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Welcome to Orsmnet. Implosion
imminent - please stand back.
Did you ever have one of those
weeks where you will do absolutely anything to avoid working? Where
every time you saddle up to do something productive you magically
find a way to distract yourself? Where the world is out to get you?
Where the only place you wanna be is in bed watching Bert Newton?
Well welcome to my week!
I'm sure everyone goes through
this. For me it's probably once or twice a year. My mind is entirely
somewhere else and I am struggling to bring it back... for that
matter I don't even know if I want to bring it back. I'm unenthusiastic,
unimpressed, uninspired, unenergetic and waiting for someone to
piss me off just a tiny little bit so I can strangle them with a
printer cable.
I'm not in a rut, I'm not depressed,
I just like saying 'fuck' a lot. I guess I can at least look forward
to the fact I'll eventually get over it.
This has got me thinking it time
to make some changes. On account of the fact my whole life seems
to revolve around this website I think it only fair to name Orsmnet
as target numero uno. The thing is I love the format, I love doing
weekly updates and I love everything that goes along with running
the site but it occurred to me the other day that if in five or
ten years time I am doing exactly the same updates I am now I will
be justified in killing myself at least four or five times.
Anyway at this point I am somewhere
between a complete redesign of the site or more regular updates
which would do away with a big update once a week and switch to
smaller ones Monday through Friday. Both ideas aren't without their
problems though...
A complete redesign would mean
gluing my ass to the computer for some serious hours whilst I try
and conjure something that I actually like. If past experience is
anything to go by I'll go through ten or twenty designs that I hate
progressively more and more until I finally nail one. Beyond that
comes the hard part of updating the in excess of 5500 pages that
make up the site to the new design. Potentially this would be another
time that anyone in close proximity to me causing an even minor
annoyance may find themselves on the receiving end of a fairly violent
act...
Option two was of course the
more regular updates. This has always been a goal. The funny thing
is that every time I have mentioned this over the years I have ended
up with email from you guys telling me not to do it although I think
this is because too many people are supposed to be doing other things...
like working!
I can see two problems with daily
updates the most obvious of which is whether or not I can handle
the extra hours they will inevitably bring. Secondly is finding
a format that I am happy with. For starters I'll be damned if I
can come up with a blog about what's been going on every day of
the week if I am spending the entirety of it at the computer. I'm
really not that interesting I swear...
The third option [which only
just popped back into my head] is to get another site happening.
I've been meaning to do it for years and that way I could encompass
the above options and keep everyone happy. My computer is filled
with hundreds and thousands of pics and vids that I never made room
for on this site... perhaps now would be a good time to change that.
As fast as a week seems
to go by these days I may very well be over my mid-year crisis come
next update so this little crusade I'm contemplating embarking on
may be nothing more than a distant memory but just in case its not,
about now is where I would love some feedback from you guys. What
do you think about the ideas above? What do you want to see on the
site? What's good? What's bad? What sections need to go? What sections
need to be updated more? Any feedback or ideas are welcome so click
here and drop me an email.
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
Anyway so last Friday I was watching World Poker
Tour on TV. Normally I can't stand gambling but I was mesmerised
so I went searching. I found an awesome free
online Texas-Hold-Em site - then download and played real games
for [like I said] FREE! I made a deposit and ended up winning and
withdrawing $250! They have an offer on now where if you signup
you get a free entry into the $10 Million Tournament that they're
running. Check it out!'
I always hate having to skulk around the backroom
of my local video store just because the chick flicks I like the
best involve more sex than sentimentality. I am relieved to know
that finally I can order my DVD
porn directly from home, so no more feeling like a public pervert
for loving porn.
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Freak
Out - Hard
Nipples - Riot
Squad - Bizarre
Self-Promotion - Big
Ad - Hot
Lil Nikki - Darth!
DP
Action
Courtroom
Drama - Latina
Battle - Babe
- Test:
Europe - Fartman
- Take
A Tumble - Dancing
Goddess
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their
sperm, and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. A dozen babies
are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in
the corner, one is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by and to the
gays' delight she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't
it wonderful?" one fruitcake says to the other. "All these
unhappy children and ours is so happy." The nurse says, "Oh
sure, he's happy now. But just watch what happens when we take the
pacifier out of his ass."
