - William Hung - Beer Hunter - Torpedo Fun - Hypnotise - Dolphin Dash
On the off chance you haven't seen them yet, here are a few happy snaps shot by an American soldier moments after Saddam was finally captured in December. Amazing really - without the advent of digital cameras [and ofcourse the internet] we'd never get to see any like this...
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're e all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... pigeon-toed."
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.
Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."
A New Zealander, an Aussie and a South African were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled carton of beer. All of a sudden, Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the beer, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The South African was first in line (he had drunk the least), so he thought about this for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. The South African had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain when the punishment was done.
The Kiwi was next up (he almost finished a stubbie), and after watching the scene, said: "Choice! Please fix two pillows on my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again.
The Aussie was the last one up (he had finished off the carton), but before the Aussie could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful country, your Cricket team is the best in the world, your footballers are terrific and your women are very sexy. For this, you may have two wishes!".
"Thanks mate, your Most Royal and Merciful Highness", The Aussie replies. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave" the Sheik says with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?", the Sheik asks. "Please tie the New Zealander to my back."
One night a man has a dream that he died and went to heaven. He sat next to another man on a bench and began talking. Before long a beautiful redhead walks by. "Man, I'd sure like to fuck that!" "This is heaven, just take her behind the white cloud." His new friend replied.
So he takes her behind the cloud and has the best lay of his life. When he gets back to the bench he begins to tell the man all about it. Then another hot lady walks by. "Geez, I'd love to bang that!" "Fine, just take her behind the white cloud." He does, and returns back to the bench.
Another ten minutes goes by and another lady walks by. "Excuse me for a moment, I have to get her!" "OK, just remember to go behind the white cloud." He gets back and sets down. "This is great! But I really have to take a shit!" "Go behind the white cloud" the guy replies. He gets up and does a number. "What do I wipe with?" "Just use some of the white cloud" The man yells back.
Morning comes and the guy walks downstairs where his wife has made him breakfast. "I had the wildest dream last night!" He says to his wife. "You're telling me! You fucked my three times, shit on the pillow, and wiped your ass with the sheets!"
Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said David, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table, "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"
An elderly married couple scheduled their annual medical examination the same day so they could travel together. After the examination, the doctor then said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my wife, the first time I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first time with you and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart!" she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in Winter and the second time in Summer!"
ORSM VIDEO
What can I say about this vid except - absolutely wild. Personally I think that any weapon capable of firing 1,000,000 rounds per minute would probably make me a little nervous. Check out the carnage... all I can say is that it's a shame they didn't use a cow as the target...
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A Texan lands in Sydney, and is picked up by a taxi. After requesting a tour of the city, he starts into a tirade about the small town airport and how in Texas they have larger runways on their ranches. They are soon crossing the Sydney Harbor bridge, and the man is further unimpressed - "I have a duck pond bigger than that harbor, and an
ornamental bridge to span it that makes this look like a toy."
The Sydney-Newcastle expressway also gets his scorn "Is this a road, or a track?" Suddenly a kangaroo jumped out in front of the cab, causing the a severe application of the brakes, the driver couldn't help himself: "Darn grass hoppers!"
Every day some new do-gooder is trying to save us from ourselves. We have so many laws and safety commissions to ensure our safety that it seems nearly impossible to have an accident. The problem is that we need accidents, and lots of them.
Danger is nature's way of eliminating stupid people. Without safety, stupid people die in accidents. With safety, however, well intentioned idiots, who by all rights should be dead, are spared from their rightful early graves and are free to breed even more imbeciles.
Let's do away with safety and improve our species. Take up smoking. Don't cross on a Zebra crossing. Play with blasting caps. Swim right after a big meal. Poke ear-buds right into your ear. Take your choice of dangerous activity and do it with gusto.
Future generations will thank you.
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God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill..." Adam said, "What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave" Adam said, "What's a cave?" After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman." Adam said, "What's a woman?" So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How do I do that?" God first said (under his breath), "Geez..." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam said, "What's a headache?".
At 85 years of age, Morris marries Nicole, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Nicole decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris are to have separate bedrooms. She is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, Nicole prepares herself for bed, and waits for the expected knock on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, where upon Morris takes leave of Nicole, and she prepares to go sleep.
