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July 2002...
 
orsmupdate 2002.07.23-10.58

Woohoo... three updates in one month. It's almost as if there is something wrong with me [people that know me and can attest to this can fuck up!]. It's sort of cyclical really - sometimes I am perfectly happy to park myself in front of my computer for days on end doing updates and whatever else; and other times I just cant be bothered with it and it's time to play GTA 3. It is official though - I now work on the site full time. I do find that kind of scary - I mean what are you supposed to tell people that you meet off-web anyways? "Hello, I run a big porn site." Not that that's really embarassing or anything. It's just awkward. There's a difference between saying you surfed a site with lots of porn and shit on it as opposed to you created a site with lots of porn on it. I'm sure there's a stigma attached to it. Anyways... enough babbling about all that.

I'm in the middle of a big health kick at the moment. Trying to shed a few kilos and exercise a whole lot more. It's suprising how much better I feel. I usually hate going walking and shit like that but for some strange reason I actually feel sort of invigorated after doing so. Invigoration feeds motivation. I took some time but I finally got past the laziness factor of not wanting to get off my ass and do something healthy. The best part - the amount of chica's to look at makes it all worth it... Don't even get me started on the chick wearing the see-through white pants and g-string walking down the coast on Sunday! There is a God...

Have been toying with the idea of doing some travelling around the years end. Probably through the US and UK but obviously haven't set anything in stone as yet. More of a pipe dream at this stage. Primary concerns are cost factor - a 5 or 6 week holiday would not come cheap - and who [if anyone] could I trust enough to make sure the site and server are kept updated and running smoothly? I do want to get a lap top at some point so that would solve the problem of managing everything but do I really want to spend my holidays working? Logistical nightmare almost...

I know some of you [Jason!] have been wondering what's going on with Priceless. I assure you all that I am working on something. More info for you all next update I promise! Have your say here if you want.

For those of you that aren't literarily impaired, these may be of some interest...

How Sweet It Is - Tale Of Two Builders - Silly Tree's - The MAN Code

If you are looking for it, the massive celebrity update from 2 weeks ago has been moved into the archives. On with update eh!?

click here for more

Current Population of the World = 6,267,214 +/-1.54%
Current Female Population of the World = 3,133,607 +/- .7%
Current Photographable semi clothed/naked on the Internet Female Population of the World = 557,269 +/-1%
Current Photographable semi clothed on the Internet Female Population of the World that I have met = ZERO

So the big question is WHY ???

click here for more

At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge Aboriginal bloke 2 metres tall and 150 kilos. He's having a few beers when a short, well-dressed and obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.

After three or four beers the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big fella. Leaning over towards the Aboriginal he whispers, "Can I give you a blow-job?"

At this the massive Aboriginal leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him swiftly off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the car park and returning to his seat.

Amazed, the barman quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that," he says, "just what did he say to you?"

"I'm not sure", the big Aboriginal replies, "something about getting a job."

Click for more awesomeness
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The doctor says to this old guy "I'm afraid I've got bad news - you've got Cancer and Alzheimer's disease."

The old guy says "Thank fuck it's not cancer!"

click here for more

DUMB BLONDE

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

click here for more

GLOBALISATION

Question: What is the height of globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was pissed on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by an Australian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole from the Japanese.

click here for more

Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow to watch the All Blacks and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

"Hey Doc, I don't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal. "No way, Doc" replied Wiremu "I'm getting a sicond opinion, ey."

The second doctor, a Pom, gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly Wiremu refused the treatment. Wiremu was devistated but, with only hours to go before the All Blacks opening game he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said "Wiremu, you huv prostate suckness, ey." "Whats the cure thin Doc, ey?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer. "Wull, Wiremu," said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls.""Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Pommy bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

click here for more

I originally posted Virginia on the site a few months back. Check her out in these galleries...

Virginia Gallery 1 - Virginia Gallery 2 - Virginia Gallery 3 - Virginia Gallery 4

A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. he gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door.

There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually a Japanese bloke answers...

"Harro", says the jappy chappy.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.

"I bin on toiret" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.

"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

"I dust bin on toiret I told you" says the Japanese man.

"Mate", says the dustman..."you're misunderstanding me...Where's your wheely bin?"

"Ok" "Ok", says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank".

click here for 50 sites all way better than mine!

