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THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. IT'S THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. CLICK TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.
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January 2002...
 
orsmupdate 2002.01.30-17.43

Wow. Four updates in a month. It's unheard of in these parts but by the looks of things, I doubt I'll have any complaints. I must be doing something right too because the stats say that more of you are coming here than ever before. I appreciate the support from all of you guys who come here for your fix of Priceless, porn and lame humour.

Vibes On A Summers Day was absolutely phenomenal. I heard Vibes in Perth was voted in the Top 10 dance festival on the planet. First up was Groove Armada followed by Jamiroquai. Both of em were absolutely unreal and if you ever have the chance to see them live I HIGHLY recommend checking them out. I'll try and get some photos scanned in and post them at some point. If you're not familiar with either of the aforementioned artists check these out...

Groove Armada - My Friend

Jamiroquai - You Give Me Something

Finally got the damn car back. $2,113.48 and almost four weeks later it appears to be running perfectly. Just to add to my pain, the day after I picked the car up, I had to cough another $267.15 for registration AND for two speeding fines I got in the weeks before Christmas - both $110 each - AND a wheel alignment/balance etc which is $42. That's over $2600 in the space of 2 FUCKING days. Ah well... who likes savings anyway huh? I'll add this little experience to my list of constants in life:

- When it rains it pours.
- Mechanics always over-charge.
- If Chicks didn't want us to look at their Breasts, they wouldnt grow them.

I mentioned last week that I was playing around with slightly changing the look of the site to make it easier for y'all to access some of the stuff in the archives. The design you see now went live in August 2001 and I'm bored to death of it - too fuckin plain. That being the case, it'll be put to rest in the next month or so. I'm working on something with completely new, completely diifferent and hopefully much better. Certain sections will be removed and maybe even some new ones added. If you're a wizz with Photoshop or whatever and you are intrested in helping with a couple of things around the site then drop me a line. If not, I can always ask Dave for help...

Learn How To Speak Kiwi - Sesame Street Personality Test

Not too sure how this ended up on the Microsoft site but it's good to see them finally telling it like it is...

- HOWTO: Read The Fucking Manual [RTFM] -

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

THE BUFFALO THEORY

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

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Have recieved some great email lately. Boyfriends sending me pictures of cheating girlfriends, ex-wives sending me pictures of cross-dressing husbands. Fine by me because it reminds me what this site is all about - getting even with people who are losers. Well, it's not all about that but who cares huh!?

<Undisclosed> wrote:
Subject: Priceless Submission

these were taken at the hyatt in austin, TX after a night of drinking. after dating for 2 years and living to together for a year, she got knocked up by some guy that she dated back in the eighth grade, while we were still together. i thought i would let you know the circumstances so, if you wanted to, you could add some of your clever text to the pictures. if you don't mind, i would appreciate it if you sent me a link so i can see what you posted.

Cheater - Cheater - Cheater - Cheater - Cheater - Cheater - Cheater - Cheater

"The Saudi Ambassador to the U.N. has just finished giving a speech, and walks to the lobby where he meets his American counterpart. They shake hands and as they walk, the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The American says, "Well Sir, is there anything I can do to help you understand?"

The Saudi whispers "My son watches this show called "Star Trek" and in it there are Russians, Blacks, Asians, Scots, even Irish, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He does not understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek." The American laughs and leans over. "That's because it takes place in the future."

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This is fuckin great. Make sure you check out her site for a good laugh. What a fuckin freak her Ex is!!

Mary Gagne wrote:
Subject: Priceless Submission

Hi! My brother Alan told me about your site, and I have one more dilly of a priceless set of pictures for you. They're pictures of my husband, Matthew Gagne. I left him in September of 2001 for, among other things, being a cross-dresser. I didn't know he was a cross-dresser till I'd already decided to leave him. He was out of town for a week on business, so I took the opportunity to go through his room. I was mainly looking for financial statements, credit card statements, etc., but in my search, I ran across a trunk full of women's clothing and some pictures. The pictures are on my website:

http://home.talkcity.com/TimesSquare/vwbuschick/

Matt doesn't know about my website yet, but since he's been so uncooperative during the court hearings (property/debt distribution), I don't care if he finds out now. I plan to mail color copies of the pictures to his parents and sisters after our divorce is final this fall.

click here for more

Gordon Black wrote:

Subject: wanker of the year

May I suggest an addition to your excellent site. A contest for the "wanker of the year" and to start it off, here is my submission:

Yesterday on the Eastern Freeway, Melbourne I am overtaken by this character travelling at 120+ and flitting from lane to lane. He's driving a Holden HSV something or other, custom sprayed Italian Racing Red and it has a small rearing horse badge in the middle of the back window and the personalised number plate is . . . . SCHMKR.
What a wanker.

