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December 2005...
orsmupdate 2005.12.22-22.02
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Welcome to Orsm.net and welcome to the last damn update of the year!

Woohoo... it's finally here! Today is my last work day for the year and I am absolutely bloody chuffed about that let me tell you! The last few of months has been nothing short of hectic and that's intensified over the last few weeks to the point where if there was nothing to look forward to [like a week off] there is a good chance I would have gone insane.

As we all know Christmas is just a few days away and as it's turned out the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't let happen, has. Yes I'm talking about the good old Christmas shopping [again] which I have been complaining incessantly about lately. Is it done? No. Is it almost done? No. Have I even started? NO!

I don't know how I let it happen. I spent too much time trying to work out what to get everyone and not enough time actually getting it done... which in itself has been a challenge. There's been so much social stuff going on, around the house projects and running this site absorbs a huge amount of time too.

Last weekend was an absolute killer. It started Friday with digging out a trench and eventually the beginnings of a wall. They say the trick is making sure the first coarse [row] of bricks is the most important because all the ones above it will sit relative to them. What they don't tell you is if you have no idea what you're doing prepare for some frustration whilst you 'try' and perfect the first few.

I woke up bright and early Saturday with best intentions to keep going but I was sore all over from the previous day. After slacking around the house for a while I decide it was time to give the place a quick clean. One thing led to another and another and six hours later and I was finally done. After that it was off to some friends place for a BBQ thing which ended up going quite late but I had a good time so who cares right?

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Up early again Sunday morning and got stuck into the wall building again. I should point out that this is a pretty simple wall - no cement or footings or anything like that, just a plain old 1 metre high retaining wall. The hard part comes in the weight of the blocks. According to the website each one weighs 16.6 kilograms so after a while they tend to get fucking heavy. In the 2 hours I don't think I've ever worked so hard or sweated so much in my life. Next up was another BBQ, an afternoon off and a much needed nap. All up it was a pretty great weekend.

At this point the next few days are looking slightly daunting. My shopping officially begins tomorrow. According to my list I now know what I am getting everyone so with a bit of luck I should be able to wrap everything up in just a few hours... unless of course all the stuff is sold out and I need to go shop to shop which I'm sure I'll love...

As for the big day... well I still don't know exactly what my 'obligations' are. Apparently Christmas lunch is with Mum's side of the family and dinner with Dad's side. I distinctly remember trying to see everyone last year - family, friends, friends families, friends of family friends etc - but I've well and truly shit canned that idea this year. If memory serves I racked up around 200 kilometres and was destroyed by the end of it.

This far out the thing I am most happy about is the weather forecast. Apparently we're in the midst of the coldest start to summer in a decade and the forecast for the 25th is fine and warm... not sweltering, rainy and humid like last year. That was like a bad joke.

Onto the Chopper clips I have posted [here and here] over the last month or so... I still continue to be inundated with requests for info and more, more MORE! For those who don't know they are from a show called the Ronnie Johns Half Hour which is on Channel 10 [in Australia obviously]. Unfortunately the series has finished for the year but will hopefully be back in 06. If you wanna see more of the clips from the show then you're in luck. Just click here!

Anyway I think its time to crank this bad boy up but before I do I would first like to point you at the latest instalment of Prycless pics. I'll try and keep them happening throughout the new year. Also now would probably be a good time to take the opportunity and thank everyone for their support in 2005! Without you guys surfing by, emailing me and spreading the Orsm word to your mates the site wouldn't exist! On with it...

I've been subtly plugging RateMyPix.com for the last couple of months now but what I haven't said is why! It's my new site! Okay so maybe it's not the most original concept ever but I think you'll find the chicks that post on there are smokin' hot! Girls and guys are welcome to jump on and upload your own pics and have the world to rate your body! Trust me - you'll find it's alarmingly addictive. Check it!

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

The Russians are still secretly watching. The cold war may be over but the hot whores are just getting started. It's eye-spy candidly played with naked female comrades.

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Hottest Godess - Victorias Secret Gurls - Owned! - Ding Dong - Porn TopList - Crazy Cop Vids - Fat Fighters

Bumble Beez - Tetris 3D - Silent Night - Lynx Effect - Snow Blower - Xmas From Kev - Hottie Kate - Fast Knock-Out

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."
A bloke stops to visit his mate who has a broken leg. His friend says, "My feet are cold mate. Can you go and get me my slippers from upstairs please." The guy goes upstairs and there are his mate's gorgeous twin 18 year old daughters. "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to shag you." The first daughter says, "That's not true." He says, "I'll prove it." He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?" His mate yells back, "Of course, both of them."

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Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia

Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia - Sylvia

Little Johnny's neighbours had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. "Can he see?" asked Little Johnny.

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision "That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses."

Remember back a few weeks ago I posted the video of a guy's house that was covered top to bottom in lights synched to some fancy music and how mind-blowingly spectacular it was? Well turns out two can play at that game! This vid is of a place in Sherman Oaks, California and I think you'll all agree is just as impressive. Check it...

- [Another] Best Christmas Lights Ever -

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One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approached one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wondering was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night," the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 AM Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighbourhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?" Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that." "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times!"

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Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah

Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah - Sarah

Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet? Its the webs only FREE adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult movies, and even download all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for yourself and have a look!

Once again it's been another quiet email week. Still makes no sense - site traffic has stayed about the same but everyone has stopped filling my inbox with goodies from afar. I can only assume all you guys have been far too busy in the lead up to Christmas to waste time sending mail.

It's not as if it's a complete loss though! The final Overflow for the year can be found here. I have absolutely no idea how old some of the emails are but rather than just leave them collecting dust and never seen I thought you guys would enjoy a little something extra.

Anyway, if you'd like to contribute to the site then we'd love to see you're stuff. On the Orsm's Most Wanted list are nude pics of your wife, girlfriend or tasty ex, videos of your mate doing something completely retarded, juicy holiday stories and jokes that made you laugh so hard a little bit of piss came out! All you gotta do is click here to make the magic happen!

