| Obama has just been awarded the Heisman, after watching a football game. |
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| I have also received word that Obama has just won the Stanley Cup. |
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| As Obama was driving to pick up his Nobel Peace Prize, he accidentally won the NASCAR Sprint Cup. |
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| Obama threw 984 touchdowns and rushed for 3.8 brazilian yards, leading the Kenyan Unicorns to their first Super Bowl victory. Well done, Captain Awesome. |
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| Imma let you finish, Bearded Dude - but I deserve this Grammy: |
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| While you were getting a cup of coffee, Obama won the Tour de France. |
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| In a stunning development, Obama has been named Grand Wizard of the Peckerwood, Mississippi Kleagle Local #79. |
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