Welcome to unhinged.
Getting all the whammy's lately. Don't think I've had a day off in over a month. That’s fine. Social life is non-existent. Used to that. Too busy to sleep more than 5 hours. Eeeeasy. Friends and family computers being thrown at me left and right for repair. No worries. Accountant sending passive aggressive emails because he urgently needs info I don’t have time to track down. Not so good. Rolled my ankle sharply at the weekend just as it was starting to come good after 8-9 months of being fucked. Annoying. A cold, virus or severe hay fever has wiped me out. Totally gay. But it could be worse...
I could be the parent whose 14 year old daughter stole a car the other day. The girl, along with her 13yo cousin, led police on a chase through the suburbs after stealing fuel. Bored with running red lights and driving on the wrong side of the road, she eventually began to do laps past her mum's house. The mum, baby in her arms and accompanied by other family, initially cheered the girls on. On subsequent drive-by's the proud family threw rocks and bottles at police before finally standing in the road blocking the pursuit. No matter how many obstacles life throws up, how frustrating things can get, how sometimes I just want to give up, at least I'm not those people.
Starting to think the wankers at our national telco are Orsm readers... who didn’t appreciate being called "inept fucktards" and wielded their powers to spite me. After having been dicked around by them there was some pessimism as to whether they'd actually show last Friday as promised. God knows they sent enough confirmations. Sure enough, mixed in with one of the many calls and messages was one changing the time from morning to afternoon, which I missed, thereby ensuring the whole day was wasted waiting until finally in the last 15 minutes of the "service" "window" they sent another message cancelling altogether citing "extreme high work load". Irate, I called my service provider who could essentially do nothing except reschedule.
Surprisingly they did show up yesterday. Not quite as promised - of course the time was changed without letting me know. I spoke to the tech for all of 2 minutes then bailed. Bothing I couslnt have done over the phone and nothing that required me standing around for hours on end hoping they would roll by. No idea if the job is completed or not. Almost too scared to go back and look but if it isn’t... well that area has now been concreted over. It hurts to imagine what fun it will be getting them to come sort that out...
In good/great news we now have a move in date. If all goes to plan we should be in on or around the 7th... or 8th... or 9th. Depending on how moving of furniture etc. ticks along. There really are so many awesome things about this including: having a new home; having all our shit out of storage; having all our shit in one place; being by ourselves; less commuting; reduced workload; less time away from my fam; aaaand many, many other things which I'll remember later or haven’t realised.
Moving on. Saturday was exhausting. The fence build is still underway. Not particularly hard to do however with no fence building experience it takes way longer due to not wanting to make an expensive fuck up. The old carpenters adage of 'measure twice, cut once' rings very true except its become almost organic - more like measure once, design, measure, redesign and remeasure, core drill a kabillion holes, kill a drill, replace drill, chemical anchor bolts so on and so forth. At least next time I build a fence it will be a piece of cake...
The real excitement came later. Standing out front chatting to a neighbour we noticed a dull roar approaching. Not a usual sound. Birds start going apeshit and what not. Wasn’t long before the first hail stones began falling and sent everyone fleeing. Quickly got the car undercover and spent the next half hour enjoying the blanketing. I assume that sounds pretty lame to some of you but keep in mind we don’t get snow here and it's rare to see hail. The world turned white is a huge novelty.
Limped out of bed on a cold rainy Sunday and made a beeline for the house. This is, apparently, the final cleanout. I'll believe it if the remaining trades can resist making a mess. History however has shown that there is no chance of that happening ever, no matter what, ever forever and ever and ever. Or ever. Home mid-afternoon it was the first chance I've had for a while to spend some QT with my bitches. And that we did. Weekend over.
Alright let's move on from the incessant ramble. My words may not have been a literary masterpiece but what you fuckers are about to gorge on will make you glad to be alive. No shit. Now check it...
