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November 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.11.26-17:30

A steady stream of "get off your ass an update" emails has inspired me to do just that. Whats my lame excuse this week...? Hmmm let me see.... Here's a few...

- Too busy enjoying the onset of summer.
- Too busy socialising.
- Too busy enjoying a cold Beer.
- My over priced piece of shit 6 week old monitor died again.
- I wasnt in the mood.

Take your pick from that list and you've pretty much nailed it. To make up for it this update is going to be phenomenal in size with something to take everyones fancy and guarantee that it takes you more than a few lazy lunch breaks to surf through it all... which reminds me - I'm proud to see that my college has finally firewalled my site. It took em long enough.

Pi To A Million Places - What Your Name Means - Absolutely Useless Trivia

I've had a few requests to repost the url to this ripper aswell.

- The System Administrator -

... and for those of you who think you are smart I give you the Mensa IQ test. It's in MS Excel format so if you haven't go it installed don't waste your time downloading it.

- The Mensa IQ Test -

It was back in early September that Mastercard sent me a nasty letter demanding I remove the Priceless section of my site because it infringed copyright. You can read the letter their solicitors sent me here. They also threatened legal action against my host [iiNet] if they didn't remove my site so it was time to get some legal representation to help me save Priceless - what would the web be without squillions of priceless pics floating around anyway!?

Now not to poke shit at Mastercard but I'm guessing that what they were playing at was nothing more than petty scare tactics. After their original letter, we wrote back and as yet still haven't heard a peep from them. Maybe this is just the calm before the storm but I doubt that is the case. The more realistic outcome would be them having accepted that my site is a parody and I aren't trying to compete with them by offering similar products and services for sale. Basically - they have no case against me... unlike these guys do against them. Funny shit.

- Record Profits for 2000/2001: $20,000,000,000
- Getting All Shirty Over A Few Parody Pics: $Free
- Mastercard Intimidating Orsm With High Priced Lawyers: $20,000
- Not Getting Away With It: PRICELESS!!

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President Bush has asked that we unite for a common cause.

Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity, and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not their wife, tomorrow night at 7:00pm all peace-loving women between the ages of 21 & 35 are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All men should position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they think it's OK to see other women nude. (A cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment)

Names and addresses of non-participants should be sent to CIA Headquarters, Langley, Virginia. The United States and Australia appreciate your efforts and applaud you.


Ever wondered what it would be like to have more than 1 penis? I know I haven't but I'm guessing that this dude does. Perhaps double the pleasure... for both him and her...?

Double Dick - Double Dick - Double Dick - Double Dick - Double Dick

Double Dick - Double Dick - Double Dick

The next time you're having a bad day, imagine this:

- You're a Siamese twin.
- Your brother is gay and you are not.
- You only have the one arse.

Feel better?


Everyone loves Aria and who the hell am I to disappoint!? If you scroll down you'll find the next part in the Aria series I have been posting aswell as a ray of light for those of you who don't check back here often enough and missed the first parts.

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria


I'm glad to see people have been sending in pics of chicks they know. It makes my day. If you are interested in seeing either you or your other half or just anyone you have naked pics of on this site - send em my way.

<email address with held> wrote:
Subject: They call her Kramer

Here are some pictures of a girlfriend. She loves to pose naked for the camera. Perhaps I can entice her into some more pictures, but for now this is all I have. These pictures were simply taken in our apartment in New Jersey. She's a Scientologist and is very active in the movement. Naked Scientologist are not very common, so these are somewhat special. She is 28 years old and you have our permission to post. please send us a link when you do, so we can see them. please don't use my email. thanks.

Michelle - Michelle - Michelle - Michelle - Michelle - Michelle - Michelle


<email address with held> wrote:

Yo Orsm,

I was on your page and noticed that you have Veronika Zemanova on your page. You also state that she is an Italian porn star.

First, lets get the story straight. She is not Italian. She is Czech. She is also a friend of mine and she is very cool. The picture is of me and Veronika at a friends wedding last year near Prague, Czech Republic about 30 miles away. I still live in Czech (I am an American) and love it here. The women are un-believeable as you can see in Veronika. The last I know is that she is went to NYC a few months ago for some work and photo shoots.

Veronica - Veronica

I get the feeling that this is just some pic Pechos found on usenet in alt.mature.female but what the hell eh!?

pechos richos wrote:

She is a friend of mine her name is Laura and she's from Colombia. hope u like it

- Laura -


Link bitches/whores/whatever... these guys have seemingly ploughed hours upon hours of blood, sweat and tears in bringing their own slant on things to the net. What do they want from you and I? Just to simply click on the link and go and check out their stuff... so go do it!

Ajay On Line - Drunk At College - Unrealistic Expectations - Sumo Hippo - All Up Enya - Wispurznic

Skool Shooting - IWANGF - This Site Got Me Laid - Legendtofski - Internet Gossip

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A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! - and all of you bastards who are getting on, get your arse in the train, cause we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.

"As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the cunt in the kitchen."


Your favourite celebrities plus 50kg or so...

Gwyneth Paltrow - Liz Hurley - Jennifer Lopez - Juila Roberts - Rene Zellweger

Sandra Bullock - Catherine Zeta Jones

I've always had a 'thing' for Random Shite. I have the pleasure of pouring through hundreds of fucked up photos that you guys send me every week just so I can post them on the web for all to enjoy. Check out this bunch...

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the New Zealander took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful the New Zealander had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to the evening ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the New Zealander started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and whispered in her ear..........

