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Cricket... A Gentlemans Game...

The following are snippets of the almost constant banter between players that goes on at Cricket games the world over. It's just a shame they don't have microphones down on the picth so we can keep informed of the rampant abuse!

When Australia toured New Zealand a few years back and Blair Pocock was opening the batting for the Kiwis. Having played and missed at a couple he was then approached by Mark Waugh from slip. Waugh pointed at Pocock and said "oh yeah, I remember you, you toured Australia a couple of years ago.

You were shit then too." Pocock then proceeded to hit the next ball for four and pointed at Waugh and said "oh yeah, I remember you too, you had that fucking ugly old girlfriend ... and then you went and married her you dumb cunt.".

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Glenn McGrath (to Otto Brandes, tubby South African no.11, after a 85mph delivery whistles past OB's chin): "Why are you so fat?" OB says "Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit".

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During Australia's last tour of South Africa it was rumoured that Daryll Cullinan had been consulting a psychologist to exorcise the demons that appeared whenever Shane Warne removed his hat. No sooner had Cullinan arrived at the crease than Warne snarled: "I'm going to send you straight back to your shrink."

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An English county bowler was having surprising success against the great West Indian Viv Richards, who'd played and missed at several balls. Foolishly, the bowler piped up "Hey Viv, it's red and it's round." A steaming Richards cracked the next ball into another postcode and told the bowler, "Hoy mon. You know what it looks like - go fetch it."

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Merv Hughes was being Merv, aiming constant abuse at English batsman Robin Smith. But having been told that he "couldn't bat to save his fucking life", Smith smashed a four, walked down the pitch and said: "Make a good pair, don't we? I can't fucking bat and you can't fucking bowl."

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During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had been shortened due to rain and the atmosphere was running at about 95% humidity, a very exhausted Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained" something. He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell through the effects mic you heard Healey's legendary reply "you don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt".


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