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Welcome to Orsm.net. Leslie?
Uh... oh, right. I
wasn't listening, sorry...
I've had one of those obscure
weeks where it seems practically everyone wants to talk to me. Family,
friends, acquaintances, associates, cohorts, unmentionables and
even unlikeables all seem to have called or emailed or sms'd or
got me on chat. I'm not complaining but there's a very good chance
I am too popular...
What I will gladly complain about
once again is my car. "More problems, Orsm?" I hear you say. My
answer "Of course!". As usual it's not just one single thing...
this time the CD player has completely ceased operation and to add
insult to injury the damn drivers door lock [for whatever reason]
doesn't come up all the way when you hit the remote button which
means you have to reach in from the back door to open it.
So I jumped on the phone to my
local friendly service centre who politely informs me that it would
be cheaper to go to a car stereo shop and get them to install a
new one. "Hold up a second, mate!" I say... "you guys have replaced
this for me after it failed once before!" "Oh. When was that?".
Obviously with the dozens of
times I've had my car there I have lost track so he checks my history
on their computers and it turns out that it's JUST within the two
year warranty period. Halle-fucking-lujah! I'm shocked that something
is actually covered under warranty but I'd be deluding myself if
I thought this was nearly resolved. This is going to cost me at
least another two days with out my car. The first day will be to
take it there so they can analyse it for themselves and verify it
really doesn't work and the second day [probably a number of weeks
later] will be so I they can install the new one after it arrives
from where ever. I swear to god it never ends...
Last weekend... all I can say
is that it was too short. It's the first one in what feels like
forever that I didn't spend doing stuff around the house and I needed
it big time.
Saturday I hit the shops to do
groceries. It turns out there's only so long you can handle having
absolutely no food in the house. After that it was home to wash
the car then get dressed and ready for the boozy nite ahead which
unfortunately didn't happen...
The first thing planned was to
attend my cousin's birthday party for a couple of hours then head
into the city and begin drinking. Anyway one thing led to another
and when we were finally about to leave there ended up being what
I'll call an 'altercation' between my brother and a mouthy little
twerp who deserved the ass-whooping he got. This ended up putting
a damper on the nite so the boozy thing never happened but to cut
this long story short the moral of this tale is some chicks can
be manipulative little bitches.
Sunday was another 'friends'
day that was kicked off at about 11am with an hour long line-up
for a Dim Sum lunch. There's not a hell of a lot to say about it
except I experienced the nicest thing I have ever tasted in all
of my years - Soft Shell Crab. Don't ask me what they do to make
it so special because I'm pretty sure we're just talking chunks
of crab flesh deep fried in some sort of batter but it was one of
those things that melts in your mouth... it was so good in fact
that a few hundred thousand of you guys are going to read about
it over the next week...
After that it was home for a
few hours to relax then off to friends place for a BBQ and a few
beers. All up it was a good weekend with perfect weather and it's
a shame they can't all be like that!
This coming weekend... I think
my long wait for the dude with the bobcat [excavator] is finally
going to end so I will most likely be outside helping him dig the
tree out. In other words my temporarily halted garage project can
continue. Whether or not it will be finished before Christmas remains
to be seen but I'd much rather spend my summer at the beach or basking
in mans greatest invention [air-conditioning] than working around
the house.
Before I get on with the
update... I dribbled on a few weeks ago about the Kookaburras that
kept dropping by for a free feed. One of them returned a few days
ago so I snapped a pic which you can find here.
Anyway, lets get on with it...
By far one of the coolest sites
I have come across in a VERY long time is Guba.com.
Stupid name [almost as bad as 'Orsm'!] but trust me when I tell
you this will knock your socks off! At Guba you'll find tens
of thousands of pics and videos from all over the net on anything
you can think of and they update daily. It truly has to be seen
to be believed! So stop listening to me crap on and click
here to check it out now!!
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
Ever felt pressured to perform in front
of a crowd? I bet this lucky fellow can relate as he performs his
special one-man show starring just himself and a whole group of
horny
naked female costars.
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
All
Class - Cheap
Shot - Insane
Shootout - Death
To Emo - Wet
Moments - Porno
Galore - Road
Rage - Fruit
Cake
Wild
Rave Porn - Hot
Girl Band - Can't
Touch Me - Puzzling
Puzzle - Bird
Day - Delicous
Daisy - Atrocious
Idols
A man and his wife were sitting in the living
room discussing their life options in the event of one of them becoming
mentally incapacitate, and he says to her, "Just so you know,
I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine
and on fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug." His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all
his beer.
