I've got no idea where this
story came from... I just found it buried deep inside
the bowels of my computer a few weeks back. Have got
no idea if it's true, fake or whatever. Quite funny
in parts though...
My friends Mike and Lacy were getting
married last weekend. I have known Lacy since college -
she lived in Tahoe at the same time I did after school
and met Mike there. They both moved back to Richmond
when I did, and lived just a few blocks down the street
from me there. They've been dating 6 years and decided
to tie the knot this May. Helen and I debated whether
to fly back as a big surprise. We had told them we
couldn't come, but were secretly working on plans
to fly in and show up Thursday night.
Anyway, after much planning, we decided
we just couldn't afford it and stayed here. Enough
of the background - the story comes from what transpired
there. All of this came from my friend Jim - he and
his wife Camilla were in the wedding party...
Jim and Camilla arrive at midnight
Tuesday evening. The wedding is in Nags Head N.C.,
so they're all staying in beach houses for the week.
Everyone's partying, raising hell. To put it in perspective,
this is a bunch of people who party like it's a dead
show and a rave all in one, if you get my meaning.
Anyway, everyone stays up until the wee hours but
it's all pretty normal. Wednesday day and night is
the same thing - heavy hell raising but everyone's
got it together.
Thursday night, however, some people
start to pull ahead. There was a party given by several
friends of the families.
Mike has been eating X all day -
as well as the previous 2 - and continues to do so
for the party. He is seen by someone's parents leaving
a tiny utility bathroom with another guy, wiping the
whitey from his nose. He's apparently so fucked up
by now too that he's spitting, saying fuck in front
of granny, that kind of thing. As a climax, as the
party's breaking up, he's posing for a picture with
Lacy's family and passes out cold. Like a tree falling
down, he crashes to the ground. Everyone waves it
off uncomfortably but lets it slide, and they all
head to some of the beach houses to continue raising
It's now 3 am and Mike and some of
his friends are continuing to get ridiculous fucked
up. One of his friends goes for the cliff dive from
the 3rd story of the house to a 5 foot deep pool below.
Needless to say, he fucks himself all up. They call
the ambulance, and when it arrives the cops have tagged
along to see what's up.
Apparently, this guy was one of the
ones fuelling the party, so he grabs a big sack of
pills and tries to haul ass.
Of course, he's full of broken bones so he doesn't
get far. The cops tackle him and take him to the hospital.
This does nothing to affect Mike, so he keeps eating
pills and drinking through to dawn.
So now it's Friday morning, day of
the rehearsal dinner. The parents of the guy who fell
off the roof call Mike's parents. They're concerned
because the hospital called them and said their son
came up positive for most every drug that's out there
- oh yeah, and he jumped from the third story of a
So now Mike's parents are concerned
about what's going on and are looking for Mike. Mike,
in the meantime, left with some of his friends to
play mini golf. The guy did not sleep Thursday night,
and slept for about an hour Wednesday night. Unable
to find mini golf, they head to a bar, where Mike
takes shots numbering in the teens.
Now let's cut back to the guy who
fell from the roof. He gets released from the hospital
and comes back to the beach house. Mike's parents,
looking for Mike, find this guy and demand to know
what's going on. They tell him that the hospital called
his folks etc. etc.
Anyway, since he's still tripping
hard, he decides to trash the house. The cops get
called again, and this time they are familiar with
the guy and what's going on. He gets arrested and
sent to a special place in Charlotte, one with padded
Now let's get back to Mike. As they
are crawling out of the bar (2 pm, rehearsal dinner's
at 5), he decides to knock back a tab of acid. When
they get home, Mike's parents are waiting and want
to know what's going on. Mike cannot stand or speak,
and is not really sure where he is.
Now let's cut to Lacy and her family.
Friday has been a day of family fun, sunning on the
beach, getting ready for their only daughter's wedding.
Mike's parents show up, and ask to
talk to the bride. Everyone there thinks it's a sweet
"last minute" talk between the bride and
the grooms parents, where they ask her to remember
to take care of him, wash his underwear, etc.
