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orsmupdate 2014.08.14-18.30
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Welcome to... nup don't care.

Have absolutely no idea where I'm headed with my bloggy section today. Usually gets to Thursday and I've spent at least a little bit of time conjuring something or maybe made a few notes about whatever. But no. Today we'll just have to wing it. In a roundabout way that leads me to how I promised myself updates after the child popped out wouldn't be baby or parenthood-centric. After all life goes on and I'm probably not the first guy to become a dad. Holy crap though when it's the first few weeks and all that's in your life is work and baby and work and baby and work and baby then it's pretty fucking hard to think about anything else. The alternative, I guess, would be a few disingenuous paragraphs about Robin Williams and the impact he had on the world. Yeah he was a brilliant entertainer whose films I loved but I'll leave it to all the other people who didn't know him to express their heartfelt condolences and make poignant musings of sorrow on social media...

So I suppose let's get that bub stuff out of the way. 99% of what anyone wants to tell you about the moment there's a baby in the works is 1) how much life changes [ie. what you'll be forced to give up] and 2) the lack of sleep. Basically only the negatives. There many other but they're the main ones and unsurprisingly completely true. What is surprising though is the cool shit barely rates a mention. First hints of a smile is awesome. Same deal as eyes beginning to work so they recognise you not just by voice but by sight and baby flailing its arms in a very uncoordinated attempt at waving back is right up there too. Interrupted sleep and not being able to have a cool car anymore suddenly not the end of the world.

Anyway... moving on to what's been shaking. Beginning with Friday which kicked off bright and early onsite. Basically the whole day was spent there with not all that much accomplished. The most productive days are when no one else is around and I can just smash it out. To the contrary there were endless visitors including a relative from over east, GF, neighbours, tradesmen, a delivery guy, even the previous owners popped in, and by the time you talk to them all, well there goes your day.

Saturday was better. Despite refusing to take the blame, responsibility has fallen to me to fix fairly annoying wiring oversight. It's just one of those things that I wrongly assumed would take care of itself because it was was supposed to be but alas, uh-uhhh. Rectifying was a hard enough job that I called in the professionals who subsequently quoted more than $700 which I thought was extreme... and even more so when I realised that was the price per house. Fuck that. Headed off to my local hardware store, purchased a 100mm holesaw, some conduit and 'borrowed' some cable left lying around by the security guy. And then, as I began drilling holes into the ceilings, I learned one of the biggest lessons I've ever learnt - that my job could be made significantly easier by making someone else's harder. Took less than an hour for each house. Total cost $22. Total saving $1418. No matter what happens, repairing the holes won't come remotely close to that.

Early start Sunday. Put it to use attacking the papers which cover the floor around my desk in the hopes of satisfying my accountant who's been harassing me about something tax something. Mid-morning we decided to take advantage of a sisterly offer to "babysit any time you guys need". Done. Get your ass over here! Found a dim sum place that's only about 5 minutes away and got the fuck out for an hour while she sat the baby. Next on the agenda was more baby stuff - close friends who popped one out a few months ago and haven't met ours yet wanted to visit. They rolled by for a few hours to chat and hangout. Immediately they bailed it was into the car and off to a late afternoon housewarming. How many parties to you go to in your life where there's a buttload of kids of various ages... this is the first we've been to one as parents. The only parents there too... good way to make yourself feel old however all the girls get clucky and want to come in for a closer look because bitches love babies. Lots of "Ohh look at the baaaaaby" going on. Long story short I now realise that there's a stronger girl-pulling force than puppies...

Okay I'm about done with that. Took far longer than expected and am overjoyed to be moving on to the rest of the update. It is unquestionably the best Orsm update you'll see all week, unless you venture into the archives perhaps. But if you don't then it is. Check it...

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Brilliant! - OMG OMG! - Party God - Snail Bob - Nerdgasm - Exhibitionists - Hilarious - Unforgettable - Nice Vaj - Perfect

The Curse - Is It Gay? - Breakdown - Fucktarded - 50 Selfies - Cam Slut - That'll Hurt - Maniac - Suck Yourself - Hawt

Roller Rider - Terrorism - Don't Argue - Spectacle - NOT Awesome - Lame Prank - Cam Slut - Poor Thief - Real Whore

"I'm ashamed of the way we live" a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed". The husband rolled over on the couch. "You should be ashamed" he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent".
--
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite. I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried this a few more times with no success. All the while, my wife Vicki is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yelled to me "You need a piece of tail". I turned with a confused look on my face and yelled back "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!"
--
The soldier asked for a furlough, so that he might get married. "How long have you known the girl?" His superior asked. "A week". "Why, my lad, that is hardly long enough. I suggest that you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married, I shall grant you a furlough". In two months the soldier was back, reminding his superior of his promise. "So you still want to get married? My, My! I did not suppose that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for such a long time nowadays". "I know, sir. But it is not the same girl, sir".
--
The teenaged beauty was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. The friend inquired as to the reason for her worrying. The teenaged beauty informed her friend that her mum was always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all!" The beauty replied "Waiting for me to come home".