<wih held> wrote:
Subject: Gday gday
Just one thing on Cronulla, personally I think its been boiling up for a while, and while the beating of innocent people is absolutly unacceptable, I think that it can be understood that those red-necks might might have had enough of them. Some of the trouble that they (and by they, I dont mean lebanese, I meant racist thugs) cause up there is unacceptable. The retaliation, even though it was wrong in essence, is a pretty understandable response when alot of caucasian women get raped, and men get beaten up unprovoked.

Im no advocate for caucasians either, I definetly think they can give as good as they get. Most of those racist thugs were probably teased heaps at school by the people they now hate.

My idea is simple. Do what Israel does. If someone commits some horrible racially motivated attack on an innocent, they should have their house demolished. Not only would that act as a good deterrent, it would also clear alot of land in outer sydney that was crap anyways! Either that or crush then soop'ed up fooly sik cars into tin cans. Thats what i'd do if I was king of the universe anyways.

Marwan Moubarak wrote:
Subject: Leb from Finland
I am a Christian Lebanese ,living far from Australia ,actually in Finland. I've heard what happened in Cornulla beach and many other places and I am very sorry. Our people don't run around in gangs targeting "whites" to rape or bash. We are generally better educated than the Muslims and do indeed respect the law.

The problem is Islam. An ignorant superstition direct from the middle ages. Islam is arrogant and intolerant and causes problems wherever it is found. Put Islam into the mix and expect trouble. I feel bad when I see the Aussies smeared as "racists" and the media mentioning Lebanese. I was pretty sure it was not Christian Lebanese causing the troubles.

The violence that is occurring today is not a battle between 'Lebanese' and 'Australian'. But it is between groups of youths who are looking for any excuse to cause trouble. I should treat the Muslims same here in Finland. Give them a hard time and make them feel so uncomfortable that they want to leave. Btw keep the good work ,I've been checking your site 4? years.

Willem wrote:
Subject: Alive in Jozi
Festive greetings fellow neighbour! Just a note of thanks to yourself and your fans alike (Davie in particular) for the Alive in Joburg vid uploaded recently! I live in Joburg and love every single bit of this beautiful country. Especially the ladies, wine and offcourse it's pride. It's a truly amazing country to live in and although it is sometimes tough the rewards we are reaping is priceless and makes it all worth while.

Jason wrote:
Subject: CHAV?
Orsm!! Great site! Look forwrd to the updates and the Randome Shite! What the Hell is CHAV fashion?!? I feel I'm just some stunned fuck from Canada without a clue or am I just not up with it? If you care,,, let me know.

Check out ChavScum.co.uk. -Orsm

Mark wrote:
Subject: Kewl video
Thought you'd might like to see my mates cool music video and listen to some of his tracks. He's unsigned at the moment but I don't think for long!

Mark D wrote:
Subject: Nude drawings
Hi. Love your site and have visited many times since 2000. I love to draw female parts, so here is my art. Thought you could show some on your site.

steve philly wrote:
Subject: for your priceless
jessica had too much to drink!
click to enlarge

Nick wrote:
Subject: Boston weather
Hey Orsm - I thought you might get a good laugh at this picture. This is the weather we had in Boston (Massachusetts) last week - pretty fucking crazy. Reminded me of my time spent in Melbourne.

click to enlarge
Killer Gravy wrote:
Subject: manginas in patagonia
Please embarass my friends by posting these pics of amazing scenery ruined by gayness. Thanks.
click to enlarge click to enlarge

Wes wrote:
Subject: Merry X-mas Mother Fucker
Attached is a tree that was in the University of Utah Credit Union. Nothing like a grenade to bring out the X-mas Spirit. Thanks

click to enlarge

Dubs wrote:
Subject: NWS
The University of Western Ontario is investigating an incident in which a female first-year student performed a full striptease and lap dance last week for several males in a residence bedroom, with graphic photos soon sent out over the Internet.

click for gallery
Billy Browne wrote:
Subject: 2002 Ferrari 360 F1 Spider Total Loss
The driver lost it at over 120 MPH on the Northbound lanes of the 101, hit a pole at the left front and this was the result. He was injured and the owner (passenger) was OK.
click for gallery

David Atkins wrote:
Subject: IM Death
This is a funny little picture set my friend and I took after another friend told me over IM to 'kill' him.

click for gallery

<with held> wrote:
Subject: wild turkey
Hey orsm, Lets just say people really should learn to secure their computers a little better. Enjoy, some may require a bucket though. Withold email and name please.

Naaaaaaaaaasty... -Orsm

click for gallery

Trev wrote:
Subject: London underground
bit rough but true song... i love the underground... best part of visiting london

click to listen

L.M.P Boss wrote:
Subject: Loudmouthcrew.com
Dear Mr ORSM... The Loud Mouth Boys thought it would be almost illegal if we didn't help out a fellow Aussie website, so we decided to forward you one of our vids. We are basically a large crew of dudes spread over Canberra, Sydney, New Castle and some parts of QLD that loves to ride anything with a motor and smoke anything that's green... oops I meant rubber. We religiously check your site for updates at the end of everyweek because its easily one of the best sites out.... we got your back.... and the underground on lock.

click to watch vid

R. Bruce Todd wrote:
Subject: You gotta liten to thisten to this one ...a couple of Fun points
You gotta really listen to all of the words of this one ...it has Heather Bambrick written all over it ... on the fun points of Christmas of course!

click to listen

Rich wrote:
Subject: hey orsm
Thought I'd tell you a funny story. So this chick I'm screwing around with calls me up and asks me to take some "artistic" photos of her for her friend up at NYU's last minute art project which just happens to be a large chunk of her grade. I say yes. Gal comes over. Upon arrival she asks me if I have a video camera, her "friend" asked her to make take video instead of photo. I assure her that my camera has video. After a few warm up takes I get the “artistic” video. Send to “friend”. Turns out that her “friend” was some old dude posing as her “friend” on IM. Life's Lesson #1: don't send nekkid vids across the internet. Life's Lesson #2: don't call the guy you had film it a dickhead.

click to watch vid

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Funny stuff for you
An office buddy pointed me at your site and it I thought that I might make a contribution. Michael I am sure you will be the first one to spot it and know it was me, but just remember you showed me this site in the first place. I have a friend who encoded a police interview with a guy who has obviously been in trouble before and knows how to get out of it. I don't know anyone who hasn't peed themselves while listening to it, and I thought it would be a hoot to get it out to the rest of the world for a good laugh. I'm probably going to cop it at work now for sending this but it's just so bloody funny

click to listen

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

click here for more

At Sydney University, there were four students taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "HD" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident with the finals approaching that the weekend before, they decided to go down to Canberra and party with some friends there.

