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Welcome back to Orsm.net for another massive
update. I must admit it's been a while but even though
updates are few and far between - you would have to agree
they are worth the wait.. In a perfect world I'd bang out
an update minimum once a week but as you can all imagine with
this MasterCard crap going on I've been a little pre-occupied.
Where to start... okay firstly I want to
thank all of you that have shown your support. As always it
is greatly appreciated. I've received hundreds of emails pointing
out some excellent ideas and strategies. I've read them all
but apols if you don't get a reply - I just don't have the
time to get to you all.
A few thing's I should point out:
- MasterCard went after my host - not me.
- Orsm.net is hosted in the US. I COULD move the site back
to Australia but when you take into account how popular the
images are, how much traffic they pull and the fact that hosting
here is prohibitively expensive - it's not really a viable
option.
- I am considering renaming 'Priceless' to something else
and I have had a shit load of suggestions on this but it's
not really about that. I have a right to make and display
parodies.
- I won't be making
available the details of the lawyer that wrote the letter.
One lawsuit is enough to deal with for the time being.
- I haven't got too much to say on people cutting up their
MasterCard cards suffice to say if you like their service
then you should stay with them. Even though they are wrong,
they are only trying to protect their interests.
I've had a few people 'in the know' contact
me so I'm hoping something comes of that. Obviously these
things take time to failing that I'll start investigating
other options.
I think the subject is best summed up in the
following statement [source: sicco
productionz]:
In other words: people have a right
to make parodies of any public figure and or corporation and portray
them in any light as long as it is an obvious satire (which this
toon obviously is) and does not cause them direct harm. Delta
should concentrate on service and safety rather than worrying
about being the butt end of what is CLEARLY a joke.
If you want to have your say then check
out the site forums or email savepriceless@orsm.net.
There really hasn't been too much else happening
besides all the MasterCard crap lately. There's a rather funny story
involving me dropping off a car at the airport so my Dad could drive
home when he flew in at 7am from his overseas holiday. I got woken
up by a phone call not long after he landed asking where the car
was. I pointed out that it was in 'lane 3 in near the Qantas terminal'
but he insisted it wasn't there. Was it stolen? Had it been towed?
Nope. I left the car at the wrong fuckin airport didnt I?! They
say I'm a Genius... I swear they do...
Just an update on the new house we moved into
a couple of months ago. The previous tenants were obviously dodgy
as fuck. Not only do all the sink drains smell like something worse
than shit, we [read: I] am kept occupied calling debt collection
agencies to tell them to stop sending letters and coming around
to our house. It appears as if the people in here before us, who
I have nicknamed the "Osama's" [due to their middle eastern
descent and coz they are dodgy as fuck] have screwed over dozens
of companies around the place. Osama told us that they were moving
to the eastern states to live but some guy came around today chasing
up a bounced cheque that was passed a week ago using ID with OUR
address as his current residence. So him, his wife and their child
are still in the state after all. Wonder how they feel about getting
done for fraud...
| |
- Even though
I still haven't seen it yet, now that the hype of the latest
Star Wars movie is dying down, it would appear that the real
story behind the saga is finally starting to come out. Read
more...
- I got a few well written translations
in regards to the email I posted last week from Nickwon Larock.
Check em out
here...
- Did you know internet radio was
in danger of being forced off the air? Read
more to see what you can do!
- Doctors laugh too. Read
more...
- There's an all new Comic Gallery again this week taking
us now to a toal of seven [or around 140 comics]. Check
out the latest here. |
Looking interesting is HighlyOffensive.com.
The lads are off on an expedition across Australia to get really
really drunk and interview some of our finest cam girls. Should
be worth
watching the site for.
Anyways...on with it shall we...
Matthew
wrote:
Subject: Make something out of these...
She is an ex. Her name is Kelly,
which is obvious. She is 31. She lives in Orange, Orange County,
California but is moving to somewhere near Buffalo, upstate NY.
She is a cheating and lying bitch. She totally fucked me around
and all the friends that I did make no longer want to talk to me
as she made up loads of crapt. The thing is I am British. I live
here and was spending a fortune going to visit her on a monthly
basis, she basically screwed me over. I have more of another ex too..... you can have them once you have
done your thing with these pictures.
Matthew
Worth a surf... give the
little guy a go! If you wan't your site linked drop
me a line.
Frosty
Lips - Check
Your Head - Domicile
- Lost
Highway Top 66 - Snow
Surfer - Skinny
Pimp - Poosah
4
Bitter Guys - College
Dorm Life - Shoila
- This
Page Intentionally Left Blank - Spaff
- Aeiha
A guy with a black eye boards a plane bound
for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately
that the guy next to him has a black eye too. He says, "Hey
this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes... mind if I ask
how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue
twister accident. See I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous
blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So,
instead of saying,' I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally
said
'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh.' so she socked me one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was
a tongue twister accident too. I was at the breakfast table and
I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Rice Krispies,
honey.' But I accidentally said, "You ruined my life you evil,
self-centered, manipulative, fat bitch."
