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The Advice Asshole...

Got a problem too big for Oprah or Jerry Springer? Well you're in luck because the Advice Asshole is here to help! Email the Advice Asshole with all your problems at theadviceasshole@yahoo.com.

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Dear Advice Asshole,

I saw you told 'John' (Joan) that there can be no fire in space cause of the lack of air. Isn't the sun a giant ball of fire - in space?

Regards,

Erik

Well Erik,

Thanks to your brilliance and your brilliance alone, I've changed my theory on fire in space. Sure fire will burn in the upper atmosphere and on the moon, but to do that, we'd have to leave the atmosphere. So let's all hop into a Boeing 747 and fly to the moon for our little experiment. We can't though, can we? That's because the government wants us to believe that we can't leave the atmosphere in an ordinary plane, but it's because they're actually being controlled like puppets from the Eighth Sector of Planet Zebes by the Chozo Race. They don't want anyone to leave the Earth in fear that we'll all learn their horrible secret; we are nothing more than Lab Rats on a Different Planet.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Why do i have seven dicks and my mother only has 4???

richard myst

Well Mr. Myst,

It's quite simple actually. It's because you are indeed part of the Chozo Race. Some how, you accidentally got sent to the planet Earth as part of the experiment, and now you can't go back because you've been so assimilated into the "Human Race" that you don't realize that you're Chozoan.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Hey advice asshole,

Here's some fucking advice - don't quit your day job! You suck!

-Glen Brown

Mr. Brown,

In rebuttal to your accusation of my sucking, I must say that you are correct. I do suck. However, I do not have the luxury of being a deep throat master like you. Furthermore, I can't quit my day job. I do not have one. Why? It is most likely due to the fact that dirty Mexicans like you hop across our border and take all of the jobs that Americans deserve. Goddamned Mexicans... ARRRRGH...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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dear asshole. thank you so much for the advice on sucking my own cock ( horsefly dick! ha ha ha ) so. on to my newest dilemma. it seems my brother's wife(who I've been porking on a regular basis )had her left tittie removed because of breast cancer .so now I find a titty fuck impossible! can you please help? because I've reemed out her pussy and assholeso much there's no alternitive. signed horsedork

Welcome Back HorseFlyDick!!

Let me be the first to welcome you to the all new, revamped TAA Column. It's amazing that you're having all of this sex with your brother's wife, and still getting time to get on a computer and put your small penis on a web cam chat room. Oh yeah, I've Seen you... or should I say Lack of You? Now I know, I'm going to catch heat for going into a male chat room, but my only excuse is that your feminine look and small package only helped to cloak you as a woman.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Hello advice asshole,

I've got one more question for you. Seeing al these nice pics on orsm.net I wonder where these girls are ? Ok, I do meet enough beautifull girls, but where are the beautifull girls that are openminded, apear on sites/photoshoots/ ...

Could you tell me that ?

Thx in advance,

Acda from Belgium

Acda? Wasn't that a bad 80's band?

Oh well I can't remember. Whatever. Well Acda, the open-minded, gorgeous women that are depicted on Orsm.net and other websites/videos/magazines are all imaginary. Those women don't exist. They are all generated by computer. CGI has come a long way...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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I have the opposite problem to most guys. When my girlfriend has a drink or two, she gets so horny, and gets on all fours and tells me to fuck her up the ass. Trouble is, it's so tight, and it hurts me a lot. And as she's bucking up and down, telling me to push more in, I'm in agony. Tried KY jelly and all sorts of lube, but it still hurts. Tried buying one of those German sausages, and ramming it up her, but all it did was bring her off more violently, and when I shoved my Todger in, it still hurt. Anyone got any ideas?

Mr. Can't Ass Fuck,

I've got the only advice applicable to your problem. SUCK IT UP. Any other man in the world would kill to have a woman as easy as yours. If you can't handle it, give her up so another MAN can take advantage of that great pleasure: ANAL SEX. Thanks.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Dear Advice Asshole,

I dated this girl for something close to 4 months, and since then have fallen head over ass with her. Unfortunately, she has gone completely ballistic, and hates me to no end. I still care for her, have no idea what went wrong, and I still feel that she somehow-deep inside-cares for me too.

Please help,

-Completely fuct in Maryland

Mr. Fuct in Maryland,

The answer to your problem is quite obvious. Enlarge your penis. She wouldn't have left if you could have satisfied her. And that stems toward your other comment; "I still feel that she somehow-deep inside-cares for me too." If you weren't so tiny, you could have been DEEP INSIDE of HER.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong...

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com


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