I've said it before and you know I am going to say it again... Random Shite - shite that doesn't stink...!!

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

Stephy wrote:
Subject: Hi :D

I don't know you and you don't know me. but, I am not going to beat around the bush. will you link me? http://www.stephypop.net :X I am no one special but I figured I would ask for the hell of it. need some horny bastards to come to my page and buy my dirty drawers. you know, there IS some sick mother fuckers on the net who would buy them. plus, I need the money for college. so, it is going to a good cause instead of like.. a drug addiction or something. :D I enjoy the sexy bitches on your site & masturbate to them daily. I love you.

just another [cam] girl,
stephypop.net

Definitely one of the more sickening requests I have had for linkage I think. Mostly because she tried the cheap ass 'I love you' crap at the end of the email. How can she love me if she's never met or spoken to me? Could this be my first internet stalker? I try not to make a habit of linking cam girls but I am hoping that this is my chance to get a free pair of jocks from Stephy... so how about it Steph?? SHOW ME THE UNDIES!!

... and a few more Worth-A-Surf..

Spaff - Vegas Villans - B0g - Black Leather Times - Pork Gravy - John's Celeb World - Shotgun Sodomy - Devils Fun

click here for more

More Veronica Zemanova? Check out the galleries...

Veronica Gallery 1 - Veronica Gallery 2 - Veronica Gallery 3 - Veronica Gallery 4

Veronica Gallery 5 - Veronica Gallery 6

Two tourists are driving through Wales. As they're approaching 'Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwryndrobwillantsiliogogogoch' they start arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.

They argue back and forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one tourist asks the blonde employee,

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? "

The blonde girl leans over the counter and says,

"Burrrrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrrrrr, Kiiiiing."

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On Friday afternoon, the teacher announces to a class of 5-year-olds that they are going to do a spelling test.

"Johnny - what did you do at lunchtime?" asks the teacher. "Well Miss" says Johnny, " I played in the sand pit". "Very good Johnny - spell sand" "S-A-N-D? Miss?". "Yes Johnny - well done, you passed"

"Suzy, what about you?". "I played with Johnny in the sand pit too miss". "Good Suzy - spell pit". "P- I -T miss?" "yes Suzy - you passed too!"

"Abdul - what about you?" "Well Miss" says Abdul, " I wanted to play with Johnny and Suzy, but they wouldn't let me because I'm an Arab". "Oh dear" says the teacher, "they were being racially prejudice to you Abdul - spell racially prejudice"

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I want them ALL...

click here for more

ADAM AND EVE

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman meant to him and how blessed he felt to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you would always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you would always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you would always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.

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Matthew wrote:
Subject: More for you fella...

She is 23 yrs old, but I don't think so... just another lie I believe. She loves anal, oral and the rest..... She can speak fluent French and Russian. She lives in Oxenhope near Haworth in West Yorkshire, England. She loves to pose and these were taken just last Wednesday the 19th June 2002. Cheers, Matthew.

GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF
GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF - GF

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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

--------------------------------------------

Women of the World Cup... well sort of anyways...

click here for more

There are three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't...

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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fuckin' map!"

Click for more awesomeness
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Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

LITTLE "GOLDEN BOOKS" THAT NEVER MADE IT

1. You Are Different And That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables.
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
6. All Cats Go To Hell
7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
8. Some Kittens Can Fly
9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
11. Strangers Have The Best Candy
12. You Were An Accident
13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
14. Pop! Goes the Hamster.. And Other Microwave Games
15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
16. Your Nightmares Are Real
17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
19. Why Can't Mr.Fork and Mrs.Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

--------------------------------------------

All those cool Smirnoff ads in one place if you are interested...

click here for more

STATISTICAL FINDINGS

10% of women had sex within the first hour of their first date 20% of men had sex in a non-traditional place
36% of women favour nudity
45% of women prefer dark men with blue eyes
46% of women experienced anal sex
70% of women prefer sex in the morning
80% of men have never experienced homosexual relations
90% of women would like to have sex in the forest
99% of women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

click here for more

EXAM TIME

At Sydney University, there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "HD" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching that the weekend before, they decided to go down to Canberra and party with some friends there.

They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research in the ANU archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, and that they couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin. The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they all thought in their separate rooms, this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tyre?

Click for more awesomeness

Have you ever been THIS drunk...?? [I haven't although I've come close a few times...]