Thug LifeHow Many Thugs Can One Video Contain? This Is Epic - Sorry Bro!Looks Like He Cut That Too Close -BrilliantGruesome Chainsaw Massacre Prank Will Scare The Hell Out Of You - InsanityMeet Jake. He’s Intentionally Overeats To Become Fat. What A Fatty. - Blonde CougarCougar Posing In The Mirror Looks Good Enough To Fuck The Brains Out Of - Runaway TrainHow Fast Can You Get Around The Insane Sky Rail Network? This Is Far Too Addictive. Play At Your Own Risk! - Dat AssSomething Something Half Court Bomb. Meanwhile Dat Ass... - Fuck My LifeBehold The Terrible Horror Of A South American Spider The Size Of A Puppy - Great WorkModel Has Bikini Malfunction On The Runway - Hit LimitThe Emotional Limits Of Pornstars
Super DWithout A Doubt The Most Original Platform Game I Have Played In Forever - Whoa ToeIggy Azalea Cameltoe On The Streets - Busty MaidSeptember Carrino As A Super Stacked French Maid Who Cant Keep Them In - Drunk SlutsDrunk Models Have Some Message About Something - She GoneThis Bitch Is Freaking The Fuck Out - MouthfulsYeah, It Doesn't Taste Too Good... - Sweet POVPOV Fucking In A Perfect Ass View - Drone SpyDrone Helicopter Spies Topless Woman - Impale HerSome Like It Soft And Gentle And This One Likes It As Rough As Possible!
Word MountainThink You're A Fast? Well Let's See About That... - Jail BossIn Jail Flashing His Lavish Lifestyle - Hot 3someHorny College Babes Make One Lucky Dude Cum Hard - Sex MachineTattooed Slut Is Hooked Into Torture Device And Fucked Mercilessly - PlayedGuys Pretend To Serve Organic Food At A Convention. They Really Just Serve McDonald's - Hot ShowerCurvy Cutie Keisha Grey In And Out Of A Shower - SensationWhat Would You Do To Her? - OMFFFG!Head On Semi Truck On Motorcycle - Sexy TitsMaitland Ward’s Nipples In Her Dress Are A Bit Of Magic - Strip DownAdrianne Curry Strips Down For Her Instagram
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have today's paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree, I'll grab you a handful of leaves".
A man appears before a judge one day asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce". "Because" the man says "I live in a two-story house". The Judge replies "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month'".
Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door. The teacher said "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father". Little Johnny said "Sorry, but they ain't here". The teacher said "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me" said Little Johnny "but Dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again".
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk". Our wasted friend asked "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure" said the copper. "Let's go". Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled".
BUYING DRUGS: This scam someone offering you drugs of some sort. If you accept and buy some, you'll invariably be cornered by a cop who just happens' to be passing by and made to empty your pockets. When they find the bag, they will of course be marched to a cash point or even a jail cell. The dealer then gets a cut of the bribe and his drugs back which he uses to lure another unsuspecting tourist.
CARD GAME SCAM: This normally quite sophisticated. First, you're approached by a friendly local who invites you home for some reason (a party, whatever). At their place an uncle shows up and tells you he is working as a dealer at a casino. He'll invite you to start practicing Blackjack and you will quickly pick up his hand signal system so you can tell what cards the other players have. Now with the two of you being pals, they suggest cheating this "rich guy" who is arriving later for a mah-jong tournament. When the guy shows up, he doesn't mind some casual gambling in the meantime but of course you will have to play for real money. No worries though, because of the dealer's signal system, you are winning a lot. At some point, you get 21 and know that the "rich guy" has 20. Suddenly his bets get insanely high and you, of course, can hardly believe your luck. He takes out a large bundle of cash and requests to see some real money from you too. You are asked to just put in as much as possible, while your dealer friend will cover the rest. With the cash now in the safe, the scam can go different ways. Either the game will be postponed so you can be taken to an ATM for more money, or the game will be postponed to the next day so you can bring more money or you actually win the game but are forced to continue gambling and suddenly start losing. There is also the risk of being drugged. No matter how the scam plays out, the point is to part with all your cash
CHEAP OVERNIGHT BUS SCAM: This scam is about getting tempted by the price of a too cheap bus ticket for an overnight journey. But don't because during the night, all the bags in the luggage compartment will get emptied for valuables - and some hand luggage will get the same treatment. The thief is part of the bus crew and the ridiculously early arrival time is part of the scam, with nobody realising what has happened before the bus has left. This scam has been going on for ages.
