Naturally we begin with the topic foremost
on men’s minds. The average penis size for white males is
about 6.2 inches, so if you don’t quite measure up, don’t
worry: penis size has relatively little to do with one’s capacity
to pleasure. Remember: it ain’t the meat, it’s the motion.
The largest erect member in medical
literature would be the 14-inch organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben
in his book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1969).
Reuben didn’t divulge any source for this figure, and there
was no independent verification, so you may question his accuracy.
The largest medically verified penis on record is 13.5 inches long
and 6.25 inches around, documented in the early twentieth century
by Dr. Robert L. Dickinson. Other sources (Alfred Kinsey, Masters
and Johnson, etc.) mention specimens ranging from 9.5 to 12 inches.
Then there are the dubious claims
of immense penis size by various personages operating within the
sex industry (read: porn actors). These claims are almost invariably
false, the result of exaggeration and hype by unscrupulous dealers
hoping to hawk more products. Take the legendary Long Dong Silver,
for instance. Made famous by the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings,
his one enduring trait was his supposedly 18-inch penis. Totally
fraudulent, as it turns out; in fact, there are videos in which
he appears only normal sized.
Incidentally, if you wish to
pursue this matter on your own (anticipating a slow weekend, perhaps?)
you measure along the top.
LARGEST PENIS BY RACE
It is generally said that the penis of the
Negro is very large, so wrote German anthropologist Johann Friedrich
Blumenbach in 1795. And this assertion is so far borne out by the
remarkable genitory apparatus of an Ethiopian which I have in my
anatomical collection. Louis Jacolliet, a 19th century French writer
who spent three decades investigating penis size, had this to say:
In no branch of the human race are the male organs more developed
than in the African Negro. Certainly, the belief in the well-endowment
of the African race has an extensive history. But is it justified
by the facts?
Going strictly by the Kinsey
data, which still remains one of the most exhaustive studies on
penis size to date, the average white male has a penis measuring
6.2 inches long and 3.7 inches around, whereas the average black
male has a penis 6.3 by 3.8 inches, for a difference of 0.1 inches--not
what you’d call statistically significant. When it came to
flaccid length, however, blacks fared a little better: 4.3 inches
long, versus 4.0 inches for white males. So it may be, therefore,
that while those of African heritage appear larger initially, under
actual working conditions things tend to even out. You should consider
this a tentative hypothesis rather than a scientific fact, as there
were only 59 black respondents to the survey, versus 2,500 for whites.
There are several instances in medical literature
of penises that do not exceed 1 cm when fully erect, which doctors
call an (ahem) micropenis. Those unfortunate enough to be equipped
with these diminutive organs can undergo reconstructive surgery
to extend it to about 3 inches, which I guess is an improvement.
SMALLEST PENIS BY
Inhabiting the low end of the penile spectrum
are those of the Asian persuasion, specifically those of Chinese,
Japanese, Korean, or Vietnamese descent. Hard data supporting this
claim comes from The Definitive Penis Size Survey, a website maintained
by Richard Edwards and dedicated to answering the imponderable mysteries
surrounding mans most cherished appendage (the mysteries related
to size, anyway). Among the interesting titbits we gleam from his
work, now in its sixth edition, is a graph correlating different
erect sizes with race. The final tally: Caucasians on average measure
6.5 inches (16.5 cm), whereas the average Asian measures--5.5 inches
Those who have more than one penis have
a condition called diphallasparatus (yes, there are medical names
for everything). An extremely rare disorder (fewer than 80 cases
have been reported), it has nonetheless been exhaustively investigated
by the medically bent. The results of such studies can be summed
by the following snappy observations:
Those in possession of a diphallus
tend to be sterile, due to either congenital defects or difficulties
Urine may be passed by both penises,
by only one, or, incredibly, through some other aperture in the
All manner of duplications have
been met, ranging from organs that fissure into two to the presence
of two distinct penises positioned at some distance from each other.
Most diphallus lay side by side
and are of equal size, but they can be seated atop one another,
with one distinctly larger than the other.
Finally, I should note that double
the meat doesn’t necessarily mean double the fun. Most sufferers
are unable to perform sexually, which must be one of the all-time
bummers. Still, for those able to function it certainly lends itself
to some interesting diversity of technique.