FUN WITH FLASH

Giraffes - Beer - Insanity Test - Midget Tossing - Ub3r l337 H4x0r - Move!!! - Wascally Wabbit

... and this one [my favourite] which you will probably want to sent to your friends when you know they will be at work.

--------------------------------------------

Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know ... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know ... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know ... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"

She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you now ... Wash, Iron, F---, Etc."

The second women answers before being asked ... "BITCH."

"What exactly is a BITCH?!?", they ask in unison.

"Babe In Total Control of Herself."

So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch" SMILE ... and say "Thank You!!"

click here for more

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Australian walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Australian too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

click here for more

Kylie Minogue would easily be in my Top 5 Women of All Time list... if I actually had a Top 5 Women of All Time list that is. Regardless, you really do have to admire her. She started out as the blokish 'Charlene' in the sickening aussie soapie 'Neighbours' and has ended up as sex kitten extraordinaire... riding a mechanical bull. Heaven I tell ya... SWEET HEAVEN!!

- Kylie Minogue - Agent Provocateur Advert -
[requires real player to view]

click here for more

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away" The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something?"

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet fussed the dog and took it out but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry but like I said - Your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably...dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.

The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "£150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"

The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but........what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."

click here for more

I'm pretty close to having the necessary funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about, Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...

I'm in the process of trying to get it all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll be seeing more Holly on the site.

... now click the damn links below and go check out these great sites!

- Fling Babes -

Click for more awesomeness

<address with held> wrote:
Subject: Pics submission for your site

Hiya, Love your site, makes me laugh!! Here are some pics of my wife for your consideration. If you find anything usefull, use it. Hope you enjoy!! Please keep anonymous, thanks.

click here for more

What's with the hairy pits??? As a wife [and especially an oriental one] she should be taught about such simple things as bodily maintenance from early on in the relationship. None of this hairy shit. I'm sort of hoping that the chains being used are some sort of punishment for being disobedient...

--------------------------------------------

Little Johnny was in the classroom on a Friday afternoon and the teacher had a game for the kids. "Okay class, I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me who said that quote, can have Monday off" said the teacher.

"To be, or not to be. That is the question," spoke the teacher.

Little Din Don Chow at the front of the class called out, "Shakespeare!" "Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday off." "No thank you miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard," said little Din Don Chow.

"Okay," said the teacher. The next quote is - "I have a dream..."

Little Fri Som Kat also at the front yelled out "Martin Luther King!" "Well done!" said the teacher. "You can have Monday off." "No thank you miss. I am of Chinese origin and we also don't take time off school. Education is everything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying hard too," said little Fri Som Kat.

"Okay" said the teacher. She then heard a voice from the back of the classroom call out "Fucking Asians!!" "Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone. "Pauline Hanson!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday"!

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If a woman is uncomfortable watching me wank should she:

a) get to know me better
b) stop being such a fucking prude
c) sit somewhere else on the bus

click here for more


Steve wrote:
surfin the web about the time you got that mail from master card and found your site then through another site i found it again recently i haven't seen anythign you got but it looks like from your setup its gotta be awesome any way a few days ago our band had our weekly get-togather where we get shitfaced anyway to make a long astory short our manager has a thing about drinking until he puke sthen driking untill he pukes htne dirnking and puking so he cna drink some more so we got a digital camera that could record 15 seconds of video and recorded it then today i stumbled onto the site again and thoguht i'd send it to you its veiwed best in windows media palyer set to automaticly repeat by the bye wwha he says when he pukes is ASiDEEFFECT.com

ORSM VIDEO

As usual - if you are having problems with any of the video's - check the site help! Don't email me because you won't get a reply!

Well that's all from me for this week. I'll do my utmost to try and make it 4 updates for the month but no promises! In the mean time I'll look forward to the "hurry up and update you cunt" emails that never seem to end. Until next time... Be good, stay off the chems, check out the forums and don't forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2002.07.09-13.35
complaints go here...
Woohoo! Another update finally out of the way... that means I can have 5 minutes to relax before I start on next weeks. If you are new to this - my very own piece or web real estate - then you've joined us just in time for the long-awaited All Celebrity Special.