Damn good idea that! If you think you've come across a bigger wanker in your travels then share it with us at once!!

- WANKER OF THE YEAR SUBMISSIONS GO HERE!! -

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I spent a bit of time sorting these out for you all. These were the Miss World Contesants for 2001. Some tasty pieces of ass there if you ask me. Personally, I think Miss Macedonia is by far the best looking of the lot. Check em all out here...

Miss World - Miss World - Miss World

HELP HIRE HOLLY

Wanna see more of little miss popular - Holly Ryder? She emailed me a while back offering to do a shoot exclusively for my site but I had to come up with some $$$ to pay for her services. Easier said than done. I NEED SIGN UP'S to some of the following sites... or just click some damn banners around the site!

- Fling Babes -

Click for more awesomeness

PERTH, WA (AP) - Fremantle Dockers football practice was delayed on Tuesday for nearly two hours.

One of the players, while on his way to the locker room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Coach Chris Connolly, immediately suspended practice while the Australian Federal Police [AFP] were called in to investigate.

After a complete field analysis, the AFP determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed when AFP Special Agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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Prepare youself. It's time to see what you all come here for - Orsm's Random Shite. A veritable plethora of some of the finest crap the web has to offer.

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

My little hommage to large breasted women last week seems to have gone down rather well. People seem to be fascinated by large chested chicks. I've done some digging around and come up with even more for your viewing pleasure so enjoy. I've got a couple more that'll be posted next update.

Massive Rack 1 - Massive Rack 2 - Massive Rack 3 - Massive Rack 4

Any Subaru WRX fans out there? Pretty kick ass car if you ask me but I'd much prefer paying a few extra dollars and picking up a 3 Series BMW. Nonetheless, have a gander at this WRX vid...

- Subaru WRX Slide -

Who said Britney's boobs weren't fake? The following video provides irrefutable proof...

- Britney Spears': Fake Boobs -

If you are still looking for the Aria & Kelle series then you are in luck. All 7 parts of this huge video are still up on the web available for download. Don't forget that if you have problems with any of the media on the site you can probably find an answer in the site help. Sorry, but all emails to me regarding videos will go unanswered.

- The Aria & Kelle Series -

That's all from me, folks. Going to be a busy few weeks coming up. I'm back at school for [hopefully] my last semester as of next week. Full-time during the day and 1 night a week doing my CCNA. I'm also thinking about doing my MCP but I'm not overly happy with the idea of parting with another $1700 at the moment. Anyways, take care, be good and for God's sake - stay off those chem's! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2002.01.23-18.52

Well I'm back on dial up for the time being. It's completely fucked going from 512k to 56k but I guess I'll live - although it looks as this is going to be my fate for atleast the next couple of months.

I'm reaching that point where I've had enough holidays. Pretty much all of my friends work full time so there really isn't that much to keep me occupied during the day especially considering that my car has been at the mechanics for over 3 fucking weeks now. I managed to blow the head gasket on NYE and they STILL haven't pulled there fingers out of their asses and fixed it. Probabaly should have taken it elsewhere. Maybe these guys...

- Scamming Mechanics -

Anyways, it's the Australia Day long weekend coming up this weekend. Looking to be a huge weekend so far. Vibes On A Summers Day this Friday which should be unreal - Jamiroquai and Groove Armada live. Couple of parties to attend on Saturday and Sunday and then a barbeque on public holiday Monday. I get the feeling that it's going to be a high-expenditure few days.

Ever find yourself walking around K-Mart waiting for someone else to do their shopping? Here's a list of 15 things you can do to break the monotony. Keeping Yourself Amused At K-Mart.

Never leave your chat program an unattended. This is what happens when someone decides to get jiggy-wit-it..

I've added 60 new Priceless pics to the galleries finally passing the magical 500 mark. Thanks to everyone who has sent them in. They start here somewhere. Also, I know that some of the Priceless Vids aren't working but I am trying to rectify it so shut up and be patient! Am also working on a slightly modified site design too - the aim is to try and make some of the stuff that is on the site [in the damn archives] more accessible etc.