ORSM VIDEO


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THE GREATEST HOAXES OF ALL TIME

-In 1998, Burger King announced it was adding a 'left-handed' Whopper to its menu. In an ad run in USA Today, the restaurant chain claimed that the 'Left-handed Whopper had been specially designed for the 32-million left-handed Americans.'

-In 2004, a religious sect called the Raelians claimed that their scientists had created the world's first human clone, a seven-pound baby girl named Eve. The ultimate goal according to leader Rael, who claims to have descended from extra-terrestrials, was to achieve immortality. The announcement was met with widespread public condemnation and scepticism. The claim was eventually exposed as a publicity stunt when the group failed to produce the cloned child.

-In 1897, Prescott Ford Jernegan, and his partner Charles Fisher, came to Lubec, Maine and informed its citizens of an incredible invention. They claimed to own a machine that could extract gold from saltwater, which was everywhere, as Lubec is a coastal town. Thousands of investors donated money. Boxes were placed in the water and Fisher would dive underwater during the night and place small amounts of gold in each one, giving the illusion that they were working. The pair fled and Fisher was never heard from again. Jernegan eventually revealed himself and gave back some of the money, though he was never prosecuted.

-In 1726 England, a young woman named Mary Toft told a neighbour that she had been sexually assaulted by a huge rabbit while weeding a nearby field. Her story was dismissed as a bizarre delusion until six months later a doctor was called to her bedside. According to his report she gave birth to five bunnies. While news of the strange birth spread throughout Europe, Toft gave birth to a few more rabbits, astounding many learned men of the day. Eventually investigators exposed her, and she confessed to having her husband secretly hide bunnies in her bed, whereupon she would further secrete them.

-Internet giant Google decided to post a prank for April's Fool claiming that YouTube had been nothing but a search for the best online video of all times and that the site was going to be taken down on 1 April 2013.

-Although many people believe crop circles have been around for centuries, they actually only date back about thirty years. The mysterious circles first appeared in the British countryside and their origin remained a mystery until September 1991, when two men, confessed that they had created the circles for decades as a prank to make people think UFOs had landed.

-In 1932, a man calling himself Oscar Daubmann arrived in Germany, claiming to have spent the last 16 years in a French POW camp. Captured during World War I, he said he had killed a guard while trying to escape and was sentenced to 20 years hard labour in Africa. Luring the guards into trusting him with his good behaviour, Daubmann eventually escaped and walked nearly 4,800 kilometres along the coast, until he was picked up by a steamer headed for Italy. He was celebrated as a national hero who gave hope to families around Germany whose sons had never come home. Daubmann however was actually a career criminal named who made up the story to get a free ride from Italy to Germany.

-In 1987 America was riveted to the story of a young black girl named Tawana Brawley, who said she had been gang-raped by six white men, including several police officers. Rev. Al Sharpton and others fanned racial tensions and accused police of a cover-up. The following year, following an extensive investigation (and revelations about contradictions in Brawley's story), a grand jury concluded that the girl had hoaxed the incident. A New York prosecutor successfully sued both Brawley and Sharpton for defamation.

-Back in 1989 nine-year-old cancer patient Craig Shergold thought of a way to achieve his dream of getting into the Guinness Book of Records - he asked people to send greeting cards that did they. By 1991, 33 million greeting cards had been sent, far surpassing the prior record. Ironically, Guinness doesn't actually note any mention of Craig Sherwood or a "most greeting cards received" record. Fortunately, doctors succeeded in removing the tumour and Craig grew up a healthy adult but his appeal for cards has turned into the hoax that won't die and spawned many copycats.

-In September 1969, American college students published articles claiming the Beatles Paul McCartney had died and was secretly replaced by a look-alike. Clues to the conspiracy could supposedly be found among the lyrics and artwork of the Beatles' recordings. A McCartney interview later in the year proved he was still quite alive.

