The following are snippets of the almost constant
banter between players that goes on at Cricket games the world over.
It's just a shame they don't have microphones down on the picth
so we can keep informed of the rampant abuse!
When Australia toured New Zealand a few years
back and Blair Pocock was opening the batting for the Kiwis. Having
played and missed at a couple he was then approached by Mark Waugh
from slip. Waugh pointed at Pocock and said "oh yeah, I remember
you, you toured Australia a couple of years ago.
You were shit then too." Pocock then proceeded
to hit the next ball for four and pointed at Waugh and said "oh
yeah, I remember you too, you had that fucking ugly old girlfriend
... and then you went and married her you dumb cunt.".
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Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South
African no.11, after a 85mph delivery whistles past OB's chin):
"Why are you so fat?" OB says "Because every time
I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit".
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During Australia's last tour of South Africa
it was rumoured that Daryll Cullinan had been consulting a psychologist
to exorcise the demons that appeared whenever Shane Warne removed
his hat. No sooner had Cullinan arrived at the crease than Warne
snarled: "I'm going to send you straight back to your shrink."
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An English county bowler was having surprising
success against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd played
and missed at several balls. Foolishly, the bowler piped up "Hey
Viv, it's red and it's round." A steaming Richards cracked
the next ball into another postcode and told the bowler, "Hoy
mon. You know what it looks like - go fetch it."
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Merv Hughes was being Merv, aiming constant abuse
at English batsman Robin Smith. But having been told that he "couldn't
bat to save his fucking life", Smith smashed a four, walked
down the pitch and said: "Make a good pair, don't we? I can't
fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl."
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During a WSC final at the SCG where the game
had been shortened due to rain and the atmosphere was running at
about 95% humidity, a very exhausted Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that
he had "sprained" something. He duly asked the umpire
for a runner. As clear as a bell through the effects mic you heard
Healey's legendary reply "you don't get a runner for being
an overweight, unfit, fat cunt".
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