Click for more awesomeness

Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee

Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee

Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee - Blondee

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infinite or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.

link·age (lngkj) n.

1. The act or process of linking.
2. The condition of being linked.
2. Connection or relation; an association.

Here Is The Porn - Mad Cow - Skitz - Cloud 10 - Validate This - Internet Gossip

OTBM - Rex Mag - MN Vibe - Legendtofski - I Prodigy - Loser Mag - Confound

Want your site linked? Read this and then drop me a line!

click here for more

HER SIDE OF THE STORY
He was in an odd mood when I got to the pub, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure.

So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I loved him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the hell that meant because you know he didn't say it back or anything.

We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we made love. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep.

I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else???

HIS SIDE OF THE STORY
Bloody Aussies lost the one day cricket... again!! Bloody depressed. Still, got a root though!

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back... "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

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Mr Orsm: satisfying your Random Shite needs since some time last year... or maybe the year before...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Thought it would be time to pay a small - or should I say large - tribute to breasts again. The following 4 vids are of chicks that have some serious rack-action going on...

Huge Jubblies 1 - Huge Jubblies 2 - Huge Jubblies 3 - Huge Jubblies 4

... and this one, which makes the pilot look pretty bloody skillfull if you ask me.

- Talented Landing -

I've been asked a few times to repost this. When I first posted it, I said it ruined the clasiness that Aria purveyed to her adoring fans. To put it bluntly - a completely hot chick with her fist jammed in her box just isn't what you would expect from her. Anyways, click the damn link, sit back and enjoy...

- Fisting Aria -

It's probably worth scrolling down the page to grab the Aria & Kelle series before I have to remove it too. Anyways, that's all from little old me, folks. Until next time - take care, be good, stay off the chem's and vote until your finger bleeds! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Click for more awesomeness
 
orsmupdate 2002.01.16-14.42

As per usual it looks as if I have been completely neglecting my site [the torrent of emails pointing this out is a good indication] but it's just not the case. I've been busily sorting through the 20 thousand or so files that I have sitting on my hard drive and organising them for future use. Nerdy as it may be, I've spent my holidays working full-time [7 days a week!] on this thing all for the sake of keeping you guys happy. Aren't I the nicest cunt of a guy you have ever come across!!?

The weather is finally starting to heat up now. Usually it gets stinking hot in early December but this is obviously a case of Global Warming or the Greenhouse effect or some other nasty side effect gone mad. Without a doubt it is most definitely aircon weather and I intend to employ this technology at every possible chance. If only most females were that considerate we'd be subject to a lot more hard nipple action.

The Priceless videos are back online [thanks to a very generous individual]. There's 50 in total so that should keep some of you busy for a while. PLEASE do not email me of you have any probelms viewing them - check the site help because your answer is more than likely going to be there. Videos at the vids page.

This has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a VERY long time. Could anyone actually be this out of touch with reality? I don't think so...

"Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under "Install/Remove Programs" in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes "Comet Cursor", "Bonzi Buddy" and "Flash"."

I wonder how much having your penis removed without your consent could actually be worth? How it would totally ruin your life. What would be the first thing you thought of after you woke up and realised you really were a dickless wonder. I bet this dude would have a fair idea.

Hell Freezing Over - The Five Affairs

click here for more

John Howard the Australian Prime Minister, flies to England for an audience with the Queen. Howard brings up his grand plans for the future of Australia.

"Your majesty", he begins, "Can we turn Australia into a Kingdom in order to increase its status in the world?" The Queen shakes her head and replies, "One needs a King for a Kingdom and you are most certainly not a King, Mr Howard."

Not to be dissuaded, he asks "Would it possible to be an Empire then?"No" retorts the Queen "you need an Emperor for an Empire and you are most certainly not an Emperor".

"Aw shucks, what about a Principality then?" tries Howard. Predictably the queen replies, "You need a Prince for a Principality and you are most certainly not a Prince."
Her Majesty takes a sip of tea and adds "Mr Howard, having met you and several other Australians I think Australia is perfectly suited to being a country."

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I've finally found true perfection. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is the best chick I've posted on the site so far. Think you have seen better? Send the pics this way.

click here for more

Click for more awesomeness

It's 3am, and the man is driving his brand new BMW M3 CSL down the N1 at 240km/h. He's two minutes away from home when he sees a car on the side of the road, on its roof, and flames all around.