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books
himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his
life, until the boat sinks. He finds himself swept up on the shore
of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas
and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach
one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to
him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How
did you get here?" "I rowed from the other side of the
island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship
sank." "Amazing," he says. "You were really
lucky to have a row boat wash up with you." "Oh, this?"
replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw materials
I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches,
I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came
from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that's impossible," stutters
Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On
the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of
alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature
in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for
tools and used the tools to make the hardware." Ed is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the
boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out
of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite
bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the
rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead,
dumbstruck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's
not much, but I call it home. Sit down please. Would you like to
have a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still
dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice." "It's
not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still.
How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement,
he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the
woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable.
Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs
in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into
the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone
handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened onto
its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "Wow! This woman is amazing,"
he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing
but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me,"
she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been
out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something
I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've
been longing for all these months. You know..."
She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what
he's hearing: "You mean... ", he swallows excitedly, "I
can check my e-mail!?"
A virile, young Italian man was relaxing at his
favourite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular
young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her
back to his apartment, and after some small talk, they retired to
his bedroom for sex.
After a pleasant interlude, he asked with a smile,
"So... You finish?" She paused for a second, frowned,
and replied, "No." Surprised, the young man reached for
her and the love-making resumed. This time she thrashes about wildly
and there are screams of passion. The love-making ends, and again,
the young man smiles, and again he asks, "You finish?"
And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer
to him, and softly says, "No."
Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to
outlast him, the young man reaches for the woman again. Using the
last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they climax simultaneously,
screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. The exhausted
Italian falls onto his back, gasping.
Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her
eyes, smiles proudly, and asks again, "You finish?" Barely
able to speak, she whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian!"
ORSM
VIDEO
Beware of the Urban Ninja! His mission
is secret and his only objective is to get the job done. I
think you guys will like this - it's the latest from long
time Orsmnet contributor Robert
James Hoffman. Anyway this is what happens when you take
a guy in a Ninja suit, a cam and go out to terrorise the general
public. Funny stuff. Check it...
- Kinetsu
Hayabusa: Urban Ninja - |
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Man's car breaks down on rural country road.
It's raining cats and dogs He gets out and discovers that his spare
tyre is flat. He sees a farmhouse on a hill. He begins to walk.
The rain keeps pelting down. He walks up to the door and knocks.
No answer. The lights are on someone seems home. He walks around
the back to see if there is another door. He suddenly see's shadows
flickering in one of the windows. He moves closer and peers in.
In the corner of the room stands a large plump
naked woman. She is squeezing both large breasts firmly. His gaze
follows hers. In the other corner is another naked form. It's a
man, holding an umbrella and masturbating with vigour. The traveller
decides to leave this little happening uninterrupted and trudges
back down the road to his stranded car.
The lights of an approaching car suddenly appear
and he flags it down. Assistance at last. The driver of the car
is a local and proceeds to help him with his flat. The traveller's
mind is still dwelling on the farmhouse on the hill. He decides
to tell of his trip.
"You know I knocked on the door and no answer,
walked around the back, looked in the window and saw two naked people,
the woman squeezing her breasts and some dude masturbating under
an umbrella"
"Ahh!" says the local "That'll
be farmer Jones and his wife", "Their both deaf, she's
telling him it's time to milk the cows, and he's telling her to
go get fucked because it's raining!"
Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet?
Its the webs only FREE
adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude
webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult
movies, and even download
all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an
email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free
hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for
yourself and have
a look!
READER MAIL
Email email email... light of my
life, bain of my existence. As I'm sure you guys have come to expect
there has been some highly entertaining and kick ass email flooding
my inbox this week. Okay so it seems to pile up faster than I can
get through it but that aint no excuse to stop sending
it to me! So if you have some intelligent, unintelligent, abusive,
offensive or naked lying around then the very first thing you need
to do is click here and send it to me!
eda
celis wrote:
Subject: amazing racist
I visit your site now and then. I choose not to watch a few
of the clips, pics and what not simply because I don't think
I will enjoy them. But, with a title like "the
amazing racist" I thought there was a chance you
would be making fun of the racist. Not only was the white
guy in the truck a sick fuck, but you are a sick fuck for
laughing your ass off. Furthermore, you're a sick fuck for
even putting it on your site. Irreguardless of what your thoughts
on migration are, you are an ignorant and sick individual
to participate (and indulgence others by placing them on your
site) with those that make fun of people in unfortunate circumstances. |
e m
wrote:
Subject: more cocks please
Hey.. I am just writing to ask you where
is the cock? I love checking out your website and all, but
as a female am getting quite frustrated at the lack of big,
hard cocks.. Ok, admittadly it is a website aimed at males,
but surely you could throw in a few pics for us girls??
