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THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. IT'S THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. CLICK TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.
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orsmupdate 2016.07.27-16.35
Boobies

Welcome to pump, pump the jam.

Do you ever get to a Thursday afternoon, you're pretty thrashed, the update is almost finished and all that stands between you and calling it a day is writing the blog section at the top? Come on admit it - we've all been there! So what to do? Well one way is to power through and get it done. Another is to post a fuckload of jokes instead and hope no one notices. Actually that sounds like a great idea. Check it...

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said "Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air". The other hooker looked at her and said "No, I just burped".
--
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
--
BEER: its never let me down, never cockblocks, only makes you feel shit when you wake up and have none left, it doesn't mind if I try a different one, or have two at the same time, or share it with someone else, it doesn't tell me what to do, beer doesn't complain when you throw it out after your done with it and get another one straight after, I still get upset if my mates steal my beer. and it always tastes better when it someone else beer, there's exotic beers unknown beers and beers that everyone has had, doesn't mind if you swap with your mates or just don't want it for some reason, beer will let you have it no matter what you think of it, you can have it anytime anywhere, take your time with it or drink it real fast, you can take a long term break with beer and it will always have you back, beer leaves you broke but with a smile on your face, and it's always keen for 24 rounds... BEER
--
What's easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
--
The recently married woman was weeping and pouring out her heart to a marriage counsellor. "Isn't there some way, without turning into a nag, that I can keep my husband in line?" The counsellor scowled. "Well" he said "maybe that's the problem. Your husband shouldn't have to wait in line!"
--
A man went to the medical centre to have his wedding ring cut off his penis. According to the nurse attending the operation, the patient's girlfriend found the ring in his pants pocket. She didn't know he was married and she was so mad she used petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his penis while he was asleep. I don't know what's worse: 1. Having your girlfriend find out you're married; 2. Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your penis; 3. Finding out your penis fits through your wedding ring. Tough call. You decide.
--
This man had a parrot. This parrot knew only one sentence, which was "Let's make love". The parrot said it all the time, embarrassing the owner to no end. Finally, he went to his parish priest and told him of his parrot problem. The priest replied "I have a parrot who also only knows one sentence. He always says "Let us pray". Bring your parrot over Sunday after mass, and I'm sure your parrot will be praying by the end of the day". So, as directed, the owner brought the parrot over to the rectory after mass. The parrot, spying the priest's parrot, opened his mouth and blurted out "Let's make love". The priest's parrot closed his eyes, looked up at heaven and said "My prayers have been answered".
--
David Beckham gets into a taxi and he sees the driver looking at him in the rear view mirror. After about 5 minutes the driver says "Okay give me a clue". Beckham says "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over a 100 caps for England, is that enough?" Driver replies "No you thick twat, where do you want to go?"
--
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!" Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said "It reminded me of a peanut". Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked "Really small, was it?" Sally replied "No... salty".

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Hurts My FaceA Short Interview With The Developers Of Pokémon Go... And Oh So Many Other Apps!!!!! - Naked DatingBritish Dating Show With Naked Contestants Causes Viewers To Reach For The Eye Bleach - GoT BloopersGame Of Thrones Has Some Of The Best Bloopers. Even As Someone Who Doesn't Watch It Some Of These Are Pretty Damn Funny! - Badass CosplayComic-Con 2016 - The Best Of The Cosplay Costumes At The San Diego Sci-Fi & Comic Convention - Fucking FoolNSFW Moment Idiot Shoots Himself In The Face For Internet Fame - SavagedOut Of Control Pitbull's Go On Blood Thirsty Rampage - This Is NutsMan Tries To Set Patient On Fire But Kills Two Women Instead And Got Killed In The Process - Booty BaitHow Does The Public React To A Girl With An Amazing Butt? Pranksters Find Out. - Barf It OffThe Pharyngeal Reflex AKA Laryngeal Spasm AKA Gag Reflex Exists To Prevent Us From Dying, But It Also Makes It Much Harder To Shove Dicks Down Our Throats.