They had a great time. However, after all the hard partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Sydney until early Monday morning - the morning of their final exam! Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor AFTER the exam and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that they had gone to Canberra to do some research in the ANU archives for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tyre on the way back, and got stuck waiting for help to arrive. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard that night - all night - and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet (which was out of 100 points) and told them to begin.

The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they all thought in their separate rooms, this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

Question 2 for 95 points: Which tyre?



There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope! Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna.

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened, It read:

Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office. Sincerely, Edna


Keeping in the Christmas spirit of giving I have whipped up another mega RS this week and its safe to say there's a little something for everyone. Check it...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

There was this parrot that lived in a monastery and enjoyed cursing. Each time he cursed the monk would threaten to punish him. One day when the old monk passed by the parrot screamed, "Fuck You!" Angry, the monk grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer for 5 minutes. When he was released, the tropical bird swore that he would never do it again.

A couple of days had passed, the bird couldn't hold it in any longer and started to curse at a group of monks passing by. Embarrassed in front of his colleagues, the monk shoved the bird in the freezer again, this time for an hour. When he was released, the bird swore that he had really learned his lesson.

A week later, the monk walked up to the bird and reminded him of his promise. The monk said that a high priest was coming for a visit and the bird ought to be on his best behaviour. The parrot agreed. But when the parrot saw the high-priest with a shining bald head, the bird had to make a comment, "Ha-ha-ha! Look at that bald dickhead! Fuck You! Fuck You!"

The monk rushed forward and shoved the animal in the freezer. Three hours later he was released. "Well, have you truly learned your lesson?" asked the monk. "BBBBBefore IIIIII answer that, may, may I ask youuuuu something?" responded the frozen bird. "Of course." said the monk. "WWWhat the fuckin' HELL did the turkey do to have to stay there for so long?"

click here for more

A northern Territory farm hand radios back to the farm manager, "Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's ok but he's stuck in the bull bar at the front of my ute and is wriggling & squealing so much I cannot get him out".

The manager says "Okay there's a 303 behind the seat, take it out and shoot the pig in the head & you'll be able to remove him".

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back. "I did as you said boss. Took the 303 and shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on."

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager. "Well Boss, it's his motor bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right front wheel arch..."


Well guys that's it not just for this update but for this year as well! Once again thanks to everyone who has supported the site this year. We hit record traffic days and weeks all year long and I'm looking forward to working my ass off through 2006 to make Orsmnet bigger and better than ever... as long as you guys keep coming back!

When shall I return? At this stage the next update is planned for January 5th so make sure you tune back in AND make sure you tell all your mates about this absolutely fucking kick-ass amazing site you found called O-R-S-M-DOT-NET!

To all I wish a very Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year! You all rock my fucking world!

Until next year be good, stay off the chems and don't drink and drive! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2005.12.15-22.31
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Welcome to Orsmnet. Second last, baby!

As usual it's been a pretty crazy week. The whole Christmas thing is approaching at an exponentially increasing rate of knots and I just haven't had enough time to get everything that I need to get done, done. Of course Christmas shopping is still the thorn in my side - I just want it finished and out of the way but even now with little over a week to get it all sorted actually finding the time to start it is proving almost impossible.

Riots in Cronulla... I think 'holy shit' about best sums that up. I never thought I'd live to see the day where anything like that went on in Australia. This sort of stuff has always been what you saw on the news that happened in some far off country... but never here.

For those who don't know what caused all this - a few weeks back two lifeguards were bashed on a Cronulla beach by a gang of Lebanese-Australians. This caused outrage in the community and a few days later an SMS text message began circulating inciting people to take revenge against all leb's and wogs. It culminated with a protest in Cronulla by thousands of Aussies who eventually turned violent as they hunted and attacked basically anyone who looked like one of the aforementioned ethnic groups. Completely messed up.

This has led to retaliations from both 'sides' including bashing, stabbings, destruction of cars and the burning down of a church. Now we're seeing similar text messages propagate across other capital cities.

So where does it all end? Do we eventually just end up with an even bigger divide between the communities that frequently end in death and destruction? To be honest I have no idea what the solution to all this crap is but it probably wouldn't hurt if everyone just chilled the fuck out.

click here for more

Moving on.... this weekend is looking like another killer. There's so much to do I am taking tomorrow off and it will begin with seeing my sister who is finally returning home after living in London for the past four years. In that time I have seen her once when she came home for a week two years ago so I'm looking forward to having her around more.

After that its back home to start building a wall. One of the things we didn't foresee when I began my little garage/carport project was the need for a retaining wall to sort of finish off the sides. Funny that. Funny how you can get carried away with what you're trying to achieve and completely ignore what has to go into it.

Tomorrow nite is the first of three BBQ's that are on this weekend. Saturday morning will be back to building the wall followed by another BBQ with all the crew at a friends place. I think the hardest thing to do will be resisting the urge to drink, get drunk and fall over as the plan for Sunday is to - you guessed it - continue on with building the wall... a task I don't particularly want to do whilst hung-over and feeling sorry for myself. Later in the day is the third [and hopefully last] BBQ for the weekend with the family as a sort of welcome back thing for my sis. Like I said - killer weekend.

Before we get on with the update you guys may want swing by the Prycless section and check out the new updates [here and here]. Anyway let's get on with it shall we...

The Lost Links. It didn't take me long to figure out how they came up with the name for this site... I lost hours amusing myself surfing through it! If you're looking for a decent site without all the bullshit then look no further - check out The Lost Links now!

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

They say facials are rejuvenating. I find just watching a pretty girl getting one gets my blood flow going again and puts the blush back in my cheeks. It flushes out more than my pores.