Dr. Jørn Ege Siana, a Danish plastic
surgeon whose been in the penis lengthening biz for quite some time
(he’s performed over 1,100 operations), claims to have set
a world record by surgically extending a penis by a full 14.5 cm
(5.7 inches). The patient was an unidentified 42-year-old originally
outfitted with 1.8-inch tool. After the successful operation he
issued a press release and backed up his claim with lurid before
and after pictures, which you may peruse on his website. Jørn
credits his achievement to new surgical techniques and later stretching
the penis with the JES-Extender, a rack-like device of his own invention
that looks more like something the KGB would use to extract a confession
than an instrument of post-operative recovery. Siana said, admittedly
this case is unique, as penis enlargement is typically in the range
of five to seven centimetres (2 to 2.7 inches).
LARGEST PHALLI COLLECTION
No, the holder of this record is not Lorena
Bobbit. In ancient times a passel of penises taken from your vanquished
enemies was considered the ultimate post-battle war trophy, displayed
with such grisly prominence as you would today the head of an antelope.
When Egyptian troops invaded Libya in thirteenth century BC they
took home a total of 13,230 penises, and a stone relief in Thebes
depicts a band of victors amassing a pile of 3000 phalli before
the king. Egyptians weren’t the only ones to emasculate their
foes. Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, conquered Jerusalem in the
sixth century BC and cut from thousands of Jewish prisoners what
the rabbis had left behind.
The ideal testicle, which we are clearly
not talking about here, should measure about 4 cm long and 2 cm
broad. Victims of elephantiasis, a disease caused by the obstruction
of lymph vessels due to parasitic filarial worms, may find their
gonads swelling to the size of a watermelon and beyond. The largest
on record is an African whose scrotum weighed 154 lbs. and measured
almost 2 ft. in diameter. Fortunately, an available drug called
diethylcarbamazine is effective in killing the worm larvae and reducing
The presence of more than two testicles--called
polyorchidism by urology buffs--is rare but not unheard of. About
75 cases have been reported to date, most of which possessed three
testes. On occasion, however, a mutant is born with four or even
Large breasts are another subject that appeals
to MD’s prurient interests, so cases are bountiful in sex
literature. After reviewing a number of photos (hey, it’s
all for science), I’ve seen mammaries ranging from huge to
unimaginably colossal. The Sexual Anatomy of Woman by W. F. Benedict
tells the cases of one 14-year-old who had breasts weighing 16 lbs.
and of a woman of thirty who had knockers weighing 21 pounds each.
Another book, Human Oddities by Martin Monestier, thoughtfully encloses
a topless photo of a woman with 44-pound breasts measuring 33 inches
Now it seems China wants in on
the act. In 1995 their official news agency Xinhua ran the headline,
Twelve-year-old Sprouts Gargantuan Breasts. Sounds like our kind
of journalism. Each breast of Ting Jiafen, of Changba village, Gudong
Township, Pingtang County, has grown to dimensions of 48 cm long
and 30 cm high, weighing about 10 kg, it reported (meaning Ting
would wear a size S bra, assuming they made them that big). Her
mother, Chen Guoxia, elaborated, her breasts began to grow last
February, and they were as large as fists by May, getting bigger
and bigger afterwards.
Whatever might be said about
her breasts from an aesthetic standpoint, they’ve been nothing
but trouble for Ting, who’s been plagued with health problems.
In early 1993 she became ill and lost the ability to walk. She recovered,
but then suffered blindness and now has to quit school to undergo
Extra breasts is called polymastia. In 1886,
one Professor Neugenbauer presented to the French Academy of Medicine
a woman with ten individual lactating breasts. Three months later,
Dr. P. J. Stoyanoff exhibited a 23-year-old Polish woman who also
had eight additional hooters, all of which secreted milk. Men sometimes
develop enlarged pectorals too, an anomaly called gynecomastia.
In 1894, Dr. Damon examined a male patient who possessed six extra
pectoral breasts, for a total of eight.