-In 1974, six members of an Amityville, New York, family were killed by their youngest son, Butch DeFeo. The following year a couple and their three children moved into the home. They soon claimed they were supernaturally attacked by a demonic ghost or spirit. They collaborated with a novelist who embellished their tale which was adapted into the film "The Amityville Horror". Sceptical of their claims, investigators were proven correct years later when DeFeo's lawyer admitted that he and the new owners made the whole thing up and profited handsomely from the hoax.

-In October 1869, stunned workers digging a well in Cardiff, NY, uncovered a 10- foot petrified giant. Few scientists were fooled, but thousands of laypeople, particularly Christian fundamentalists and preachers, were convinced that the discovery was proof that giants once roamed the Earth. In fact, the figure was later revealed to have been planted by an atheist named George Hull, who was inspired to create the giant after an argument at a Methodist revival meeting about a biblical passage (Genesis 6:4) which was cited by his Christian rivals as evidence that giants once existed.

-Football star Manti Te'o fell victim to a social media hoax. In January. Te'o's longtime online girlfriend Lennay Kekua, who allegedly died in a car accident, never existed. Their story of love and loss captivated Americans' hearts throughout the football season but the truth reportedly astounded Te'o the most. The hoax was orchestrated by a male acquaintance of Te'o's who said he was in love with the linebacker.

-Charlatans and frauds purporting to have invented a perpetual motion machine, a machine that violates the laws of thermodynamics by generating enough energy to run forever on its own movements, have popped up throughout history. Perhaps none of these machines are as famous as Charles Redheffer's. His machine was so convincing that sceptics agreed to pay a hefty fee to prove him wrong. Sure enough, after removing a few wooden planks from the device, they found a belt which went through a wall where an old man was hiding - turning a crank with one hand and eating a loaf of bread with the other!

OKAY GET YOUR PYJAMAS ON ITS TIME FOR BED...

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St. Peter and St. Paul are sitting in the staff room in Heaven sharing a cigarette with looks of despair on their faces.

St. Paul complained "Peter, I am so bored". "You're Bored?? All I do is stand at those pearly-fucking-gates, say 'Yep you're in or no bugger off sinner'. That's it for nearly 2000 years" grumbled Peter.

Jesus strolls in whistling to himself and asks "Hiya boys, wassup?" Paul replied "We're bored J, we don't got nothing to do but be saintly". Jesus says "I've been thinking the same thing so I went to Pops and asked him if we could have one day of sin downstairs for all the good work we done, and he said yep. We get one day every 2000 years. So I've booked tickets for the Ministry of Sound nightclub in London and 3 hotel rooms in the Hilton Hotel. We'll go down, dance and get our hands on some pussy and screw them all night in our rooms".

Peter laughed "Way to go J, and I'll tell you what. We'll all meet up here at noon tomorrow and tell each other all about it. Have something to talk about for the next 2000 years!"

They all agree, so off they go. Their heavenly auras attract the women like flies and we leave them winking at each other as they turn the keys in the hotel room doors.

Next day, Peter is sitting down humming to himself back in God's staff room when Paul materialises with a massive smile on his face.

"Go on, what happened?" says Peter "You can tell J when he gets here" "Well, she didn't mess about. She just dropped her dress, and was naked underneath, did a handstand and started sucking me off while I ate her and it carried on from there..."

"Nice one" said Peter "it was different for me, when she undressed she had PVC crotchless panties on, and whips and chains in her purse. I never knew pain could be so pleasurable".

All of a sudden Jesus appeared with a face full of gloom and anger.

"What's up, J?" they asked. "I don't want to talk about it". Jesus scowled. "You've got to, we made a pact and the day of sin is now over so fess up" argued Peter and Paul.

"All right then, it started out great. She was so beautiful and when she undressed she was wearing small, white silk underwear to compliment her deep tan. She peeled off her clothes seductively, to really turn me on". "Yes!?!" the two panted

"Then she came over and kissed me deeply, moaning as my hands moved over her pert breasts, my hand wandered down to the gash between her legs..." "Yes, Yes!" "And it fucking healed up didn't it!!" shouted Jesus.

ORSM VIDEO


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There are three cops that go to the same bar after work every night. Two of the cops are veterans and one is a rookie. One night the rookie and one of the veterans are sitting around and the third one comes into the bar with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

The other two cops ask him "Why are you so happy?" He tells them "Well last night I had the best sex in my life with my wife. I had my service revolver cocked and loaded under the pillow. When I was about to come, I fired a shot into the air. Her pussy got really tight and we both came at the same time".

