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Wild Wedding...

I've got no idea where this story came from... I just found it buried deep inside the bowels of my computer a few weeks back. Have got no idea if it's true, fake or whatever. Quite funny in parts though...


My friends Mike and Lacy were getting married last weekend. I have known Lacy since college - she lived in Tahoe at the same time I did after school and met Mike there. They both moved back to Richmond when I did, and lived just a few blocks down the street from me there. They've been dating 6 years and decided to tie the knot this May. Helen and I debated whether to fly back as a big surprise. We had told them we couldn't come, but were secretly working on plans to fly in and show up Thursday night.

Anyway, after much planning, we decided we just couldn't afford it and stayed here. Enough of the background - the story comes from what transpired there. All of this came from my friend Jim - he and his wife Camilla were in the wedding party...

Jim and Camilla arrive at midnight Tuesday evening. The wedding is in Nags Head N.C., so they're all staying in beach houses for the week. Everyone's partying, raising hell. To put it in perspective, this is a bunch of people who party like it's a dead show and a rave all in one, if you get my meaning. Anyway, everyone stays up until the wee hours but it's all pretty normal. Wednesday day and night is the same thing - heavy hell raising but everyone's got it together.

Thursday night, however, some people start to pull ahead. There was a party given by several friends of the families.

Mike has been eating X all day - as well as the previous 2 - and continues to do so for the party. He is seen by someone's parents leaving a tiny utility bathroom with another guy, wiping the whitey from his nose. He's apparently so fucked up by now too that he's spitting, saying fuck in front of granny, that kind of thing. As a climax, as the party's breaking up, he's posing for a picture with Lacy's family and passes out cold. Like a tree falling down, he crashes to the ground. Everyone waves it off uncomfortably but lets it slide, and they all head to some of the beach houses to continue raising hell.

It's now 3 am and Mike and some of his friends are continuing to get ridiculous fucked up. One of his friends goes for the cliff dive from the 3rd story of the house to a 5 foot deep pool below. Needless to say, he fucks himself all up. They call the ambulance, and when it arrives the cops have tagged along to see what's up.

Apparently, this guy was one of the ones fuelling the party, so he grabs a big sack of pills and tries to haul ass.

Of course, he's full of broken bones so he doesn't get far. The cops tackle him and take him to the hospital. This does nothing to affect Mike, so he keeps eating pills and drinking through to dawn.

So now it's Friday morning, day of the rehearsal dinner. The parents of the guy who fell off the roof call Mike's parents. They're concerned because the hospital called them and said their son came up positive for most every drug that's out there - oh yeah, and he jumped from the third story of a house.

So now Mike's parents are concerned about what's going on and are looking for Mike. Mike, in the meantime, left with some of his friends to play mini golf. The guy did not sleep Thursday night, and slept for about an hour Wednesday night. Unable to find mini golf, they head to a bar, where Mike takes shots numbering in the teens.

Now let's cut back to the guy who fell from the roof. He gets released from the hospital and comes back to the beach house. Mike's parents, looking for Mike, find this guy and demand to know what's going on. They tell him that the hospital called his folks etc. etc.

Anyway, since he's still tripping hard, he decides to trash the house. The cops get called again, and this time they are familiar with the guy and what's going on. He gets arrested and sent to a special place in Charlotte, one with padded walls.

Now let's get back to Mike. As they are crawling out of the bar (2 pm, rehearsal dinner's at 5), he decides to knock back a tab of acid. When they get home, Mike's parents are waiting and want to know what's going on. Mike cannot stand or speak, and is not really sure where he is.

Now let's cut to Lacy and her family. Friday has been a day of family fun, sunning on the beach, getting ready for their only daughter's wedding.

Mike's parents show up, and ask to talk to the bride. Everyone there thinks it's a sweet "last minute" talk between the bride and the grooms parents, where they ask her to remember to take care of him, wash his underwear, etc.

