Welcome to Orsm.net. Shit fuck.

So how are you guys this week? Good? Me... I'd like to say excellent but after a having a power failure this morning it kind of messed with my Thursday rhythm. I'm assuming some retard wiped out a power pole somewhere but everything was back on within an hour so it can't have been too major... just enough to annoy me though.

Is anyone else in Australia sick of hearing about 'the drought'? Let's go over the facts... no rain + long time = the drought. Okay yes it's sad that farmers are committing suicide in record numbers and its sucks that consumers are going to pay for it but I get the feeling the media thinks reporting on the drought every single day will bring rain? We're heading into summer which [can you believe it?] means even less chance of rain so what point does it serve to show us shots of drought-stricken, unyielding fields day after day? Retards. I need to become a news director so I can run stories about shit that people want to see like boobies, breast implants, the worlds smallest bikinis, the best nude beaches and how to always make men happy. I'd top the ratings every night and the only drought stories would be about the poor guy who ran out of beer after the pubs closed and had to wait until the next day to get more...

My weekend kicked off Friday night. Dinner with friends at an Indian restaurant near my place that I've wanted to try for ages. Usually if I'm going out the last thing I would ever suggest is Indian... actually... the last thing I would ever suggest is Mexican - I hate that sloppy, microwaved crap but that's a whole other story. Anyway the company and food were good so all up not too bad a way to spend an evening.

Up bright an early Saturday. Had about a million things that needed doing but settled on giving the car a proper clean. Three and a half hours later, some sweat and an attempted water fight with the dog it looked brand new again [except of course for the numerous scratches and large dent in the bumper which I refuse to fix]. I love how a car feels when it's clean - there's a noticeable difference in how it drives and handles. Other drivers tend not to mess with you either which I suppose has something to do with thinking anyone in a looked-after car will likely resort to road rage to protect their baby...

After that it was a quick shower and on the road to drop parents at the airport and for this I intend to make them pay. Why? Saturday was extremely windy... warm and sunny but practically gale force winds which I admit wouldn't usually be a problem except on the way back from the airport I drove through what can only be described as a fucking huge sandstorm... did I mention I'd spent all morning cleaning my car? They better come back with some good presents for me or otherwise it'll be a long walk home...

I killed the rest of my day with a grocery shop and what a sensational idea that was. In case there was any doubt before, the warmer weather is definitely here and hot, tasty chicks are everywhere showing off their bits. Cleavage, legs, bums - all on display for perverts to admire. This is why I look forward to summer.

I was all set to just put my feet up and relax Saturday night but somehow got talked into going to a housewarming party with my sister and her friends. I'm always apprehensive about going somewhere I won't know anyone but as it turned out not everyone outside my circle of mates is a dickhead as I originally thought. Whodathunkit eh?

The plan for Sunday was to paint my computer room/home office. It's not all that big so I didn't start until lunchtime-ish [foolishly] thinking a quick undercoat plus twice over in colour wouldn't be a big job. How wrong I was. The first hurdle to overcome was to clear my desk of computers, a mountain of papers and random junk which took forever. Then mask up, then lay down the drop sheets and then get stuck in. Even with the help of a couple of others, by the time I had completely finished it was 9.30 and all that I had to show for it was undercoated walls and a fresh white ceiling. No prizes for guessing what I'm doing this weekend...

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?". She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free." Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year".

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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: number one, you have to be single and number two, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

ORSM VIDEO

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THE ORIGINAL STORY OF THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE MODERN AUSTRALIAN VERSION
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate like him are cold and starving. The ABC and Channel 9 show up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food.

Australians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The Democrats, the Greens and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The ABC, interrupting an Aboriginal cultural festival special from North Queensland with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome."

Bob Brown rants in an interview with Ray Martin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retrospective to the beginning of the summer. It is quickly passed through the Senate.

The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire grass hoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retrospective taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The ant moves to Asia, and starts a successful agri-biz company.

The TV stations later show the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the government owned house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed, Kim Beasley now is appointed to head a commission of inquiry that will cost $10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Sydney Morning Herald blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Australia's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorise the community.

