orsm.net
Orsm.net on Facebook Orsm.net on Instagram Orsm.net on Twitter
THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. IT'S THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. CLICK TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF.
orsmsite
orsmstuff
orsmstuff
moreorsmness
orsmupdate 2017.09.21-13.41
Boobies

Welcome to the fundamental question: will I be as effective as a boss like my dad was? And I will be, even more so? But until I am, it's going to be hard to verify that I think I'll be more effective.

Enjoy this biggest of the year, server destroying, I'm taking a couple of days off, update. Check it...

FOLLOW ORSM ON: FACEBOOK - TWITTER - INSTAGRAM

The judge turns to the woman and says "I see you're divorcing your husband on the grounds he's an uncouth slob." "Can you give me an example of this?" "Yes, your Honour" replies the wife. "Whenever we go out, he always drinks tea with his pinkie sticking out". "There's nothing wrong with that madam. In fact, it's considered good manners in some circles to drink tea with the little finger sticking out" says the judge. "But your Honour" replies the woman "I wasn't talking about his finger".
--
A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes I do" replied the beautiful young woman "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway". "Okay" said the shy, drunken, innocent young man "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business" snapped the woman. "Oh, right!" said the bloke "I didn't realise you made a living out of it! 
--
A group of expectant fathers sat nervously in the hall. A nurse beckoned to one of them and said "Congratulations - you have a son!" Another man dropped his magazine, jumped up, and cried "Hey, what's the idea? I got here two hours before he did!"
--
I was in a pub recently and I told that joke about what to do when an epileptic has a fit in a bath - throw the washing in. Well, everyone pretty much cracked up, except this one guy, who said his brother was an epileptic and died in a bathtub. Feeling pretty bad about the joke I just told, I said "Geez, I'm so sorry mate, how did he die?" To which the guy answered "He choked to death on a sock".
--
I was in a pub last night and there was this fat bird dancing on one of the tables. "Nice legs!" I said, to which she replied with a shy smile "Really? Thank you so much!" To which I said "Yeah, any other table's legs would have snapped or collapsed by now".
--
The teacher noticed that Johnny had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Johnny" she said "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I?" "Thirty-four" Johnny answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's not far from my actual age. Tell me... how did you guess?" Oh, there's nothing to it" Johnny said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half-crazy".
--
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question "Disregarding anything about cases you may be asked to represent the people on a jury, how many of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pregnant pause became too long, the judge announced "I do". 
--
Occasionally at the restaurant where I work there are extra desserts, and the staff are given some to take home. Once I brought home two pieces of cheesecake for my son and daughter. Katie had a piece that evening. The next day her older brother found her watching TV and eating more cheesecake. "Are you eating my cheesecake?" he demanded. "Oh, no" she replied sweetly "I ate yours yesterday".
--
Chris and Frank were having a beer at the neighbourhood bar. "What's the matter?" asked Chris of his pal. "My girlfriend just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin" said Frank.  "Why's that?" asked Chris. Frank took a deep breath and said "Because it's brief, unexpected, and usually a disaster".

Click for more awesomeness


RetirementThe Scene That Retired Lily Thai - Public FlasherIf It Was America, She'd Be Arrested 17 Times Already - String BikiniSeeing Her Ass Squeeze Into Pants Is Erotic Enough For Me...!! - Stuck DildoUnfortunately, This Video Starts After Her Cavernous Butthole Swallows The Oversized Rubber Dildo And Sucks It Deep Into Her Colon. Regardless, Rent Is Due On Her Tokyo Closet And The Show Must Go On - Struck Down :-(A Lady Suffers Fatal Injuries After She Was Struck Down By A Forklift - Catwalk TitsSara Sampaio No Bra In Lacy Black Top On The Runway - Candice BSexy Photos Of Busty Blonde Candice B Getting Naked In A Hammock! Has Anyone Ever Looked Sexier In A Hammock? - Too Phunny!Phun's Funny Pictures DCLXXV - Brutal!!Prison Guard Literally Body Slams Inmate To Death

