Woohoo... three updates in one month. It's almost
as if there is something wrong with me [people that know me and
can attest to this can fuck up!]. It's sort of cyclical really -
sometimes I am perfectly happy to park myself in front of my computer
for days on end doing updates and whatever else; and other times
I just cant be bothered with it and it's time to play GTA 3. It
is official though - I now work on the site full time. I do find
that kind of scary - I mean what are you supposed to tell people
that you meet off-web anyways? "Hello, I run a big porn site."
Not that that's really embarassing or anything. It's just awkward.
There's a difference between saying you surfed a site with lots
of porn and shit on it as opposed to you created a site with lots
of porn on it. I'm sure there's a stigma attached to it. Anyways...
enough babbling about all that.
I'm in the middle of a big health kick at the
moment. Trying to shed a few kilos and exercise a whole lot more.
It's suprising how much better I feel. I usually hate going walking
and shit like that but for some strange reason I actually feel sort
of invigorated after doing so. Invigoration feeds motivation. I
took some time but I finally got past the laziness factor of not
wanting to get off my ass and do something healthy. The best part
- the amount of chica's to look at makes it all worth it... Don't
even get me started on the chick wearing the see-through white pants
and g-string walking down the coast on Sunday! There is a God...
Have been toying with the idea of doing some
travelling around the years end. Probably through the US and UK
but obviously haven't set anything in stone as yet. More of a pipe
dream at this stage. Primary concerns are cost factor - a 5 or 6
week holiday would not come cheap - and who [if anyone] could I
trust enough to make sure the site and server are kept updated and
running smoothly? I do want to get a lap top at some point so that
would solve the problem of managing everything but do I really want
to spend my holidays working? Logistical nightmare almost...
I know some of you [Jason!] have been wondering
what's going on with Priceless.
I assure you all that I am working on something. More info for you
all next update I promise! Have your say here
if you want.
For those of you that aren't literarily
impaired, these may be of some interest...
Sweet It Is - Tale
Of Two Builders - Silly
Tree's - The
If you are looking for it, the massive
celebrity update from 2 weeks ago has been moved into the archives.
On with update eh!?
Current Population of the
World = 6,267,214 +/-1.54%
Current Female Population of the World = 3,133,607 +/- .7%
Current Photographable semi clothed/naked on the Internet Female
Population of the World = 557,269 +/-1%
Current Photographable semi clothed on the Internet Female Population
of the World that I have met = ZERO
So the big question is
At the end of a tiny, deserted bar is a huge
Aboriginal bloke 2 metres tall and 150 kilos. He's having a few
beers when a short, well-dressed and obviously gay man walks in
and sits beside him.
After three or four beers the gay fella finally
plucks up the courage to say something to the big fella. Leaning
over towards the Aboriginal he whispers, "Can I give you a
At this the massive Aboriginal leaps up with
fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him swiftly
off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar
before leaving him bruised and battered in the car park and returning
to his seat.
Amazed, the barman quickly brings over another
beer. "I've never seen you react like that," he says,
"just what did he say to you?"
"I'm not sure", the big
Aboriginal replies, "something about getting a job."
The doctor says to
this old guy "I'm afraid I've got bad news - you've got Cancer
and Alzheimer's disease."
The old guy says "Thank fuck it's not cancer!"
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps
table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty- thousand
dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind,
but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With
that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES!
YES! I WON! I WON!"
She jumped up and down and hugged each of the
dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly
departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally,
one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
"I don't know I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all
men are men.
Question: What is the height of globalisation?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in
a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven
by a Belgian who was pissed on Scottish whiskey, followed closely
by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American
doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by an
Australian, using Bill Gates' technology which he stole from the
Wiremu, a New Zealander, landed at Heathrow
to watch the All Blacks and was not feeling well, so he decided
to see a doctor.
"Hey Doc, I don't feel so
good, ey" said Wiremu. The doctor gave him a thorough examination
and informed Wiremu that he had prostate problems and that the only
cure was testicular removal. "No way, Doc" replied Wiremu
"I'm getting a sicond opinion, ey."
The second doctor, a Pom, gave
Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal
was the only cure. Not surprisingly Wiremu refused the treatment.
Wiremu was devistated but, with only hours to go before the All
Blacks opening game he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to
get one last opinion from someone he could trust.
The Kiwi doctor examined
him and said "Wiremu, you huv prostate suckness, ey."
"Whats the cure thin Doc, ey?" asked Wiremu hoping for
a different answer. "Wull, Wiremu," said the Kiwi doctor
"Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls.""Phew, thunk
god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Pommy bastards wanted
to take my test tickets off me!"
I originally posted Virginia on the site
a few months back. Check her out in these galleries...
Virginia Gallery 1
- Virginia Gallery 2 - Virginia
Gallery 3 - Virginia Gallery 4
A dustman is going along the street picking up
the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. he gets
to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick
look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks
on the door.