In fact, they are telling her that her husband to be is incoherent and they don't think he can get married. Lacy asks to see him, so they take her there. Needless to say, it does not go well and the status of the rehearsal dinner is shaky at best. So Jim says they hear it's on/it's off for an hour or so.

Finally, it is decided that it is on. By now, word has leaked to everyone that Mike is beyond gone. Everyone is dying to see him at the dinner. So everyone files in and waits. No sign of Mike or Lacy's family.

Finally, Mike and his brother walk in. Mike is standing, but apparently just looks outrageous - hair sticking up, eyes huge, but still in a tux. His brother walks to the bar (Jim says the whole room is watching, heads turning like this is a tennis match) orders 2 double vodkas, and walks back to the table. Mike downs his, grabs his brothers, and downs his as well.

Now people are getting horrified. Jim and some of the groomsmen decide it is time to take control. They walk up to the table and tell Mike that he is flat out blowing it and has got to get it together. He is saying that all he needs is to see Lacy... if he can just see Lacy it will be cool.

So Jim finally agrees to drive him over to her parent's house (it is now quite obvious they are not coming to the rehearsal). The only catch is that Jim will speak to her parents and Mike will wait in the car - if they say he can see her, then OK. If not, he will leave. So they drive over there. Jim leaves the keys in the car (this will be important) and goes up to the house. Lacy's dad answers the door. He says that Lacy is crushed, the minister doesn't want to marry them, and that Mike can't see her until tomorrow when they will meet with the minister to talk about what to do. Jim says OK. He asks Lacy's dad to tell Lacy that they all love her and are thinking about her. Her dad says, "why don't you come in and tell her yourself - it would mean a lot for her to hear it from you." So Jim goes in. He said Lacy is a wreck - sobbing, looking like shit, obviously just crushed that her wedding is turning out this way. He tells her he's sorry and is hugging her, getting ready to leave, when the car horn begins blowing loud as hell. It seems Mike got tired of waiting and drove the car up to the top of the driveway and is leaning on the horn, yelling "LLLAAAACCYYY!!" at the top of his lungs.

Jim said it was like being in a beehive when someone shakes it - Lacy's family running everywhere, looking for someone to get this jackass out of there.

So Jim sprints out of the house, shoves Mike out of the drivers seat, and drives him out of there. He said he blistered Mike the whole way, telling him how badly he was fucking everything up.

So now it's Saturday morning - day of the wedding. Mike has slept some of his buzz off, I guess, but we're talking about 5 straight days of hard drugs and booze, so he's really not right still. There's a meeting with the minister early that morning - Mike, Lacy and her parents. Apparently, it lasted about 4 hours, and it all came out in the meeting. When I say it all came out, let's just say Lacy used to party pretty hard too, and everything about her, her friends, Mike, Mike's friends, etc. came out in front of Mom and Dad.

Throughout the whole thing, Mike blames everything that happened during the week on Lacy and everyone else there. He liked to paint himself as a victim, saying that others had "made him" take 20 some odd hits of X, knock back 15 or so shots the day of his rehearsal dinner, etc.

Anyway, at the end of the meeting, the wedding gets called. No go. Thanks for playing.

From what Jim tells me, there were about 100 or so people who had not been involved with the rehearsal dinner who drove to Nags Head that day from Richmond, VA Beach, and so on who had no idea. They got to the church and it was locked.

To conclude this insane tale, there is no chance of them ever reconciling.

Lacy's dad said even if she forgave Mike that he never would, and marriage is out of the question. Mike apparently still feels that the entire episode was not his fault, and that everyone else is as much to blame as he is.

The kicker is that Lacy's family is old and established in Richmond - they know a shit-ton of people there. Mike just bought a restaurant about 5 weeks ago, and that place is as good as bankrupt. Gossip about this is the biggest news in Richmond since Lee surrendered, and nobody is going to patronize that place now.

Hope this was interesting. It took me a few days to type it out - I didn't realise what an undertaking it was going to be when I began. Let me know what you think. The bar has been set for all future weddings...

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