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READER MAIL
A nice little mix in this week's mail bag so I will get on with it rather quickly... but before I do... if you would like to contribute to Orsm.net and possibly have your stuff featured in Reader Mail then we're mad about pretty much anything you wanna send in! Naked pics of atasty Ex, your wicked ride, messed up videos of you and your mates, jokes, social commentaries - whatever else you can squeeze in an email and send my way!

<with held> wrote: Subject: pic This woman is known as a "Tart". They're diehard fans of Gerard Butler, a Scottish actor (He'll soon be seen in 300 and Butterfly on a wheel with Pierce Brosnan). Ok... these Tarts (short for tartan) get a bit carried away with Gerry's action figure dolls. I'll send you more in the future but here's one. Note how they hide their identities by not showing their face That's a naked "Marek" doll, a character Gerry played in "Timeline".. Sick individuals. LOL

<with held> wrote: Subject: pic awesome site. just a hot chick with great boobs. no details please. Great boobs yes. What's her fagina like? -Orsm

Joe wrote: Subject: got string? as per your last update, spotted this thing in the pic. wouldnt a girl know that shes wearing one of them so why flash her ass for? only two words "got string?". keep up the great work mate!!

Franco Preo wrote: Subject: car Here's a car that gave me a laugh the other day: rear bumper obviously been hit several times and followed up with super-dodgy repair work. Wording across back is classic tho....

Rhoji Fernandez wrote: Subject: What's UP? Hey bro, I a huge fan of your website. I was looking through pictures i'm taking off my myspace and I thought you would like the shirt i'm wearing. It was at my friends birthday party last year.

AZarin wrote: Subject: car show Orsm, I was doing some web surfing a came across some nice shots of some models getting down at some car show. Then I noticed a few kids in the crowd. Attached are some classic WTF for you.

JOSE R wrote: Subject: nice!! Hope you like it, this is a nice girl from honduras, for real not those that apear at Adult FriendFinder. Its my 2nd contribution in your site, I take a look every week, its great keep the great work. Thank you. Please don't post my email

Mick wrote: Subject: Coffs Harbour NSW long weekend G'day mate. Some more NSW north coast madness from the October long weekend. Enjoy. As usual all photos courtesy of Danny "The Tank" Fallon Huge! -Orsm

Craig W wrote: Subject: Air Show Pics & Hottie Dear Mr. ORSM, I went to the air show at the air base in Richmond NSW yesterday. Enclosed are some pics of planes and a hottie who had the best ass in the whole crowd. Keep up the good work and please do not post my e-mail address.

Glenn wrote: Subject: Bike Accident Wounds Hey orsm guy. My brother sold his motorbike to friend who was knocked off by a tractor the other day. Here is some pics from the emergancy ward. Notice the bandage IN THE WOUND while its stiched up to clean it out. It`s full of sand and prickles they actually had to pull heaps of prickles out. Pretty cool but not at the same time hey? Thought you might like this one :)

Glenn Adam wrote: Subject: Rotto Been a visitor for a few years and thought i'd contribute. Its Rotto in march this year on a top day about 34 degrees and calm. Cheers Last time I went was about 12 years ago... finally be back there again in a few weeks too! -Orsm

<with held> wrote: Subject: loop barrel stall I took this from a similar plane to the one shown in the clip posted today, this was just after my girl got her aerobatic endorsement. It follows like thus - loop [plane back flip] straight into a barrel roll [left over right] and then a stall turn from vertical. Funny stuff - maybe you wanna delete the sound, im laughing and carrying on.

woodie woods wrote: Subject: westlocals.com Video Howdy there, Got yet another vid to add to the site, this one was shot a while back when four wheel drives were possibly the only thing as cool as tits, beers and orsm.net. the song used in this vid is "Not Okay - My Chemical Romance" was made early Feb 2006. spank you all very much for your support and moreso to you Mr Orsm. have an awesome weekend, i know i will.

Corey wrote: Subject: Fake snake joke Hey what's up? Love your site, heres a clip of a prank i did at work. If you like this i have more pranks with the same guy. Big up to everyone in Geelong. Cheers. Snakes on a mother fuckin' plank... -Orsm

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $£9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.