CLAIM IT ON THE TRAVEL INSURANCE SCAM: A doctor, or friend of a doctor, chats you up and suggests issuing some fake medicine receipts (including report, official stamps, and everything) on your behalf, which you then can claim back on your travel insurance. You will of course have to pay him part of the value up-front in the belief that you will pocket the balance when insurance pays up. Travel insurance companies are well aware of this scam though No insurance company will pay out a huge post-treatment claim without having been in contact with the hospital and/or the doctor in question.
COIN COLLECTOR SCAM: This is a little harmless trick performed mostly by very kids. A collector will approach you and ask for any foreign coins you might have. Appearing incredibly knowledgeable about currency and nominations of your local money, they convince you that coin-collection is actually their prized hobby. In most cases, travellers will happily hand over a few coins believing they are supporting an innocent hobby. So, when a good collection of foreign coins have been accumulated, the next step is to then sell them back to other tourists for the local currency under the excuse of some tourists having paid them in Swedish Krona or Japanese Yen. Clever, right?
CREDIT CARD FRAUD: Smart scams range from fake ATM machine fronts that swallow your card along with the PIN to more sophisticated plastic sleeves that are inserted into the card slot to jam your card and make you believe the card is swallowed after you have entered the PIN. So if at all possible, only use ATMs in connection with banks that are open. If need be, thoroughly check the ATM and see if it looks tampered with in any way. Or simply be patient and wait until you have witnessed someone else using it successfully - without losing their card.
DIRT ON SHIRT SCAM: You're walking on a crowded street and suddenly get something on your shirt - coffee, food, whatever. Faster than lightning, a group of friendly locals appear to help you, offering to clean your clothes with napkins etc. Before you realise what is truly going on, your wallet/money belt/camera/daypack is changing hands. The best thing to do here is stay cool, firmly decline any offer and walk away fast.
DONATION SCAM: Some charity collector imposter, a school kid in Sri Lanka, a monk in China, an orthodox Jew at the Western wall in Jerusalem, approaches you pretending to represent some do-good cause asking for a donation. The scam of course being the donation ending up in their own pockets. You want to do good, but how can you tell the real charitable person from the con artists? Easy - they will usually only target travellers, leaving the locals well alone.
DRINKS SCAM: This scam comes in many disguises around the world, but this is the Chinese tea house version. You are chatted up by two sweet looking young ladies who claim to be studying English. They ask if you have some time to chat so they can practice their language skills. They will suggest some tea, so they take you to a traditional Chinese tea house. At the end, you might offer to pay for the tea or maybe you find the girls are gone when the bill appears. In any case, the tea turns out to be extremely expensive at around US$75-$200. Of course, declining any offer by anyone approaching you around is the best way to avoid this scam, but if you do find yourself confronting an outrageous bill, the best thing to do seems to be a laughing rejection and a stern threat of calling the police. Modesty and politeness will make things worse.
DRUGGED: At the bus or train station, you are chatted up by some friendly locals. After a while they offer some sweets which you, out of politeness and respect, don't feel like you can refuse. Unfortunately the sweets contain some sedative drug and when you wake up, you find yourself without any of your valuables. This one is hard to see coming and there is no reason to be paranoid but do be wary if travelling alone or otherwise vulnerable.
FAKE CHANGES: You get offered a very good deal on goods from a street vendor near a tourist site. The price is not a nice neat round amount so you pay a bigger note and get your change back, so far nothing special. Well, maybe yes. This scam has two sides. First the obvious one that traders will never make deals which are not to their benefit. If a bargain sounds too good, it probably is. The second part is the actual scam, with the vendor giving back your change in counterfeit money.
FAKE COPS: A couple of men come up to claiming to be "tourist police". They ask to see your passport and/or money, maybe even mentioning some obscure reason like there being fake notes around. If you hand over your passport, you will have to pay up to get it back. If you hand over your money, rest assured that's the last time you'll see that. If you refuse doing either, they will ask you to follow them to the police station in their car, where you'll get seriously robbed. So what to do? Only show them a photocopy of your passport and insist that if that is not sufficient, you will go with them to the nearest police station - by walking. Meanwhile keep an eye out for uniformed officials, like traffic police or military, which you can try and catch the attention of. Whatever happens don't get into a car.
