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Welcome to Orsmnet... the site that was recently
passed up for an Australian of the Year Award because lady who won
it has a daughter who is way hotter than me...
I hate this. I've had a relatively boring last
week and have spent the last few hours trying to conjure up something
worthy of reading. I guess I may as well do a run down of what's
been going on in my little world...
The weekend was relatively low-key. Saturday
we had the usual home open thing to deal with which meant out of
bed kind of early [8:30am] and start running around the place cleaning
up. It's amazing how much shit can pile up in a week and after 3
weekends of home opens it's starting to piss me off making sure
the joint is spotless and there's nothing lying around in plain
site for people to steal.
My biggest concern with all this is the more
unscrupulous members of society using the opportunity to scope out
the house for a potential break-in target. I'm pretty pedantic as
it is - I always make sure the curtains are closed and doors and
windows are dead-bolted before I leave the house but having all
these unknowns traipse around here while I aren't makes me feel
uncomfortable. It's not as if I have that much expensive crap but
without the dog to patrol [I aren't allowed to leave her here] and
a real estate agent who most likely doesn't give a shit if my stuff
goes missing I'm becoming more and more frustrated.
Anyway after the house was sorted we had a few
hours to kill whilst I opened my life to whoever felt like a look
so we went to do some house hunting of our own. Up until now I haven't
made too much of an effort to look at houses with the idea being
that if I look seriously I will find something I like and want to
buy but not be able to due to my finances still being a mess. As
it stands they are still all over the place but I figure if I don't
have an idea what I'm looking for before I start looking its just
going to make the whole process far longer and harder than it has
to be.
This is where it things begin to get interesting
and I get all pessimistic with the world. We looked at probably
10 different places. Some were absolute rubbish, some where half
decent but not what I wanted and the rest all seemed to be spectacular
but out of my price range. The advice people give you at this point
is 'keep looking - something will turn up!' and its fucking annoying.
Of course something will turn up but what they don't tell you is
in the mean time be prepared to waste countless looking at what
an ad describes as 'spacious character home' is in reality 'dilapidated
dogbox'.
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Sunday was a good day. The temperature cranked
to around 40 degrees [which I think is over 100 if you are American]
so first thing I did was head for the dog beach. The place was absolutely
packed so there was plenty of scenery and dog has a great time.
Actually that sort of reminds me... I should really throw out a
big thankyou to everyone who emailed me when I first got my puppy
with training tips and advice. I put in a shit load of work with
the training thing and now, just over 2 years since I got her, I've
ended up with a very well behaved dog. I always laugh when I see
some poor bastard trying to control their retarded poodle [or similar
'yapper'] when all I need do is calmly utter 'Milla, come' and she's
by my side at the blink of an eye no matter what the distraction.
Jump to yesterday and we had the Australia Day
public holiday which is just an excuse to relax and drink some beer.
Ours was probably quite similar to what most Aussies ages 18-30
did - fire up the BBQ, cook some sausages and lamb,
drink, enjoy the weather, hang with your mates and spend the afternoon
speculating who was going to take out the Hottest 100. For the record
and at the risk of being totally lambasted by the bong smoking crew
I had no idea who would even be in it because I refuse to listen
to Triple J these days...
Like I said... it's been
a quiet, uneventful week and I have no idea how I managed to dribble
on this long about it but I have, and it appears that I still am,
so scroll down and get on with the update...
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
Tasty teens, webcam wonders, nightclub escapades
and all of it caught on camera at Teenrave.org.
I had my doubts when I was told about Teen
Rave thinking it would be just another zero content website
but oh how wrong I was. Do yourself a big favour and check out TeenRave.org.
You won't be disappointed!
If you like them young and ripe, Rabbit's got
a special site for you. Check out his in-depth review of 18
honeys!
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Bikini
Chicks Go Wild - Feeling
Angry? - Magical
Trevor - I
Want One! - Jessica
Alba's ASS
Sexy
Celebrity Videos - Hot
For Play - Kamikaze
Chaos - Mesmerising
- Sexy
Drunk Duke Girls
A cat was running wildly down alleys, up fire
escapes, down cellars and what-not. A neighbour knew whose cat it
was and reported it. "Your cat is running around like mad."
"I know," answered the owner, "He's just been sterilized
and he is cancelling engagements."
--
A guy walking along noticed two union workers working along the
sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but
he couldn't understand what they were doing. Finally, he approached
the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working,
but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a
hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again."
"Oh," explained one of the workers, "the third guy
who plants the trees is off sick today."
--
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The
other replies, "Oh sure I do." The first old lady asks,
"What do you do about it?" The second old lady replies,
"I suck a lifesaver." After a few moments, the first old
lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
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There is a story about a certain bookmaker who
was making a long trip by car when towards nightfall he happened
upon an inn which had a most unusual name, The Even Steven. Since
it was located in the middle of a desolate stretch of country, and
he didn't know how much farther the next place would be, he decided
to stop there for the night, and satisfy his curiosity about the
name at the same time.
"It's very simple, really," the proprietor
explained. "You see, my name is Steven Even. So I just decided
to turn it around and call this The Even Steven. I thought if might
get a few folks puzzled enough to stop and ask questions, and sometimes
it does."
"That's a pretty smart way to use the luck
of a name," said the bookie appreciatively. "I bet it
brings you a lot of business." "It hasn't brought me so
much luck," he said. "The folks who stop here don't stay
long. There's not much gaiety around here, as you could see. In
fact, there's not another soul lives closer than thirty miles away,
whichever way you go. Makes it pretty lonely especially being an
old widower. And worse still for my daughters. Three of the loveliest
girls you ever set eyes on, should have their pick of boy friends.
But, they are getting so frustrated they're about to do anything
for a man."