There's no one else in the area, his cell phone reception is dead, so he stops his car. Sure enough, there's a beautiful woman in the car, but she's bleeding to death. The guy reckons "screw it" and rushes home to fetch a blanket. He gets back, puts the blanket on the back seat of his M3, and puts the woman on the blanket. He then rushes her to the hospital.

Six months she lies in the hospital, and he is with her every day and very night. He donates blood to keep her alive. Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get married.

Life is cool for a few years, until one day she gets fed up and decides to leave him. His love of money is obvious, and she feels like a trophy wife.

As she comes down the stairs, struggling with her two suitcases, she reaches into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar. Sure enough, he stops her before she reaches the door, and asks "What are you doing?" "I'm leaving you," she says. "Oh really, and how are you going to leave? The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar I paid for. It's my car. You're not taking it anywhere."

"Fine," she says, and throws the keys at him. "And those bulging suitcases? The clothes you're wearing? Everything, I've paid for. They are my suitcases and my clothes. You're not taking the many where."

"Fine," she says, and throws the suitcases at him. She strips down completely and throws her clothes at him too. "And the blood in your body? I sat with you for six months in the hospital. You know half of the blood is mine. You're not going anywhere."

She whips out her tampon and says "I'll pay you back in monthly installments."

--------------------------------------------

Wanna see more Holly on the site? A few weeks back, she emailed me saying she was prepard to do a shoot exclusively for the site but there was obviously going to be a catch... I have to come up with some $$$ to get her to do it.

This is where I need your help. I need you to sign up with some of the following programs so I can cover it. At worst - just click some damn banners around the site!

- Fling Babes -

Click for more awesomeness

Linkage. time to pay hommage to some of the webs most kick ass sites... well they may not all be quite that but they did email me asking for a link. Surf em hard...

Sherm Shack - This Is A Cry For Help - Operation Smeh - Beer Or Sex

Spaff - Bog Road - Chicken Legs - 4 Bitter Guys - Net Hitters - Highly Offensive

Back in December I posted some pics of a chick called Brandi. They were sent in by her boy friend. There were a few complaints from people pointing out that in their opinion she was "a nasty looking bitch". I think they were basing it on the fact she had a Crack Pipe sitting next to her in most of the pics but who the hell am I to judge? Anyways, he's been kind enough to send more of em this way. If you'd like to be imortalised forever on these pages then email me now!

Roger Hopkins wrote:
Subject: more Brandi pics 4 U

what up. here's some more pics of my girl brandi with an i up here in nor cal. she says she wants to be a star, so feel free to put them up on your site. also, if you know any amatuer porn sites that take submissions, forward them on if you would be so kind. thanks! keep up the good work!

Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi

Limp Dick wrote:
Subject: hey just saw your site........

Not a bad site..I was wondering if you could help me with something. I need sex bad..Im a 35yo virgin and slowly going insane........Im not looking at porn anymore till I get my own peice.

Know any lucky ladies in PA.

Firstly, I'm an Aussie and I wouldn't have a clue where PA is [Pennsylvania?]. Secondly, I'm not running a dating service here so you are wasting your time asking me. Why in fuck are you asking me anyways? Ask Jack maybe...

A Korean Air freight plane tipped on its tail at Sydney Airport today forcing 10 crew members to be rescued by a cherrypicker. Emergency vehicles rushed to the scene when the Korean Airlines MD11 jet suffered the mishap as its cargo of cars and pesticides was being unloaded.

As the plane tilted, a car which was being unloaded from the cargo hold dropped several metres to the ground.

Korean - Korean - Korean

These are the original protypes for the Euro Dollar that, as you can see they were considered a bit on the outrageous side and thus - rejected.

Euro €5 - Euro €10 - Euro €20 - Euro €50 - Euro €100 - Euro €200 - Euro €500

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."

Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right; is the captain a woman? I think I better have a scotch and soda.' When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?" "Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the box office."

Click for more awesomeness

Random Shite needs no introduction so here it is...

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits."

--------------------------------------------

It's movie time. Time to see some of the more fucked up shit that the web offers us as well as some of the more graceful [aka. porn related] stuff.

