RULES TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BY
Rome did not create
a great empire by having meetings; they did it by
killing all those who opposed them.
If you can stay calm, while all around
you is in chaos ... then you haven’t completely
understood the seriousness of the situation.
Doing the job RIGHT the first time
gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times
gives you job security.
Eagles may soar, but weasels
don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial intelligence is
no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the
face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don’t
succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow
what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK... means never having
to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue
until morale improves.
We waste time, so you don’t
Go the extra mile. It makes
your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is no substitute
for no alarm clock at all.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim low; Reach your goals,
It is always darkest before
dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbour’s
newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Never test the water with
If you think nobody cares
if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car
No one is listening until
you make a mistake.
Always remember you’re
unique, just like everyone else.
We are born naked, wet and
hungry. Then things get worse.
Do not walk behind me, for
I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand
miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tyre.
If at first you don’t
succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Experience is something you
don’t get until just after you need it.
A closed mouth gathers no
Don’t be irreplaceable;
if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be
Good judgement comes from
bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
I don’t have an attitude
problem - you have a perception problem.
I don’t suffer from
stress, I am a carrier.
A pat on the back is only
a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
Never argue with an idiot.
They drag you down to their level and then beat you
After any salary rise you
will have less money at the end of the month than
you did before.
Accept that some days you
are the pigeon and some days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a
parachute, if he isn’t there the first time,
chances are you won’t need him again.
Do not meddle in the affairs
of Dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good
I can only please one person
per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking
Following the rules will not
get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse
for not following the rules.
If it wasn’t for the
last minute, nothing would get done.
To err is human; to forgive
is not our policy.
On the keyboard of life, always
keep one finger on the escape key.
The more crap you put up with,
the more crap you are going to get.
If you are good you will be
assigned all the work. If you are really good, you
will get out of it.
People who go to conferences
are the people who shouldn’t.
When you don’t know
what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Eat one live toad in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest
of the day.
Important letters that contain
no errors will develop errors in the e-mail.
You can go anywhere you want
if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Never raise your hands to
your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
I’m not into working
out. My philosophy is "no pain, no pain".
I’m in shape. Round
is a shape.
I’ve always wanted
to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.