--
The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want
you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after
dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax, and when
I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb
my hair?" His wife replied, "The fucking funeral director
would be my guess?!"
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A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting
in rural Texas. He shot a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field
on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence,
an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he
was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck
and it fell into this field, and I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not
coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one
of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me
get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently,
you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements
like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked,
"What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?" The farmer replied,
"Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three
times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed
contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger so
he agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor
and walked up to the city feller. His first kick hit the lawyer's
groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped
the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly
when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give
up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and
managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot! Now,
it's my turn!" The old farmer grinned and said, "Naw,
I give up. You can have the duck!"
ORSM
VIDEO
I've had a few requests
over the last month or so to post a clip of this guy and if
you ask me it's got to be one of the funniest things on Australian
TV. It's a send up of Australia's most notorious criminal
- Mark 'Chopper' Read and done brilliantly by Heath from the
3rd Degree. Check it...
-
Fuckin' Chopper "What's The Fuckin' Weather Like"
Fuckin' Reid - |
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IF
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE FREE PICS & VIDS OF GIRLS FUCKING GIRLS
THEN PLEASE DO NOT CLICK HERE!
A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain
to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to
them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the
word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised
his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher
said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes
it's gray and cloudy".
Another student says, "Grass is definitely
green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get
enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."
Another student raises his hand and asks the
teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him
and said "No... But that isn't really a question you want to
ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then
I definitely shit my pants."
Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet?
Its the webs only FREE
adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude
webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult
movies, and even download
all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an
email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free
hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for
yourself and have
a look!
READER MAIL
Ever hear that saying 'be careful
what you wish for'? It's true! Once again my email inbox has been
overflowing with emails from every corner of the globe and I have
you guys to thank!
If you'd like to send something my way for the
site then we especially love seeing naked pics of your ex, jokes
so funny it makes baby Jesus cry, videos so disturbing Hitler wouldn't
watch them, anything car related and pictures from anywhere and
everywhere. All you've gotta do is click right
here!
your_address
wrote:
Subject: hi,_ive_a_new_mail_address
hey its me, my old address dont work
at time. i dont know why?! in the last days ive got some
mails. i' think thaz your mails but im not sure! plz read
and check ... cyaaaaaaa
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grexter
wrote:
Subject: Answer to Dave's Question
Hey "Mr. Orsm" :-) I'm a long
time reader from Germany and finally i can give you some
info... The song that's playing in the "gotsomeskillz"
video is "Open Your Eyes" from Guano
Apes, a German band. The Album is "Proud Like A
God" and another track to recommend is "Lords
Of The Boards"...
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J H
wrote:
Subject: A BMW scorned
That truly sucks and looks like it would
be from an ex. Of course if you weren't the kind of fucking
wank who parks your fucking car fucking sideways in
a spot, two fucking inches from the car next to you, maybe
it wouldn't have happened. Just wanted to add another suspect.
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Chris
Koury wrote:
Subject: You
Orsm, What were you thinking with
that "Special
Forces Training" pic in Random Shite? That really
pissed me off and I am sure many others. I, for one, do
not think half a planet is too far to go to kick someone's
ass. Not for this, anyway. Obviously, I have no real recourse
against you except to say that if I don't see a prominent
apology in the next posting, I'm done with you forever.
The fact that you are an Aussie keeps me from railing on
you as a faggot as I have too much respect for your country.
But as an individual, you are one dumb motherfucker. I am
waiting to see what you come up with next week. I hope it's
a good one. DUMB motherfucker, DUMB!
No apologies. The pic was funny and would
have been posted no matter what flag was plastered all over
it. Don't be such a fucking girl and don't take shit so
fucking seriously. -Orsm
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Joe
wrote:
Subject: It Can Be For Real
Hey bud, How's it going? In your update
of 11/17/05 there was a video called "Cannot
Be For Real?". Well I'm a recovered alcoholic,
and let me tell you that it is every bit for real. It was
pretty close to the way I lived for about 20 years. The
main difference is the alcoholic in the vid is a woman.
And she still has her family. I lost mine. But I got them
back when I got sober. Been sober since 9/16/94. Anyway,
I just wanted to tell you that there actually are people
who live like that. I used to be one of them.