After a few minutes, Nicole hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's ready for more action! Somewhat surprised, Nicole consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Nicole, bids her a fond goodnight, and leaves Nicole to go to sleep again.
However, after a few short minutes, there is another knock at her door, and there he is again... as fresh as a 25-year-old and ready for a bit more action. And again they enjoy one another.
As Morris is once again set to leave, the young bride says to him, "I’m really impressed that at your age, honey, you're still capable of that. I've been with guys less than a third your age who were only good once! You're a great lover, Morris." Morris, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Nicole and says, "You mean I was here before?"
ORSM VIDEO
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.
When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total grade. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the grade." The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Screaming in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin in every way." The doctor told him, "Your testicles are fine, but I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together, an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his fiancé, marries her and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the hotel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." Next she takes off her panties and says, "you're the first, no one has ever touched me here." Barely able to contain himself, he immediately drops his pants and replies... "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!!!!!!!!!!"
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the side walk and says to him: "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!
The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up!"
The husband had just finished his book "Man of the house". He stormed into the house and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "from now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!"
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" His wife replied, "the fucking funeral director?".
A salesman is visiting Hollywood California and checks into a local motel. As he was checking out the next morning, the desk clerk noticed that he looked a bit frazzled. He asked "Sir was everything O.K. with your room?"
He angrily replies "Was everything OK!!! l get woke up at 2:00 in the morning with this huge cowboy sitting on my chest holding a pistol to my head who tells me if l don't suck his dick he's gonna blow my fucking head off!"
The desk clerk is shocked and asks, "What did you do?" The salesman’s reply, "Did you hear any shootin'?"
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor "The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body".
To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation." "I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a Marine uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
READER MAIL
Absolutely shit loads of mail pouring in from every direction lately which I usually quite enjoy. I'm usually need to set a side a day once every couple of weeks to go through it all... whcih should shed some light on why most of you don't get replies or why a reply takes so long. Regardless, keep it coming any time you like... same as these people did...
Craig wrote:
Subject: how could you?
As an avid orsm viewer for the last 2 years or so I was eager to view your new update only to log on to the How Could You ? link. What a kick in the ass. After reading that awesome slap in the face I had to log off for the night because it just kicked my ass!!!I'm no pussy but it grabbed me good. Dumb ass people that take home animals only to put them in a corner after there interest is over should be shot. I was able to log on again the next day. Great site I enjoy that you can run the gamut of issues ,jokes and porn. Never disappointed!!!
Quite a few people were touched by this. It was a sad story and obviously all too common. -Orsm
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nbillard wrote:
Subject: The Clinton Scam
While I agree mostly with the fourteen "thank you"s in the Bill and Hillary section, I have to correct what is just complete bullshit regarding the pensions the Clintons will draw from their respective political positions.
1. Bill will not receive his full salary in retirement, ever.What he does receive is equal to a cabinet member's salary. True, that's still well over 100K a year, but well short of the presidential salary.
2. Hillary could never receive her full salary in retirement, regardless of how long she served or how old she was when she retired. The maximum for any member of Congess under any circumstances (32 years of service and at least age 60) is 80% of their final salary. If she retired after four years (the number used in the example despite the fact senators are elected to six year terms), she'd receive absolutely no pension whatsoever. If she retired after only one term, she'd receive about 8.5% of her annual salary.
3. There is no such thing as the "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan." It's an internet hoax. It doesn't exist. Members of Congress fall under the Federal Employees' Retirment System (FERS), which is the exact same system all other federal employees fall under (including me). Hillary, and every other senator, pays into her own retirement plan, as well as (despite another internet hoax) social security.
Blame the Clintons for all they've really done. I'm all for that. But give this "Congressional Retirement and Staffing Plan" bullshit hoax a rest. Please.
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kirsten miller wrote:
Subject: Americans
I've been checking out your page for years, and i've always loved it. the porn makes it even better. I've noticed a lot of american jokes on it lately and i just want to let you know that there are a lot of people here that hate everything that's going on because of american forces just as much as the rest of the world. we're doing as much as we can to try to change/stop the things that the bush administration is doing. im not asking you to change anything or do anything different to your website. i just want to try to let you know that all americans dont suck... just all the ones in power do. thanks, and your website rocks.