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Click for more awesomeness

Little Shits - What A n00b - Science Experiment - Rate My Pix! - The X-Factor - What An Idiot - Slag For A Slag

Porn TopList - Behaviour Problems - Chromed - Bionic Man - Raven Riley - The Yoda Rap - Roller Crazy

FRIENDSHIP AMONGST WOMEN: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her boyfriend that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. Boyfriend calls 10 of her friends and none know a thing.
FRIENDSHIP AMONGST MEN: same thing happens. Man says he spent the night at a friends place. Girlfriend calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.


Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia

Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia - Lucia

click here for more


Late last week, I was rushing around trying to get some shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking lot. As I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy, I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the shopping centre entrance.

As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about 12 yrs old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar note in his hand. Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family.

Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off, by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred dollar notes and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked. The boy said, "I did." "And nobody came to help you?" I wondered. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I inquired. The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realised that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran off.

click here for more

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner." A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You bastard!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with a spanner." Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You dirty lying bastard!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I've lived next door to that bastard. And every time I asked to borrow a fucking spanner, he said he didn't have one!"

You may remember a few weeks back I posted a clip of Chopper doing the weather report. Ever since then I have had countless emails from you guys wanting to see more and in particular the 'Chop-Air' skit. This one is absolutely frickin' hilarious too so I proudly present it now for you're viewing pleasure. Check it...

- Fuckin' Special Celebrity Stewardess Fuckin' Chopper Reid -

click here for more


A shepherd is herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW roars towards him. The driver, a young man in a Hugo Boss suit, Gucci shoes, and Ray Bans, leans out and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?". The shepherd looks at the city slicker, then at his field full of grazing sheep and calmly answers, "Sure."

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his notebook and connects it to a cell phone, then surfs to the NASA website, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system, scans the area, and then opens up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sends an email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep."

"That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?". "OK, why not?" answers the young man. "Clearly, you are a management consultant" says the shepherd. "That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog."

click here for more

Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet? Its the webs only FREE adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult movies, and even download all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for yourself and have a look!

I've never really understood it but for some reason this is the time of year email seems to quieten down a tad. I still get thousands upon thousands of virus infected emails but good quality, legitimate mail that I haven't seen ten million times before thin out a bit.

The Overflow returns this week. I realised I had a backlog of tonnes of email from the last however many months just piling up so I thought I should post them up for you guys to see. After all - sharing is caring! You can find them here.

Before I get on with the email let me just say if you have anything you'd like to contribute - a funny joke, nudie pics of your current or ex squeeze, messed up vids or pretty much anything you can think of then click here to make the magic happen!

Greg wrote:
Subject: Warning - Stay away from Cronulla this Weekend - Update..
Casey Donovan is singing in an Outdoor Concert!! Please pass this email onto as many of your friends so that we can keep as many people safe as possible..

JBMDriver wrote:
Subject: The Ever Changing Rules to Life...
Hello Mr. Orsm, I've been a fan of yours for some time now. As I was reading your latest update.. I noticed you have begun to notice the ever increasing changes to our way of life. Welcome to the New World!! Here in the New World, Every one is easily offended... please trend lightly.... careful what you say or pray... mind your P's and Q's, .. dot every t and cross every i... because the whole New World is watching and passing judgment on you.. everything that was fun or dangerous has been removed for your own good.. also if you don't like it, you have the right to form a committee and ask why. Please note the use government as a tool has been reduced to just another job with good pay and benefits for its members only. Voting is just our way of letting you believe you still have meaning in our world. Truth is ..... you don't, I don't and the whole damn lot of us don't. All important decisions have been and are being made in our behalf by people who don't know jack shit about us! So on behalf of the New World Order... welcome... pick a seat... relax..enjoy! You still have your memories of the way it used to be...... for now.

silkychubs wrote:
Subject: Christmas
What's up Mr. ORSM? The same shit is going on over here in the U.S. Equal rights groups and religious groups fighting over Christmas. Everybody wants to celebrate it, they just don't want "Christ" in the title. The city of Boston was going to call their tree a Holiday Tree until a bunch of people bitched about it. Look most people celebrate Christmas whether Christians or not. If you want to celebrate it, cool, if not that's cool too. It's called Christmas. If you want to acknowledge Christ cool, if not just shut the fuck up and open presents.

Bigdaz wrote:
Subject: van nguyen
G'day ORSM, thanks for a brilliant site, typical it takes a sandgroper to get it right. This is boring by now but does anyone consider that if they are such religious and community minded people why didn't the family approach the church and ask the parishioners for financial support to pay pack the money owed. Why because they probably would have told the drug dealing wanker the fuck off, A potentional 25,000 hits off the street and one less mule, good value. Next time some poor defenceless pensioner is beaten within an inch of their lives so a junky can score a hit what are Van Nguyens bleeding hearts fan club gonna say. Think about it, donate to starving people, save the whales whatever you need to do but find a worthy cause to follow not that of a greedy poison pushers pathetic plight.

Phil wrote:
Subject: Rachel Nichols Topless and Nipple Slip Pictures
Hey there, I think you'll really like this post of Rachel Nichols from back in her modelling days, featuring topless, see-through, and nipple slip pictures.

Never heard of her but HOT! -Orsm

Dougie wrote:
Subject: remember
Hey orsm buddy, Many years ago when you started your site you help me out with a little link to my band site "Panic State". My band has started their new website its: www.audioperv.com. You may have even seen us at Harbourside(Thursdays), Lookout(Fridays), or The Shed (Saturdays) or EVEN when we were on the Footy Show with Luke McPharlin (freo dockers). So if you could do a little link to help us promote our little band,..would be great,..and come down to a gig, I'd love to meet ya and buy ya a drink or seven.

click for site

Tyson wrote:
Subject: Donkey show
I saw this driving down the freeway in vegas. Not sure why they could not just get a trailer.

click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge

Brandon wrote:
Subject: Pictures!
I went out with this girl for about a week and she was showing me a picture of her in her thong. Well she gave me the password to her phone to let me look at it. Well after we broke up she decided to not change the password and this is what she gets right here! Enjoy and feel free to post up anything you would like.