For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man. "Yep! Same," says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man sighs, pauses, and replies, "My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

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Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family... you've got to send me back straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen".

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him... ever!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... "BRIAN, WAKE UP YOU DRUNKEN BASTARD, YOU'VE SHIT THE BED!!"

ORSM VIDEO

Bruno Interviews A Minister

F1 Through Soa Paulo

K-Fed Finally Slammed

Darth Plays A Prank

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a leafy country lane. They walk hand in hand and, as they stroll, the young man's lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when the young woman says, "I hope you don't mind, but I really do need to have a piss".

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity, he suggests she go behind a hedge. She nods in agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits, he can hear the sound of the white panties sliding down voluptuous legs and he imagines what loveliness is being exposed.

Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, touches her smooth, bare leg. He gently brings his hand further up to her thigh until suddenly, and with great astonishment, he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.

He gasps in horror "My God Mary have you changed your sex?" "No" she replies "I've changed my mind - I'm having a poo instead."

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A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet. "What's that big brass gong?" one of the mates asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied.

He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one each other for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole... it's three-fifteen in the morning!"

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Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel. The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, "go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference."

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, "you know, I think my girl was dead!". "Dead?" says his friend, "Why do you say that?". "Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her." His friend says, "could be worse I think mine was a witch." " A witch!? Why the hell would you say that?" "Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite... then she farted and flew out of the window."

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A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat.

As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "YEAH BABY! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!"

The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. The guy behind our friend goes off again. "YEAH BABY! SHAKE THOSE THINGS."

Our friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!"

After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, "OH BABY! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!"

Our friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!"

A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our friend turned around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?" The guy responded, "It's on your back, dude."

ORSM VIDEO

Horse Cock

Prawn-ercising

Rock [In The Ass]

News Prankster

Woooo... can't believe I actually made it! Seriously after the electricity went out today I thought I was a goner and how on earth it all came together in time I will never know. It's been suggested that maybe I am just too good and whilst the obvious thing would be to agree...well... no... actually yes I would have to agree with that...

Incase you are new in these parts and wondering when I will return then Thursday is the day and just so you know - every Thursday is the day. In the mean time I'm sure you guys can keep yourselves amused with the Orsm.net site archives. Ever single update going back from now until the beginning of time is safely preserved for your surfing pleasure.

And if you would like to return the favour for the countless hours that go into running the site each week then it would be just fucking fantastic if you guys could spend ALL of your spare time telling friends, family, neighbours, colleagues, local government workers and any other randoms you come across about this amazing website you found called ORSM-DOT-NET!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and stay out of them droughts. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Welcome to Orsm.net. A spectacular waste of a good education.

And how are we all this week? Me... I've actually been having a pretty decent one and I'm in a surprisingly positive, upbeat and all-round giddy kind of mood. This usually happens when I am running way behind trying to get an update finished - I go into overdrive and it amps me up. The more it looks like I will never get it done, the more I enjoy it. It's a good, vicious cycle is there is such a thing.

Now for my week in review because lets face it - it's the only reason that anyone comes to here... right...? Let's start with Friday...

Do you ever have those things that you swear you'll do but for one reason or another never get around to? I've got a million of them... life gets in the way or you get too busy or procrastinate or promise you'll do it next week. It's a terrible habit and one of those things on the list was lunch with my cousin. I've always got on spectacularly with her and as these things go the only time we end up seeing each other is at Christmas and the occasional during year family gathering. Pretty bad on both of our parts but shit happens and life goes on.

Anyway we had a quick chat a few weeks back and I promised that we would catch up soon for the Dim Sum lunch we were supposed to do two years ago. Yes two years... lucky she wasn't hungry! So we hooked it up early last week and I spent the next few days really looking forward to it.

And then it was Friday. I had an awesome time too just crapping on and chatting away. That's the good thing about family - no bullshit, no sub-plots no hidden agendas. Definitely something I need to do with the rest of my extended family that I don't see enough. Now I just need to find the time...

Saturday... as mentioned last blog I was in the middle of a little project to finish off the flooring in my kitchen. Again I probably could have been finished in a couple of hours but combine doing what needed to be done, a bit of a sleep in, plus plenty of stuffing around it sapped most of the day. I even conned the old man coming around for a while to help which made the whole thing a bit easier and by the time it was all done the result was quite good.