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Dan wrote:
Subject: Double Entendre - ORSM, not
Hi, great site. But how the hell is the
Double
Entendre vid a Double Entendre? WTF? The necklass makes
it look like she's wearing a mask? Is that the joke? I don't
get it. This will keep me awake a night, please help!
Never heard of a Pearl Necklace... -Orsm
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Davie
wrote:
Subject: Random Shyte
Don't know if ur all that interested,
but the Kilted dude flashin his wang at the little kid is
one Darius Danesh. He is a wanabee singer/songwrighter from
Glasgow. He was a poor 8th best in one of those tragic talent
cum kareoke tv shows. (You know, X-fator type of thing).
In terms of talent, he is on a par with dog, Sirius.
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<with
held> wrote:
Subject: 3 balls
yo man, saw this on ya site (im
a frequent reader!)... Could you pass some information on
to the dude that submitted the pics of his mate with "three
balls" ? He doesnt actually have three
balls, he has an Epyditimis Cyst on his right teste...
either that or a "hyrdocele".. I had one myself
until I had it removed last year. Let him know they are
very common and the procedure to have them removed is pretty
much painless. This guy should go see a urologist. Generally
having such a condition is painless, but more or less uncomfortable..
in some cases these things can get really huge..
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JRob
wrote:
Subject: Guatemalan SpongeBob
This pic is really funny, a little cruel
because of the poor homeless bastard who appears in it...
but who cares!
Sometims you gotta be cruel to
be kind... -Orsm
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Leigh
wrote:
Subject: Not all cocaine addicts are beautiful
Orsm, This is on a full size billboard
near my house in inner city Melbourne. Brought a smile to
my face. Cheers mate
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VirginiaG
wrote:
Subject: Illusion.....!!!
If you watch the below images from your
seat in front of the computer, Mr.Angry is on the left,
and Mrs. Calm is on the right. Get up from your seat, and
move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!! I believe
this illusion was created by Phillippe G.Schyns and Aude
Oliva of the Univ. of Glasgow. This proves that we may not
be seeing what's actually there, all the time!!
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Justo
wrote:
Subject: ORSM!!!
Hey, I just want to say that your site
is one of the best on the net. I realise that that is a
fairly wild claim, as there is almost an infinite number
of websites. But, of the sites I've seen, I'd rate yours
at the top. Where do you find all this shit? Is it sent
in to you or are you up 24/7 with matchsticks in your eyelids?
Keep up the ORSM work mate. Good to see an Aussie site for
a change. PS. I reckon you could use some pics of a West
Aussie bitch.
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chrisjprice
wrote:
Subject: taking a piss
Hi Orsm, Can you post this pic of me and
my mate Dan taking a piss.
Cheers for that! -Orsm |
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Nik
wrote:
Subject: reader mail picture
Dear ORSM. I noticed a picture of a kid
getting teabagged on the last update. Just thought I would
upload something along the same lines. This is a buddy of
ours teadropping a kid. It was an all night party with all
the beer you can drink. Needless to say, this kid passed
out first. Your site rocks. Please leave out my email address,
I dont need more requests for pictures of hairy balls. Thanks!
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John Mills
wrote:
Subject: Nightmare at Halloween 05
Hey man, First of all I have to thank
you for supplying me with my weekly dose of humour and worldly
blogg. Just thought I'd send this picture in of a mate at
a halloween party. Clearly Wonder woman has let herself
go quite abit since them jumping about days...
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jtropes
wrote:
Subject: Transparent Monitor
Dear Orsm, Love the site. On it every
day. Check out the transparent apple monitor. Pretty easy
to do.
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Schweatyballz
wrote:
Subject: Hey Mr Orsm pics of hotties down under you will
certainly appreciate
The Cheeky Chef, a former roomate of
mine and a regular on your site, has made me a fan since
way back. Love the site, in fact, while many people are
at working think thank god its Friday... at my office most
of us can't wait till THURSDAY for the orsm update! I was
the unfortunate individual whos
pic were posted on ORSM when I got my surgery in the nether
regions a year ago. Thats right, when my "turtle
neck" was removed, thanks for posting the nasty evidence
Cheeky. Anyhow, a buddy of mine was in Austalia some time
ago and sent us back some of these goodies clubbing in the
land down under Enjoy!
