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December 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.12.27-15.32
I've actually spent the best part of this week preparing an absolutely massive update and as you would expect, theres plethora of all the good stuff you guys come here for - fine women, priceless pics, some humour, random shite and some kick ass video. When I say plethora I mean somewhere in the vicinity of a few hundred new pics but guess what...!? You dont get them...!! You're all going to have to wait! It's something that I thought would be better left until the new year when everyone is back on the net after the Christmas break and everyone is around to enjoy it before its hidden away in the damn archives.

This chick isnt TOO bad although it was the closest I could come to Christmas type pics so no complaints please people.

Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer

Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer

Chrissy Cheer - Chrissy Cheer

... and finally these Calvin comics. Although they have been around for ever and a day they are still funny as fuck.

Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin

Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin - Calvin

Thats it for the time being folks. I hope your Chistmas is special and Santa brought you a shit load of bits and pieces. If I dont come good on the promised update before the year is out then best wishes and all that crap. Also stay tuned to orsm.ii.net because 2002 is going to see the site get a lot bigger than what it is now and with a quick trip to the site you may just find yourself unable to leave for days at a time. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.12.18-00.46

The constant stream of emails asking me how to make the Aria and Kelle video's work are starting to bore me. Firstly I would recommend checking the site help. The answers to most of your questions [and a whole lot more] are going to be in there. Secondly, to actually make the videos work you need to have the DivX codec installed. You can download it right here.

Thirdly, if you want to join the vid's together then you need a really cool program called Pecks Power Join and you can find it here.

Anyways, BIG-MASSIVE-HUGE update on it's way to you guys sometime between now and Christmas day so stay tuned for that one. Also got a couple of special bits and shit's for y'all too. Merry Christmas and all that crap too. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.12.14-01.44

Finally finished school for the year. Had 2 Cisco exams last week - theory and practical - managed to pass em both so I am Cisco II which means after I have done 3 & 4 i'll be a CCNA type dude. Now it's holiday's until the end of January and I plan to do very little except maybe update the site and possibly look to buy a new car.

Everyone excited about Christmas yet? The whole idea of it is starting to bore me already. You end up spending a few hundred bucks on presents, alcohol and random other social events only to top it all off with a boring Christmas day that is usually sweltering hot AND I never seem to get any good presents anymore.

Maybe this is just how it is after you leave your teenage years and progress to so-called adulthood. Why can't someone get me that 2.2Ghz Pentium 4 processor or one of those cool little robot dogs for a change? Nup... I end up with a pair of shorts, 2 T-shirts and if I am really lucky i'll get aftershave.

The Nasty Wedding - To Be UN-Australian - Electric Sex

I really cant even be bothered commenting too much on the letter that was sent to me by that Swedish joker suffice to say it was a pretty big troll and certainly seemed to upset a few of you. I got tonnes of email in reply to it and there was a shit load of comments on my lame message board so I think I'll leave well enough alone.

Also landing in my email lately has been a fuckload of viruses. When I say a fuckload I mean there has been about 1000 since the beginning of the month. Everything from Badtrans to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to Sircam and I am absolutely sick to fucking death of it. Do people just not understand what a virus scanner is for??

The Priceless Vids and Mp3 Downloads are offline again. Funyon.com simply couldnt afford to cough for the bandwidth that you guys were generating. If anyone can help out with a coupla hundred megs of storage and a few megabits of bandwidth then lemme know asap.

As promised - here is a few photos of the Gate Crasher festival thingy I went to a couple of weekends ago [and haven't stopped talking about since]. Unfortunately we didn't get photos of all the artists we saw but you can sort of gauge how big the event was.

Arrival - De La Soul - De La Soul - De La Soul - Tall Paul - Tall Paul - Endorphin - Departure

I've also decided to remove my Icq number from the site. Unfortunately there are just too many dick heads out there who contact me asking them to send them pics and generally just fuck me off. What on earth do they think this is - some sort of service where I provide free files on request and fullfill fantasies? Check out this guy... feel free to click his name and tell him he is a fag.

<Andrew> i want to fuck your cunt till u cum all over my face then i want u 2 blow me till i cum all over your face and in your hair.
<Orsm> pardon me???
r u into porn????
<Orsm> you are aware that I am a guy arent you?
<Orsm> are you a fag?
no now fuck off cunt!!!!!! dont ever message me again!

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Little boy and his dad go the grocery store. "Daddy, Daddy, can I have this?" asks the little boy as he holds up a candy bar. "Does your dick touch your ass?" asks the dad. "No..." says the little boy. "Then you can't have it!"

A few moments go by, and the little boy holds up a bag of cookies. "Daddy, Daddy can we get this?" "Does your dick touch your ass?" asks the dad. "No..." says the boy. "Then you can't have it!"

As they're walking out the grocery store, the little boy finds a twenty dollar bill in the parking lot. "Daddy, Daddy look what I found!" "Alright son! Now we're gonna split it fifty fifty right?"

"Does your dick touch your ass?" asks the little boy. "Sure does!" says the Dad.

"Then go fuck yourself!!"

Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex

Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex

Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex - Weird Snake Sex

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs." her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs ?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat. "Well, we're not having THAT sort of poofter shit in our garden."