The AbsurdityI Know It Looks Bad, But Thanks To The Efforts Of Japan's Prestigious Scientists At Unit 731, We Know That It Takes At Least 3 Minutes Of Asphyxia To Cause Permanent Brain Damage. So She Should Be Totes Fine. - Martian PornoEasily The Strangest Fuck Scene I've Scene Of 2017!! - Oily SexAll I Want For Christmas Is... - Mouth VaginaBalls Deep? Shit, This Dude Goes Almost Taint-Deep - Weird HandyHey, Someone Jerk Me Off While I Make Some Killer Beef Stew - Nailed HimOne Of Two Women Walking On The Roadside Is Sent Into A Fatal Flight Buy A Speeding Car - Say NO!Drug Addict Mother Taught A Lesson... By Her Daughter - All ButtsPhun's Bonus Butts #103 - Paps' Creepin'Anna Wendzikowska Caught Topless On A Balcony

Attention SeekerHere Are Some "Candids" Of Ana Braga Going Topless In Public With Only Suspenders Covering Her Nips. - Very See-ThruDelilah Hamlin No Bra In Completely See Through Top - Ella KnoxBusty Babe Ella Knox Is Waiting For Her Tutor To Come Help Her With The Homework But Good Luck To Him Getting Anything Done With Those Big Naturals Staring Back At You! - Lake HottieAmateur Girl Lets Her Nymphomaniac Side Out And Shares It With The World! - Pool Hall SlutAnything Goes Usually Means Break What You Want, I'll Fix It Later - Playboy BabeTara Lynn Ventura Is Some Aspiring Instagram Slut Who Has Already Shot For The New Playboy Which Means With Nipples And Not Spread Pussy Lip... Still, I Am Happy To See All The Rest! - Sorry Bro!Car Driver Crushed By Load Of Rebars From A Truck - Wear Undies!Wear Underwear Before Getting Into A Fight -

"It's about time I told you an important thing" I said to my 15 year old son. "What is it dad?" he asked. "You were adopted" I murmured. "That's impossible!" he exclaimed "We look the same". "Well" I replied "That's because we are fucking Chinese".
--
What is the difference between Russia and reality? Trump has connections with Russia.
--
Mum walked into the bathroom one day and found young Johnny furiously scrubbing his dick with a toothbrush and toothpaste. "What the hell do you think you're doing, young man?!" she exclaimed. "Don't try to stop me!" Johnny warned. "I'm gonna do this three times a day, because there's no way I'm gonna get a cavity that looks and smells as bad as my sister's".
--
My doctor told me to start killing people. Well, not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing really.
--
"You and your husband don't seem to have an awful lot in common" said the new tenant's neighbour. "Why on earth did you get married?" "I suppose it was the old business of 'opposites attract'" was the reply. "He wasn't pregnant and I was".

ORSM VIDEO


IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. HERE'S WHY YOU'LL CARE
Click for more awesomeness

ORIGINS

I was going to Google through this list to verify accuracy but you know what? Its more interesting this way... plus I'm not going to be the first person to blissfully believe something that aint true. This list is at least plausible. Feel free to bombard my email telling me otherwise!

-Early aircraft's throttles had a ball on the end of it, in order to go full throttle the pilot had to push the throttle all the way forward into the wall of the instrument panel. Hence "balls to the wall" for going very fast. And now you know the rest of the story.

-"Mad as a hatter", meaning to be completely crazy, dates back to the 17th and 18th centuries. In 17th century France, poisoning occurred among hat makers who used mercury for the hat felt. The "Mad Hatter Disease" was marked by shyness, irritability, and tremors that would make the person appear "mad."

-In medieval England, it was customary to give a guest a cold piece of meat from the shoulder of mutton, pork, or beef chop when the host felt it was time for the guest to leave. "Giving the cold shoulder" was a polite way to communicate, "You may leave, now."

-During WWII, U.S. airplanes were armed with belts of bullets which they would shoot during dogfights and on strafing runs. These belts were folded into the wing compartments that fed their machine guns. These belts measure 27 feet and contained hundreds of rounds of bullets. Often times, the pilots would return from their missions having expended all of their bullets on various targets. They would say "I gave them the whole nine yards" meaning they used up all of their ammunition.

-In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms. Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are more difficult to paint therefore painting them would cost the buyer more. Hence the expression "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg".

-"Barking up the wrong tree" means to have misguided thoughts about an event or situation. This apparently came from hunters when their dogs chased prey up a tree. The dogs bark, assuming that the prey is still in the tree, when the prey is no longer there.