--------------------------------------------
Sally Hudson
wrote:
Subject: stuff for your website
Here's some pics I would like you to post on
your excellent site. I have some more - I hope you like them. And
some vids (avi) too which will come your way sooooon.
Thanks!
John
wrote:
Subject: cock pics for girls browsing on your site
well Jennifer Bla Bla (and yes,
girls and gay guys) want to see cock pics, so here are mine (sorry
it's all one file with three pics, hard, semi hard, and limper)...put
em up, delete them, insult them, do whatever you want...just keep
the identity down to the email, thanks
PS. keep up the good work on this fucked up site
If this doesn't make sense then
it's because it refer's to an email from last update. Go look here.
I've also split the three pics from one file into three seperate
images so it's easier for you guys to get a look at John's dong.
John's
Dong - John's
Dong - John's
Dong
What's the difference between a Novice, an Intermediate
and a Profesional Blow-Job artist I hear you say!? It's all explained
in these excellent tutorial video's...
Three men answered and ad for CIA agents.
The ad stated the men were to bring their wives.
The first man was called in for the interview.
The Agent in charge handed him a gun, then said, "We must have
absolute loyalty in this service. Take your wife in the next room
and shoot her."
The man looked shocked. He thought and said "I'm
afraid I can't do that. I just got married 2 weeks ago and I still
love my wife." He left.
The second man came in and the agent gave him
the same pitch. The man, almost in tears said, "Oh no. I can't
do that to her, she's about to have a baby." So he left.
The third man entered and was given the pitch.
So he took the gun and his wife into the next room. Soon "bam
bam bam bam bam!" Then there was noise of furniture being broken,
woman's screams, then nothing. The man comes back out.
The agents asked, "What went on in
there??!!"
The man said: "Some idiot put
blanks in the gun so I strangled her!"
--------------------------------------------
MARRIAGE
I don't think it's that bad, do you? You
have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead." W.W. Renwick
-
Getting married is very much like going
to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when
you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
-
At the cocktail party, one woman said to
another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong
finger?" The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married
the wrong man."
-
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied,
"Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
-
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
"Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-
The bride, upon getting engaged, went to
her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
-
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than
to let her keep him.
-
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in
Europe.
-
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
-
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy,
how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying."
-
Young Son: Is it true Dad that in some parts
of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad:
That happens in every country, son.
-
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; by then it was too late."
-
A woman was telling her friend, "It
is I who made my husband a millionaire. " "And what was
he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied,
"A billionaire."
-
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A Second
Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
-
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
THE HUMAN DESIGN
Three freshman engineering students were
sitting around one day arguing about who might have designed the
human body.
The first one said, "It must've been a mechanical
engineer. The human body has all those levers and pivots and stuff.
A mechanical engineer must have designed all that."
The second one said, "No, it had to have
been an electrical engineer. The complex way the nerves are wired
up to the brain must have been designed by an eletrical engineer."
The third one said, "No, it
was a civil engineer. Who else would have run a waste water line
through a recreational
area?"
| |
Okay this is the last time I am going
to ask. I'm pretty close to having the necessary funds to
do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still required
by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about, Holly [pictured
left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do a shoot exclusively
for the site. Woohoo...
I'm in the process of trying to get it
all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll
be seeing more Holly on the site.
... now click the
damn links below and go check out these great sites!
- Fling Babes - |
Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle.
One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next
to the two physicians.
The attorney kicked off his shoes, wiggled his
toes and was settling in when the physician in the window seat said,"
I think I'll get up and get a coke."
"No problem," said the attorney, "I'll
get it for you." While he was gone, one of the physicians picked
up the attorney's shoe and spat in it.
When he returned with the coke, the other physician
said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."
Again, the attorney obligingly went to fetch
it and while he was gone, the other physician picked up the other
shoe and spat in it.
The attorney returned and they all sat back and
enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the attorney slipped
his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked.
"This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"
In the hospital the relatives gathered
in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre. "I'm
afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at
this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure,
very risky and you will have to pay for the brain ourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed
the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well,
how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$10,000
for a male brain, and $1000 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried
not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually
smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the
question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so
much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence
and said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to
mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually
been used."
| A MANS PERFECT BREAKFAST
You're sitting at the breakfast
table...
- Your son's picture is on
the cover of Time.
- Your daughter is on the cover of Fortune.
- Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy.
- Your wife is on the back of the milk carton |
|
An Aboriginal comes home from Centrelink one
day and says to his missus "Love, I got a job today and so
to celebrate, I'm sticking my prize possessions where you piss!".
She replies "Your sticking your thongs in the sink?"
REDNECK BRIDE
A redneck couple was in bed on their wedding
night and were about to consummate their marriage. The wife stops
the husband, saying, "Be gentle. I'm still a virgin."
The man is astounded. He has never been with
a virgin before. He decides to call his father for advice. "Dad,"
says the newly-married young man. "My new wife is a virgin!
What do I do?"
"Better come on home, son," replies
his father. "If she ain't good enough for her own family, she
sure ain't good enough for ours."
Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first
guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money
running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so
the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower,
an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin
to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd
begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch
them at work.
The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of
the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that
he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't
able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding.
Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and
bounces back up.