So that's one more thing crossed off the list of uncompleted projects. Of course there still plenty more to go and I intend making the most of the motivation I've been blessed with lately again this weekend. On the agenda is my computer room/study/office which remains half painted from over a year ago mainly because I suck at choosing colours - you guys should see my bedroom. Its part grey, part dark grey and park dark purple. It's a fucking disaster [fuck knows what I was thinking] and probably the reason I have so many nightmares...

Sunday... following a late night on Saturday I had another mini sleep in but was up in time ready to go play some Supa Golf which, if you don't know, involves walking around a small course with oversize balls and clubs [no pun intended]. It was meant to be for a mates work/staff party but because they were running late I had to bail at the last minute. I'd promised mother dearest that I would spend some time at her house setting up broadband and teaching her how to use the computer. Surprisingly we actually made some progress too...

The rest of the weekend was pretty lacklustre. I gave the house a long overdue clean and then went past a friends' place to drop some shit off. I also got through the second movie in the Indiana Jones Trilogy. Definitely not as enjoyable as when I was a kid but still good to watch again after all these years. Anyway let's get on with this damn update shall we? I pretty sure it's a good one but feel free to judge for yourselves!

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A couple were on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

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Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.

The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me." Without even needing to consider it the first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."

The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The woman, impressed but not yet completely satisifed, opens her eyes and asks for it again.

The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water. The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn!"

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NAMING THE FATHER FOR CHILD SUPPORT IN AUSTRALIA
The following are all replies that Sydney Western Suburbs women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Trev Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives an Excel that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact Excel dealers in this area and see if he's had it replaced.
5. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the NSW economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.
6. I do not know who the father of my child was as all soldiers look the same to me. I can confirm that he was an infantryman.
7. Bazza Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
8. It is not clear who the father of my child is. All I remember is that the guy had an absolutely enormous penis so it is likely that Mr. Orsm is responsible.
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disneyworld.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Jamie Oliver did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilised.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2 litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee and a 250g pack of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.

She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."

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READER MAIL
If you would like to contribute and possibly have your shit featured on Orsm.net then we are always more than happy to receive anything that involves nakedness of your ex or current chick, crazy videos, insane pics or fuck-ass-funny jokes! All you must do is click here and make the magic happen.

First up in this weeks Reader Mail is some of the replies that came my way after the suggestion I should set something up to allow people to upload their own clips to the site. There was a stack of mixed replies from you guys but the general consensus was not to do it. Fair enough but it's definitely got me thinking of some changes that I would like to implement and work is about to begin to make them happen so stay tuned. Thanks to everyone who emailed me!

V wrote: Subject: $30 Million Dollar Bikini The most expensive piece of diamond apparel ever made is making its debut in the 2006 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. The bikini is made up of over 150 carats of D Flawless diamonds, some of the rarest in the world including .... a 51ct D Flawless Pear Shape, a 30ct D Flawless Emerald Cut, a pair of 15ct D Flawless Rounds and a pair of 8ct D Flawless Pear Shapes.

That Tim Guy wrote: Subject: Jetski for Sale Jetski for Sale. Constructed in 2005, January model. Practically never used, 50 hours tops. 75 bhp. In excellent condition. Technical check-up OK. Last maintenance was early September. Trailer included. Price - negotiable. Sorry for the not very clear picture, I'm not much of a photographer.

Loz wrote: Subject: Paris Advert Funny advert for train travel from Paris to London. Translation: A romantic weekend in London

<with held> wrote: Subject: a prycless pic i had 8 yrs of married hell. 3 yrs of custody hell to a man that dressed like this and liked being treated like a female in all areas as well as being taken from behind. please feel free to use my version or make it good. I will be looking for this online.

Nafe wrote: Subject: Gardiner and cousins no idea where/when these pix were taken but good to see the west coast eagles finest doing what they are best known for off the field. ejnoy dude.

Andrew wrote: Subject: Black Friday oops This is why you shouldn't go to work on brack friday, haha enjoy ;)