-During colonial times, early Americans would ask their servants to rub their oak floorboards "the right way". The wrong way (not wiping them with dry fabric after wet fabric) would cause streaks to form and ruin them, leaving the homeowner annoyed. If you'd "rubbed them the wrong way" you'd rubbed them the wrong way!

-As incredible as it sounds, men and women took baths only twice a year (May and October). Women kept their hair covered, while men shaved their heads (because of lice and bugs) and wore wigs. Wealthy men could afford good wigs made from wool. They couldn't wash the wigs, so to clean them they would carve out a loaf of bread, put the wig in the shell, and bake it for 30 minutes. The heat would make the wig big and fluffy, hence the term "big wig". Today we often use the term "here comes the Big Wig" because someone appears to be or is powerful and wealthy.

-In the late 1700"s, many houses consisted of a large room with only one chair. Commonly, a long wide board folded down from the wall, and was used for dining. The "head of the household" always sat in the chair while everyone else ate sitting on the floor. Occasionally a guest, who was usually a man, would be invited to sit in this chair during a meal. To sit in the chair meant you were important and in charge. They called the one sitting in the chair the "chair man". Today in business, we use the expression or title "Chairman" or "Chairman of the Board".

-Being "caught red-handed" dates back an old English law that ordered any person to be punished for butchering an animal that wasn’t his own. The only way the person could be convicted is if he was caught with the animal’s blood still on his hands.

-Back when road transportation was not developed, ships would be the only transportation and means of trade. At times, the ships would get stuck during the winter because of ice formation. The receiving country would send small ships to "break the ice" and clear a path for trade ships. This gesture showed affiliation and understanding between two territories.

-Personal hygiene left much room for improvement. As a result, many women and men had developed acne scars by adulthood. The women would spread bee's wax over their facial skin to smooth out their complexions. When they were speaking to each other, if a woman began to stare at another woman's face she was told "Mind your own bee's wax". Should the woman smile, the wax would crack, hence the term "crack a smile". In addition, when they sat too close to the fire, the wax would melt. Therefore, the expression "losing face".

-Ladies wore corsets, which would lace up in the front. A proper and dignified woman, as in "straight laced" wore a tightly tied lace.

-It was a customary religious act in ancient India - the devout would throw butter balls at the statues of their gods to seek favour and forgiveness. Thus to "butter someone up" was born.

-The British Naval hero, Admiral Horatio Nelson, had one blind eye. Once when the British forces signalled for him to stop attacking a fleet of Danish ships, he held up a telescope to his blind eye and said, "I do not see the signal." He attacked, nevertheless, and was victorious. He had "Turned a blind eye".

-Common entertainment included playing cards. However, there was a tax levied when purchasing playing cards but only applicable to the "Ace of Spades". To avoid paying the tax, people would purchase 51 cards instead. Yet, since most games require 52 cards, these people were thought to be stupid or dumb because they weren't "playing with a full deck".

-Early politicians required feedback from the public to determine what the people considered important. Since there were no telephones, TV"s or radios, the politicians sent their assistants to local taverns, pubs, and bars. They were told to "go sip some Ale and listen to people's conversations and political concerns. Many assistants were dispatched at different times. "You go sip here" and "You go sip there". The two words "go sip" were eventually combined when referring to the local opinion and, thus we have the term "gossip".

-At local taverns, pubs, and bars, people drank from pint and quart-sized containers. A bar maid's job was to keep an eye on the customers and keep the drinks coming. She had to pay close attention and remember who was drinking in "pints" and who was drinking in "quarts" hence the phrase "minding your P"s and Q's".

-In the heyday of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carried iron cannons. Those cannons fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep a good supply near the cannon. However, how to prevent them from rolling about the deck? The best storage method devised was a square-based pyramid with one ball on top, resting on four resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem... how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding or rolling from under the others. The solution was a metal plate called a "Monkey" with 16 round indentations. However, if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make "Brass Monkeys". Few landlubbers realise that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannonballs would come right off the monkey thus, it was quite literally "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey".

-"You're quiet - cat got your tongue?" The English Navy used to use a whip called "Cat-o-nine-tails" for flogging. The pain was so severe that it caused the victim to stay quiet for a long time. Another possible source could be from ancient Egypt, where liars’ and blasphemers’ tongues were cut out and fed to the cats.

