It was getting a little crowded in Heaven,
so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was
that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer
day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at
noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01pm, the first person
came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering
the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in,
I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I
came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught
my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I
immediately began searching for him. My wife was half-naked and
yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was
about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and
noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped
on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know
it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he
didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the
first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.
Oddly enough the first thing I thought of was
the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony,
and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed
him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart
attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically,
the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel
announces, "Ok sir, welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven,"
and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To
the Angel's surprise, it was Vernon Jordan. "Mr. Jordan, before
I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when
Jordan said, "No problem. But you're not
going to believe this. I was on the balcony of the 26th floor apartment
doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot or pressure so
I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress.
I guess I got a little carried away, slipped,
and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch
myself by my finger tips on the balcony below mine. But all of a
sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing,
and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees
and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall so I didn't die right
away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move
and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of
all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on
top of me killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Jordan
finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy,"
he thinks to himself. "Very well, sir," the Angel announces.
"Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Vernon
A few seconds later, President Clinton comes
up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts
of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally
he says, "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the
day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this;
I'm naked inside a refrigerator..."