Revolutionising an update
near you - welcome to Orsmnet, welcome to April and welcome
to another huuuge update!
I'm guessing by this
point you guy's have noticed a few changes in this weeks
update especially compared to every other update I've
done up until this point in the life of Orsmnet. I'm
also guessing that pretty much every single one of you is
bursting to have the question of "what the fuck!?"
answered. Well it's kind of complicated but I shall
do my best to explain... I've gone gay.
Before you close this window
and move on please allow me to clarify. By saying I've
gone gay I don't mean that I'm officially off chicks and
spending my spare time at the local gay clubs, walking around
in pants with the ass cut out of them or buying a convertible.
It's more a case of after spending over four years running
this site and posting tens of thousands of pictures of beautiful
naked women - I'm bored out of my brain looking at them. Completely
over it like you couldn't possibly imagine!
I can't remember
the last time I was truly blown away by a set of pics or model
that I've posted on the site. It's become repetitive
and boring. You could argue that all the chicks I post aren't
that good and I should find better ones but its to the point
where I swear I have seen every single chick on the web at
least twice and if I have to look at another set of fake tits
or one more chick with shaved bits I'll go out of my
Admittedly the change in
content is fairly drastic and I am not naive enough to think
there isn't going to be a few complaints and possibly
even a backlash of some kind. All I'm asking is that
you guys keep an open mind and bare with me as the coming
weeks and months are definitely going to bring some even bigger
surprises as we explore some unchartered territory together
on this site.
I realise that the gay
thing is not everyone's cup of tea and I understand
that but I sincerely hope and believe that my readership is
mature enough to put peer pressure and societal stigmas aside
and embrace this change as a step forward for your own personal
By this stage everyone
is probably wondering if I have actually been
converted or not right? Am I a 'fag'? Well that's a hard
one to answer and I'm not convinced that I should open my
mouth on the matter...
Over the years I've gone
to great lengths to keep anything overtly private or identifying
off the site for fear of having my privacy breached - just
because I blog doesn't mean that I need to involve the world
with every little detail of my life plus lets not forget once
something is online it's
I'm getting away from answering
the question here. At the moment the answer is no. I don't
have a partner of any kind and I've never been 'with' another
male before. This isn't to say that I am actively seeking
out the man of my dreams or anything like that but I do have
an open mind to such things. On the other hand little Miss
Right could walk through the door tomorrow and I'll end up
doing the 2.4 kids and house in the suburbs thing with never
having known otherwise. Fate can be cruel so I refuse to speculate
I want to go or how I'm going to get there.
This isn't just one
of those things. I didn't wake up this morning and decide
I need to rapidly change my lifestyle - it's actually
something I've been thinking about for a year now...
almost to the day funnily enough. What I would like from you
guys is to be cool, be patient and give me a chance to find
my feet with all this stuff. Enjoy the update.
I'll be updating again
in the next 24 hours to give you all a run down on what the
feedback has been on the new Orsmnet so please check back!
You can drop me a line here
and tell me what you think!
Happy April Fools! I'll
be swapping this update out for the proper one on Friday night
after I have sucked enough people in! -Orsm
If you've been reading my site for any
period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
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so... it's because Newbie
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did I mention it's all free too? Check
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Pages and pages of pussy are available
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I can think of two reasons why you haven't
checked out Revenge
TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and
haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of
the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you
are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands
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A young army private is home
on leave. He is talking to his dad about his experience at
jump school while learning to be a paratrooper."Dad" he says,
"on my first jump, I froze up at the door on the plane. A
big black sergent standing behind me told me that if I didn''t
jump, he was gonna cram about 12 inches of dick up my ass."
"Well did you jump?" asks his dad. "Just a little at first"
answered the boy.
Two gay guys were in the shower together when one looked down
and saw a puddle of white liquid. He said to the other man
What did I tell you about farting in the shower?
Four gay guys walk into a bar and start arguing over who's
penis is longer. Well the bar tender finally got sick of hearing
them arguing so told them he had a way to solve this problem.