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Greetings - Possible Random Shite Pic
Anyway just thought I'd send you this random pic of a couple of my mates in the hope that it might make it onto your site somewhere. Possibly in the Random Shite section because that's exactly what it is. Feel free to imaginatively title it "MILF" or whatever takes your fancy.

click to enlarge

JB wrote:
Subject: New Speed Camera
Warning. New Speed Camera. This photo was taken outside of Carousel in Cannington. They try and catch you every which way they can !!!

click to enlarge

Johnny wrote:
Subject: billboard
HI, Just wanted to tell you what a great site you have, I'm looking forward to every update. You site is the best. I found this billboard on Texas highway 83 between Harlingen, Tx and McAllen,Tx. I guess they offer services that I never dreamed possible. Bet a lot of the guys will copy the phone number for there women, lol. Again great site.

click to enlarge
<with held> wrote:
Subject: wife
my wife in the shower. please dont show names cheers
click for gallery

<with held> wrote:
Subject: pics
Hey! Been loving the site for years. Here are a few pics of a friend. Please do not post my details. Keep up the great work.

click for gallery

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Check out this guys' truck!
This is the most outrageously gorgeous truck ever painted. Hands need to clap for those creators. Check out this truck. Gotta wonder how much this thing cost. No matter, it is AWESOME!!! ENJOY!!! "Heroes" Truck...

click for gallery

Davie wrote:
Subject: Cool vid
The stalker here again. Found this vid om Milk and Cookies dot com. Pretty neat. It's a twisted look at Apartheid in South Africa. A bunch of Aliens land an an Alien Nation Stylee and are responsible for all the social upheaval. It was done by the same guys that produced the Transformer Citreon ad. It is copywrited, but I guess they would be OK with you linking to it.

click to watch vid

Teak wrote:
Subject: Incredible
Wah. This cop came inches from being roadkill. I have no idea how he got up after he got hit. Crazy part is how close he came to being run over after he got thrown.

click to watch vid

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Cronulla Beach in Sydney
G'Day Mr ORSM, I suppose you've seen all the bullshit on the news about Cronulla Beach in Sydney, well here is a song that I wrote a few years ago. The story behind this song is that Triple M's Club Veg had a competition back in 2000 where you had to write a song, about your suburb, using the tune from a current or classic hit. I chose the Fastball song "The Way" written by Tony Scalzo. My song made the top ten and was produced by the Triple M Production Team and performed by Club Veg's Vic Davies. As I said I wrote this in 2000 and things have only got worse around here since then.

click to listen

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Crows player
Here is a clip of the Crows captain from the NWS funny reel. All the TV stations release a tape of their out takes from through out the year, this is from one of them. Please do not release my details.

click to watch vid

George Jacob wrote:
Subject: Berlin 75
O, thanks for the exposure.... i am very proud because i know you get alot off crap. and to post mine. I'm honored. however......... this is the best.

click to watch vid

Steve Irwin walks into a bar with his pet crocodile by his side. He puts the croc up on the bar. He then turns to the astonished patrons and says "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my nuts inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my boys unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink!"

The crowd murmured in unanimous approval. Steve stood up on the bar, dropped his daks, and placed his privates in the crocodile's open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, Irwin grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the croc hard on the top of its head.
The croc opened his mouth and he removed his balls unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

Steve stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up... "I'll try it! Just don't hit me so hard with the bloody beer bottle!!"

click here for more

On the farm lived a chicken and a donkey, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the donkey fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the donkey 'hee hawed' for the chicken to go get the farmer for help! Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z4 series BMW. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken started the beautiful motor car and the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the boggy swamp, the donkey was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the donkey!

Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.

A few weeks later, would you believe, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the donkey to save his life!

The donkey thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the donkey pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? When you're hung like a donkey, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks!




Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.


Time for a big RS. Any complaints? Bite me! Check it...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them." George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Ten minutes go by and no sign of Fido. Fifteen minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen. Twenty minutes pass, and they are starting to worry. Twenty five minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.

The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk Sergeant's penis in his mouth.

click here for more

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other female friends in addition to my fiancé and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry".

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, the red-head in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?" "I don't like her."


Well well well... look at that - I'm done! Finished for another week and I'm kinda glad because I'm dead tired and need some sleep. That said I hope you guys have enjoyed surfing this concoction as much as I have sticking it all together.

Until next time be good, stay off the chem's and see y'all next week. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2005.12.08-22.16
click here for more

Welcome to Orsmnet. You don't look too excited, Kev? Are you okay? Kev? KEV!?

Yes it's true - this really is the third last update for the year and I'm starting to get all giddy and excited. What's the big deal? Well I can say for sure it definitely isn't Christmas, more a case of me looking forward to a week off between Christmas and New Years. It's so close now I can almost taste it...

Talking of Christmas, I've been fretting about getting my Christmas shopping sorted. I swore last year that I was going to get on to it early so I didn't get stuck rushing around in the last couple of days as, much to my disdain, has happens every other year. Now best intentions are all well and good but what I finally realise is that the hardest part of the ordeal is figuring out what to get everyone.

To make matters easier my mail box has been inundated with countless bundles of catalogues and random other junk mail. From just the last two weeks alone I have a pile on my desk that puts an A4 ream of paper to shame. I actually look forward to it too - the last place I lived at never got a single thing. Nowadays it's a different story. My house is right at the middle point between two large shopping centres so the usual flow of junk is fairly decent but with the Christmas so close it's obviously no holds barred. Gotta love it.

Back to Christmas shopping... one thing that's been bugging me is all the rules they have placed on Santa's in our malls and shopping centres now. I agree with things like Police checks and I understand the necessity of gaining a parents permission before a child sits on Santa's lap but everything else is getting beyond ridiculous.

Handing out lollies, patting kids on the head or chuffing a merry "ho ho ho" has all been disallowed. Why? Fear of offending people's religious beliefs. All those years ago, waaaay back when I still used to believe in the fat hairy guy in the red suit, all that stuff was part of the fun and something you'd look forward to but this is just out of control. I propose that if people with alternate beliefs are so offended by Santa they should stay the fuck away from him and not ruin it for everyone else.

click here for more

It doesn't stop there though. It now extends to schools too. Everything from Christmas plays to carols to decorations are being cancelled or banned. To me this makes absolutely no sense. This stuff has gone on for years and now suddenly it all has to end. Someone please explain to me how come we have to be mindful of the beliefs of others but them not of ours?