It doesnt just have to be solely of cocks, it could be of
guys fucking girls... It just seems that the last few updates
you have done has been really focused on lesbianism. I hope
you might consider this suggestion and include in your next
update some big pulsating cocks for my very eager eyes!
: )
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Cuca
Wildman wrote:
Subject: Regarding Beno
"Beno wrote:
Subject: some more useful shit for ur site mate...
Buying a house is a fukn stressful (nessarary???) pain in
the arse huh! Goodluck with id dood. All i can say is i only
just sold my place cause i couldnt stand my neighbours (prolly
mutral) and am back to renting... (works out cheaper for me
in the mean time).. here are some camping pictures ive was
sent from Glastonbury."
This is a sorry excuse for
an education. I'm thinking Spell Check was invented just for
this guy. Even if he was typing this in the dark, with a broken
arm and a hangover, he could have spelled something right!
Thanks, I had to say something. Oh, and Beno? Hey dood yo
rok for a stoopid dik! |
Mark Anderson
wrote:
Subject: cool pics
Should war
be glamorized with 1700+ dead military... 100,000 dead
innocent Iraqi citizens...the destruction of one of the
seats of civilization...the U.S. having nearly ruined the
economy of New Zeland for not joining the coalition?
|
Craig
Eldred wrote:
Subject: london
Hey buddy. Great site - I've been checking
it regularly for quite a while now. I think I first discovered
it afterseeing some of your pryceless pix. I was in London
on 21 July when the 2nd lot of bombs/bomb scares took place,
and like thousands of others, was stuck in the city. The
police had Charing Cross Rd blocked off with this ambulance
push bike (first pic) - it struck me as funny - out of shot
is a copper with a sub machine gun enforcing the road closure
image (second pic).
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Michael Wicks
wrote:
Subject: Fast driving
Mr. ORSM, Long time viewer, first time
caller here. I know you like cars so I thought I'd send
this pic. I took the pic while driving (not the brightest
thing to do at that speed). The car is a completely stock
U.S. spec Nissan Altima, 2.4L 4cyl (1996 year). The speedometer
is in MPH with KM/H in small numbers. Just for reference
for people around the world 120MPH is about 193KM/H. Just
prior to the picture I had the needle at about the 7 o'clock
position, I estimate about 130MPH (210 KM/H). Not bad for
a stock four door family car.
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: RE: Subject: 210kph
Hey ORSM, Pfft... 210kph? Thats all?
At 1am going down the kwinanna freeway in WA I decided to
get a top speed, hit redline in 5th gear in my 2003 WRX,
here are 2 photos that I took... one is a little shakey
but the other is a good photo. Please don't post my e-mail
addy or anything, wouldn't like jail time very much thanks.
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Philip Doyle
wrote:
Subject: Update 21/07/2005
Re the picture of the dashboard doing his
210 kph, try this one in a Mercedes E55AMG in Italy last week!
Can anyone beat this? -Orsm |
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malektaus
wrote:
Subject: Rainbow cloud over Dallas Tx.
Thought you'd find this interesting,
a cloud about a week ago formed over Dallas, Tx looked like
a rainbow. It was pretty awesome looking. Hope you're members
enjoy the pic...
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piter
wrote:
Subject: lookalike bec!
hey there orsm, could this be possible
proof of leyton hewitts little known piss fetish? if this
isn't bec
cartrwright from summer bay, i'll be a red-assed baboon
with herpes. well, you gotta admit she has the same cum-catcher
chin! hope you can use this for your site. cheers piter
from perth.
Holy shit... I would almost say
that it was her... -Orsm
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Allen
wrote:
Subject: Pit Bull vs Porcupine!
Somewhere out there is a naked Porcupine.
Inca apparently did not know when to quit when she encountered
the porcupine on Victoria Day, May 23rd. These are the pictures
the vet sent before the long (and expensive) procedure to
remove the quills. She had thousands of quills, and her
tongue was so covered, she could not close her mouth. It
was pretty scary at first. She is doing okay now, but looks
like a World War III survivor as they had to cut some out
in places, stitched between her toes, and many quills bled
on removal. There are still quills buried in her, but they
should work their way out over time (I pulled four more
today). She is on antibiotics and pain meds and thankfully
is doing quite well. Maybe she was showing off for her new
boyfriend, Rocky, I don't know; but he only got a few in
him, which friends were able to remove. Ike, of course,
had better sense. I sure hope that the Queen of Quills has
learned her lesson...