The bookie made sympathetic noises, and listened
to more in the same vein until hunger obliged him to change the
subject to that of food. An excellent home-cooked dinner was served
to him by a gorgeous blonde who introduced herself as Blanche Even;
and when he was finished she still kept pressing him to ask for
anything else he wanted. Finally, she said, "Would you like
me to sit and talk to you for a while?" "Thank you,"
he said politely, "but I've had a long day and I feel like
closing the book."
He went to his room and had just started to undress
when there was a knock at the door and an absolutely breath-taking
brunette came in. "I'm Carmen Even," she said. "I
just wanted to see if you'd got everything you want." "I
think so, thank you," he said pleasantly. "I do a lot
of travelling, so I pack very systematically."
When he had finally convinced her and got rid
of her, he climbed in between the sheets and was preparing to read
himself to sleep over the Racing Form when the door opened again
to admit an utterly gorgeous redhead in a negligee to end all negligees.
"I'm Ginger Even," she announced. "I wanted to be
sure your bed was comfortable." "It is," he assured
her.
"I hope you're not just being tactful,"
she insisted. "May I try it myself?" "If you must,"
said the bookie primly. "I will get out while you do it."
When she had gone, he settled down with a sigh
of relief and was about to put out the light at last when the door
burst open once more and the proprietor himself stomped in, glowing
with indignation. "What's the matter with you," he roared.
"I got to listen all night to my daughters moaning an' wailing,
the most luscious gals in this county, because they all try to show
you hospitality an' you won't give one of 'em a tumble. Ain't us
Evens good enough for you?"
"I'm sorry," said the transient. "But
I told you when I registered I'm a professional bookmaker. I only
lay Odds."
ORSM
VIDEO
This little gem of a video has been around
for a while now... I just never got my shit together and posted
it but if you haven't seen it before you're in for a good
laugh. As far as I understand it is not real and from some
TV show or something. Check it...
- Drunken
DUI Stop - |
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Once there lived a woman who had a maddening
passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they
had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction
to her.
Then one day she met a man and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself,
"He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this
carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, her car broke down on the
way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her
husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk
home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odour of the
baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles
to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by
the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before
she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.
All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving
home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband
seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling,
I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair
at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove
the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise
not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer
the telephone.
The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting
her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her
husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted
her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it
smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of
pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her
vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three
more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned
to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signalled the
end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her
napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling
contentedly to herself. She was the picture of innocence when her
husband returned, apologising for taking so long.
He asked her if she peeked and she assured him
that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold... and
she was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around
the table to wish her "Happy Birthday"!!!
I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me
what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com
and I'm here to set the record straight - THERE IS NO CATCH! You
won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or tonnes
of junk mail or anything else you don;t want.
It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE!
So why wouldn't you click click
here and try it!? Tonnes of FREE
pics, vids, live web cams plus a whole lot of other stuff that I'll
leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.
Two alligators were sitting at the side of the
swamp near Washington DC. The smaller one turned to the bigger one
and said "I can't understand how you can be so much bigger
than me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just
don't get it".
"Well" says the big 'gator, "what
have you been eating?" "Politicians, same as you",
replied the small 'gator. "Hmmmm. Well, where do you catch
them?" "Down at the other end of the swamp at the parking
lot, by the capitol" "Same here. Hmmm.How do you catch
them?" "Well, I crawl up under one of those Lexus cars
and wait for them to unlock the car door. Then I jump out and grab
them on the leg, shake the shit out of them, and eat them".
"AH!" says the big 'gator, "I
think I see your problem. You ain't getting enough nourishment.
See, by the time you done shakin' the shit out of a politician,
there ain't nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase".
An old lady was standing at the railing of the
cruise ship holding her hat on tightly so that it would not blow
off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon
me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that
your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady, "I
need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you
must know that your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman
in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years
old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
ORSM
VIDEO
An office manager had money problems and had
to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill. He thought he'd fire the
employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees
came to work very early.
Then the manager thought he would catch the first
one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took
a coffee break.
Then the manager decided to see who took the
longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch
break that day, they both ate at their desk.
Then the manager thought he'd see who would leave
work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing.
Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager
went up to her and said, “Jill, I have a terrible problem.
I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well,
you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."
RANDOM SHITE
According to the email you guys have sent
me over the last few days I well and truly nailed Random Shite
last week... let's see if I can even come close this time
shall we...
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An old cowboy dressed to kill with a cowboy shirt,
hat, jeans, spurs, and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink, she turned to the cowboy and asked
him, "Are you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "Well,
I have spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking
horses, mending fences. I guess I am."
After a short while, he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking
about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women,
when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think
of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered
another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are
you a real cowboy?" To which he replied, "I always thought
I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."
A business man met a beautiful girl and asked
her to spend the night with him for $500. And she did. Before he
left in the morning, he told her that he did not have any cash with
him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail
it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he
had done, realising that the whole event was not worth the price.
So he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed a note:
Dear Madam: Enclosed find a check in the amount of $250 for rent
of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because
when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: 1.
it had never been occupied; 2. that there was plenty of heat; 3.
that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home. Last night,
however, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that
there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First
of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment
to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty
of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment
is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture
to fill it, please don't blame the landlord.
Well guy's that wraps up another
update, the 4th for this year would you believe! With a bit of luck
everything should return to normal next week and full size updates
including reader mail will once again grace these pages. If you’ve
got something you wanna say or something you thing is Orsm-worthy
then drop me a line here.
For my usual self promotion plug... if you'd
like to be a good guy and show me your love an appreciation for
all the hard work I do to bring you a big, beefy update every week
then swing by my wish
list and buy
me shit!
Until next time, be good,
stay off the chem's and have a remember it's wrong to be gay...
unless you're 18-20, shaven and female. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.
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