I distinctly remember a Chinese girl I went to primary school with. I have absolutely no idea what religion she was but every time the class did something Christmas related she would excuse herself and go to the library. Worked for her and it was okay with us.

There was also a story on the news earlier in the weak about certain religious groups complaining that Christmas should be called something else arguing that Australia is a multicultural society and the title of the day and season should reflect that. What a load of crap.

Now before anyone gets too offended and decides to rename me I want to point out that I don't profess to understand other religions and for the matter I am far from religious myself but it pisses me off to see all these morons whinging and complaining. If you ask me everything is just fine as it is so if you don't like it I suggest fucking off out of here to a place or country where everyone else believes the same stuff you do. Happy Festivus!

The Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resorce.com has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if they use her free adult comsumer resource.

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

It brings an entirely new meaning to the term "family style dining" as you see some lucky stud eat out a mother and daughter duo stuff them both with sausage then cover them with cream.

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Click for more awesomeness

Camen Electra - More Lights - Crazy Crashes - Can't Touch Me - Oompa Loompa - Party Asses - O.C. Hotness

Porn TopList - Go Damn! - Lynx Jet - Mariah's Boobies - Jap Phone Booths - Home Made Porn - Christina

A man and a woman were driving down the road and arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window. Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl is chatting away to her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks the car on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks he father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey." The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"

click here for more


Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia

Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia - Claudia

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the leprechaun is there waiting for him. "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100.00 bills I didn't even know were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life? "The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's okay". "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer... "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

All through my high school years I spent just about everyday after school outside with my mates playing basketball. There wasn't much to it except whoever won got bragging rights. I'm sure it would have been a whole lot more fun if we had the ability to get up and dunk in each others faces but in reality the closest any of us could come was maybe just getting a finger over the ring... not quite like these guys. Check it...

- Top Ten Best Dunks Of All Time -

click here for more


A commercial traveller was driving through the Scottish Highlands when his car broke down. There was a cottage near by so he went up to it and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal a burly Highlander.

"My car has broken down," said the traveller, "Do you know where I can spend the night?" "Why, right here of course!" said the Scot, "Come in and avail yourself of our world famous hospitality." The traveller duly entered the humble but cosy residence.

"Jeannie," shouted the host in the direction of the kitchen, and in response to his call his beautiful daughter appeared. "Jeannie, make a meal for the gentleman and remember to uphold our great tradition of Highland hospitality."

The traveller was soon tucking into an appetising meal; the girl had indeed spared no effort to extend Highland hospitality to the quest. "And now," said the Highlander, "I'm afraid I must go out and milk the cows, but just make yourself at home and take full advantage of our world famous Highland hospitality."

No sooner had the door closed behind him than the traveller set about seducing the lovely daughter. In no time at all he had her on the floor and was on the job.

Suddenly the door opened and there stood the Highlander. He took one look at what was going on and his face turned purple with rage. He dropped his two buckets of milk with a crash and gave verbal vent to his wrath.

"After all I have been saying about the Highland hospitality," he roared, "Arch your back, woman, and take the poor man's balls off the cold floor!"

click here for more

Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet? Its the webs only FREE adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult movies, and even download all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for yourself and have a look!

Oh Reader Mail how I love thee. You guys were extremely chatty this past week about the execution of Van Nguyen and of course the Christmas lights vid I posted last update. I think half the fun is I never know what's going to come back after an update but its good to hear differing opinions or get interesting follow-ups. Please never stop!

Anyway if you'd like to contribute and maybe even have your email posted then what we love most are funny pics, stupid vids, hilarious jokes and pretty much any nudity you can conjure. All you've go to do is click here.

Nick wrote:
Subject: Van Nguyen
You couldn't be more fucking right if you tried. Sure people can feel sympathy for the mother and brother, but yeah let's break it down, he's a drug dealer, and not only that a heroin dealer, he wasn't caught with drugs in Australia, he was caught at an airport in Singapore, so therefore he should have the same rights as somebody from Singapore caught with heroin... sure it's gonna be harsh to be hung, no niceties like America with their lethal injection or gas.... but so many people jump on the band wagon like they know him, or they care for him. Some people just don't see through the smoke screen, yes he's gonna die, was he a good person, maybe, was he a heroin dealer, yep, enough said... funny thing is, you'll find most of your readers will probably agree with ya too..

The Hammer wrote:
Subject: Van Tuong Nguyen
Finally someone agrees with me! I am sick of walking down the Queen St mall and seeing all these people asking for a petition to be signed against how wrong it is to hang this guy, who has been convicted of smuggling heroin. We're not talking about 2 pills for your own use, or a bag full of weed, we are talking hardcore mess up your life drugs. He admitted to doing it, and is the second person in his family to do it! At least the bleeding hearts will have packed up and moved on to the next protest by now. By the way, love the site. Have been coming here every week for years now. Ever since I saw the first "priceless" pic.

Dan wrote:
Subject: Van Nguyen
YO Orsm. Love your site. In regards to your feeling on the execution, i think you should watch a movie called "Maria: Full of Grace". Thanks

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Van Tuong Nguyen
G'day. Wouldn't normally write in, but I think you got it wrong about the dude on death row. He was forced to try and import the drugs by the people who his brother was in debt to. He didnt have much choice about the matter - it wasnt just to try cover legal fees. I agree with what you said about poeple being stupid to bring drugs into asia, etc (Corby, the underwear model etc) If theyre doin it for fun, or whatever, but when someones in that kind of situation (forced to do it or you or someone you love might be killed) Its a bit different. What would you do? I personally have no idea. So I feel sorry for the dude.