There's no answer so he knocks again. Eventually
a Japanese bloke answers...
"Harro", says the jappy chappy.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?"
asks the dustman.
"I bin on toiret" replies the
Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.
"No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toiret I told you"
says the Japanese man.
"Mate", says the dustman..."you're
misunderstanding me...Where's your wheely bin?"
"Ok" "Ok", says
the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank".
I've said it before and you know
I am going to say it again... Random Shite - shite that doesn't
Subject: Hi :D
I don't know you and you don't know
me. but, I am not going to beat around the bush. will you link me?
:X I am no one special but I figured I would ask for the hell of
it. need some horny bastards to come to my page and buy my dirty
drawers. you know, there IS some sick mother fuckers on the net
who would buy them. plus, I need the money for college. so, it is
going to a good cause instead of like.. a drug addiction or something.
:D I enjoy the sexy bitches on your site & masturbate to them
daily. I love you.
just another [cam] girl,
Definitely one of the more sickening requests
I have had for linkage I think. Mostly because she tried the cheap
ass 'I love you' crap at the end of the email. How can she love
me if she's never met or spoken to me? Could this be my first internet
stalker? I try not to make a habit of linking cam girls but I am
hoping that this is my chance to get a free pair of jocks from Stephy...
so how about it Steph?? SHOW ME THE UNDIES!!
... and a few more Worth-A-Surf..
- Vegas Villans
- B0g - Black
Leather Times - Pork
Gravy - John's
Celeb World - Shotgun
Sodomy - Devils
More Veronica Zemanova? Check out the
Gallery 1 - Veronica
Gallery 2 - Veronica
Gallery 3 - Veronica Gallery 4
Gallery 5 - Veronica
Two tourists are driving through Wales. As they're
they start arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argue back and forth until they stop
for lunch. As they stand at the counter, one tourist asks the blonde
"Before we order, could you please
settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are...
very slowly? "
The blonde girl leans over the counter
On Friday afternoon, the teacher
announces to a class of 5-year-olds that they are going to do a
"Johnny - what did you do at lunchtime?"
asks the teacher. "Well Miss" says Johnny, " I played
in the sand pit". "Very good Johnny - spell sand"
"S-A-N-D? Miss?". "Yes Johnny - well done, you passed"
"Suzy, what about you?". "I played with Johnny in
the sand pit too miss". "Good Suzy - spell pit".
"P- I -T miss?" "yes Suzy - you passed too!"
"Abdul - what about you?" "Well Miss" says Abdul,
" I wanted to play with Johnny and Suzy, but they wouldn't
let me because I'm an Arab". "Oh dear" says the teacher,
"they were being racially prejudice to you Abdul - spell racially
I want them ALL...
ADAM AND EVE
After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking
in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman meant to
him and how blessed he felt to have her. Adam began to ask questions
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why
did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you would always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you would always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell
God: So you would always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful,
but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.
Subject: More for you fella...
She is 23 yrs old, but I don't
think so... just another lie I believe. She loves anal,
oral and the rest..... She can speak fluent French and Russian.
She lives in Oxenhope near Haworth in West Yorkshire, England.
She loves to pose and these were taken just last Wednesday
the 19th June 2002. Cheers, Matthew.
A man and a woman were having drinks when they
got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men
obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed
with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything,"
the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches
and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it
out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"
Women of the World Cup... well sort of
There are three kinds of
people - those who can count and those who can't...
A woman was walking along the beach when she
stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and
lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got
The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation,
constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce
global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I
want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries
to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the
map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been
at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't
think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well,
I've never been able to find the right man. You know one that's
considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning,
is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports
all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good
The Genie let out a long sigh and
said, "Let me see that fuckin' map!"
LITTLE "GOLDEN BOOKS" THAT NEVER
|1. You Are Different And That's
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables.
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
5. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
6. All Cats Go To Hell
7. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
8. Some Kittens Can Fly
9. That's It, I'm Putting You Up For Adoption
10. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
11. Strangers Have The Best Candy
12. You Were An Accident
13. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
14. Pop! Goes the Hamster.. And Other Microwave Games
15. The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan
16. Your Nightmares Are Real
17. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
18. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
19. Why Can't Mr.Fork and Mrs.Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
All those cool Smirnoff ads in one place
if you are interested...
10% of women had sex within the first
hour of their first date 20% of men had sex in a non-traditional
36% of women favour nudity
45% of women prefer dark men with blue eyes
46% of women experienced anal sex
70% of women prefer sex in the morning
80% of men have never experienced homosexual relations
90% of women would like to have sex in the forest
99% of women have never experienced sex in the office.
Statistically speaking, you have
a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange
woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
At Sydney University, there were four students
taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the midterms and
labs, etc., that each had an "HD" so far for the semester.
These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching
that the weekend before, they decided to go down to Canberra and
party with some friends there.
They had a great time. However, after all the
hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back
to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final
exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their
professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it.