Firstly, I really do feel the need to have a quick bitch about Yahoo. How many times can you email those fuckers before they'll remove child pornography [which incidentally links to my site] from their servers? I've emailed them a number of times over the last 5-6 weeks and have had no reply and seen no action taken. Do I take this to mean Yahoo supports and endorses kiddie porn???

Anyways, I've spent the past couple of weeks working my ass of on the site. Not just this update but a lot of bits and pieces that I have been meaning to attend to for a while. Just cleaning shit up and that kind of thing. The first thing you may notice is that I have now thumbnailed all the vid's in the Priceless Video section of the site. Not only that but I have added 20 new ones too! Check em out here somewhere. I'll add more in coming weeks if the bandwidth can handle it without slowing everything down too much.

This weeks update encompasses some of the most beautiful women to ever walk the Earth. It's not meant to be all about seeing them naked, although you will see nudity [ofcourse], it's meant to showcase what for most of us is forbidden fruit. Saying that, you will find a few 'celeb fakes' mixed in with the bunch but I doubt I'll hear too many complaints. There's also a whole stack of vid's mixed in with the pics that may interest some of you guys too.

Bored? If I was a betting man I'd say that you'll find a few bits and pieces in this lot to keep you occupied...

Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics - Comics
Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff - Chicks N Stuff
Chicks N Stuff
- Chicks N Stuff - Larfs - Vids - Vids - Vids - Vids - Vids - Site Forums - Site Archives

For those of you who can actually read and aren't just here to look at the pics...

Makes You Feel Good - FBI's Most Unusual Death's - The Unemployed Man

Angelina Jolie Hewitt. She was the chick with the nice rack in "I Know What You Did Last Summer". Okay, most of these are fakes but who cares right...??

click here for more

Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love

Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love

Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love - Jennifer Love

I'm pretty close to having the necessary funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about, Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...

I'm in the process of trying to get it all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll be seeing more Holly on the site.

... now click the damn links below and go check out these great sites!

Her First Lesbian Sex - Teens For Cash - All Site Access - MILF Seeker

A well known, much-married movie star said to her doctor, "I have a new boyfriend and he's 18, so I want you to tighten my vagina. This has to be our secret-no tabloids, definitely no leaks. OK?"

Her doctor was standing there when she woke up after the operation. She looked at the foot of the bed and saw three bouquets of flowers. She said angrily to the doctor, "How could you do this to me? I told you this was to be a secret."

The doctor said, "Relax. The first bouquet is from me. The second is from the anaesthesiologist - he worked with me on your operation, he's gay and very trustworthy. He won't tell a soul. And the third bouquet is from a guy in the burns unit who wanted to thank you for his new pair of ears."

-------------------------------------------

Angelina Jolie. In my opinion she is one of the hottest women of all time. At her best in 'Hackers' as the l337 h4x0r 'Acid Burn'. and definitely guilty of sporting one of the best bod's in Hollywood...

click here for more

Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie

Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie - Angelina Jolie

COMPANY POLICY

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result, all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another one of the original monkeys and replace it with a new one. The new comer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Likewise, replace a third original with a new one, then a fourth then a fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they are not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know:

"THAT'S THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS BEEN DONE AROUND HERE"

And that, my friends, is how company policy begins...

No celebrity special would be complete without a dose of Miss Britney Spears now would it? Still want more Britney? Try here and here. Gotta love it...

Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney

Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney - Britney

click here for more

ORSM CELEBRITY VIDEO

A guy's screwing this girl and she says, "Excuse me, but isn't it a presumptuous to assume you can screw me on our first date? "Well, yeah" the man replies, "But isn't PRESUMPTUOUS a big word for a first-grader to be using?"

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Who could have picked that the goulish young girl that played Wednesday in 'The Adams Family' movie would have turned out this good...?

Christina Ricci - Christina Ricci - Christina Ricci - Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci - Christina Ricci - Christina Ricci

A man calls into work sick. This is the conversation.

Man: "Boss, I can't come into today. I'm really sick. I've been in bed all day."

Boss: "WHAT! Are you crazy? This is the day we are meeting with our most important account!!"

Man: "Sorry boss, I'm REALLY sick." Boss: "Just HOW sick can one man be?"

Man: "Well for starters, right now I'm fucking my 5 year old daughter."

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Worth a surf may just be these guys. If you want your site linked then click here.