Most likely belonged to Scottish giantess
Anna Swan (1846-1888), a remarkable woman who set a number of records
relating to her bulk. Born normally sized, she began growing at
a prodigious rate in childhood, finally reaching a maximum height
of 7 8 at age 19. Capitalizing on her huge size, she joined a side
show and toured the country, where she met and fell in love with
Captain Martin Bates, another giant who measured over 7 feet tall.
They wed in 1872, making them the tallest married couple in the
world, a record that still stands today. The couple settled down
into married life, built a mansion filled with enormous furniture,
including an 11 by 7 bed where they consummated their union. On
June 18, 1879, she gave birth to the largest baby in history, weighing
26 lbs. and 34 inches in length—so large, in fact, that it
became tightly wedged in her capacious tract, only extricated by
the use of forceps and belts. The child did not survive the rigors
of birth, but a cast was made, still on display at the Cleveland
Museum of Health.
Generally the largest part of
an infant is the head. We know that the tykes cranium measured about
19 inches in circumference, hence we compute the minimum dilation
of Swans passage as 6 inches, or just over 15 cm. That’s pretty
wide—the normal dilation for childbirth is 10 cm.
The smallest vaginas are almost too little
to be measured, being a mere depression in the pubic area. Structurally
complete vaginas, i.e. mucous linings and uterine connections are
all in place, can be as small as 2 or 3 centimetres. Various measures
can be taken to correct this condition, from surgical construction
of a vaginal passage to the use of perineal dilators. Then again,
maybe they could just hook up with guys similarly endowed.
In extremely rare cases women are born
with two vaginas, though, oddly enough, the condition goes unnoticed
until she reaches sexual maturity. Various degrees of doubling up
can occur: two vaginal tracts but only one external orifice, two
orifices that fuse into a single tract, or two complete separate
openings with two uteruses and four ovaries. Corrective surgery
is available, and if treated shortly after birth the prognosis for
long-term recovery is excellent.
Odd that an organ that has been largely
ignored for most of history (by male anatomists, anyway) should
suddenly see a flurry of research and speculation in the last 500
years. But you know what they say about men paying attention to
their wives. Heres one account by John Davenport in Aphrodisiacs
and Love Stimulants (Lyle Stuart, 1966):
A remarkable instance is given
by [Sir Edward] Home. It occurred in a Negress who was purchased
by General Melville, in the island of Dominica, in the West Indies,
about the year 1744. She was of the Mandango nation, twenty-four
years of age, her breasts were very flat, she had a rough voice
and a masculine countenance. The clitoris was two inches long [5
cm], and in some instances resembled a common-sized thumb. When
viewed at some distance the end appeared round and of a red colour,
but upon closer examination was found to be more pointed than that
of a penis, and having neither prepuce nor perforation; when handled
it became erected, and was in that state fully 3 inches long and
much thicker than before…The other parts of the female organs
were found to be in a natural state.
One wonders who was doing the
handling here, but the passage doesn’t say. In 1824 another
doctor, identified as Otto at Breslau, reported seeing an African
women with a clitoris 4½ inches long and 1½ inches
diameter (11.4 by 3.8 cm), said to form a complete covering of the
vaginal orifice. Another doctor, Bainbridge, related the case of
enlarged clitoris in a woman of thirty-two whose organ was five
inches in length (13 cm) and about the diameter of a quiescent penis.
In what may be the ultimate expression of medial one-uppance, an
1813 French medical encyclopaedia even goes as far as to claim existence
of a monstrous twelve-inch specimen (31 cm!), said to be like the
neck of a goose. This seems preposterous: come on, most guys aren’t
even that hung. A more credible claim would be from the 18th century
Swiss biologist Albrecht von Haller, who is said to have come across
a woman with a monstrous clitoris measuring no less than seven inches
long (18 cm).
As an aside, it’s kind
of interesting to read the sort of goofy speculation some male chroniclers
make on large clitorises. One claim, shared by Robert L. Dickinson,
he of the largest penis fame, and Alfred Kinsey, is that they were
strictly utilized as [a] copulator by lesbians. Well, maybe. But
don’t you think you’d have to own the equipment before
you make any claims on how to operate it?
LONGEST LABIA MINORA
Women of several African tribes artificially
enlarge their labia to remarkable lengths. Beginning as young lasses,
females of the Venda and Benin tribes (located in southern and western
Africa, respectively) tug constantly on their labia to elongate
them. Sometimes the girls will band together and assist one another.
