| Wayne Carey wakes up one morning,
showers and puts on his best tracksuit ready for another
hard days work of being an overpaid footballer.
Catching sight of himself in the mirror he thinks,
"By God, Wayne, you're looking good this morning".
He admires the fine cut of his outfit and the Neat
trim of his hair, and flexes his biceps.
"Feeling good, too" he notes proudly at
the firm swell of muscle underneath the tight tracksuit
he was wearing.
He enters the kitchen downstairs where his wife hands
him a bowl of cornflakes. "You're looking fit
this morning, Wayne". "You don't have to
tell me..," says the thick tosser appreciatively.
I feel good as well."
"But you're not smelling so good, mind you "
comments his beloved. Wayne takes a sniff. "You're
right there." he says worriedly. "I am smelling
a bit rough."
He eats his
cereal, downs his coffee, and sets off for Arden Street.
"Good morning, Denis," he grins at Denis
Pagan. "It's a fine morning Wayne," says
Dennis, "and you're looking really good."
"Why thank you. I look good and I feel pretty
good as well," says Wayne flexing both arms for
his benefit. "Oh Wayne!" winces Denis in
disgust, "you smell awful!"
Worried, Wayne visits his doctor. "Doc, I've
got a problem. I look good, I feel great, but I smell
awful." The doc reaches down for his medical
dictionary. "You look good," he scans down
the page, "you feel great....but.....smell awful.
Hmmm yes..."
"It's quite
simple, Wayne," the doctor says "You're
a Cunt.
--------------------------------------------
Having
a BBQ this Sunday
Wayne Carey's coming
Bring your missus.
--------------------------------------------
Q. What has
Ansett and Anthony Stevens wife got in common?
A. Both have been fucked by Big Kangaroos.
--------------------------------------------
"IT WASN'T ME" -
By Wayne Carey, sung to the tune of Shaggy's song
of the same name :
Wayne : (knock, knock, knock)
Open up man..
Shaggy : Yo Wayne, whazzuuup??
Wayne : Stevo caught me man...
Shaggy : You let him CATCH you??
Wayne : I dunno what I was thinkin
Shaggy : With who?
Wayne : My best mates chick,
Kellie.......... I dont know what to do?
Shaggy : Say it wasn't you...
Wayne : Alright....
Wayne : Stevo came in and he caught
me red-handed, bangin' on the bathroom floor, Picture
this, I was slammin' his missus, we hadn't been caught
before. How was I to keep him from what he was about
to see? All this time he was standing there, I was
feeding her a pound of meat.
Shaggy : You never pork the missus
of your real good mate, Even if she flashes and offers
you the bait You can't apologise and wipe clean the
slate If you think with your dick, you gotta live
with the fate..
You were the captian of the kangaroos
doesnt matter if youve been gunning the booze Because
of all this your careers gonna lose just because stevos
chick couldnt hold the ooze
Wayne : But he caught me on
the locker..
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : Saw me banging in
the goal square
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : I even did her at
Dennis Pagans
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : Eddie Maguire caught
me on camera
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : He saw the rubbers
in his drawer
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : What shit could I
tell him
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : As his bitching got
louder
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : I screamed "I
Quit, its over"
Wayne : Stevo came in and he caught
me red-handed bangin' on the bathroom floor,Picture
this, I was poundin' his missus, shoulda shut the
bathroom door. Why did he drag me out for all of the
group to see? With my strides around my ankles, I
said "Hey Guys, It Wasn't Me"!!
Shaggy : You can say goodbye to your
new 3 year deal, All because YOU couldn't re-sist
a feel. Make sure you look for poison in your next
cooked meal. No more footy, pinch yourself, yes it's
real!!
Now your lookin to head up north
to Syd-ney Screw pluggers chick and youll lose a Kidney
Thats my advice and it is for free no bloody chance
of another captaincy
Wayne : But he caught me on
the forward line.
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : Saw me banging in
the back yard
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : I even did her at
Spider Burtons
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : Eddie Maguire caught
me on camera
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : He used to take marks
on my shoulder
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : Was the shit that
I told him
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : As his bitching got
louder
Shaggy : It wasnt me
Wayne : I screamed "I
Quit, its over"
Wayne : Stevo came in and he
caught me red-handed, bangin' on the bathroom floor
Picture this, I was ridin' his woman, coulda gave
her three inch more. I was stupid not to close the
door, so everyone else could see. Why did Sal' not
believe me when I told her it wasn't me?,
Gonna tell Dennis that I'm sorry
for the pain that I've caused but the purple headed
warrior just had to be gorged....
I'll tell Channel 9 that I'm sorry
for the pain that I've caused, I thought I was more
than a player, not a loser in love.
Wayne : Stevo came in and he
caught me red-handed, bangin' on the bathroom floor,
Picture this, I was slammin' his missus, we hadn't
been caught before. How was I to keep him from what
he was about to see? All this time he was standing
there, Roo Boy was humping at his feet.
--------------------------------------------
"Football Nights
(to the tune of Summer Nights from Grease)"
Wayne Carey: "Anthony's wife, she's such a blast"
Kellie Stevens: "Sally's husband, always at full-mast"
Wayne: "She's a slut, crazy for me"
Kellie: "He's so easy, weak as can be"
Wayne: "Lisa's birthday, drinking away, oh I
love those football nights"
Teammates: "Well ah, well ah, well ah, well,
tell us more, tell us more"
President Aylett: "Did
he just grab her breast?"
Roos teammates: "Tell us more, tell us more"
Anthony Stevens: "The prick thinks he's the best!"
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh
...
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ...
Wayne: "Wanted to screw
her, oh what to do?"
Kellie: "Wayne was so randy, said come to the
loo"
Wayne: "She gave me her body, right in Glen's
house"
Kellie: "I pulled down his trousers, he ripped
at my blouse"
Wayne: "Lisa's birthday, shagging away, oh I
love those football nights"
Teammates: "Well ah, well ah, well ah, well,
tell us more, tell us more"
President Aylett: "But
he's such a great guy"
Roos teammates: "Tell us more, tell us more"
President Aylett:"This must all be a lie"
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh
...
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ...
Wayne: "Glen found us
at it, decked me with a right"
Kellie: "Glen dobbed to Anthony, oh what a fight"
Wayne: "Sally passed out, which was just as well"
Kellie: "I stayed in the toilet, wet as all hell"
Wayne: "Lisa's 30th, it's all come undone, oh
I hate those football
fights"
Teammates: "Well ah, well ah, well ah, well,
tell us more, tell us more"
President Aylett: "I
had to give Wayne the boot"
Roos teammates: "Tell us more, tell us more"
President Aylett:"All because of a root"
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh
...
Teammates: Uh-huh ... uh-huh ... uh-huh ...
(Slower now)
Wayne: "My life is over, I was addicted to sex"
Sally: "I'm in a clinic, our marriage he wrecks"
Kellie: "I signed a contract, with New Idea"
Anthony:"Turned out okay, I'll captain this year"
Wayne: "Oh Kangaroos, what have I done, oh I
hate those teammate's wives"
Wayne and Kellie: "Sex junky dreams, ripped at
the seams,
But ... oh those Football Ni-ights"
Ex-teammates: "Tell me more-or-or"
|