Grape Shot - Leaky Brain - Perky Sluts - Dadarama - Gaming X - Basement Show - Girls Suck

Waste Of Space - Festered Hair - Johnny Cash Poster - Rap Alley - Exposed X - Razer - Big Blue Ape

Tasty rich bitch match-maker in 'Clueless' to Bat Girl in 'Bat Man', Alicia Silverstone has managed to keep us with our eyes firmly affixed upon her fine ass for quite some time now...

Alicia Silverstone - Alicia Silverstone - Alicia Silverstone - Alicia Silverstone - Alicia Silverstone

Alicia Silverstone - Alicia Silverstone

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Three pieces of string are standing outside a bar.

There is a sign that says "No strings served." The first string says, "Well, I'll get served, watch." So he walks into the bar. He saunters up to the bar and says, "I'll have a beer please." The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. Get out!"

So the second string says, "Well, I'll get served watch." So he walks into the bar. He strolls up to the bar and says, "I'll have a beer please." The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here. Get out!"

Finally the third string says, "I'll get served." He messes up his hair, twists himself around and goes into the bar.

He strolls up to the bar and says, "I'll have a beer, please." The bartender says, "Say, aren't you a string?" He replies, "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

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From the very unfunny 'Saved By The Bell' to stripper deluxe in 'Show Girls' is Elizabeth Berkley. Such a case of when good girls go bad...

Elizabeth Berkley - Elizabeth Berkley - Elizabeth Berkley - Elizabeth Berkley - Elizabeth Berkley

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this".

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Some people think she is hot, some think she's a good singer, I'm indifferent. Jennifer Lopez in all her glory...

Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez

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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that, I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies, "I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

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Star of Buffy, Angel and Bring It On - Eliza Dushku. If you ask me - she's pretty close to as good as it gets...

Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku

Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku - Eliza Dushku

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five pounds you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five pounds, grabs the hairspray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five pounds. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five pounds."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

First time I saw Denise Richards was in Starship Troopers. One of the best movies of all time if you havent seen it. There's something just so right about a woman in uniform...

Denise Richards - Denise Richards - Denise Richards

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A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks for a Thanksgiving turkey to be placed on her upper right thigh. The man giving her the tattoo thinks it's a little strange, but doesn't think much of it. After all, he has done stranger before. After it is done, she pays him and walks out the door.

Two weeks later she comes back in the parlour and asks for a tattoo of a Christmas tree to be placed on her upper left thigh. The guy thinks this is very weird and asks "Why do you want these tattoos?" She replies "It's a very simple answer - my husband is always complaining about having nothing to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas...now he does."

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Super Model extraordinaire...

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Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss

Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss

Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss - Kate Moss

Johnny the faggot is showering with his boyfriend, Danny, all of a sudden Jonny notices a little cum-looking puddle on the ground and get's furious : "Danny, what did I tell you about farting in the shower?"

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Probably best known now for her role in 'Spider Man' and not quite as recently - 'Bring It On' where where she plays a cheerleader. Probably my favourite chick for gawk'age at the moment...

Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst

Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst

Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst - Kirsten Dunst

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There was this boy named Johnny who was playing with his train set. He was cussing at his toys "fucking people get on the train". His mother came running out the living room and said "Go to you room and don't come back till you know how speak".

So about two hours later he comes out his room and plays. "Please everyone board the train now it is about leave". Johnny's mom said "That's better". Then Johnny said "Sorry about the delay folks, if there is problems go see the bitch in the living room."

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A guy goes into work hung over as hell. His buddy looks at him and says "You look like shit. Rough night, eh?"

He says back "I'm so ashamed. I got home from the bar last night and blew chunks!"

His buddy says "That's not so bad, I've done that plenty of times."

"But you don't understand... Chunks is my dog!"

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Mariah Carey. Famous for cranking out absolutely SHIT music. Have you ever noticed that in ALL of her pics and TV interviews she favours the right side of her face [towards the camera]? Don't quote me on this but apparently after she was involved in a horrific car accident when she was younger which left her all fucked up. She now feels that her right side is her best side and thus - she favours it...

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Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey - Mariah Carey

A quadriplegic woman is lying at the beach. A man walks by and she says, "Excuse me. I've never been kissed before. Would you kiss me?" The man says "Sure" and he gives her a peck on the cheeks. Another man walks by and she says, "Excuse me. I've never had my breasts fondled before. Would you fondle them?" So the second man says "Sure" and feels her up for a couple seconds. At this point she's really getting into it, so a third guy walks by and she says, "Excuse me. I've never been fucked before. Would you fuck me?" The guy says "Sure" so picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and says "Bitch, you're fucked!"

