Contrary to popular belief - I am not dead!
With the stress of the shit that has been going on over the
last month or two I just needed a break for a few days where
I didn't have to look at the site or do an update or whatever.
It was compounded by some other legal threats thrown at me
by a different bunch of people [that shall remain nameless]
however I rectified that and everyone is happy.
Efforts are underway to bring Priceless
back online albeit in a different format. That's being worked
on now so hopefully there'll soon be something for you guys
to whittle away the hours on once again.
Anyways, besides all that I seem to have
gotten myself hooked on playing Jedi II - Outcast. As a rule
I generally don't play games due to an incident that happened
a few years ago. It was not long after I got my first computer
and discovered Half Life. I was addicted and practically chained
myself to my computer for the two weeks it took me to complete
it. If you haven't had the chance to check out Jedi yet then
I highly recommend it. What's so good about it you ask? It's
simple - Lightsabres and Jedi mind tricks. Fuckin unreal!
Have also been busy with Cisco. Had the
semester four theory exam last week [which I passed] and have
got the practical exam this thursday night. If I can manage
to pass that, all that shall remain is one final theory exam
to get my actual qualification and i'll finally be a CCNA
type dude. Woohoo!
Everyone seems to have gone soccer mad
with the World Cup being on. I'm not really getting into it
myself and am almost sick of hearing about it especially when
it is plainly obvious that the only REAL code of football
is Australian Rules Football!
I know I said I was getting into Aussie
Big Brother when it first started a few months back but I
have now completely given up. I quite watching a few weeks
back when they did a double eviction and two of the 3 people
that made it worth watching got evicted. It's become glaringly
obvious that the producers have droppped the ball this year.
The only people left now are just boring morons that offer
nothing in the way of personality or anything that could even
remotely be classed as interesting viewing.
Coming back to the lack of updates as of late,
I do want to point out that this won't be a recurring problem for
much longer. I've all but dropped the full time course I was doing
and am just doing my CCNA at the moment. What this means is that
I am going to be working on the site full-time again so as soon
as the school stuff is out of the way you can expect a minimum weekly
update [hopefully 2] and a shit load more content to look at. More
pics, more Pricelss vid's and more humour. In other words, bare
with me for a couple of weeks because it'll be worth it!
I also finally got off my ass and organised a
post office box for myself so if you ever want to send me anything
[ie. hate mail, presents or anthrax] then you can do so at:
PO Box 417
Wembley WA 6913
On with the update... I've added five new Comic
Galleries this week! I was going to add one everytime I updated
but it's been so long I thought you guys would appreciate it. The
existing ones can be found starting
here. Don't forget that if you've got plans for the next few
weeks it's probably a bad idea to surf the site
archives as they're chock-full of thousands of pics and vid's.
Comics 8 - Comics
9 - Comics 10 - Comics
11 - Comics 12
I spent a few days sorting
through some of the jokes you guys sent me and thought these were
TV - Life's
Lessons - Bill
Gates Vs GM - Dear
A male Whale and a female Whale were swimming
off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male
whale recognized it as the same ship that harpooned his father many
He said to the female: "Lets both swim under
the ship and blow out our air holes at the same time and it should
cause the ship to turn over and sink."
This they tried and sure enough, the ship
turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the
sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore.
Enraged, the male whale told the female, "Lets
swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, he realized the female whale becoming reluctant to
"Look", she said, "I
went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow
A man and a woman who have never met before find
themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial
embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the man on the
top bunk, the woman on the lower.
In the middle of the night the man leans over
and says, "I'm sorry, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering
if you could possibly pass me another blanket?"
The woman leans out and, with a glint
in her eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend
"Why not," laughs the man.
"Good," she replies. "Get
your own fucking blanket."
Subject: local random
at a local high school, there
is folding seats in the football fied stands, they can either
be stuck down or up, and due to the bleaching of the top of
the seats, if you flip up the seats so there darker bottom
is showing, you can do some pretty fun things...
A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.
As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting
in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat
is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man.
"Who in their right mind would
have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting
event, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs
to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away.
This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since
we got married."
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible.
But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even
a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head... "No.
They're all at the funeral.
From the Sydney Morning Herald in Australia comes
the story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart
only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told
his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there
in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group
of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male
legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants
turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand
the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her
hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across
the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing
idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.