He told them to stick their penis' on the bar and he'd tell
them who's was bigger. Well just as the put them up there,
another gay guy walks in and yells "I'll have the buffet!"
Young Johnny had been blind since birth.
His mother had always explained to him that it was God's will
and must be accepted. One Sunday, Johnny's mom came home from
church and told Johnny that she'd had a conversation with
God and He agreed that it was time to let Johnny see. "He
said if you'll pray real hard and fast every day this week,
next Sunday you'll be able to see. Young John hardly ate a
bite that week and spent his every waking hour praying and
waiting for Sunday. By Saturday night he was weak from hunger
and exhausted from praying and he dropped off to sleep in
great anticipation of morning. Johnny woke to the sound of
church bells on the soft Spring morning. He lay with his eyes
closed for several minutes to savor the coming event. Slowly,
he opened his eyes, and to his great dismay, realized he was
still blind. "Mom!" the lad yelled, "I still
His mother, touching the boy's head softly,
said... "Yes, I know Johnny, April Fool!"
I admit that this video made me laugh
my ass off. The guy probably thought he was taking home
two women for a night of hot, passionate love making.
After a few drinks and maybe a bit of foreplay he was
introduced to the world of homosexuality and transsexuals
in one fowl swoop. He's probably still not walking right.
Tranny Dupe -
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A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have
a pet and goes to a pet shop. After looking around he spots
a parrot sitting on a little perch - it doesn't have any feet
or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what
happened to this parrot?" "I was born this way,"
says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It
sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and
answered me." "I understand every word," says
the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly
educated bird." "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then
answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little
embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap
my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like
a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand
and answer; can't you?" "Of course. I speak both
Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence
on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics,
philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should
buy me; I am a great companion." The guy looks at the
$200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."
"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over
with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have
any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."
The guy offers twenty dollars and walks
out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational.
He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands
everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is
delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot
says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing.
The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I
should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but
it's about your lover and the mailman."
"What?" asks the guy. "Well,"
the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today,
your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything
and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?"
asks the guy. "Then the mailman came into the house and
put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all
over," reports the parrot. "My God!" the guy
says. "Then what?" "Then he pulled down the
briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting
with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot
pauses for a long time... "What happened? What happened?"
says the frantic guy.
"That's what pisses me off. I don't
know." said the parrott. "I got a hard-on, and fell
off my fucking perch."
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Compared to most weeks it's been a little quieter on
the email front lately and depending on which way you look
at it, it's a good and bad thing. Good because it means
less work for me but bad because without it the site will
begin to increasingly look more and more blank. I guess what
I'm trying to say is click
here and send me some damn mail!
The Gestapo Music wrote:
Subject: Pic to add to your collection
Hey! I was at the local airshow
with some friends over the weekend and we noticed
this rather happy soldier. This was some kind of kids
play area, and I just didnt see it that way! Love
the site. Peace
Seems somebody has taken
it upon themselves to plant the recruitment seeds
Subject: pics of friend passed out with pants down
hey, i'll make this brief, we have
a friend that's always bragging to our girlfriends
about how hung he is. we had a party the other week
and we all were smashed ! after his usual bragging
session, our friend passed out cold. well, the girls
decided to pants him and find out once and for all
what he's been bragging about ! man ! he barely had
enough to see, LOL !!! i'm attaching the pics that
we took after the girls exposed him, hope you will
post them on the site.
can u put this on ur site emaill
me back wiv the answer
Subject: Quick laugh
Hey man, love the site, well done
good sir. I've been dwelling around here awhile, never
had anything to send in, but for some reason beyond
my comprehension, these guys make me laugh my balls
off, check out the thundercunt in the middle, can
you define colour-blind??? Anyways, don't post the
e-mail, cause who knows what kind of sick shit these
web surfers would send me.
hey i was wondering if could but
these pics on ur site cos ive always wanted to be
on it because its the number 1 site on the net. thnks
I'm not sure I want to know
what's going on there... -Orsm
Subject: roast chicken
Mates stupid stunt called roast chicken
Yo dude, I was sitting at my PC
going thru some old pics and I saw this one taken
in the Maldives a few years ago. This is a pic of
my brothers' "weasel". The other one is
just a pic we did for fun. Great site.
