|LET'S RETIRE AT THE HILTON
nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Hilton. With the average
cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better
way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations
at the Hilton. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount,
its $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for:
Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout
room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and
razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. They treat you like
a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a day will have the
entire staff scrambling to help you.
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors
ride free. The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a
decent limp). To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.
For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at
one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport,
fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes.
Hilton will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in
one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Hilton there,
too. ..the wonderful Hilton Hawaiian Village and Spa.
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a
mattress replaced? No problem.
They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The
maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker
or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay
for the hip, and Hilton will upgrade you to a suite for the rest
of your life.
And no worries about visits from family. They
will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few
days mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can
you ask for?
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it
with a grin. "Just forward all my e-mails to the Hilton!"
Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends
and too much red wine, we came up with even more benefits the Hilton
provides to retirees:
Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, easy chairs
with ottomans, and satellite TV - all you need to enjoy a cosy afternoon.
After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free
local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant
where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Hilton's even
feature live entertainment on the weekends.
Often they have special offers, too, like the
Kids Eat Free Program. You can invite your grandkids over after
school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring
more than three friends.
If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish
about unfamiliar surroundings, in a Hilton you'll always feel at
home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same.
And if you're getting a little absent-minded
in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your
room - your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman
or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
I told Stephen Bollenback, CEO of Hilton this
story. I'm happy to report that he was positively ecstatic at the
idea of us checking in for a year or more at one of their hotels.
Stephen said we could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!
See you at the Hilton... and not just for a "Bounce
Back Weekend"...but for the rest of our lives! Happy Retirement!