In fact, they are telling her that
her husband to be is incoherent and they don't think
he can get married. Lacy asks to see him, so they
take her there. Needless to say, it does not go well
and the status of the rehearsal dinner is shaky at
best. So Jim says they hear it's on/it's off for an
hour or so.
Finally, it is decided that it is
on. By now, word has leaked to everyone that Mike
is beyond gone. Everyone is dying to see him at the
dinner. So everyone files in and waits. No sign of
Mike or Lacy's family.
Finally, Mike and his brother walk
in. Mike is standing, but apparently just looks outrageous -
hair sticking up, eyes huge, but still in a tux. His
brother walks to the bar (Jim says the whole room
is watching, heads turning like this is a tennis match)
orders 2 double vodkas, and walks back to the table.
Mike downs his, grabs his brothers, and downs his
Now people are getting horrified.
Jim and some of the groomsmen decide it is time to
take control. They walk up to the table and tell Mike
that he is flat out blowing it and has got to get
it together. He is saying that all he needs is to
see Lacy... if he can just see Lacy it will be cool.
So Jim finally agrees to drive him
over to her parent's house (it is now quite obvious
they are not coming to the rehearsal). The only catch
is that Jim will speak to her parents and Mike will
wait in the car - if they say he can see her, then
OK. If not, he will leave. So they drive over there.
Jim leaves the keys in the car (this will be important)
and goes up to the house. Lacy's dad answers the door.
He says that Lacy is crushed, the minister doesn't
want to marry them, and that Mike can't see her until
tomorrow when they will meet with the minister to talk
about what to do. Jim says OK. He asks Lacy's dad
to tell Lacy that they all love her and are thinking
about her. Her dad says, "why don't you come
in and tell her yourself - it would mean a lot for
her to hear it from you." So Jim goes in. He
said Lacy is a wreck - sobbing, looking like shit,
obviously just crushed that her wedding is turning
out this way. He tells her he's sorry and is hugging
her, getting ready to leave, when the car horn begins
blowing loud as hell. It seems Mike got tired of waiting
and drove the car up to the top of the driveway and
is leaning on the horn, yelling "LLLAAAACCYYY!!"
at the top of his lungs.
Jim said it was like being in a beehive
when someone shakes it - Lacy's family running everywhere,
looking for someone to get this jackass out of there.
So Jim sprints out of the house,
shoves Mike out of the drivers seat, and drives him
out of there. He said he blistered Mike the whole
way, telling him how badly he was fucking everything
So now it's Saturday morning - day
of the wedding. Mike has slept some of his buzz off,
I guess, but we're talking about 5 straight days of
hard drugs and booze, so he's really not right still.
There's a meeting with the minister early that morning
- Mike, Lacy and her parents. Apparently, it lasted
about 4 hours, and it all came out in the meeting.
When I say it all came out, let's just say Lacy used
to party pretty hard too, and everything about her,
her friends, Mike, Mike's friends, etc. came out in
front of Mom and Dad.
Throughout the whole thing, Mike
blames everything that happened during the week on
Lacy and everyone else there. He liked to paint himself
as a victim, saying that others had "made him"
take 20 some odd hits of X, knock back 15 or so shots
the day of his rehearsal dinner, etc.
Anyway, at the end of the
meeting, the wedding gets called. No go. Thanks for
From what Jim tells me, there were
about 100 or so people who had not been involved with
the rehearsal dinner who drove to Nags Head that day
from Richmond, VA Beach, and so on who had no idea.
They got to the church and it was locked.
To conclude this insane tale,
there is no chance of them ever reconciling.
Lacy's dad said even if she forgave
Mike that he never would, and marriage is out of the
question. Mike apparently still feels that the entire
episode was not his fault, and that everyone else
is as much to blame as he is.
The kicker is that Lacy's family
is old and established in Richmond - they know a shit-ton
of people there. Mike just bought a restaurant about
5 weeks ago, and that place is as good as bankrupt.
Gossip about this is the biggest news in Richmond
since Lee surrendered, and nobody is going to patronize
that place now.
Hope this was interesting.
It took me a few days to type it out - I didn't realise
what an undertaking it was going to be when I began.
Let me know what you think. The bar has been set for
all future weddings...