Subject: Holiday in Ibiza - anyone interested???
Hi. Some lads I know are heading
to Ibiza this summer but they need 4 more people to
get a super package deal in a villa, it will work
out at around $99 for the week with flights, any takers?
Attached is a picture of the lads causing havoc in
Amsterdam last year! If you're not up for it please
forward this on to people who might be, let me know!
John invited his mother over for dinner.
During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome
John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns'
sexual orientation and this only made her more curious. Over
the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between John and the
roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John
volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I
assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Mark came to John and
said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been
unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't
suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well,
I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying
you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying
you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, John received a letter
from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying
that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you
'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he
was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy
ladle by now. Love, Mum."
Three friends - two straight guys and a
gay guy - and their significant others were on a cruise. A
tidal wave came up and swamped the ship. They all drowned,
and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and
his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let
you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you
even married a woman named Penny."
Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry,
can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved
to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!"
The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and
whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
MISSION: CONVERT AS MANY STRAIGHT GUYS AS POSSIBLE!
BOYS FIRST TIME BRINGS TRUE REALITY RIGHT TO YOUR DESKTOP!
As he drove along the highway, a guy kept
seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words:
Visit the Garden of Hedon . His curiosity got the best of
him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place
a few miles down the road. He went inside a building marked
"Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting
at a desk.
"Exactly what do you do here?"
he asked. "It's quite simple," said the receptionist.
"This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and
commune with nature."
"Cool," said the guy, "count
me in!" So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear
and strolled off. As he walked along a path, he saw a big
sign which read, "Beware of Gays." A little further
along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware
He continued walking until he came
to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.
He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry,
you've had two warnings!"
REAL GAY BLIND DATES FILMED
AS THEY HAPPEN! WATCH THE MAGIC! WATCH THE CHEMISTRY!
SEE WHO GOES HOME WITH WHO!
This guy walks into a bar and two steps
in, he realises it's a gay bar. "But what the heck,"
he says, "I really want a drink." When the gay waiter
approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name
of your penis?" The customer says, "Look, I'm not
into any of that. All I want is a drink." The gay waiter
says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell
me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,'
for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of
the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender
tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The
customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping
on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?" The fella
proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps
A little shaken, the customer turns to
the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita
and says, "So, what do you call your penis?" The
man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because
'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven
a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think
for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis.
Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The
name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer." The
bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled
look asks, "Why secret?" The customer says, "Because
it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
Two lovers fall on hard times and decided
to rob a bank together. The first lover plans the robbery
and goes over the plan with the second lover in great detail.
The robbery begins.
The first lover drives up in front of the
bank, stops the car and says to the other lover, "I want
to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed
to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes
with the cash. Do you understand the plan?". "Perfectly,"
He goes in the bank while the other waits
in the getaway car. One minute passes, two minutes pass...
seven minutes pass - and the first lover is really stressing
out. Finally, the bank doors burst open and out he comes.
He's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the
car. About the time he gets the safe in the trunk of the car,
the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming
The guard's pants and underwear are down
around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the guys
are getting away, the first lover says "I thought you
understood the plan!" The second lover said, "I
did! I did exactly what you said!" "No, you idiot,"
he replied. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the
GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
Well guys and girls that is pretty much
all I'm good for this week. I hope that you've enjoyed this
little foray into what is the future of the site. If not,
well it's still only April and we've got the rest of the year
to try and make you think otherwise....
Until next time be good, stay off the chem’s
and RIP Paul Hester. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.