FAKE COPS II: This one starts with a (fake) fellow tourist approaching you. While you are chatting, a fake cop appears demanding to see passports and money. Your new tourist buddy will of course hand this over right away, assuring you that you should be doing likewise. During the inspection, you'll be relieved of some money.
The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order". The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a martini".
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS".
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?" "Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone".
And THAT my friends is what's called PUTTING YOUR AFFAIRS IN ORDER.
Ahkmed the Arab came to Australia from the Middle East, and he was only there a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor but none of them could help him. Finally, he went to an Arabic doctor who said "Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes".
Ahkmed took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.
Coming back to the doctor he said "It worked. I feel terrific! What was wrong with me?" The doctor said "You were homesick".
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A man doing market research knocks on a door and is greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
The man says "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" The woman replies "Yes, my husband and I use it all the time". "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex".
Taken aback, the researcher says "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a hinge. But, in fact, I know most people do use it for sex. I admire your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?" The woman says "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the doorknob to keep the kids out".
Want to contribute to Orsm? Just click here and do eeeet!!
TRAVEL SCAMS (continued)
FINDER DO NOT KEEP: This has been the going scam in Russia's Red Square for some time. A guy passes by you on the street and accidentally drops a wad of money at your feet. Another guy comes by, picks it up, and offers you half of the stack. After sharing the money, the second guy disappears and moments later the first guy returns aggressively demanding his lost money.
GEM SCAM: This is a classic Thailand scam. It typically starts with a very cheap tuk-tuk ride. Your friendly driver wants to show you a special temple, possibly because your choice of destination is closed because today just happens to be "Buddha day" or some other thing you're unlikely to be aware of. When you get to the temple, you just happen to meet this friendly guy who is telling you that he is financing his honeymoon by buying diamonds under a special government endorsed promotion and suggests that you could also make some easy money by buying some. Don't get tempted, everyone is in on this scam. The goal is to sell you some worthless diamonds under the premise you can easily sell them back home for a huge profit.
GYPSY KIDS SCAM: This scam is common in both Rome and Milan. A group of gypsy kids approach you. One sullen looking kid shoves a piece of cardboard with some text in your face. Whilst you are occupied and busy reading the text, the other kids expertly go through your pockets. Sometimes this is done so subtly you hardly feel it. Other times, they really just go for it, leaving you fending for yourself. Best precaution is to simply avoid large groups of kids and not to engage with them with any sign of interest.
MONEY SWAPPING SCAM: This is quite a simple trick but unfortunately very effective. You've finished your taxi ride and pay the driver a note of ten of the local currency. The driver takes the money and then returns another note to you claiming that you only gave him a note of one. You are certain that you paid him a note of ten, but what to do? So, in most cases you end up paying out another note of ten.
MOTORBIKE RENTAL SCAM: This scam comes in two versions. 1) A guy connected to the rental shop follows you and steals the scooter once you parked and locked it with the provided lock, for which, the guy has a key. 2) The rental shop claims you have damaged the scooter, which you might or might not have, and demand you pay an exorbitant amount. These scams can be hard to prevent, but try to pick a rental shop that doesn't look too dodgy. Go around the scooter before taking off, take some pictures of all of the dents, preferably accompanied by the rental guy. In addition to the provided lock, also use your own small padlock to lock around the chain or one of the spokes.
PHOTO SCAM: It's cruel to haul drugged animals around late at night far from their habitat, but this happens most nights along in Patong. Lizards and slow lorises are the victims but so are you if you fall for this. The 'owner' will simply place the animal on your shoulder then, when your photo is taken with this exotica hanging off you, demand money for the privilege.
OLD MONEY SCAM: In countries who devalue their currency by printing new money with less zeroes, there is a good chance to be given change in old money. Old money is often worth only a fraction of the new one, or, in worse cases, nothing. Sometimes, the currency is renamed "new" like Peso vs Nuevo (New) Peso, but it's not always the case, and the new bills and coins might not even look that different. Do your homework and check on the web how a country's money looks like before arriving and, if possible, familiarise yourself with the old currency too.