They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research
in the ANU archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in
time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way
back, and that they couldn't get help for a long time. As a result,
they only just arrived now!
The professor thought it over and then agreed
they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys
were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night
- and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test
booklet, (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin. The
first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about
free radical formation. "Cool," they all thought in their
separate rooms, this is going to be easy." Each finished the
problem and then turned the page.
Question 2 (for 95 points): Which
Have you ever been THIS drunk...?? [I
haven't although I've come close a few times...]
FUN WITH FLASH
- Beer -
Test - Midget
Tossing - Ub3r
l337 H4x0r - Move!!!
... and this
one [my favourite] which you will probably want to sent to your
friends when you know they will be at work.
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking
about their professions.
The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know ... Young,
Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K,
you know ... Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B.,
you know ... Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you now
... Wash, Iron, F---, Etc."
The second women answers before being
asked ... "BITCH."
"What exactly is a BITCH?!?",
they ask in unison.
"Babe In Total Control of Herself."
So ladies, next time somebody calls
you "Bitch" SMILE ... and say "Thank You!!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Australian
walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just
as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed
in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from
him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his
beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Australian
too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer
and then started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
Kylie Minogue would easily be in my Top
5 Women of All Time list... if I actually had a Top 5 Women
of All Time list that is. Regardless, you really do have to
admire her. She started out as the blokish 'Charlene' in the
sickening aussie soapie 'Neighbours' and has ended up as sex
kitten extraordinaire... riding a mechanical bull. Heaven
I tell ya... SWEET HEAVEN!!
Minogue - Agent Provocateur Advert -
player to view]
A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary
surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his
stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head
sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away"
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't
done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and
left the room returning a few moments later with beautiful black
Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood
on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and
sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet fussed the dog and took it out but returned
a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed
delicately at the bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed
and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm
sorry but like I said - Your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably...dead."
He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced
a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took
the bill. "$150!" she cried. "£150 just to
tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If
you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but........what
with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."
I'm pretty close to having the necessary
funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still
required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about,
Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do
a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...
I'm in the process of trying to get it
all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll
be seeing more Holly on the site.
... now click the
damn links below and go check out these great sites!
- Fling Babes -
<address with held>
Subject: Pics submission for your site
Hiya, Love your site, makes me laugh!!
Here are some pics of my wife for your consideration. If you find anything usefull, use
it. Hope you enjoy!! Please keep anonymous, thanks.
What's with the hairy pits???
As a wife [and especially an oriental one] she should be taught
about such simple things as bodily maintenance from early on in
the relationship. None of this hairy shit. I'm sort of hoping that
the chains being used are some sort of punishment for being disobedient...
Little Johnny was in the classroom on a Friday
afternoon and the teacher had a game for the kids. "Okay class,
I'm going to say a famous quote, and the first person to tell me
who said that quote, can have Monday off" said the teacher.
"To be, or not to be. That is the
question," spoke the teacher.
Little Din Don Chow at the front of the class
called out, "Shakespeare!" "Well done!" said
the teacher. "You can have Monday off." "No thank
you miss. I am of Vietnamese origin and it is in our culture to
study as hard as we can, so I will be here on Monday studying hard,"
said little Din Don Chow.
"Okay," said the teacher. The
next quote is - "I have a dream..."
Little Fri Som Kat also at the front yelled out
"Martin Luther King!" "Well done!" said the
teacher. "You can have Monday off." "No thank you
miss. I am of Chinese origin and we also don't take time off school.
Education is everything to us, so I will be in on Monday studying
hard too," said little Fri Som Kat.
"Okay" said the teacher. She then heard
a voice from the back of the classroom call out "Fucking Asians!!"
"Who said that?" yelled the teacher in an angry tone.
"Pauline Hanson!" yelled little Johnny. "See ya Tuesday"!
If a woman is uncomfortable
watching me wank should she:
a) get to know me better
b) stop being such a fucking prude
c) sit somewhere else on the bus
surfin the web about the time
you got that mail from master card and found your site then
through another site i found it again recently i haven't
seen anythign you got but it looks like from your setup
its gotta be awesome any way a few days ago our band had
our weekly get-togather where we get shitfaced anyway to
make a long astory short our manager has a thing about drinking
until he puke sthen driking untill he pukes htne dirnking
and puking so he cna drink some more so we got a digital
camera that could record 15 seconds of video and recorded
it then today i stumbled onto the site again and thoguht
i'd send it to you its veiwed best in windows media palyer
set to automaticly repeat by the bye wwha he says when he
pukes is ASiDEEFFECT.com
As usual - if you are having problems
with any of the video's - check the site
help! Don't email me because you won't get a reply!
Well that's all from me for this week. I'll do
my utmost to try and make it 4 updates for the month but no promises!
In the mean time I'll look forward to the "hurry up and update
you cunt" emails that never seem to end. Until next time...
Be good, stay off the chems, check
out the forums and don't
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.