This has been around for
years but its still one of the best stories I have
had the pleasure of reading...
For all of you who occasionally have a
really bad day, when you just need to take it out
on someone... don't take that bad day out on someone
you know, take it out on someone you don't know!
Read this guy's experience:
Now get this: I was sitting at my
desk when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying,
"Hello?" I politely said, "This is
Fred Hanifin, and could I please speak to Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down (he hung up on
I couldn't believe anyone could be
that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
called her. She had transposed the last two digits.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number
still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it
again. When the same person answered again, I yelled,
"You're an asshole!" and hung up. Next to
his phone number, I wrote the word 'asshole' and put
it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when
I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call
him. He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!"
It always cheered me up.
Later in the year, the phone company
introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment
for me - I would probably have to stop calling the
asshole. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his
number. When I heard, "Hello?" I made up
a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the
telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're
familiar with our caller ID program?" He answered
"No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly
called him back and said, "That's because you're
The reason I took the time to tell
you this story is to show you how, if there's ever
anything really bothering you, you can do something
about it! Just dial 823-4863!!
Keep reading -- it gets better
An old lady at the shopping center
really took her time pulling out of a parking spot
at a very slow pace. I didn't think she was ever going
to leave. Finally, her car began to move, and she
started to v-e-r-y slowly back out of the slot. I
backed up a little more to give her plenty of room
to maneuver. "Great," I thought, "she's
finally leaving." All of a sudden, a black Mercedes
came flying up the parking aisle, going the wrong
direction, and pulled into her space. I hit the horn
and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was
here first!" The guy climbed out of his Mercedes,
completely ignoring me. He walked toward the shopping
center as if he hadn't heard me. I thought to myself,
"This guy's an asshole. There sure are a lot
of assholes in this world." Then I noticed he
had a "For Sale" sign in the back window
of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted
for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting
at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after
calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an asshole!"
(it's really easy since I have his number on speed
dial now).I noticed the phone number of the guy with
the black Mercedes lying on my desk and figured I'd
better call this guy, too. After a couple of rings,
someone answered the phone and said, "Hello?"
I said, "Is this the guy with the black Mercedes
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where
I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802
West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's
parked right out front."
"What's your name?"
"My name's Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to
catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen, Don, can I tell
"Don, you're an asshole!"
And I slammed the phone down. After I hung up, I added
Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. I must say,
for a while things seemed to be going much better
for me. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes
Then, after several months of calling
the assholes and hanging up on them, it just wasn't
as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone speed dial
asshole number 1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?"
I yelled, "You're an asshole!" but I didn't
The asshole said, "Are
you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling
I said, "Make me."
He said, "What's your
So I told him, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you
I answered, "1802 West
34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Mercedes
is parked out front."
"I'm coming over right
now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really
scared, asshole!" and I hung up. Then I called
asshole number 2.
He answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, asshole."
He said, "If I ever find
out who you are ..."
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance
... I'm coming over right now, asshole!" And
I hung up.
I then picked up the phone and called
the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street
and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as I got home. Then I made another quick call to Channel
13 about the gang war going on down on West 34th Street.
After that, I climbed into my car
and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole
thing. Glorious satisfaction - watching the two assholes
kicking the crap out of each other in front of six
squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew was
one of the greatest experiences of my life.
The story you have just
read is true - but the names have been changed.