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Cheeky Chef
wrote:
Subject: product placement
Hey Orsm - great site bla bla...... been
coming for years bla bla....... Was in my local tescos in
the UK last week and saw this - perfect Kodak moment if
ever i saw one - plus fantastic product placement!!!! Also,
I have a friend who is an amazing stand up comic from Canada,
now in London - one of the sickest funniest comics i know
- definitely needs to get on stage in Australia - If you
know anyone who promotes shit like that there pass the link
on. jasonrouse.com
- check out the vids section
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Alex
wrote:
Subject: Trippy....
You see a circle of violet dots. Each
of them disappears in order, like moving in a circle. Concentrate
your sight at the cross, then you can see, how violet dots
disappear. If you do all right, you can see that the green
dot is moving. If you keep looking all violet dots will
disappear and only green dot will keep moving!
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Pat
wrote:
Subject: my EX-WHORE!!!
These are some pics of my ex-bitch who
cheated on me at a party with some random dick so I cheated
on her with two of her best friends at the same time at
the same party!!!HAHA shes wants to be like that! And so
I also decided to send you some pics of her to put on your
site too hoping that someone she knows will see them!!!
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ololade lawal
wrote:
Subject: pics of holiday
attached are some pics that was taken
on a recent holiday to laganas, in zante greeece, feel free
to use any of them on your site, long term fan, keep up
the good work. please do not show my email add.
I've got to admit that the last
pic has me a bit worried... -Orsm
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: how to relax after you a buy a house.....
hey, sorry to hear the "house"
experience was so much fun. As a loyal reader I felt compelled
to suggest our method for relaxation. Keep up the good work
and please withhold my info... a fan four years now
|
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B wrote:
Subject: pics
Hey my roomate and I are computer animation
students. laughed my ass off when he did these
There's a very good chance you
guy's have too much spare time! -Orsm
|
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Dead Man
wrote:
Subject: Something of interest...i think.
Greetings, Mr. Orsm! I've been visiting
your site for about a year now and i think i have something
you, and your readership, might enjoy. It's a simple collection
of desktop wallpapers that i have made using Photoshop.
I think some of them are better than others, but i really
think it would be cool just to see my stuff on yout site.
if you find them worthy that is... please don't post my
details, but if you'd like you, and anyone else who reads
this is more than welcome to visit my webcomic, Shotguns
In Space.
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garbat
wrote:
Subject: bonfire stuff
so, a propane bottle makes it.... how
about a propane bottle lighting 100 pallets and 75 christmas
tress, with 5 gallons of gasoline? more to come from last
years once i rip it off the DVD.... a 65gallon propane tank
shot with a 2 inch cannon, etc etc. gotta love the desert
in California
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Howsit
Hey ORSM, I know that his is probably
the millionth time in the last week that you have heard
this, but, when is the next post? Your updates are what
keep me interested in anything! Attached is a video from
a bunch of strange characters in the states, I think they
watch too much wrestling!!!!!!!
|
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Andrew Hook
wrote:
Subject: Lettuce
Hi Orsm, First of all your site is great.
I found this very funny, it was from my flatmates best friend
in England who does some silly shit when he is drunk. Has
anyone ever tied or had a thought to tie a lettuce to their
head!!!???!!!???
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Daniel Pearce
wrote:
Subject: drugs
I made a song about drugs a while back,
the quality is shite and i can't sing, but nobody else could
pronounce the lyrics. Here's my song: Let's Take Methylenedioxymethamphetamine
Not too sure what Methylenedioxymethamphetamine
is but I'm pretty sure I now want some. -Orsm
|
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Mr. Tinkertrain
wrote:
Subject: vid of my EX...
Hey orsm, I've been checking your site
for the last 6 months and its the tits in my book! I've
never had anything of interest to send ya ...until now.
So i'm cruzing the usual sites one night a few weeks back
and i wuz on a similar site to yours when... bang!, i see
a vid of my EX from 13 years ago.. no shit! She's a little
chunkier now but i'd still strap 'er on. BTW... the guy
behind the cam and paintgun is her gay-alky brother who
seems to STILL talk her into anything.
|
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cadric
wrote:
Subject: r1turbo
Hi Orsm, like your site. Here's another
turbo-bike. Don´t know, if you´ve seen it already.