ORIENTAL CARPETS SCAM: The making of oriental carpets is an ancient art form - and so is selling them. Buying a Persian rug or an oriental carpet on a trip can be the best souvenir ever purchased... or it can turn out to be the worst spent money ever. Don't fall for the "it could pay for your trip if re-sold at home". It most likely won't. If you are going to buy any, then buy with your heart. If you like it and you have negotiated the price down to something you feel to be acceptable, then do it. But don't try to outsmart the seller and believe it is a life investment. And never ever pay extra for special features you don't have a clue about, e.g. "interesting that you should pick that one, for it is a very rare one hundred years old tribal rug made of silk dyed in vegetable pigments..." Buy a carpet because you like it and not because the seller convinces you it is a good deal - it rarely will be.
PING-PONG SHOW SCAM: This is the Thai version of the drinks overcharging scam. Basically you are lurked into some strip bar under with the promise of an outrageous show involving girls and what they can stick inside themselves. Maybe you are wise enough to ask for the drinks prices first, but still, you are likely to get very surprised when the bill arrives. Suddenly, the price of a beer is not 100 THB, but 1000 THB. Prices can fluctuate between rounds and don't forget that those scantily dressed servers will often conveniently forget to give change.
RAPE SCAM: This scam is aimed at all you gorgeous boys believing you are simply just too handsome to be resisted. You meet a local woman who thinks you are hot. You start a consensual sexual relationship under the assumption that she is not into it for the money. After a couple of happy days, you are sharing a beer with some newly found local friends, possibly a brother of your new "girlfriend" when she drops by. She greets you by slapping you in the face and screams loudly that you raped her the other night. The men around the table stand up and start shouting at you whilst mentioning police, jail and even violence. As it turns out, the only solution is a trip down to the ATM... and as long as your credit card is working one trip might not be enough.
MONEY EXCHANGE SCAM: This scam can be used anywhere but is especially prominent where the currencies are close to each other. You arrive at another border crossing and want to get some local money. You might have done your homework and remember what the exchange rate should be, say 1.2. The money guy agrees to 1.2, takes the calculator and divides your amount with 1.2. So far so good, right? Across the border, however, you find out that the rate was 1 to 1.2 and not 1.2 to 1 as what you got. The rate thus should have been multiplied, and not divided - get it? The point is to not just check the exchange rate, but also to make a mental note of which currency is worth the most. This scam can seem ridiculously obvious, but beware that chaotic border crossings can disturb even the coolest cleverest minds.
FELLOW TRAVELLER SCAM: This scam is ugly because the starring con-artist is someone your instinct tells you to normally trust, namely a fellow traveller. Basically you'll be approached by a traveller who claims to have been the victim of a robbery. Having lost everything, he is asking for US$20 or $50 to be able to fax/call/get to his embassy. Luckily, the con-artist is always some dodgy looking guy and not some trustworthy-looking lady.
WRONG HOTEL SCAM: Commission rewarded taxi drivers try to convince you that the hotel you want to go to is either closed for refurbishment, torn down or simply just fully booked. Luckily, your driver knows of another existing and available hotel, which of course always turns out to be overpriced and badly located but the taxi driver gets a commission for every guest he brings there.
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a 'honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
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There was a Scottish painter named Smokey MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings. Smokey put in a bid and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine...
Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried "Oh God, Oh God, forgive me! What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina?" She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door, it is the same man, and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina?" She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again".
The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer 'yes' to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. "Do you have a vagina?" "Yes" she says. The man replies "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
Well well... here we are. Thought I'd never get this puppy finished today so it's with great trepidation I roll you guys into this last bit of crucial information...
-Check out the site archives coz they aint gonna check 'emselves out!
-Next update will probably be next Thursday.
-Tell your friends, family, colleagues, co-workers and neighbours to check out ORSM-DOT-NET otherwise my friend Ray will send you quite a nasty email.
-Need to clear your conscience? Judge me? Want to fight me? Threaten me? Sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Show me the twins? Then go for it! Just make sure you email me here!
Until next time be good, stay off the chems and DO WHAT I SAY. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.