The next night, the other veteran comes into the bar with a shit-eating grin on his face too and tells the other veteran "Thanks for the advice. Last night I had the most incredible sex with my wife. I was doing her doggy style and when I was about to come, I fired my pistol. We both had a spontaneous orgasm. It was great".

The next night, the two veterans see the rookie come into the bar, mad as hell, kicking chairs as he makes his way over to them. The rookie says "Well I took your advice! My wife and I were doing sixty-nine and I fired my gun! That woman almost bit off my fucking dick and she crapped in my face!"

SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF... SHE'S ALWAYS BLOODY SHOPPING!!

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THE GREATEST HOAXES OF ALL TIME [continued]

-In October 2009, live television showed heroic efforts to rescue a young boy who allegedly flew away in his father's homemade gas balloon. After a massive rescue effort and media circus, it was discovered that the six-year-old had been hiding in his home the entire time. The father was charged with filing a false report. Of course he was 'in' on the hoax the entire time, supposedly in an effort to land a reality TV show.

-A paper written by Horace Miner and published in a 1956 edition of the journal American Anthropologist titled "Body Ritual Among the Nacirema" focused on an obscure tribe of North Americans who were obsessed with oral cleanliness. Although it read like a genuine anthropological study, it was in fact a satire of anthropological papers that describe other cultures. Nacirema is actually American spelled backwards. Miner was describing the American "ritual" of brushing teeth. To this day, the paper is used to fool students into reading about themselves as if they were being documented by a foreign anthropologist.

-Amazingly on April 1st 1977 The Guardian newspaper threw caution to the wind and bravely published a seven page 'special report' that celebrated the beautiful Republic of San Serriffe, situated in the Indian Ocean and made up of a series of idyllic semi colon shaped islands. A series of articles waxed lyrical, rejoicing in the simple bucolic culture, untainted geography and tranquil beaches of San Serriffe while littering the copy with numerous details (such as its name) that were purely printers' jargon. Of course none of this or the publication date stopped thousands of Guardian readers flooding the newspaper's switchboards with calls demanding information regarding this fantastical holiday destination.

-Clever Hans was a horse capable of complex intellectual tasks such as arithmetic, reading, spelling, telling time and even understanding the German language... or at least that's what everyone believed. Hans would answer questions by tapping his hoof. For instance, if asked a question like: "What's two plus nine?" Hans would stamp his hoof 11 times. Questions could be asked verbally or in written form. Hans was almost never wrong. It was not until a formal investigation by a in 1907 that Hans was revealed to have been simply reacting to body language cues from his audience. When his audience gasped, anticipating Hans' arrival at the correct answer, he would stop tapping.

-The Taco Liberty Bell was an April Fool's Day joke played by the fast food restaurant chain Taco Bell. In 1996, Taco Bell took out a full-page ad in seven major U.S. newspapers announcing that it had purchased the Liberty Bell to help reduce the country's debt and had renamed it the "Taco Liberty Bell". Thousands of people protested before it was revealed the sale was a hoax.

-In the 1990s, a short film surfaced that purported to be real footage of an alien autopsy performed on an extra-terrestrial being that crash landed in Roswell in 1947. The film was sold to television networks and broadcast around the world in as many as 32 countries. Fox television was the first to broadcast it in the US in 1995. It was not until 2006 that the film's producer, Ray Santilli, admitted that the film was not authentic, though he still contends it was based on real footage. The alien in the film was apparently made of casts containing sheep brains, raspberry jam and chicken entrails.

-Amidst internal strife and after losing a string of guitarists, the last of which was booted for having an affair with Mick Fleetwood's then-wife, Fleetwood Mac cut short their "Mystery to Me" tour. More of a dupe than a hoax, the bands manager put together a fake Mac with no actual members to fulfil the band's obligations, telling audiences that Mick intended to join the tour later. The public eventually caught on, as did the band, instigating a lengthy legal battle over who had the rights to the "Fleetwood Mac" name. The case was won by the original band and the 'fake Mac' formed Stretch, scoring a hit with "Why Did You Do It?" aimed at Mick for what they alleged was his involvement in the debacle. Fleetwood Mac responded by naming their next album "Heroes Are Hard to Find".