Logan Nordin wrote:

Dude....i got a picture that would blow the rest away

My friend got really drunk one night and we caught him having sex with his ex...not too bad you say...well he was snoring and she was out too...He passed out with his dick inside of her...This picture has to be worth something...but i can't put it up on an internet site unless I pay him some $...so i was wondering if you could help me out...

How stupid do you think I am? Ooo here's a $1,000 dollars for the picture can I please please please have it now? You idiot. I suppose you do have to give him some credit for being enterprising though.

Swabb wrote:

Your UT stripper girl from a few days back has made another appearance @ hotornot.com. Here's the link: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?emid=NEGEOE. Coincidentally i am actually from the town where UT is, its in Knoxville TN. Pretty nice college, lotta chix too. Hop ya dig it...

She was a 10 outta 10 in my books. If you missed here you can have a scour through the November archives or just click here. We need to see more like her so if you have any good college girl pics... or if you ARE a college girl send your pics my way. Here's a couple more for y'all... anyone know what college colours she is wearing?

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Bruce is driving over the Sydney Harbour Bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, "Sheila, what the hell d'ya think you're doing?"

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, "G'day Bruce. Ya got me pregnant and so now I'm gonna kill myself."

Bruce gets a lump in his throat when he hears this.

He says "Strewth Sheila..... Not only are you a great shag, but you're a real sport too." And drives off.


Me thinks it's time to link some quality sites. Haven't heard of some of these guys before? Probably worth checking them out now so you can tell your friends that you used to surf that site before it was famous or whatever...

Dgnr8 - Hcor - Bad Sins - Fuck Wits - Computer Glitch - Numbchung - Robhoran

Verbal Discharge - Sid Cup Massive - Procrastination - Social Reject

click here for more

Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara

Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara - Tara

This one will probably only make sense to the Aussie readers...

Q: What's the definition of bad luck?

A: Sitting in Afghanistan holding your return ticket with Ansett, which just arrived in a white powdered laced envelope, trying to call your travel insurance company HIH on your One.Tel mobile, and the only transport you can afford is a dodgy boat trip via Indonesia.

Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums

Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums

Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums - Beach Bums

The government announced today that it is changing its emblem to a Condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance: A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of Security while it's actually screwing you.

Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl - Boxer Girl

This is what I fuckin love. People who are generous enough to pull out the camera and take a few happy snaps of the nearest female to send to me. It honestly makes my day. If you feel the urge to do so then all you have to do is send an email to webmaster@orsm.net and there's a good chance that you'll see yourself on these very pages. Even better - if you want to make an ORSM fan sign by scrawling those 4 letters across your naked body I may just pledge undying love to you.

Roger wrote:

Suject: My Girlfriend

what up. this foxy bitch's name is brandi, with an i. she's my girl, only 19 years old, and we live in stockton, california. we just took these pics and are hoping you'll put them up on your dope as web site. use one or use them all. thanks brother, and enjoy!

Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi - Brandi

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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers. So, I figure that if I have to roll my own, SO DOES SHE!"


It sometimes seems that all chinese people do all day is paint their women and make scat films. These pics lean towards the body painting side of things so for those of you who were suddenly aroused when I mentioned the word 'scat' I apologise.

Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted

Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted - Painted

A man enters his favourite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he noticed a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her - knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 Inches in your pants."

The man, after reading the note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know - I happen to have a Ferrari Testarosa, a BMW 850iL, and a Mercedes 560SEL in my garage; plus I have over twenty million dollars in the bank. But, not even for a woman beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the bottle back."

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Random Shite time. My favourite time. No idea where you people who send this stuff to me find it but it's usually entertaining as all hell so don't stop!

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"

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Now the part you have all been waiting for... the last installment in the Aria and Kelle series - Part 5. I've also managed to find enough web space to repost part 2.

- Aria & Kelle Part 5 - Aria & Kelle Part 2 -

... and NO that's not all I have for you. Firstly, let's look at the fucked up non sexual category.

Cement Mixer - Tennis Heel - Priceless Water Slide - Goal Keeper - Never Trust A Woman

... and finally the fucked up sexual category.

Piss Bitches - Piss Bitch - Preggers Bitch - Rene

I'm afraid that's all I am good for this week. It's taken me the best part of two days to get this update together but I'm sure you'll all appreciate it. Now that holidays have kicked in i'll be trying to update more frequently but don't hold me to it. Have also got a big Priceless update coming up so stay tuned for that one. Don't forget to vote. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.12.03-23.19

I'm still trying to recover from the Gate Crasher festival yesterday. I usually don't get all clucky about events like this but if you can imagine around 10,000 people munched into an amphitheatre shoulder to shoulder going crazy for De La Soul then you'll know where I am coming from. For those of you who know em - we were also lucky enough to catch Tall Paul, Green Velvet, Armin Van Buuren, L T J Bukem, Hybrid and Endorphin plus a shit load of others. I'll try post some pics next update.

Haven't had a good flame war erupt on my site for a while now but I am guessing that this following email is going to change that...

Peter Andersson wrote:

You say that you hate cats? Ok, can’t you please publish some vids or pics of the WTC crash, because I hate Americans. Maybe some of those (I want to be superman) jumpers or something like that?!

I’m terrible sorry to say that in Sweden we did not get any good footage of this funny incident.

Have a nice day (most probable) fat fucker.

/ Bin Laden 4-ever!

What a loser. Comments anyone? Email me here or go post em on the message board thingy. Anyways... Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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