-Back in early times North America when the Puritans were in conflict with the Native Americans. When negotiating peace, the Native Americans would bury all their hatchets, knives, clubs, and tomahawks. Weapons were buried and made inaccessible. They would literally "bury the hatchet".

a FLASh of the gash and you're hers

GASH FLASH 05

Previously on Orsm: GASH FLASH #4 - GASH FLASH #3 - GASH FLASH #2 - GASH FLASH #1 - MORE >

Ron, an elderly man in Florida owned a large farm for several years He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him "We're not coming out until you leave!" Ron frowned "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked".

Holding the bucket up Ron said, I'm here to feed the alligator". 

ORSM VIDEO


Click for more awesomeness

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between grandmothers and grandfathers? Well, here it is...

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time, pancakes, ice cream, candy - just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be very disappointed. Luckily, grandma wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

 When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. "Not really, papa, it was boring. We didn't see a single arsehole, dole-bludging piece of shit, horse's arse, tree hugging socialist left wing green prick, blind bastard, dipshit, rag-headed Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

IT'S NOT CREEPY THAT I LIKE WATCHING YOU SLEEP... IS IT?

SLEEPING 08

GIRLS SLEEPING previously on Orsm: #7 - #6 - #5 - #4 - #3 - #2 - #1 - MORE >>

Why is MyFreeCams.com one of the most awesome websites in the history of forever? Firstly, there are hundreds of hot models online at any given time AND you can watch their live webcam feed in HQ with sound AND chat. Secondly, you don't need a credit card or have to install any dodgy software - it's all absolutely free! And finally, why do I sound so fucking excited? Because MyFreeCams really is that brilliant. Click here to check it out now!

Click for more awesomeness

ORSM VIDEO

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery.

He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night.

He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say "We can't tell you. You're not a monk". Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply "We can't tell you. You're not a monk".

The man says "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk".

The monks reply "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk".

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns as a grey-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

"In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I travelled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self-deception".

The monks reply "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound".

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says "The sound is beyond that door".

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say "This is the last key to the last door".

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...

But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

Click for more awesomeness

ORSM VIDEO

Want to contribute to Orsm? Just click here and do eeeet!!

A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?" The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. I've decided I'm going to drink myself to death".

The bartender looks shocked and says "I'm sorry I can't help you kill yourself". The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?" The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy". The man jumps up from his stool and shouts "That's a great idea! Thanks!" and runs out of the bar.

A couple hours goes by and the bartender is starting to get nervous when the man walks back into the bar with a smile on his face.

"Did you kill the guy?" The bartender asks nervously. "Nope! I just fucked your wife. Whiskey please!"

36 CHICKS SHARING IN UNINTENDED AND WONDERFUL WAYS

NIP SLIP 19

Previously: #18 - #17 - #16 - #15 - #14 - #13 - #12 - #11 - #10 - #9 - #8 - #7 - #6 - #5 - #4 - #3 - #2 - #1 - MORE >>

ORSM VIDEO: TRUCKING EDITION

Two male friends were out hiking one day. One of the friends step behind a tree to take a piss.

As his penis was hanging out, a rattlesnake jumped out of the bushes and bit it.

He fell out near his friend, moaning and holding his penis, crying "A rattlesnake just bit my penis. Quick, call a hospital on your cell phone and find out what to do".

When his friend got a hold of a doctor he was told, he would have to suck out the poison. He went over to his fiend and his friend said "What did the doctor say?"

He looked at his friend's penis then back at his friend and said "He says you're going to die!"

RANDOM SHITE

click for gallery

OLDER SHITE: 6th Sept 2007 - 13th Sept 2007 - 20th Sept 2007 - 27th Sept 2007

MUCH OLDER SHITE: 7th Sept 2006 - 14th Sept 2006 - 21st Sept 2006 - 28th Sept 2006

MUCH MUCH OLDER SHITE: 1st Sept 2005 - 8th Sept 2005 - 15th Sept 2005 - 22nd Sept 2005 - 29th Sept 2005

PICTURE THIS: YOU GO TO A WEBSITE. HOOK UP WITH AN ACTUAL REAL GIRL. GET A BILL FOR $0. HERE'S HOW
Click for more awesomeness

A married man keeps telling his wife "Honey, you have such a beautiful butt". And you know what? He's right.

His birthday is coming, so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlour and get the words "Beautiful Butt" tattooed on her ass. She walks in and tells the tattoo artist that her husband thinks she has a beautiful butt. He looks and says "You do have a beautiful butt".

