EMAIL FORWARDERS 12 STEP PROGRAM...
1. I will NOT get bad luck,
lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T
forward a fucking email.
2. I will NOT hear any music
or see a taco dog, if I do forward a fucking e-mail.
3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send
me money, Victoria Secret doesn't know anything about
a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.
4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount
even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people
who are obviously as fucking stupid as me.
5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates,
coupons, or freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel,
Old Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10
6. I will NEVER see a pop-up
window if I forward an e-mail ...NEVER -- NEVER.
7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail
tracking program, and I am not STUPID enough to think
that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail
to 10 or more people who are as fucking stupid as
8. There is NO kid with cancer through
the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything!
He did when he was 7 years old. He is now cancer free
and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE OF YOUR
FUCKING POST CARDS, or GET-WELL CARDS.
9. The government does not have a
bill in Congress called 901B (or whatever they named
it this week) that, if passed, will enable them to
charge us 5 cents for every fucking e-mail we send.
10. There will be NO cool dancing,
singing, waving, colorful flowers, characters, or
program that I will rceive immediately after I forward
an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
11. The American Red Cross will NOT
donate 50 cents to certain individual dying of some
never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I
send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others
guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not
their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ.
If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes
in my yard will burn before he picks up a fucking
keyboard to pass it on.
Now, repeat this to yourself
until you have it memorized, and send it along to
at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon
or you will surely be constipated for the next three
months and all of your hair will fall out! Just Kidding...