"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"


Cool 404's time again. Although I don't think these are quite up to the standard of the first ones I posted a while back they may provide a few minutes of boredom relief.

Vudu Media - Outta Context - Muppet Labs - Cold-Dead-Fish - Bomis

These final pics are of a honey who I am led to believe proudly bears University of Tennesee colours. Can I just say that I have absolutely no idea what the colours of the University of Tennesee are let alone if they even have a university there so don't get you knickers in a twist if you know better.

Tennesee Girl - Tennesee Girl - Tennesee Girl - Tennesee Girl - Tennesee Girl


Today is the long awaited 4th part in the Aria & Kelle Vid that I have been posting for the last few weeks. I've also been lucky enough to find a little bit of extra server space so I can repost the first couple of the series for those who missed them. If its at all possible I'll try and get part 2 back up next time I update.

- Aria & Kelle Part 4 -

- Aria & Kelle Part 1 -


If theres one thing I hate being accused of, it's doing things in halves. That said - here's a few more fuct up vids for you all to enjoy. Just a quick note though - I have no idea who the hell sent me the Fetus vid. It's pretty wrong so I suggest not having eaten before you watch it.

Fetus - Porn Blooper - Asian Prince/ss - Mobile Clothes Store - Ideal Wife - Annie

That's all from me folks. I'm headed off to Gate Crasher Summer Sound System this coming weekend so hopefully I can get a few party pics of the whole thing to share with y'all. Anyways, stay outta trouble and check back soon! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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orsmupdate 2001.11.8-16.25

I've been putting off updating for a while now. It gets a bit daunting knowing that it's going to take me the best part of a day and a half to get it all together. Anyways, I've just spent ages adding a fuckload of new images to the Priceless galleries. 60 new ones in total so head over there now and check em out. They new ones start here somewhere. I'm recieving more and more everyday so if you submit a picture please be patient until I can get it on the site.

Besides just plugging away with updating this thing, nothing too exciting been happening lately. Ended up getting spastic-drunk on the weekend and I'm still trying to recover. I broke the most important rule of drinking too - never ever go to sleep drunk without having consumed atleast a litre of water beforehand. The consequences of this usually entail waking up at 4am with the driest mouth imaginable wishing you were dead and it fuckin sucks ass. I also managed to watch American Pie 2. The original kicked ass and the second was definitely up there. Thanks to Kazaa for that one.

Some humour for you all...

What Porno's Would Have You Believe - Scout Camp - Son Of A Bitch

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Weird Wall Sex - Weird Wall Sex - Weird Wall Sex - Weird Wall Sex

Weird Wall Sex - Weird Wall Sex - Weird Wall Sex

One Afternoon at the Torch Light Inn, Chub Harper was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Jack: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest member.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of alcohol eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few drinks.

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Nothing makes my day quite like a fan pic. The source of these is none other than the webmistress of Thir13en.net. Lynn emailed me a few days ago asking for a link and offered these as a teaser... yeah okay I had to ask first but she still rocks my world for taking the time to do it for me. Make sure you check out her site. If you get bored and wanna make me up a fan sign then send it here - it doesnt even have to be nude!

Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy - Marcy

A US Air Force C-141 Starlifter was preparing for departure from a base in Thule, Greenland and the crew were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank. The Aircraft Captain was in a hurry to fly out, but the truck was late in arriving and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out. When the Aircraft Captain berated the Airman for his lack of speed and promised to pursue punitive action, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it's 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Thule and I'm pumping shit out of airplanes. Just what are you planning to do, punish me?"

Most computer nerds [like myself] usually have one way which they lean when it comes to processors. I prefer Athalons over Pentiums anyday but it was hard to argue that they are better in every aspect. Check out the test Toms Hardware Guide did.

- How Modern Processors Cope With Heat Emergenices -

This has to be one of the best cars I've seen in ages. It's apparently a Lexus and I'm guessing that the wheels are at least 20inches in diameter.

lexass lexass lexass

I proudly present to you this weeks link-bitches.

Virtual Roofie - Lizzie - Skrog - Numbchung - EHOWA - Crazy Fucked Up Shit - Black Market Babies

Webmasters - if you've emailed me in the last month or two wanting a link and haven't seen it up here yet, drop me a line again please. I some how lost a text file with a whole shit load of cool links and stuff that I was going to post.


A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"

Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"


Chevara wrote:

thought you might like this for your web site. it's an audio recording of shock rocker marylin manson and a friend torturing and putting cigarettes out on an unfortunate femal fan back stage, just as is described in manson's autobiography. as he tells it in the book, the clip was going to be used at the very beginning of his 2nd album 'smells like children', but the execs made him take it out because it was too evil, though a few printings got away. he he. this is from one of the liberated printings. enjoy!!!

- Marilyn Manson [read: Whack Job] -

Its Thursday and I'm in the mood for some sort of a video fest. Today I proudly give you a whole variety of stuff ranging from Angelina Jolie to a couple of drug-fuct clubber chicks gettin fresh to a race car driver getting run over...

Angelina Jolie 1 - Angelina Jolie 2 - Angelina Jolie 3 - Clubber Girl Smut - Clenched Fist

Fat Tub - Train Flasher - Priceless Grand Prix Bungle

... not forgetting ofcourse Part 3 in the Aria series. If you want to join the .AVI files together then you need to use Pecks Power Join. It's freely downloadable here.

- Aria -

I'm outta here. I think I had better get cracking on some of the pile of assignments I seem to have and do some study for Cisco otherwise shit is going to hit the fan come exam time. Don't forget to vote. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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