Craig wrote:
Subject: van tuong nguyen
Hey Orsm, Cop this, its friday afternoon 2 dec 05 and Van nguyen's mum is in changi morgue identifing her son's body after he spent the morning playing on a Singapore swing set. As the morgue attendant slides open the drawer with Van on it, mum looks at the corpse and says to the attendant, velly solly mister, but this not Van, my Van was at least three inches shorter than this guy.

David wrote:
Subject: pull the plug on the best christmas lights ever
Orsm, The best christmas lights ever is most definitely real. Unfortunately they've pulled the plug on the display. Check out this article.

Tom Bockerstette wrote:
Subject: Christmas light video, the real story
Hi Mr. Orsm, I've been a long time visitor and love your sight, always something new and interesting to view and read. In your latest update you have a link to a Christmas light display, timed to music, and just fantastic to watch. I actually found this movie on another site a few weeks ago and also wondered if it was real. Little did I realize that it was real, and is only about 20 miles from where I live. I am in Cincinnati, Ohio, and this display is in an outer suburb named Deerfield Township. Our local newspaper, the Cincinnati Enquirer, did a story on it yesterday. The posted video is this guys 2004 display, and this year it is even bigger. The full display this year runs 12 minutes. Rather than explain all the details, I am providing a link to the Enquirer story. It really is an impressive undertaking.

lights wrote:
Subject: Web page referral: snopes.com
I thought this entry from the Urban Legends Reference Pages at snopes.com might interest you. Explains the xmas lights house.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Best xmas lights
Hey Mr Orsm, i just saw that video of the crazy xmas lights. I agree, that was AWESOME! And to provide some insight as to if it's stop motion or not, listen to the last 45 seconds of it with the volume turned way up. You can actually hear thunder in the background. So either the stop motion people were anal about it, or we have a genuine video on our hands. Awesome work with the site as ever! Cheers!

<with held> wrote:
Subject: The Best Christmas Lights Ever
They're real!! Great site.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Re new prycless pics
Love the site - the jokes and the random shite make me laugh every time (and gag occassionally too)... In addition, your site is a constant reminder to never let my bf take pictures of me nude - you never know where they might end up! Anyway, was looking thru the new prycless pics and this one caught my eye. Was this picture also taken at the wrong time of the month or am I seeing this wrong???

Stuart Grahame wrote:
Subject: Transparent Computer Screens
Hi mR ORSM, I've got to hand it to you on this EXCELLENT site. Regarding your current pictures of the Transparent computer screens, did you know that they are all HOAXES. It's an image on the background of the desktop to image the current background. To see the flaw look at picture 2 the one with the lava lamp and look at the bottm left of the lava lamp. The computer table does not match the allignment of the screen. Good, amusing but FAKE.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: bad bowler
In your latest update, you posted up a video that you captioned as "bad bowler". Well, not that you care, but that was actually intended. His name is Mike Machuga, and what he did was his patented "Machuga Flop". He does it whenever he has a lock on the game, and in that case, that was for a PBA title. Just wanted to get your facts straight. In no way was he a bad bowler...he is actually one of the best in the world.

CS wrote:
Subject: BJ revenge joke
Dude, been checking your site for yrs now... great stuff. Started to read today's update and when I hit this joke, and the line about "salt, Bailiey's and Lime juice" I knew where it was going. Some softball buddies of mine pulled this one on me 10 yrs ago. Staring at the bar and the drinks, I knew what was going to happen...but in the spirit of things did it anyway. It is NASTY! As the Bailiey's started to curdle...I leaned over the bar and spit it out in the trash can. Pulled it on several other people over the yrs...always funny to watch the reaction. Keep up the stellar work.

Phil wrote:
Subject: Kelly Brook Topless Pictures
Hey, That's one hell of a happy birthday present, isn't it? I wish Kelly Brook turned 26 every day.

HUMMER wrote:
Actually In a heated argument my friends and I have determined that American Football is a much more lethal sport due to the insane size and power of those damn pads (Those fuckers really do hurt). But rugby is a much more difficult sport and requires better athletes (but if America ever commited to Rugby like it dose Football, well then we would give New Zeland more than a run for there money).

boychie boy wrote:
Subject: Big Croc
Brilliant site well done!!! Here is a sight from my last trip away.... I thought it was good humor... Keep up the good work. Later

click to enlarge

Pyry wrote:
Subject: sparetime
Do you know this game ? Here in southern Finland we spend our time (especially weekends) drinking. Not to get too drunk, we control our preparation with games, like this. This is the result of friday the 03rd december, before we galoped to the city and got thrown out the club... Anyway, it is a great waste of time and keeps one somewhat reasonable during the early hours of the evening. Keep up the good work ! You rule !

click to enlarge

Matthew E. Harrison wrote:
Subject: Funny vid
G'day from Brisbane mate! This is a video of a mate of mine doing an interpretation of dancing seen in Brisbane night clubs. Great fucking night and a funny video to boot. If you use it, please don't dish the details out to all. Cheers!

click to watch vid
click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Bed Devastated By Cowgirl
Hey Mr ORSM, Me and my housemates (student house) have been viewing your site for about 2 years religiously. Keep up the good work. At last we have found something worthy of submission. Find attached images of my bed after having sex with a girl I will refer to as the Cowgirl. The Cowgirl rode me like buggery. She jumped on me when I was sitting on the end of my bed breaking some slats. Then we moved up the bed were she continued riding me swinging her arm around her head impersonating a bareback horse rider. As she climaxed she screamed "Yeah, come on horsey, YEAH!!!!"

<with held> wrote:
Subject: doin the lyndie
Great site! This is me (the pimp) and a good friend (skeletor) drunk on halloween, doing the Linndie! If you dont remember her ugly mug, i sent a picture of that cock pointer. haha please dont post my info thanks!!!

click to enlarge

Steve wrote:
Subject: Jabba in Wax (And this one has the attatcthment. Doh!)
Hey Dude, Never had anything worth sending to you before... But here's a first. While having a meal in a Glasgow resturant recently we spotted Jabba the Hutt's form in the wax forming on a candle holder. I know Christ's image on a cracker would have been more astounding, but hey, it caught our attention.