She tells him she wants "Beautiful Butt" tattooed on her ass.

The artist says "I can't fit that on your ass, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB, one on each cheek, and that can stand for Beautiful Butt". She agrees and gets it done.

On the man's birthday she is waiting for him when he comes home from work, wearing only a robe. She stands at the top of the stairs and when he opens the door she says "Look, honey!" She takes off the robe, bends over, and the man yells "WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?"

ITS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT WHAT'S BETWEEN THE LEGS

STOCKINGS 02

Previously on Orsm: STOCKINGS #1 - MORE >>

A Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack - selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked "Do you have water?

The Jewish man replied "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5".

The Taliban shouted hysterically "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment - I spit on your ties. I need water!

"Sorry, I have none - just ties - pure silk - and only $5".

"Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

Okay" said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need... Go In Peace!

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped "They won't let me in without a tie!"

click for gallery

OLDER SHITE: 14th September - 7th September - 31st August - 24th August - 17th August - 10th August - MORE >

ORSM VIDEO

A southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, and sipping on some bourbon, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of aass?" "Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.

Then she looked around the room, smiled and said "Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"

When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked "Will there be anything else?" "Why yes" replied the southerner. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of ya. But where ah come from down in Luzianna, we lahk our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of aass for mah drink".

DOES NUDITY CANCEL OUT A RESTING BITCH FACE? CHECK THIS GALLERY TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF...

BITCH FACE 04

Previously on Orsm: BITCH FACE #3 - BITCH FACE #2 - BITCH FACE #1 - MORE >>

"Doc" says Steve "I want to be castrated". "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind - either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor!"

"Well alright then" says the doctor "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there" says Steve "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me". "Well" said the patient "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised".

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed "Shit! THAT'S the word!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness.

On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert".

The blonde thinks "I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast".

The Frenchman thinks "I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake".

The Englishman thinks "I can't wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French cunt again".

NICOLE BABY... WHERE YA BEEN ALL MY LIFE?

NICOLE

Previously on Orsm: JOSIE - ISABEL - JOY - AURELIA - DULCIE - LEANNA - ASHLEY - OLYMPIA - MORE >>

One day at the bank, Hillary Clinton walked in to a bank. She went up to the teller and said. "I'd like to cash this cheque". The cashier said "Do you have any ID?" "No, I don't, but ask anybody here and they'll tell you that is who I am. Don't you recognise me?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am we do have strict rules that require an ID... can you do something to prove you are Hillary without an ID?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, the other day, Tiger Woods came in without an ID. He took one swing with a golf club. It is all he needed". "Hmmm... nope can't do something like that".

"Another time, Dale Earnheart Jr. came in, without an ID. He drove my car so fast he broke the record, and I cashed his check. So, what can you do to prove yourself without an idea?" Hillary thought and thought... finally she said... "I don't know, I'm clueless. I can't think of a thing". 

The cashier replied. "Will you want that cheque cashed in hundreds, Hillary?"

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex.

"You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told her friend. "That's amazing!" Mary replied "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda. "Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"

Several weeks passed, and the two friends met for lunch again.

"So how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?" Mary asked. "Things couldn't be better!" Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into my vagina, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his penis with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"

With that endorsement Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist.

After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you" he said. "But doctor" Mary complained "you did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?" "Well, OK" the doctor answered. "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios".

And I'm done folks. That's the Orsm 17th birthday update done and dusted. If you loved it, hated it or didn't bother then drop me a line and say so. Email here or one of the Orsm socials.

-Follow me on Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. All the SFW stuff you see on Orsm now flows daily on to your favourite social network.
-Check out the archives. Worth it.
-Next update will be next Thursday. Will I tell you again?
-Tell your friends, family, colleagues, co-workers and neighbours to check out ORSM-DOT-NET else my friend Ray will eat YOUR young. His appetitie is insatiable too but it hasn't done him any favours. To put that into perspective its important to know Ray is so fat that the police use him as a barrier for ISIS truck attacks at concerts.
-Need to clear your conscience? Judge me? Want to fight me? Threaten me? Sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Show me the twins? Then go for it! Just make sure you email me here!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and don't do what I say. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 

 

orsmfeatured
orsmlinkage
orsmorsmness
moreorsmness