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Annette wrote:
Subject: no wonder they lost the war
Well I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm on my way now to Germany to go on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" (Don't worry since I'll be a million dollars richer I'll be sure to bring you all back something! Have a look at the following clips from an episode of the German "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" For those of you who's German is a bit rusty, the question posed: "WHAT IS GEORGE W. BUSH'S FIRST NAME?"
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Russ wrote:
Subject: re: Anyways I may as well dribble senselessly..........
G'Day Mate! And I thought it was only us North Americans who fracture the English language. "Anyways" ????????????????????? What's with the "s" ? Something that sticks in my craw is when I hear, "Watta' you doin' for New Years?" (Plural?????????) I thought I was the only one who actually has celebrated two New Years in one night. I was flying down to the Domican Republic one New Year(s) eve and Toronto is 1hr behind them, you see! I must come out and see my "mate" in Melbourne one year and see if I can make it 3. Don't tell me that you Aussies say "irregardless", "misch(ee)vious" (mischievous), "axe" for "ask" (it's a Black thing!) etc., as well! I'll feel right at home.
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Ryan Bryn wrote:
Subject: Pictures from selling books door-to-door
Hey man, the most fucked up job I've ever had was selling books door-to-door around the city of Danville, Virginia. Coming from a farm in Dazey, North Dakota I didn't know what I was in for. I can tell ya there was a lot of cock fighting, crack, and bitches being pimped out. Here's some of my favorite memories from selling books to rednecks out in VA:
1st picture is at 8 AM on mainstreet. Saw him walking down the street and had to get a picture.
2nd picture is how people in Virginia add onto their home, cut a hole in the wall and back up the RV.
3rd picture is from a cockfight behind this guys trailer, I got him high so he showed me all kinds of shit.
4th picture is a goat I saw in Ohio, he rules.
5th picture is some Jehovah witnesses, fucked up thing is that one is giving the sign of the devil.
6th picture is just some fuckin redneck, nothing unusual here when your in southern va.
7th picture is from a trip I won for selling shit.
8th on was my sales territory, pretty nice homes eh?
Last one was a guys pickup with a bunch of "The South Was Right" dogma.
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Michael Corio wrote:
Subject: The Broken Ass
A friend of mine earlier this week slipped on his icy driveway while putting out his weekly recyclables. His driveway is rather steep and the recyclable pail was full to the limit. He went down right on his ass and bottles of Jack Daniels, Capt. Morgans, beer etc. showered him relentlessly. The moral of the story, screw saving the environment when it is cold and icy outside or your ass might end up looking like this.
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Mikey Boy wrote:
Subject: ex gf
How's it going orsm??? I've attached a couple of pics of me and an ex of mine. Keep up the good work on the site.
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<with held> wrote:
Subject: pics of co-workers (please post)
these are pics of 2 people from my job. the 1st one is of a guy that we call critters because he short,round and has a big mouth. the second one is of a new guy that we tried to make quit by taking him out to party with us and getting him so shit-faced that he would pass out and we could fuck with him. i would love it if you could post these pics.
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Ad wrote:
Subject: revenge
All hail Mr. Orsm. Ok, I emailed you a couple of months ago, about a guy from my office who had sent in a pic of me. The infamous midget in pasties. I've got a response for him, if you'd be so kind. Thanks you rule
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Mike Rammelt wrote:
Subject: Heathrow ATC transmissions for the last flight of Speedbird 2
Air Traffic Control communications for Concorde’s final arrival into Heathrow... G-BOAG flew as Speedbird 002 accompanied in formation by G-BOAE and G-BOAF. Would have been great to see it landing.
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Slash wrote:
Subject: Balls at Paddington Mill
Dear ORSM, Many a fan at WASM, so keep up the good work mate. Thought you might appreciate a photo I took on field trip recently. Who honestly approves the purchase of these signs?? Buggered if I know, but it'd be a good job to have! Look forward to more of your fine work.