Now We KnowEver Seen How Tennis Balls Are Made? - Killer SwimsuitMargot Robbie In Her White Wet Swimsuit - Titty TopNatasha Legeyda Is Always Exciting And Here She Is At An LA Beach Parading Her Insanely Good Body In A White Loose White Tank Top. Fucking *DROOL*!! - Fapp Fapp!Ariel Winter Steps Out In Short Shorts And Singlet. Fucking Fucking Hell... - Like A BossRoad Rage Fight Where An Asshole Threatened A Guy With A 2x4 But Karma Is A Bitch And Got Sent To Bed Early And Got Knocked Out - Railed HerShe Got Him A Camera For Their Anniversary. And He Filmed Her Getting Railed From Behind By A Strange Cock. - Opera OrgasmCan An Intense ORGASM Cause Brain Damage? I'm Not Sure WTF Is On Her Twat, But She Went Full Retard From It! - Deep ButtsexNothing Screams Entertainment More Than Deeeeeep Anal! - WhackedMan Gets Executed At Close Range In Cafe

Bliss EnsuesAsian Girl Works Her Pussy Hard With The Shower Head. Bliss Ensues. - Vampire BJI Can't Decide Whether To Fuck Her, Or Drive A Stake Through Her Heart! - Cum TargetsDraining Stiff Cocks Is What They Do BEST! - GorgeousFrom The Face To The Tits, To The Ass, Pure Perfection. 10/10 - Nasty BitchJill Doesn't Seem To Be House Trained Every Time She Gets Drunk She Wants To Piss Everywhere Stand By For A Very Important Message From A Petite Slut And Listen Closely - Naked TreatBryana Holly Is Naked For Treats Magazine And It's Utterly Glorious. - Kelly BrookKelly Brook Wearing A Swimsuit At The Beach In Italy!! This Time With A Downblouse View Of Those Big Titties!! Nice. - No Panties!Charlotte Mckinney Upskirt And Maybe No Panties? - Happy WhoreI'm A Whore, See What I Can Do...

I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him run faster. If anything, it made him more sluggish.
--
A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always leave with a bucket full of fish. The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen. The farmer mentioned the situation to the Ranger. The Ranger then started watching this man and all that the farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in the morning and by early afternoon, he had a bucket full of fish. So the Ranger dressed like a fisherman one day and approached the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked the Ranger in disguise to come fish with him. They boated for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot. The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. Ranger: "I'm going to have to place you under arrest - I'm a Ranger and you are fishing illegally!" The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it to the Ranger. Stranger: "Are you gonna talk or fish?"
--
When I was in the fifth grade I was taught Sex Ed by a 65-year-old nun, which is kind of like taking barbecue lessons from a vegetarian. Either way, there's been very limited experience handling meat. 
--
A girl realised that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mum calmly said "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair". The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister "My monkey has grown hair". Her sister smiled and said "That's nothing - mine is already eating bananas".
--
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

ORSM VIDEO

IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. HERE'S WHY YOU'LL CARE
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FASCINATING FACTS THAT WILL LITERALLY MAKE YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS

-The world is running out of chocolate. The world production of cocoa is behind the world consumption. Eventually the two will meet and we will be in a cocoa deficit.
-Many old portraits from the late 1800's are photos of dead people. Photographs were very expensive in the past. When someone died it was common to have them photographed as a commemorative.
-There is a black hole out there with the mass of 50 billion suns. The average mass of a black hole is about a few dozen suns.
-The human brain stays conscious for about 15-20 seconds after decapitation.
-For every one M&M candy you eat, you need to walk the length of an entire football field to burn it off.
-When in the womb, all babies grow a moustache. It then spreads to cover the entire body.
-Japanese hornets release venom that can dissolve human flesh.
-About 100 people choke on ballpoint pens each year.
-The world population increases by about 200,000 people every day.
-An octopus is flexible enough to enter your mouth, navigate your digestive system and leave through your anus.
-Memories are easily manipulated and you can convince yourself of almost anything.
-Bears can run as fast as horses. They'll also eat you alive rather than killing you first.
-Giant otters still exist in parts of the world and hunt in packs. They can grow up to six feet in length.
-90% of the ocean is still unexplored.
-One teaspoon of honey is the lifework of 12 bees.
-Over 2500 left handed people are killed each year from using products made for right handed people.
-In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.
-When Thomas Edison died in 1941, Henry Ford captured his last dying breath in a bottle.
-A dentist invented the Electric Chair.
-Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows to mourn the death of their cats.
-Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously - it can kill you.
-Cancer is the second leading cause of death in Orange County, California. Number one is heart disease.
-Only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or older.
-When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.
-Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote 'Nutrition for Health', died of malnutrition.
-The tiny poison arrow frog has enough poison to kill over 2200 people!
-On average, people fear spiders more than they do dying. However, statistically you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by the bite of a poisonous spider.
-Cockroaches can live for nine days without their heads, at which point they die of starvation.
-In Erwin, Tennessee an elephant was once hanged for murder.
-About 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year.
-In the Spanish Pyrenees, when a beekeeper dies, each of his bees is splashed with a drop of Black Ink.
-On average, right-handed people live 9 years longer than their left-handed counterparts.
-A murder is committed in the US every 23 minutes, which makes about 22,852 murders each year.
-A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is been decapitated.
-In 1992, approximately 750 deaths occurred in the United States due to workplace violence.
-In the United States, poisoning is the fourth leading cause of death among children.
-Influenza caused over twenty-one million deaths in 1918.
-Each year in America there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.
-Diabetes is the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for about 180,000 deaths per year.
-The leading cause of deaths for children between the ages of 1 and 4 are motor vehicle crashes.
-Over the last 50 years in the United States, approximately 9,000 people have died as a result of tornadoes, 5,000 as the result of floods, and 4,000 as the result of hurricanes.
-When a person dies, hearing is generally the last sense to go. The first sense lost is usually sight. Then follows taste, smell, and touch.
-80% of Soviet males born in 1923 didn't survive past 1945. As it turns out, they kind of got the short end of the stick in World War II.
-Since the 1950s, humans have killed off about 90% of the world's large predatory fish.
-18 veterans who fought in our military kill themselves every day. That means more soldiers actually die from suicide than on active duty and fighting in combat.
-A very conservative estimate is that there are between 35-50 active serial killers in the United States at any given time.
-Allen, South Dakota is the poorest town in America and is essentially a Third World country. The median income for a family in Allen is less than $4,000 per year. It is part of the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation, where a population of between 28,000-40,000 almost exclusively have no electricity, telephone lines, running water, or sewage. Infant mortality is five times the national average, while life expectancy is among the shortest for any group in the entire western hemisphere (about 48 for males).