-A story hit the airwaves in 2002 when BBC News reported that German scientists had discovered that blond hair would become extinct within the next 200 years because it is a recessive trait. Later the same year, the New York Times, in attempting to corroborate the report, discovered that no such study had ever been performed. Despite the revelation, the study continued to be cited in publications for years

-The spaghetti tree hoax was a 3-minute fake report broadcast on April Fools' Day 1957 by the BBC show 'Panorama'. It featured a family in southern Switzerland that harvested spaghetti from spaghetti trees. Many viewers were either confused or completely fooled by the fake report.

-The Turk was a fake chess-playing machine constructed in 1770. The elaborate machine was designed to look like a Turkish-dressed robot that could defeat even the best human chess players. The Turk toured the world for nearly 84 years, beating chess masters, including Benjamin Franklin, and impressing many people with its supposed artificial intelligence. In fact, all along the robot's body was occupied by a real person hidden inside.

-During the 1970s Uri Geller enjoyed huge success with his mentalism acts, based largely on his alleged ability to bend spoons with his mind. Geller staunchly defended his claim to supernatural powers until hard evidence finally caught up with him. A 1982 book exposed Geller's tricks, and Geller was caught numerous times on camera manipulating stage props (pre-bending spoons etc). He has since earned a reputation for frivolous litigation after a series of failed lawsuits-mostly against people who publish unflattering material about him.

-The Tasaday tribe made international headlines in the 1970's when they were discovered by Manuel Elizalde, Jr. Apparently they had lived in isolation since the Stone Age. In 1986, a proper investigation revealed that the Tasaday traded with the local farmers, wore jeans and t-shirts and spoke a modern local dialect. Pictures and film of the tribe acting like Stone Age people were staged, and tribe members were coaxed into the performance with offers of free cigarettes and clothing.

NOTHING BEATS A NIP SLIP

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Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Johnny said "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact".

The teacher says "If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?"

Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one.

Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper.

The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.

Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt.

"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly "you've got a Double-Barrel!"

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Jack the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of sneakers.

She refused with disdain.

He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again.

Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

He found Mabel and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.

Dave began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm reaching around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling round his rear. Dave, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms".

"Don't flatter yourself lover boy" answered Mabel "I'm just trying on the sneakers!"

WOMAN! GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN!

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CULTURAL DIFFERENCES EXPLAINED

AUSSIES: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
CANADIANS: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
AMERICANS: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
BRITS: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

AUSSIES: Believe you should look out for your mates.
BRITS: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
AMERICANS: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
CANADIANS: Believe that that's the government's job.

AUSSIES: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
AMERICANS: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
CANADIANS: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
BRITS: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

AMERICANS: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
CANADIANS: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
BRITS: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
AUSSIES: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

AMERICANS: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
BRITS: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
CANADIANS: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
AUSSIES: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

AMERICANS: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
BRITS: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
CANADIANS: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
AUSSIES: Add "G'day" "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

BRITS: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
AUSSIES: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
AMERICANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, and liquor in a backward country.
CANADIANS: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, and liquor in a backward country.

AMERICANS: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
CANADIANS: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
BRITS: Drink warm, beery-tasting p*ss.
AUSSIES: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

AMERICANS: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
CANADIANS: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
BRITS: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
AUSSIES: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

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An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"

The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing "Four".

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Again, the last question was "How much is two plus two?"

Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four".

The accountant was interviewed last, and again the final question was "How much is two plus two?" The accountant drew all the shades in the room, looked outside to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and then whispered "How much do you want it to be?"

LACEY CRUZ IS A BIT OF AUTHORITARIAN ALRIGHT

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So there's a little guy sitting at a bar when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer.

After some time, the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas".

The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink.

The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan".

Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China".

This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that sonofabitch when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Bunnings".

ORSM VIDEO


Dudes... I'm done. Surely you're wanting more and you can have exactly that by simply reading on a little bit more. We've come this far together... just come a little further...

-Check out the site archives. Better wear a nappy though. They're so good you'll shit your pants.
-Next update will be next Thursday. Unless I die or find something better to do. Basically one of those things but not both.
-Tell your friends, family, colleagues, co-workers and neighbours to check out ORSM-DOT-NET otherwise my friend Ray will kill your parents just so he can taunt you on Twitter about it.
-Need to clear your conscience? Judge me? Want to fight me? Threaten me? Sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Show me the twins? Then go for it! Just make sure you email me here!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and have a nice day. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 

 

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