This time, he comes back pretty messed
up - he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches
him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the
cord was fine, but what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
A very successful lawyer parked
his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off
to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely
tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed
his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled
up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer
started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked
up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be
the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally settled down, the officer shook his head
in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic
you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your
possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say
such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing
from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit
you."
"My God!"
screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"
Bob was shopping in the men’s department
when he noticed an absolutely beautiful woman behind the sales counter.
He went up to her and said, "Good morning, madam." She
smiled pleasantly and asked "And
what would you like?"
Bob said, "I’d like to wrap my arms
around you and squeeze you tight. Then run my hand up and down to
your ass and squeeze that. Then run my hands along your inner thighs,
up underneath your dress. When I get to your sweet womanhood, I’d
like to rub that while simultaneously unbuttoning your blouse with
my teeth and then suck on your beautiful breasts and bite your nipples
lightly... but what I *need* is a new tie!"
A farmhand in outback Western Australia was out checking farm fences
in his LandCruiser when he hits something. He radioed the farm for
advice.
"There's a pig stuck in the bull-bar and
is still alive but he's kicking and squealing so much I can't get
him free" he said.
"Okay," said the boss. "In the
back of the 'cruiser there's a .303. Put it up to the pig's head
and shoot it. When its body goes all limp you'll be able to get
it off the bull-bar and throw it into the bush."
About 45 minutes later the farmhand called in
again, "I did what you said, Boss. I shot the pig in the head,
he went all limp and I got him out of the bull-bar, no problem.
But I still can't go on."
"Why not??" asked the Boss.
"What's the problem?"
"Well it's his motorbike...
the flashing blue light is jammed under the wheel-arch."
DEAR FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION
I have the solution for the prevention
of hijackings and, at the same time, getting the airline industry
back on its feet.
Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed
to look at a naked woman not their wife, we should replace all of
our female flight attendants with strippers.
Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes
for fear of seeing a naked woman and, of course, every business
man in the country would start flying again in the HOPES of seeing
a naked woman.
No more hijackings. The airline industry
would have record sales.
Why didn't President Bush and Congress
think of this?
At your service,
William Jefferson Clinton
--------------------------------------------
Reader mail in any way shape or form is
entertaining. For instance:
Norman Bates
wrote:
Hi you big internet superstar. Did
you know your mother tongue plunged my dirt star after I dry ass
fucked her. I spoonged all over your mothers back and didn't let
her wash it off.
You fag father works Texas truck stops
3 waying with your slut half breed mother. Did you know that? A
lot of NIGGERS , CHINKS and KIKES know her dirty crusty pussy.
Now go back to stalking young boys in AOL chatrooms.
Orsm
wrote:
What's ya problem bitch?
Norman
Bates wrote:
Was that your sister having her brown
starfish stretched by a Rabbi and a negro? Or was it your mother?
The master race is so magnificient to behold that I cannot tell
one miscegenated puddle of animated shite from the next.
Now I remember! Your mother turns
tricks at the bus station and your sister works a corner in the
ghetto and you work the rest stop when you are out of prison and
act as Jesus' "bean dip" when you are in the joint.
WHY DO WE MESS UP EXAMS?
- A year has 365 days for you to
study.
- After taking away 52 Sundays, there
are only 313 days left. There are 50 days in the summer that is
way too hot to work so there are only 263 days left.
- We sleep 8 hours a day, in a year, that counts up to 122 days
so now we're left with 141 days.
- If we fooled around for only 1 hour a day, 15 days are gone, so
we are left with 126 days.
- We spend 2 hours eating each day, 30 days are used in this way
in the year, and we are left with 96 days in our year.
- We spend 1 hour a day speaking to friends and family, that takes
away 15 days more and we are left with 81 days.
- Exams and tests take up at least 35 days in your year; hence you
are only left with 46 days.
- Taking off approximately 40 days of holidays, you are only left
with 6 days.
- Say you are sick for a minimum of 3 days, you're left with 3 days
in the year to study!
- Let's say you only go out for 2 days! You are left with 1 day!
But that 1 day is your birthday... so...
Good luck to everyone on your exams.
--------------------------------------------
Random Shite. The Shite that needs no
introduction...
I'm sorry to say this is the fourth and final
installment of the Virginia pics. If you missed the previous three
sets then have a surf through the Chicks
N Stuff galleries for them.
If you are looking for vid's of
random fucked up shit then you've come to the right place. There's
a fuck-load this week and as always, they are free free free. Don't
forget - if you have problems then check the site
help or the site
forums. I won't answer questions via email.
| I've definitely saved the best for last
this week. Big thanks to the Webmaster of theweblogreview.com
for this one.
You have to feel sorry for Britney after
seeing this although it is probably the sort of thing that
stars the world over have to put up with everyday. If you
listen closely near the end of the vid she utters "you're
a sad mother fucker." Classy words from Miss Teen Idol
really.
- Britney
Spears: Beach - |
|
That's all you are getting out of me this week
sorry, guys. Rest assured that as you are reading this I am probably
already working on the next update. The things we do for love huh!?
Anyways... be good, stay off the chems
and don't
forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