The main character in the story is a girl. When
she was at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy who was
also there but she did not know who he was. This guy happened to
be her dream guy so she fell in love with him at once. A few days
later the girl killed her own sister. When the Police asked her
why she did that she gave a shocking answer... What is her motive
in killing her sister?
She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If
you answered this correctly, go to the police and tell them to lock
you up. This was a test by famous American psychologists used to
test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial
killers took part in this test and answered it correctly.
Worth A Surf... these guys
have emailed me at some point begging and pleading to be linked...
so go check out their sites!
Hallucinations - Mind
Orgy - Big
Fact Hunt - Lax
Time - Dirty
Toy - Big Chris
Inside My Mind - Da
Gimp - Adult
Site Surfer - Jiglet
- Giving In
- Perky Sluts
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island when
one finds a magic lamp (as you do). They rub the lamp and a genie
pops out, giving each of them a wish.
The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10%
smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF* she turns into
a redhead and swims off the island.
The second blonde sees this and says "I
wish I was 25% smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF*
She turns into a brunette and makes a raft from the trees on the
island and sails off.
The third blonde sees this and says "I wish
I was 50% smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF* she
turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
Now this is one fuckin big snake. I
can't quite get over the pic of the small child inside it's
belly which has been eaten...
I'm pretty close to having the necessary
funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still
required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about,
Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do
a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...
I'm in the process of trying to get it
all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll
be seeing more Holly on the site.
... now click the
damn links below and go check out these great sites!
- Fling Babes -
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United
Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made
over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to charity.
"First of all," says the lawyer, "my
mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by
Medicare. Second, I have five kids through three divorced marriages.
Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support
her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry," says the
United Way man. "I feel bad about asking for money."
The lawyer responds, "Yeah,
well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
Subject: Picture worth 1000 words..
Here's the story. My girlfriend of 2 years had planned to
study abroad for the spring semester. Ok no problem, I'll
find something else to do in the mean time. Right before she
leaves she dumps me cold. No appologies. Then I find out from
a friend that she hooked up with some guys on a lay-over in
London before she even made it to her school in Cannes. After
being there a week she then tells me on the phone that she
is "Seeing someone" What? You've been there a week?
Seeing some Texan, there on business, he eventualy screwed
her over anyway. Now the semester is over and she is on her
way back. It is true a picture speaks a thousand words. See
the sweet picture that is without a price ;) I just stumbled
into your site and have to give you props. I love the fact
that you had an idea and went for it. If you could include
this picture in your next update I would greatly appreciate
Nasty nasty nasty... This is a perfect example
of why going out and getting blind drunk when know you have to work
the next day is not a good idea...
A trainee doctor is performing his first autopsy
with the chief coroner when the coroner is called out of the room
for a minute. Before leaving, the coroner tells the trainee to give
the corpse a quick once-over and see if he can determine the cause
of death. When the coroner returns, he asks the trainee what he's
decided. "Well sir," the trainee says, "I believe
"And how did you reach this conclusion?"
asks the coroner.
"Well sir, if you look between her
legs you'll see a small prawn".
The coroner looks between the corpse's
legs and says, "Mate, that's not a prawn, that's a clitoris".
"That's weird," says the
trainee, "it sure tasted like a prawn!"
WHAT A WOMAN SAYS:
This place is a mess! C'mon! You
and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll
have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
WHAT A MAN HEARS:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW
A man walks up to a woman in his office each
day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and
tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any
longer. The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him
that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man
and explains why.
The supervisor is puzzled by this and asks, "What's
wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies,
"He's a midget."
Phil Hudd wrote:
My Ex Wife
Caught doing her fave hobby
An 80-year-old man went to his doctor
for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.
The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better.
I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What
do you think about that?"
The doctor considers his question for a minute
and says, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never
misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry,
he accidentally picked up his umbrella rather than his gun. When
he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream
He raised his umbrella and went; "Bang,
bang," and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of
The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody
else shot that beaver." The
doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The National Science Foundation announced
the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: Football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: Baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: Tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: Golf.
CONCLUSION: The higher you are in
the corporate structure, the smaller your balls get.