-In the year 1804 the world human population reached 1 billion. In the year 1927 the world human population reached 2 billion. 123 years to reach an extra 1 billion people. In the year 1960 the world human population reached 3 billion. 33 years. In the year 1974 the world human population reached 4 billion. 14 years. In the year 1987 the world human population reached 5 billion. 13 years. In October of 1999 the world human population reached 6 billion. 12 years. In 2011, the world human population reached 7 billion. Just under 12 years.
-The US spends $660 billion a year on the military. The total the U.S. has spent on NASA in its 55-year history is $526 billion.
-About one in twenty people you know do not have the biological father they think they have. This includes you.
-The amount of American dollars spent on the Iraq and Afghanistan wars (about $1.467 Trillion) could have paid for solar panels on the roof of every house in America (about 132 million households) saving Americans billions in energy costs and helping save the planet.
-Two in three Australians will be diagnosed with skin cancer by the time they are 70.
-Even though babies have over 60 bones more than adults they are born without kneecaps, they develop between the years of two and five. Adults have 206 bones, born babies 270. During our development bones fuse together. The nose and ears never stop growing.
-After 3 days of your death the enzymes that digested your food, will begin to DIGEST YOU!
-You have several hundred millions bacteria living inside you and OVER 7 Billion in your mouth.
-Dead People still can get goose bumps.
-When someone dies, the last thing the dying person senses is the sense of hearing, then touch, smell and taste. The first sense that is usually gone is sight.
-Over 1,450 species of bacteria living in your belly button.
-The Earth is being shaked by quakes over 1 million times per year.
-In around five billion years the Sun will run out of fuel and turn into a Red Giant.
-Every 40 seconds someone in the world commits suicide.
-This one is true and really scary: Crucifixion is still an official death penalty in Sudan.
-Smokers die on average 13 years earlier compared to non-smokers.
-Hitler led the first anti-smoking campaign.
-Exposure to second-hand smoke or passive smoking causes almost 600,000 deaths per year (50,000 in the United States alone).
-In the US 300,000 deaths per year can be associated with obesity.
-98% of Japanese will be incinerated after they died. Because it saves space!
-I guess you thought that sweat smell right? Wrong the smell comes from the bacteria's in your body, sweat itself does not smell.
-Urine does not contain bacteria and another bacteria fact - you have more bacteria in your mouth than anus.
-On average, 20 banks are robbed every day. USD $2,500 is the average take.
-Lobsters don't die because of age, they die only because of external causes.
-In its natural form, Honey never spoils. No matter how old it is you can eat honey. It does not contain much water making it a low-moisture environment meaning bacteria have no chance to breed.
-Many mental illnesses are associated with sleep problems. When your sleep gets shorter than 7 hours per night, there is evidence that there is an increased risk for many diseases like diabetes and obesity.
-In the 1920's a dollmaker wanted to make her dolls look as real as possible, she would cut off hair of her elementary students and even skinned off some of her own daughters skin (for one particular doll). After she was caught, she was found NOT guilty, because of insanity.
-Before becoming a serial killer, Rodney Alcala appeared in a TV Show called "The Dating Game". He was arrested 1 year after appearing on the show for killing several women.
-Worms taste like fried bacon, wasps taste like pine nuts, and beetles taste like apples.
-Farting consistently for 6 years and 9 months will produce enough gas to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
-Apparently, the best tasting part of a camel is the hump.
-A human body decomposes four times faster in water than on land.
-Within three days of death, the enzymes from your digestive system begin to digest your body.
-About 153,000 people worldwide die every day. But around double that number are born every day.
-You can't die of 'old age', only from diseases brought on by age.
-Men who are hanged get a death erection, known as rigor erectus.
-In some cases, bodies develop a corpse wax that can preserve the remains for years.
-Forensic scientists can tell how long it has been since death by looking at the species of insect on the body.
-The skin around the finger and toenails dries and contracts after death, making it look as though they have grown.
-The Turritopsis Dohrnii jellyfish is officially known as the only immortal creature in the world. It lives forever.
-Left handed people die 3 years earlier than right handed people.