The crazy people never extinct. Greatings from Europe
That might be a bit of fun...
-Orsm
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: CZW Wrestling Video...
Here's a compilation video from the same
wrestling federation as the weed wacker vid you showed in
your last update. Seriously I don't know why anyone would
put their body through this punishment, but fuck, I'd love
to see it!! Too bad its in philly (about 500 miles from
me).
I had trouble watching this...
nasty. -Orsm
|
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A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.
The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What
about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird and it's an absolute steal
at only $20." "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in
a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity".
"Oh, I think I can handle that", said the woman, making
her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having
a profane parrot". So saying, she buys the parrot and takes
him home.
Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks
around and squawks at the woman, "Fuck me, a new brothel and
a new madam". "I'm not a madam and this is not a brothel"
scolds the woman trying not to laugh.
A little later the woman's two teenage daughters
arrive home. "Un fucking-believable. A new brothel, a new madam,
and now two new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.
"Mum, tell your parrot to shut up, we're not prostitutes" complain
the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their
new pet.
A short while later, the woman's husband Dave
comes home. "In fucking-credible, a new brothel, a new madam,
new prostitutes, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?"
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A WOMEN DURING
AN ARGUMENT
1. Don't you have some laundry to do
or something?
2. Ohh, you are so cute when you get all pissed off.
3. You're just upset because your ass is beginning to spread.
4. Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
5. You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
6. Sorry. I was just picturing you naked.
7. Whoa, time out. Football is on.
8. Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!
9. Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
10. Who are you kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
ORSM
VIDEO
BANG
BROTHERS NETWORK: ONE PASS. ALL THE SITES. ALL THE ACTION.
Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting
around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, "Guess
what guys, I've won a trip to see the Pope!" Everyone gets
all excited and chants, "We finally get to ask him, we finally
get to ask him."
The next day, they are standing in front of the
Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start
pushing Dopey and saying, "Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!"
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, "Do you have a question to
ask me, young man?" Dopey looks up shyly and says, "Well,
yes."
The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask. Dopey
asks, "Well, do... do they have nuns in Alaska?" The Pope
replies, "Well, yes, I'm sure we have nuns in Alaska."
The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, "Ask him the
rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!"
The Pope asks Dopey if there's more to his question,
and Dopey continues, "Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns
in Alaska?" To which the Pope replies, "Well, my son,
I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes." Still
not satisfied, the others keep saying, "Ask him the last part,
Dopey, ask him the last part!"
The Pope asks Dopey, "Is there still more
to your question?" To which Dopey replies, "Well, uh,
yeah... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?"
The startled Pope replies, "Well, no, my son, I really don't
think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska."
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colours, and
the others start laughing, and yelling, "Dopey screwed a penguin!
Dopey screwed a penguin!"
RANDOM SHITE
To compile this weeks RS I
contracted a call centre in India to conduct polling on what
people would like to see. I'm told that over 54 million calls
were made by Veejay and all the guys and gals down there.
Anyway the results were collated, analysed and discussed thus
leading to this stunning compilation...
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
RS
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Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided
to try bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around
to see a big black bear. The black bear said, "That was my
cousin and you've got two choices... Either I maul you to death
or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede
to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks,
Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip where he found
the black bear and shot it. Right after, there as was another tap
on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next
to him. The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That
was my cousin and you've got two choices. Either I maul you to death
or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to
cooperate.
Although he survived, it took several months
before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the
woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet
revenge, but, then, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around
to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked
at him very sadly and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come
here for the hunting, do you?"
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing
the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky
scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban
rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow
overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.
We lay there, both as nature had intended. I
knew I had to have her, and have her now. Without a word being spoken,
I moved to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that
this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her
pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by
inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as the tension rose, we
threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment.
Although inexperienced, she approached every
change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time
I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon. As the sexual
tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, it
was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally, the moment we
had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp
grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted
into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined
in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered
reassuringly how good she had been. She tenderly and sensuously
licked my inner ear and whispered, 'Baa' before rejoining the flock.
Okay well I think I'm about ready to bid farewell
to this update and I assume if you have made it this far down the
page you probably are too. Make sure you tune back in next week
for another totally fucking huuuge update and more of what keeps
you away from reality.
Until next time be good, stay off the chem's
and remember that you didn't get properly drunk if you can still
remember the night before. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