Sort of like a kinky version of a knitting circle, I guess. The
labia can hang as much as 7 inches in length, much to the delight
of the menfolk, who find women with lengthened lips very desirable.
In case you’re wondering how they manage with such ponderous
equipment, they often push the long labia into the vaginal orifice
to protect them during normal household chores.
Excessive buttock tissue, called steatopygous,
or fat-arsed (as opposed to callipygous: possessing beautiful buttocks;
adds that certain mellifluous touch to your locker-room conversations)
is rare but not unheard of. The largest examples can be found in
the Hottentot tribe of Africa, who possess moons that would make
Sir Mix-A-Lot envious. In their most developed state, each buttock
can be two or three feet across.
For some creatures, two sexes is simply
too stifling. For example, crustaceans of the genus Tanais have
two distinct forms. In one form the males have numerous smelling
threads, in the other form males have more powerful pincers to hold
the female during copulation. Thus, one type of male finds many
females but cannot secure them as easily; the other type finds fewer
but hangs on to them with great tenacity. As a result both male
types reproduce approximately the same.
The dating scene becomes even
more complex in the protozoan world. Creatures in the genus Chlamydomonas,
a type of single-celled algae, have no less than 10 sexes. Rather
than regard them as male and female, most biologists simply refer
to them as mating type plus and minus (mt+ and mt-), and note which
plusses mate with which minuses (though they don’t have too--all
chlamydomonas organisms are perfectly happy reproducing on their
own). The record holder for the most number in a species is the
single-celled Paramecium Amelia, which has eight different sexes.
Makes sense--if bisexuality doubles ones chances of getting a mate,
just think of how well octosexual critters do.
MOST SEX ORGANS
The ignoble tapeworm, 3,500 species of flattened,
intestinal parasites that’s the scourge of vertebrates the
world over, also has the most sexual organs of any living being.
The adult tapeworm has a head, or scolex, equipped with tiny hooks
for attachment to the intestinal lining of the host. From the scolex
body segments sprout, each containing a complete set of sexual organs,
both male and female. Once properly situated a typical worm grows
anywhere from a millimetre to nine meters long (0.04 inches to 30
feet) and screws itself over, literally. Each segment mates with
itself and grows eggs, which are washed away by the host’s
digestive wastes. Under the right conditions these suckers can get
pretty big: the largest ever found measured over 70 meters in length
(230 ft.) and had over 11,000 segments, or over 22,000 individual
As any rational person would have expected,
the largest organisms ever to exist on earth would also have the
largest endowments. Among land animals, African bull elephants lead
the pack with their 5 to 6 ft. Extremities. Whale penises, called
dorks (yes, when called a dork in grade school you were actually
being compared to a whale schlong), are the largest in the world,
the blue whale being the champ with phalli approximately 10 ft.
Long and 1 ft. in diameter. Its smaller cousins, notably the appropriately
named humpback and sperm whale, have penises that measure 9 feet
or so. Makes you wonder if this is what Melville had in mind when
he chose the title Moby Dick (snicker).
If you measure as a percentage
of body length things are a little different. Goose barnacles, with
inch-and-a-half-long appendages, rate about 150%. Unbeatable, you
think, until you learn that a rare species of Alpine banana slugs
(Ariolimax dolichophallus) measure 6-inches long and possess 32.5-inch
tumescences, or 542% times their body length. Incredible.
Largest Testes The largest for
land animals belong to, unsurprisingly, the African bull elephant,
with testes that weigh around 4.4 lbs. each and encompass a volume
of 184 cubic inches—about the size of a large football.
But the REAL hands-down winner
is the northern right whale (Eubalaena glacialis), which has a pair
of gonads that can weigh up to 2,200 lbs. The enormous size is an
evolutionary adaptation caused by a natural phenomenon known as
sperm competition. When the females of the species come into heat,
she’s immediately mobbed by 30 or so love-starved males who
shove one another as they try to jockey into position. When one
male finishes (typically this takes 30 seconds), another takes up
the slack. And another. The hope of each is to wash out a competitors
sperm with unknown gallons of their own, thereby ensuring that their
genes will continue.