Massive Rack - Bully In A Bike Shop - The Energizer Penis - Afghan Camel Dismount

Let's Go Bowling - Deep Fist Fuck

Okay i've been generous as fuck lately. Over the past couple of months I've scammed, borrowed and begged for enough web space to post all 6 parts of the Aria series. I've now managed to lay my grubby little hands on the elusive 7th part. This is it for this series - grab it now while you can because it is the LAST TIME you are going to see them. If you have problems viewing the vids DO NOT EMAIL ME [you wont get a reply]. All the answers you need are in the site help section.

part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4

part 5
part 6
part 6

That's all folks. Next update i'll be adding more Priceless pics, more Chick pics, more crappy humour, more Random Shite and what ever else I think is worthy of your attention. Until then, stay off the Chems, be good and don't forget to vote. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2002.01.03-12.47p

Welcome to 2002. How was everyones New Years and Christmas celebs? I can safely say that Christmas was relatively crap - no big family lunches or dinners [I successfully weasled my way out outta all of them!] and a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Small recompense for the $400 I spent on prezzies but I suppose Christmas is more about giving than recieving huh? Pfffft...

As far as NYE goes - the night was relatively crap. We were unable to get tickets to the event we wanted to attend so had to settle for 2nd best which in actual fact was probably 15th best. Luckily able to redeem it all by a kick ass New Years Day house party.

All in all it's been a pretty good year so I'd like to take this oppurtunity to thank everyone who has visited the damn site, everyone who has linked the damn site, everyone who has sent me stuff for the damn site, everyone who supported me through the damn Mastercard Fiasco and anyone who I have missed.

Anyways, as promised this is the update a lot of you have been waiting for. I've added so much stuff that I could easily have started another site for it all. Priceless has seen somewhere around 50 new pics added pushing the collection even closer to the elusive 500 mark. They start somewhere here. Theres some cool reader mail. As usual, tonnes of chick pics. Plenty of Random Shite and the last chance you'll have to grab the Aria vids before I take them away for ever. I should also add a special thankyou to the dude who emailed me the unheard of Part 6 of the Aria & Kelle series.

How To Make A Christmas Cake - Osama's In-Cave Memo

Michael Jordan Vs Bill Gates - What Movies Would Have You Believe

help hire holly!

You guys remember Holly right? She was the Perth girl that I posted pics of a few months ago. Well lucky me, she has emailed me saying that she is prepared to do a shoot exclusively for my site BUT there is a catch - to do this I need to come up with some $$$ to pay her and to hire a photographer and I need YOUR help.

What do I want outta you guys? I need some serious sign-ups and banner clicking everytime you visit the site! You can try these for starters:

Her First Lesbian Sex - Teens For Cash - All Site Access - MILF Seeker

click here for more

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my fucking shoes!"

click here for more

Some cool shit for ya's...

Insanity Test - Emotion Eric - Christmas Aria - Osama Dance - Tourist Guy Comes Clean

Sharon wrote:
Subject: Angels are beautiful!!!

Being Christmas Time and all I wanted to let you know that I think the Angels are beautiful... I would love to be with them...if they'd have me.... i like licking pussie and having mine licked too so im sure id fit right in... more photo like these would keep me hot and horny... By the way where are all the group shots????? I have attched a sexy shot for you... I hope you like it!!!!

- Sharon -

You want group shots you got em - it's the least I can do. Quick reminder that if you wanna send me pics of yourself then you can do so right here and be imortalised for ever on these very pages.

Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex

Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex - Beach Sex

Keith wrote:

here is the photo that the nurse took in the A&E. It was a sub-talus dislocation, and quite a good one at that. As you can see...

- Foot -

I am walking again now, but basketball is out of the question for a bit longer.

Time to link some cool sites that make the internet such a wonderful place. These dudes have emailed me at one point or another whoring there asses out for some linkage so go check out their shit!

Virtual Roofie - Style With Streak - Dark Lock - En-D - I Am Over Here Now

Marijuana Music - Numbness - Dallas Pimps - Rising Conviction - Mister Buhdda - Zyclonics

... and linkage has to go out to some of the webmasters that have sent me some killer hits this past year.

IWANGF - Snow Surfer - Class Or Sex - Slap Ass - Z Filter

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A stunning blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "But I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect)"Anything?" he asked. "Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised. "Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room. The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

"Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees". She did "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead, take it out ...."he said. She reached in and grabbed it with both hands...then paused The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well...go ahead" The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it...and while holding it close to her lips, tentatively said..."Hello, Mum...can you hear me?"

click here for more

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course" he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" to which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red, knows rain, dear".