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theoldman wrote:
Subject: Hairy chicks
Any chance that you could find beautiful girls who do NOT shave their pussy???
There is no such thing as a beautiful girl who does not shave her pussy. -Orsm |
Will Rumford wrote:
Subject: a blunt in the dark
a blunt sparked in the night... nothing more beughtiful
Sometimes it's the little things! -Orsm |
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Matt Rowlands wrote:
Subject: orsmupdate 2003.12.18-23.02
Check out the guy (Bogdan Gherman) who sent you the pictures of his blonde chick. "its just my girlfriend, but I think she looks great" How modest is he? She is hot as fuck. You need to get onto him & get some more of those pics!!!! By the way, keep up the good work & all that shit. You dont really need me to tell you your site is the best, millions already have........
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<with held>
Subject: no subject
mr orsm enjoy
I feel ill. -Orsm
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Flatlands wrote:
Subject: Nothing compares to midget porn.
Mr. Orsm, I really like your site, and well my buddie is totally in to migets so i thought i send this to you. I think the caption above it the boom, and fits these pic's to a tee. Rock On!
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Bootyful site! wrote:
Subject: joe bob
Hey Orsm! I just want to say, totally Orsm site you have. I've been checking it out for about a half a year now and it never fails to brighten my day a little (o.k. alot). So thanks! Well anyway so now that I've gotten the ass kissing out of the way, is'nt it obvious that I want something, (shit) is'nt that always the way? Everybody wants something for nothing these days. So I'm completely in love with your girl Holly right, and well I noticed that it's been a while since you've added any tasty new photos of her, and I've been missing her, see. So I was just wondering if there was any chance you'd be putting up any new Holly photos anytime soon, or if you knew of any other websites where I could find more photos of her? That's all, keep it real!
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An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Y-e-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback."
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. On getting home he announces to His wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?" "There are three colours", he replies, "Gold, Silver and ronze." "What colour are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily. "Gold of course", says the man proudly. The wife responds, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if You came second for a change!".
WORTH A SURF
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Ralph was driving home one evening when he suddenly realises that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?"
In a condescending manner, she says "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00".
Ralph asks, "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "That's obvious," the sales lady says. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."
Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I cum and one named No cum. No cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No cum tu. For velly obvious reason No cum and No cum tu not have any children. One day, No cum went out of town on business and I cum came over and spent the night with No cum tu. That night I cum came and No cum tu came too. This make both very happy. However about 7 or 8 months later, No cum see he about to become father but he not know how come, so when baby come, he named it, How cum u cum. Of course, I cum and No cum tu know How cum u cum came but to this day No cum not know how come How cum u cum came!
Cum again?
RANDOM SHITE
I think the best thing about Random Shite is that you never know what's coming next. It could be a sweet set of hooters or some guy eating his own shit. It's almost magical...
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Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming." He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed, Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!" She's astounded! "Why my ears? Look at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and don't sag, and I have NO cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?" Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming? That was me."
A guy went to the whorehouse looking for A little fun. He asked the Madam of the house for a fuck and she said to him "How much money have you got?" "Well, I've only got 5 dollars" he said. "That won't get you a fuck, but I could give you what we call a penguin." "I'll take it." he says.
She sat him down in a chair and pulled his trousers down around his ankles and starts to give him a blow job. She watched him carefully and when he seemed ready to come she jumped up and ran out the door. In shock he jumped up with his hard on and had to waddle towards the door with his pants around his ankles and called after her "Why do they call this a penguin?!!!"
Big Bob, a strapping lad standing 6ft 5 went to his local Doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise me, and I mean it - not to laugh." "Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient. And you're a mighty big fellow for anyone to be laughing at!" "Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had seen in all his years.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it absolutely will not happen again. Ever. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen!"
ORSM VIDEO
A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?" The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue Twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh, I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'... So she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a Tongue twister too! I was at the breakfast table this morning and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'you ruined my life you evil fat slag.'"
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."
The chief nodded that it was so. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?" The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"
That pretty much winds up the update for this week and what a mission it was! I'm hanging out to get to bed at least one nite this week before 3am so here's hoping. Anyway I'm outta here. Until next time be good, stay off the chem's and drop me a line if you get bored. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.
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