|To qualify for 'battler' status you
mass pass the following exam with a 90% mark or better...
1. Wrestle a croc to the ground
with your bare hands
a) Bonus points if you can stick
b) Bonus points if done in a bikini
c) Bonus points issued if you can wrestle the croc and Steve Irwin
2. Must be able to talk like an aussie:
IE - Aww crikey mate your a bit of
a drongo but its ok, the guys at the pub want some XXXX and the
Torana is revved and rarin to go. Just get the pity and we will
dump the missus with the brats. Now dont be a darn gallaha, now
This is scored on the ability to use
words that are never used in other places in the world in the same
context and still pertaining to AUS heritage.
3. Must be able to shoot a Kangaroo
in your back yard while standing in the tray on a pick up truck,
while it is travelling at 80kms an hour.
a) Bonus points if it is night time
b) Bonus points if you’re holding both the gun and the spotty
c) Extreme bonus points if you and the drivers are "tanked"
4. Must have an official AUS uniform.
Thongs, shorts and a shirt. Nothing else. Thongs are optional depending
on what area of town you are walking through.
5. Must be able to pull 14 crab pots out of the water
and take the crabs out in under an hour.
a) Bonus points if done in 30 mins
b) Bonus points if the crab pots are not yours
c) Bonus points if done while state fisheries are watching and your
pulling undesize ones out of the pots.
6. You must own an Australian pet. Choices are:
b) Blue Heeler
c) Some kind of dog that cannot be identified due to too much cross
and in breeding
d) A croc
7. Must own a barbeque and a fridge
full of "piss". The fridge and the barbeque size are proportional
to how great an Aussie you are.
8. Must own a least one car that has Australian recognition.
a) Torana prior 1980
b) Datsun 120Y prior 1978
c) Gemini prior 1980
d) Holden prior 1980
e) Ford prior 1980
f) Kingswood prior 1980
Bonus points are issued if:
a) The car is still in working order
and you still drive it
b) The car is parked in your back yard with the wheels missing and
the engine being rebuilt in the kitchen of your home.
c) Extra credit is awarded if you own both a new and old Holden