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: another ford out of control
How to become the town smacktard in one
easy step... Having lunch at the lady's place on Saturday
arvo when I could hear the sound of a V8 engine pulling
circle work and burnout smoke started pouring into the house.
Quickly I grabbed the camera and ran for the front door.
As I got out the front I heard a loud crack! Followed by
a massive BANG! like a shotgun. Then along with the smell
of burnout smoke I could also smell cooking engine parts...
The background is the guy up
the road had left his XR8 ute in the care of his "mate"
who had been "testing" the capabilities of the beast
for the past week or two. Most of the locals had been pretty
pissed at him for the disturbances of speeding and burnouts
in the suburban streets. On this day he was going crazy with
laying rubber out the front. From what I can gather he overheated
the engine, then munted the gearbox (pieces all over the road)
but kept the boot in so over-revved the engine and destroyed
that also. When smoke started pouring out the bonnet he must
have panicked and tried to pull off the road and ended up
into a tree. He's the young guy in the white shirt... Unfortunately
I missed out of getting any action shots but here's what I
caught on camera. |
Marcel
wrote:
Subject: Famous model manager from Guayaquil - Ecuador
Hi again, this one is Cecilia Niemes,
a model manager, former model, that never wanted to pose
naked on any magazine, because it was not moral ! hehe.
She left her computer to a friend to have it repaired and
obviously, he searched all of her files and found the jackpot!
This web site is awesome, I´ve been fan for a looong
time!!
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David
wrote:
Subject: Makeover
Hey Orsm Esq. Been loving your site for
a while - Thought I'd shoot you a picture of my car. I couldn't
afford to paint it originally so my girlfriends dad painted
it matt black one Sat arvo over a BBQ and a few beers -
$40,000 car with a 30 buck paint job. Anyway some old turd
with a hat in shitbox ran into me and busted the front off
it - the pictures don't show it but it snapped both sides
- his fault so that paid for half the paint job !! Thanks
old turd ! Weirdly I kinda liked the matt black better,
but the painter wouldn't do it - he said "only Statesmans
are matt black knackers". I blew the gearbox in it
about 8 months ago, and can't afford a new one, (The Flapjack
that built it ripped me off - they put some pissant 4 cylinder
box in it). So if there's anyone out there in Melbourne
who has more money than they know what to do with, I'd be
happy to do some promotional work for a donation toward
a new box. No harm in asking !!
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Ron-E-Dog
wrote:
Subject: Site is awesome...
Your site is awesome. I've been reading
it for a year now and have told my friends to check the
site out too. Hopefully, my friends and I will have something
personal on your site now... Please find attached some photos...
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Anthony
wrote:
Subject: The greatest sound in the world...
Need Sound.......... Unbelievable. gold.
What... did we win something? -Orsm |
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bananadong
wrote:
Subject: Wtr.: my shit for your great site...
greetinx from europe
Wrong. -Orsm
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Paulmccann
wrote:
Subject: please show this song on your site.
You's might have heard this song echoing
about in windsor park, belfast a few months back. When we
beat those english scum bags. How embarrassing for the POM's,
getting beat at their "own game" by lowly Northern
Ireland. It is sung here by legendary N. Ireland commentator
Jackie Fullerton, and i must admit, hes nearly as bad at
singing as he is at commentating.
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Greg
wrote:
Subject: You have to listen to this!!!!!!
Don't you just love xmas carols......
Ear phones are recommended if your in an open office. Unless
they are a really open office!
Tiz the season... -Orsm
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Noodles
wrote:
Subject: Advanced Garbology
Hey Mr Orsm, I found a great video of
some tool copping some sweet street justice from a Japanese
garbo. A lot of foreigners over here reckon they can get
away with anything because the Japanese don't retaliate
but this garbo certainly does. Keep up the good work on
your site and don't piss off any garbos. Enjoy the warm
weather back in Perth too cos it's getting farking cold
over here in Japan.
That little fag deserved it. Full
of piss and bad manners is no excuse. -Orsm
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This story happened a while ago in Brisbane,
and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was
on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in
the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by.
The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of
him. Suddenly he saw a car, slowly coming towards him and stopped.
John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in
the car and closed the door, just to realize there was nobody behind
the wheel and the engine wasn't on! The car started moving slowly.
John looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Scared, he
started to pray, begging for his life. Then, just before he hit
the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel.
John, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every
time they came to a curve.
John saw the lights of a pub down the road so,
gathering strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and
out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila.
He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience
he went through.
A silence enveloped everybody when they realised
he was crying and wasn't drunk.
About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into
the same pub. They were also wet and out of breath. Looking around
and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other,
"Look, Bruce... here's the fucking idiot that got in the car
while we were pushing it."
A young girl finally had the opportunity to go
to a party by herself. Since she was very good- looking, she was
a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said,
"It's very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you
ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them
off."
So off she went. After a little while at the
party, boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started
kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our
baby be called?" The boy found some excuse and disappeared.
Some time later, the same thing happened again:
a boy started to kiss her neck, her shoulders. She stopped him and
asked about the baby's name, and he ran off. Later on, another boy
invited her for a walk. After a few minutes, he started kissing
her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off.
"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more. He
began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!"
she asked again.
After he was done, he took off his "full"
condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one...
David Copperfield!"
ORSM
VIDEO
I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
FOLLOW THE RULES AND WE'LL
ALL GET ALONG!
NEW RULE:
Stop
giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you
don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly
like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football
team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
NEW RULE:
Don't
eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull.
People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a
bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did
you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger!
If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
NEW RULE:
Ladies,
leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows:
do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
NEW RULE:
There's
no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap
at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry,
but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water?
Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored
water.
NEW RULE:
Stop
fucking with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill
bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the
bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his
ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.
NEW RULE:The
more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If
you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy,
half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino,
extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,"
ooh, you're a huge asshole.
NEW RULE:
I'm
not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering
my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount,
deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter"
again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there
eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that.
I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
NEW RULE:
Just
because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you
spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates
to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're
not spiritual. You're just high.
NEW RULE:
Competitive
eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently
televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those
athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's
next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that.
It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
NEW RULE:
I don't
need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll
go nuts and eat two.
NEW RULE:
If
you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television
shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so
we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the
reason something was a television show in the first place is the
idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
NEW RULE:
No
more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings.
Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking
up the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't
gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
NEW RULE:
When I ask how old your toddler
is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's
two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care
in the first place.
THE
WILDEST PARTIES. THE SEXIEST BABES. THE HOTTEST SEX. THATS WHAT
I CALL A HARDCORE PARTY!
RANDOM SHITE
I've felt so guilty lately
for letting so many obscenities creep in to RS so I've decided
to be a good little boy this week and keep it clean and completely
safe.. safe enough to even show your dear old granny... or
am I just so full of shit I'm about to pop? You decide! Check
it...
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
- RS
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- RS |
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An elderly Irish woman goes to the doctor and
asks his help to revive her husband's sex drive. "What about
trying Viagra?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance,"
says Mrs. Murphy, "he won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
"No problem," replies the doctor. "Drop
it into his coffee and he won't even taste it. Try it and then call
me in a week to let me know how things go."
A week later, Mrs. Murphy calls the doctor and
he inquired as to how things went. "Oh, faith and bejaysus
and begorrah, it was terrible doctor!" "What happened?"
asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped
the Viagra into his coffee. The effect was immediate.
He jumped straight up, with a gleam in his eye and with his pants
bulging fiercely! He swept the cutlery off the table, at the same
time ripping my clothes and then proceeded to make wild, mad, passionate
love to me on the tabletop. It was TERRIBLE!"
"TERRIBLE? What was so terrible about it?"
said the doctor. "Was the sex not good?" "Oh no,
doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never
be able to show my face in Starbucks again!"
Three Aussies were working on a high-rise building
project - Steve, Bruce and Bluey.
Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the
ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should
go and tell his wife." Bluey says, "OK, I'm pretty good
at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case
of Victorian Bitter. Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Bluey?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Bluey replies. "That's
unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave
you the beer?"
"Well not exactly," Bluey says. "When
she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'.
She said, 'No, I'm not a widow.' And I said, 'I'll bet you a case
of VB you are...!!"
ORSM
VIDEO
That's a wrap people. I'm all done and if you're
reading this it means you made it all the way to the bottom. For
me this is usually a good sign that I'm doing something right but
so if you'd like to return the favour for the love of god get on
the phone or start emailing people about this absolutely fucking
fantabulous site you just found called O-R-S-M-DOT-NET!
Until next time be good, stay off the chems and
have a Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