A friend of mine videotaped me with
his wife April a couple years back. She's now divorcing him. She
admitted to cheating on him a few times and gives him hell about
seeing his kids among other things so he gave me the tape and said
do whatever to slam the bitch. She's basically a no good slut so
I figured what better way to warn people aways from this low life
trailer bitch then to send some pics to orsm. Love the site. Keep
up the good work. Later.......
p.s I'm also going to send a little video
clip of the trash whore getting her face sprayed by yours truly
if you want to use it.
Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt
pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body.
His two best friends, Seamus and Sean were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back
the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him
over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and
said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".
The mortician thought that was rather strange
and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look
at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over".
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No,
it ain't Paddy."
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What,
he had two arseholes???" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes.
Everytime we went into town,folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with
them two arseholes..."
You may remember a few weeks ago I posted some
reader mail from a dude who goes by the ghetto name of Nickwon Larock.
After a few brilliant
translations sent to me from you guys I got another email from
Nickwon. Feel free to translate.
Subject: Thanks for the shots homeboy!!!
Yo son you is funny muthafucka thanks
for all the shot outs you been giving me on yo website. I was simply
trying to give you some props and y'all try and snap on a brutha!
But its all good homeboy the attention is well deserved seein how
I stay ghetto fabolous. The translations was mad funny kid they
had me and my niggaz guttin! Anyways keep the pigeons comin in flocks.
Stay white.......One Luv
Please check this out
Hello there Mr Orsm
This is what
college students get up to when they are bored and have lots
of extra tamato souce.
Ps. Excelent site (shit i think that is spelled
Let a couple of guys loose with a Darth Vader
costume and a camera in the lead up to the premiere of the latest
Star Wars movie and look what happens...
NEVER PISS A WOMAN OFF
A wife came home just in time to find her
husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne
of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and
into the tool shed in the back yard and put his penis in a vice.
She then secured it tightly and
removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was
terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to
cut it off, are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye,
put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going
to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to".
What starts off so good
just ends up all bad. Why the fuck do people do this? Personally,
I've never flet then need to start taking all sorts of hormonal
drugs and growing tits...
We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing
the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky
scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban
rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow
overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay
there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now. Without
a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance. I could
feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically
thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first,
Inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as the tension
rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the
Although inexperienced, she approached
every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every
time I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon. As the
sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax,
it was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally, the moment
we had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly.
Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last
deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness
of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous
embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly
how good she had been. She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner
ear then whispered, 'Baaa' and rejoined the flock.
A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far
each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few
days later to see who'd get the most out of a dime.
The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third
the first day and saved the ashes.
He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked
one-third the third day and again saved the ashes, and on the fourth
day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertiliser on her roses.
He told the Ukrainian, "I know you can't
beat that for stretching a dime."
The Ukrainian said, "I got you beat. I
bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half,
and on the second day I ate the other one-half. The third day I
used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a shit in
the skin and sewed it back up.
The fifth day I took it back to the butcher
and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me
my dime back!"
Elmer says to Luke, "It's
our 25th wedding anniversary, the wife and me, so I got her a nice
Luke says, "What'd you get her?"
Elmer says, "A monkey."
Luke says, "A monkey? Where the hell you gonna keep a monkey?"
Elmer says, "In bed with us."
Luke says, "In bed with you? What about the smell?"
Elmer says, "Well, hell, I put up with it for 25 years. I don't
think it's gonna bother a monkey."
Men are like fine wine. They all start out
like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in
the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like
to have dinner with.
Women are like fine wine. They all start
out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied
with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
Returning home from work, a blonde
was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned
the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher
broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby
was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with
his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at
the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting
her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all
my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they
do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
Question: What's the difference
between a computer and a Scotsman?
Answer: On a computer you only have to punch in the information,
Before I get on with the this weeks vid's
I have to say please stop sending me the Priceless vid. I'm
estimating that I have got it atleast 100 times now. Anyways...
here it is...
Viewing pleasure guaranteed with this
lot. Some funny shit there...
Leave it to me to once again go
above and beyond the call of duty with the entire Aria & Adriana
series. Next time you go to call me a 'cunt' for not updating as
often as you would like, just stop for a moment and remember that
it's little pearls like this that make it all worth the wait...
Don't email me with video prolems because you
won't get a reply. If you are having problems with the vid's then
check the site help - It's all explained
On that note - I'm out of here. When's the next
update? As soon as I have the time to sit down for 3 days and put
one together! Until then, be good, stay off the chem's and don't
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.