|CANADIAN JOKE # 1
After the North American Beer Festival,
all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and
says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the
best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only
beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors."
He gets it.
The guy from Molson sits down and says, "Give
me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives
him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him
and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson's?" The Molson
president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking
beer, neither would I.
CANADIAN JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street
with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and
asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?" "I
got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob. "Oh!" exclaims
Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie.
He went to the neurosurgeon and asked, "Is there anything you
can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon.
"All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll
be a Newfie." He was very pleased, and immediately underwent
the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead
of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally
cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful,
and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered
from the anaesthetic.
As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon
said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident.
Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out
2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous
avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between
Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades;
the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
In Canada, we have two seasons...six
months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American,
and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each
buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their
beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman
pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the
offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing
happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started
shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT
CANADIAN JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in
Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper,
or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!"
yelled the Quebecer.
An American, a Scot and a Canadian
were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same
emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived.
Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred
and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present
asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I
remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then
the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.
St.Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die,
and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So
of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next
thing I knew I was back here."
That's amazing!" said the one of
the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American,
"the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was
waiting for the government to pay his."