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"Charmed by his literary insights yet repelled by his slobbery eating habits, Nepentha remained pendulous about Fredfud's proposal."

Huh? I quite enjoy these sort of things... where they use big words and stuff... Got any more then send em my way.

click here for more

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" "OK," the nun says, "pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But, when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!!!"

click here for more

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

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Ever dreamed of picking up your brand new Ferarri and driving it a 300kms/hr down the Freeway on the way home? That's what happened with these guys except they sort of fucked up and crashed.

Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri

Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri - Nasty Ferarri


Ah yes...summer is finally here. I'm not too sure about you guys but all I wanna see whn I head towards the beach is some naked females on display. That being the case, I give you
Veronica Zemanova naked as all hell on the beach.

Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova

Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova

Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova - Miss Zemanova

Kristi wrote:
Subject: Poor Bear

This bear was killed down on Hitchenbrook Island by an airman stationed at Elmendorf.

The bear measured 12' 6" and was estimated at over 1600lbs. The guy was walking to his hunting area and the bear stood up only 35 yards away. The bear dropped down and went straight for him. He emptied his gun and the bear fell 10 yards from him.

Check out the size of the paw in relation to the guy's head!!! Poor bear...he was probably just going to give the guy a hug and welcome him to that neck of the woods. Either that or he was gonna eat him.

Poor Bear - Poor Bear

Kirk Rodgers wrote:

At a lecture the other day they played an old video of Lt. Col. Oliver North testifying at the Iran-Contra hearings during the Reagan administration.

There was Ollie in front of God and country getting the third degree. But what he said was stunning!! He was being drilled by some senator; "Did you not recently spend close to $60,000 for a home security system?"

Ollie replied, "Yes I did sir."

The senator continued, trying to get a laugh out of the audience, "Isn't this just a little excessive?" 'No sir,' continued Ollie. "No? And why not?" the senator asked. "Because the lives of my family and I were threatened sir." 'Threatened? By whom?" the senator questioned. 'By a terrorist, sir.' Ollie answered.

'Terrorist? What terrorist could possibly scare you that much?"

"His name is Osama Bin Laden sir." Ollie replied.

At this point the senator tried to repeat the name, but couldn't pronounce it, which most people back then probably couldn't. A couple of people laughed at the attempt. Then the senator continued.

"Why are you so afraid of this man?" The senator asked.

"Because sir, he is the most evil person alive that I know of," Ollie answered.

"And what do you recommend we do about him?" asked the senator.

"Well sir, if it were up to me, I would recommend that an assassin team be formed to eliminate him and his men from the face of the earth."

The senator disagreed with this approach and that was all that was shown of the clip.

If anyone is interested, the Senator turned out to be none other than: Al Gore

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Real Cow Girl - Real Cow Girl - Real Cow Girl - Real Cow Girl - Real Cow Girl - Real Cow Girl

Click for more awesomeness

No update this big would be worth presenting without some serious Random Shite so click the damn links and check out the fucked up shit people do when there is a camera in the near vicinity.

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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It's video time. I think it's safe to say that I have absolutely peaked with my efforts this week. I'm testing AntiLeech for the vids... strangely enough it's to stop people leeching. Anyways the download method is slightly different to usual but I'm sure you'll all figure it out. Oh apols to Netscape users too - you'll need to use Internet Explorer to get them. Let's get cracking shall we...

Two Guys Fall Down A Cliff - Cum-pilation - Granny Sex - Weird Nipple Fuck

The Super Dyke Lick - Plastic Undies [repost]

Over the last month or two I have been posting the Aria & Kelle series. The response has been phenomenal but due to lack of reliable server space the videos cant stay on the web past the next update. Now, thanks to some very generous individuals, I'm able to bring you the entire series for one last time AND the previously unseen Part 6! Here they are...

part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5 part 6

If I get one more "I cant get the movie to work" email I swear it will do my head in. All the answers are in the site help. If it doesnt play for you, you need to download, unzip and install the DivX codec. Download it here. Also if you wanna join them all together so you can have one huge video then I suggest you download Pecks Power Join. Get it here.

I think that'll do for the time being. There's way more than enough to keep you all busy for atleast a few days I'd say. If you are still bored I highly recommend surfing the site archives. They're brimming with all sorts of cool shit.

Happy New Year and best wishes for it. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.


Click for more awesomeness

 

 

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