In most animals, sperm production is much
like budget reform proposals: created in great quantities with minimum
effort put behind each. But not all creatures follow suit. Drosophila
bifurca, a distant relative of the fruit fly, produce sperm 6 cm
in length—20 times longer than their entire body length.
Belongs to (what else?) the female blue
whale, who naturally must park the 10-foot organ of the males. The
vulva is basically a long groove along the underside of the female,
with a normal length of 6 to 8 feet before elongating to accommodate
the male. After coition it expands to some 23 feet in length to
hold the baby calf.
Judged as a percentage of body
mass, the undisputed winner is the bumblebee threadworm (Sphaerularia
bombi). After being impregnated, the female seeks out a queen bee
as a host (hence its name). After settling in her uterus and vagina
begin to expand, growing until they encompass the entire genital
tract, and eventually her entire being—and keeps right on
going. I quote from The Natural History of Nematodes (G. Poinar,
1983): …in Sphaerularia bombi the entire uterus is [expelled]
and the expanding organ soon surpasses the length of the nematode.
When the uterine cells eventually finish their growth, the reproductive
system dwarfs the now moribund female… The reproductive organs
may grow up to 30 times the length of the original female and 300
times the volume, for an overall increase of a whopping 30,000%.
Out of the 18,000 species of mammals, the
tenrac (Centetes ecaudatus), a hedgehog-like insectivore indigenous
to Madagascar, has the largest number with 22 to 24 nipples.
EARLIEST SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
Before the onset of sex, the earliest inhabitants
of the primordial soup reproduced by fission, meaning they split
off clones of themselves by dividing into two daughter cells. While
this was great when conditions were favourable, the lack of genetic
diversity left the species vulnerable if the climate took a turn
for the worse. Sexual reproduction is believed to have originated
around one billion years ago, when micro-organisms began to fuse
with one another to share genetic information. Naturally the smaller,
stationary, and starving cells sought after the larger, motile ones
rich in nutrients to get the best possible offspring and to last
through the lean times; in other words, they were gigolos. The arrival
of sexual reproduction enabled a greater variety of organisms to
evolve, permitting the development of more complex creatures. Thus,
the entire animal kingdom owes its existence to the selfish motivations
of a few randy protozoa.
Snakes, surprisingly, are the champs in
the animal kingdom when it comes to pure sex endurance; no doubt
due to the fact the male has a spiked penis, making it difficult
for him to escape readily. Typically they remain in union from six
to twelve hours. The record is held by a pair of rattlesnakes who
remained in copulatory connection for no less than 22.75 hours.
Mosquitoes, which mate on the wing, perform
a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds.
Whether you think of them as cuddly pets
or plague carriers, rodents reign supreme when it comes to repeated
mating. I quote from Copulatory Behaviour of Small Mammals (Journal
of Comparative Psychology, v. 39): In the golden hamster Mesocricetus
Auratus... copulations may continue for half an hour or more; young
males may copulate only a few times, while older ones may attempt
copulation as many as 175 times; for adult males, between 65 and
75 copulations per mating may be considered as average. That alone
isn’t all that impressive: A type of gerbil called Shaws jird
(Meriones shawi shawi) has been observed to copulate 224 times in
the space of 2 hours.
The Alpine black salamander (Hynobius nigrescens)
has an interesting property: the higher the elevation it inhabits,
the longer its gestation period becomes. At 4600 ft. or higher the
gestation period can last a whopping 38 months.
LONGEST DAISY CHAIN
The holder of this dubious record is the
American slipper snail (Crepidula fornicata—the scientific
name alone should clue you in on their kinky predilections). All
slipper snails begin life 100% male. The chain begins when a young
snail reaches sexual maturity, becomes stricken with ennui, and
attaches itself permanently to some fixed object. At the same time
it undergoes a complete identity crises and becomes female. Shortly
afterward, another male snail comes along, then mounts and copulates
with the first one. It, too, abandons the motile life and remains
in permanent copulatory union with the first one for the remainder
of their lives. A third snail then comes along and mounts this second
snail, which in turn becomes female. This procedure continues until
there are up to fourteen individuals in the perpendicular chain.
-- Author/Source Unknown [email