Jessica Biel. First came to light in that good Chrisitan [or whatever] show 'Seventh Heaven'. She's been busy since trying to upset the shows producers by threatening to take her clothes off. I say do it...

Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel - Jessica Biel

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Fred worked at a pickle factory. One day he went home and told his wife that he wanted to stick his dick in the pickle cutter. His wife told him that he could get hurt and that he shouldn't do it. A few weeks later he came home and told her that he did it. "Are you hurt? What happened?" she asked. "Well," he replied," she slapped me."

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Ah yes... the foreign exchange student from the bedroom scene in 'American Pie'. Shannon Elizabeth...

Shannon Elizableth - Shannon Elizableth - Shannon Elizableth

Shannon Elizableth - Shannon Elizableth

A middle-aged business-type man is feeling a bit stressed so he books himself in for a massage.

The day comes and he goes to the parlour. He enters the room, wearing nothing but a small towel to cover his modesty, and waits for the masseuse.

Then the masseuse enters, and she is the most gorgeous, well proportioned blonde 19 year old he has ever seen. He knows he is going to enjoy this.

As the girl starts to massage, the man begins to feel considerably aroused, and when he is rolled onto his stomach he sees that he has a massive boner, and is worried that the masseur may see it. She continues to massage, and the man notices that he eyes have been drawn to his growing member. the masseur leans towards the man and whispers seductively into his ear. "Would you like a wank?"

The man is VERY aroused and nods vigorously. The masseur leaves the room.

'Oh my god!' thinks the man, 'this is fantastic, I'm going to get jerked off by the most gorgeous girl I have ever seen! She's probably off putting on a sexy costume or something'

Ten minutes pass, and the man is just as aroused as he was before. He is waiting for the big wank when the masseur opens the door and asks 'Have you finished yet??"

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Aussie superstar Nicole Kidman. Been in about a million movies none of which spring to mind or are really worth mentioning...

Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman

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A guy goes into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks then turns to the lady next to him and says, "You know I sure would like a little pussy right about now." And the lady says, "I'd like a little pussy too mines as big as a hat!"

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Suzanne Somers has done everything from Playboy model, to TV Mum, to infommercial weight loss and body-beautiful stuff. Great rack for her age...

Suzanne Sommers - Suzanne Sommers

Suzanne Sommers - Suzanne Sommers - Suzanne Sommers - Suzanne Sommers

Will Young, Robbie Williams and Kylie Minogue went for a night on the town. As they left the nightclub, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between the railings of the fence opposite the club. Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her a good seeing to.

"It's your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started crying. Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?

"Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings!"

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Possibly the only reason you would EVER consider watching 'Beverly Hills 90210' was Tiffany Amber Thiessen. So very very classy...

Tiffany Amber Thiessen - Tiffany Amber Thiessen - Tiffany Amber Thiessen

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Pedro goes into jail for the first time and gets thrown in a mean looking dude named Bubba. Bubba says to Pedro "what do you want to be the mommy or the daddy" Pedro figuring he doesn't have much choice naturally says "The daddy" To which Bubba replies "well come over here and suck mommy's dick".

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The group formerly known as the Spice Girls who took the world by storm in the 90's all naked and shit...

Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice

Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice - Spice

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What's the difference between a Nun in church and a whore in a bath tub?
The Nun has hope in her sole.

What's the do getting a blow-job from an eighty-year-old and walking a tightrope have in common?
In both cases you don't really want to look down.

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In place of Random Shite this week to go with Random Sheleb... This bunch of pics is a combination of pics both seen and unseen from Random Shite that I have posted over the last year or two...

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A priest is in the confession box when a guy comes in and explains that he is having sex with a sixteen year old girl. The priest replies "well you aren't married and the legal age for sex in Australia is sixteen so I don't really know why you are telling me" The guy replies "Telling you? I'm telling everybody"

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Well guy's thats all you are getting out of me for this update. I hope there was more than enough to keep you all amused for a few minutes and plenty of stuff you hadn't seen before. With a bit of luck I'll be back next week with a fresh new update. Until then be good, stay off the chems and don't forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.


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