ALL I'M PROMISING IS HOT BEAUTIFUL SWEET SWEATY SEXY SEX

SEX

CRITICAL THINKING AT ITS BEST

WOMAN: "Do you drink beer?"
MAN: "Yes".

WOMAN: "How many beers a day?"
MAN:"Usually about 3".

WOMAN: "How much do you pay per beer?"
MAN: "$5 which includes a tip".

WOMAN: "And how long have you been drinking?"
MAN:"About 20 years, I suppose".

WOMAN: "So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 correct?"
MAN:"Correct".

WOMAN: "If in 1 year you spend $5,400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct?"
MAN:"Correct".

WOMAN: "Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in an interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?"
MAN: "Do you drink beer?"

WOMAN: "No".
MAN: "Where's your Ferrari?"

ORSM VIDEO


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One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon. The demon asked "Why so glum?"

The guy responded "What do you think? I'm in hell!" "Hell's not so bad" the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here".

"You a drinking man?" "Sure" the man said "I love to drink". "Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!" The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great".

"You a smoker?" the demon asked. "You better believe it!" "You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?" "Wow, the guy said "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble". "Why yes, as a matter of fact I do". "Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow".

"You into drugs?" The guy said "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean...?" "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow" the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation "I never realised Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said "You gay?" The guy said "No". "Ooooh... you're gonna hate Fridays!"

36 GIRLS NOT TO SHY TO SHOW THEIR BEACH VAGINA

BEACH VAGINA

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Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbour's window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch.

Dylan asked "Who are you?" The fat man replied "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp". Dylan questioned "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one".

Dylan thought about it and realised what he wanted "I want to be the best golfer ever". The surprised genie said "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish".

Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away "I want a million dollars every week of my life". The genie said "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so it's been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan". Dylan said "No way!" The genie replied "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves". Dylan said "Okay, have fun, I guess" and left.

Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sex for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said "Forty-five". The Genie laughed and said "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"

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A man goes to a golf pro for some swing advice. "Well, what should I do?" asked the man. "Hold the club gently" the pro replied "just like you'd hold your wife's' breast". Taking the advice, he took a swing and *POW* he hit the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway.

The ecstatic man went back home telling his wife the good news about his lesson. Being so impressed with her husband's testimonial to his improvement, she decided she had to have a lesson with the same pro, and scheduled a session for the very next day.

The pro watched her swing and said "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard". "What can I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis".

The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing and *THUMP!* the ball skipped down the fairway about 15 feet.

"You know, that was a lot better than I expected" the pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth, and, try it again..."

NOTHING SAYS 'ATTENTION SEEKER' LIKE SHORT SHORTS AND I'M 100% OKAY WITH THAT

SHORT SHORTS

One day a man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the lady parted her legs, the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!"

The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit". The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina.

The doctor said "Okay, what I'm going to do is rub some honey over the tip of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my penis, I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The lady said "Yes, whatever, just get on with it".

So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, entered the woman. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should try further". The lady began to quiver with excitement, moaning aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.

The husband became very annoyed and shouted "Now wait a minute! What the hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the bastard!"

RANDOM SHITE

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PICTURE THIS: YOU GO TO A WEBSITE. HOOK UP WITH AN ACTUAL REAL GIRL. GET A BILL FOR $0. HERE'S HOW
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There's an elderly couple who has reached that point in life, where sex isn't part of the itinerary anymore. One night, the wife turns to her husband and says "Every time one of us wants to have a bit of a slap and tickle, we just have to say "Washing machine.'"

A night passes, and the husband leans over and whispers "Washing machine". The wife gives him a shove and informs him that she has a headache.

A few nights go by and the same thing happens, but the husband is determined and he reckons he'll just give it one more try. He leans over and whispers seductively "Washing machine". Yet again, the wife turns him away.

However, a few moments pass and the wife's needs arises so she rolls over and recites the word, but the husband turns over and says "Sorry love, it was only a small wash so I did it by hand".

GIRLS CAUGHT SITTING ON THE LOO

GIRLS CAUGHT SITTING ON THE LOO

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

THE VERY INSATIABLE YASMINA

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An overweight guy is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it.

Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads "If you can catch me, you can have me". As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable.

This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds.

After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less.

Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

ORSM VIDEO


And we're done. But the fun is only just beginning. Below you'll find ways to access so much more it's actually crazy. Not like clinically crazy... just in the way that people say "wow that is crazy!" as a means to indicate something is exceptional or remarkable.

-Follow ORSM on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I spend countless hours adding a fuck tonne of the stuff you find here to your favourite social network. But don't worry - there's nothing that isn't Safe For Work which means if you like, comment or share your friends won't find out you're a deviant animal.
-Check out the archives. They're safer than basically any place in Europe right now.
-Next update will be next Thursday. I don't care what you say that's when it is.
-Tell your friends, family, colleagues, co-workers and neighbours to check out ORSM-DOT-NET else my friend Ray will give an Obama-style speech about how much of a cunt you are.
-Need to clear your conscience? Judge me? Want to fight me? Threaten me? Sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Show me the twins? Then go for it! Just make sure you email me here!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and your spelling it wrong. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 

 

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