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Nazi dinner
Hey Mr ORSM. The other night i was cooking some chops for dinner and it suddenly struck me, why it is, that Jewish people don't like pork. It all makes sense to me now and i have such an improved and wonderful new outlook on the world. How can i have been so silly for all these years, eating this wicked stuff........ Tonight i will play with a carton of beer and see where the evil may lie in that. Perhaps if i drink the whole carton, and stick the box on my head, I too will be enlightened to the one true religion... Has anyone else had a religious experience with a Food item.? A friend of mine got hit over the head with a Roo's tail once...

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: hey orsm ;)
Hello mr Orsm ;) long time reader, first time sender ;) check out this photos. i have no idea how it happend but it seru gave me a thrill ;) Keep up teh good work ;)

click for gallery

Adam wrote:
Subject: some vids
Hey ORSM u rock!!!! Been visiting the site for years now, heres a few vids you might like

click to watch vid click to watch vid

<with held> wrote:
Subject: submachineguns
Here are a few video clips of me shooting a full auto mp5 and a full auto ump. Enjoy and please do not show my info.

Must shoot one of those before I die. -Orsm

click to watch vid

Russ wrote:
Subject: Swedish Eurovision
Orsm, The Swedish entry to the Eurovision Song Contest, expertly translated by my flatmate Carl Carlsson. Enjoy

click to watch vid

Ratmuzz wrote:
Subject: drunken rant on socceroo coverage
My mate Joseph picked up on a classic rant with his supersonic hearing from a punter at the Socceroos qualification against Uruguay. If you listen closely he yells "hey ref, hey umpire, touchie yeah ya fucking poof, it's a fucking corner ya poof" We thought it may be of interest to you. I have also included the moment that got us into the World Cup too. Love the site.

click to listen click to listen

Trev wrote:
Subject: so funny
thought you'd like to see this... clean & funny... glad i'm hairy & gonna stay that way... i found this on an old collection of funny vids i saved... i say... pass on pain!

click to watch vid

George Jacob wrote:
Subject: new vid about where we came from
I know I'm right. (great xmas gift by the way.)

Almost as kooky as your last vid, George! -Orsm

click to watch vid

The Teacher was very curious about Christmas and how people celebrated this Holiday.

She asked young Patrick Murphy, Tell me Patrick, what do you do at Christmas Time?" "Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys." "That's very nice, Patrick" says the teacher.

"Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?" "Well Miss, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing Carols, we get home ever so late. We put biscuits and mince pies by the chimney and we hang up our stocking. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our Presents." "That's very nice Jimmy" says the teacher.

"Now Isaac Cohen, What do you do at Christmas?" "Well it's the same thing every year, Dad comes home from the office, he opens the electric garage door, we all get in to his Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy factory, we go inside and look at all the empty shelves, and Dad says 'Thank God for Jesus Christ' and then we all go to the Bahamas."

click here for more

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing weweechu."

"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon " said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time." Huan Cho begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please, Jung Lee, just once play weeweechu with me." Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said "Ok, we'll play weeweechu."

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang... "Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas, Weeweechu a melly Chlistmas, weeweechu a melly Chlistmas and a happy New Year."



Last week I posted the diary of a man who had moved to Australia. Now its time for the cheery Canadian version...

Moved to Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The scenery is great, the trees are so tall. Can't hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.

Canada. It is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colours and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here.

It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shovelled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada.

More snow last night. The snow plow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shovelling. That fucking snow plow.

More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shovelling. I think the snow plow hides around the corner until I'm done shovelling the driveway. That freaking idiot!

Merry freaking Christmas! More freaking snow! If I ever get my hands on the freaking idiot who drives the snow plow I swear I'll kill the idiot. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the freaking ice.

More freaking white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shovelling out the driveway after that snow plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it's so freaking cold. The weatherman says to expect another 25 centimetres of snow again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 25 centimetres is?

That freaking weatherman was wrong. We got 75 centimetres of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plow got stuck up in the road and that idiot came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already broken six shovels shovelling out all the snow he had pushed into my driveway, I darn near broke my last one over his freaking head.

Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those freaking beasts should be killed. They are everywhere. Wish the hunters had exterminated them all last November.

Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the roads?

I am going back to Australia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!

Random Shite seems to get harder to slap together each week. A careful balance between funny, cool and obscene must be adhered to otherwise... well... its probably better we don't go there. Check it...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to give you a demonstration of this wonderful vacuum cleaner" "Fuck off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and tried to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty, mam!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit all over her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.

"Well," she said, "hope you've got a fucking good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning!"

click here for more

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in process. A sign read 'Don't Miss The Amazing Italian'. The salesman, somewhat intrigued, bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it.

Standing next to it was an old Italian. Suddenly, the old man dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Italian was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw the faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Italian'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act so he bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated.

This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Italian stood before them, then suddenly drops his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd was flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

"You're incredible!" he told the Italian. "But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts?" "Well," said the Italian, "My eyes a no whatta they used to be!"


Well boys, girls and anyone else that doesn't fall into those groups I think it's about time to call it a nite and wind this update to a close. If everything goes to plan I have managed to drag you away from work or study or whatever else it was that you're supposed to be doing. All I ask in return is that you spread the good word and tell the world about this totally fucking amazing and life changing website you found called O-R-S-M-DOT-NET!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and stay off Santa's dirty lap. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2005.12.01-21.31
click here for more

Welcome to Orsmnet. Holy jingle bells, Batman! Its December already!

As usual we've been subject to the media running wild with what they think will bring the highest ratings. Every time you go near a newspaper, TV or radio the leading story has been that of the Australian set to be hung in Singapore early this Friday. Yep sad... it really is but I am having a hard time finding sympathy for him.

The story goes that Van Tuong Nguyen was nailed a few years back en route to Australia whilst passing through Changi Airport in Singapore carrying 400 grams of heroin. The drugs [apparently enough for 26,000 hits] were to help his brother out of debts which were for legal fees accrued after himself being convicted of drug dealing.

Since then he's been tried, convicted and sentenced and at this point his fate is sealed. Despite numerous pleas and appeals his family and friends have said their final goodbyes and there's no chance of a reprieve from the Singapore government. 6am local time on Friday its lights out...

So my question is 'how stupid can you be?'. Everyone knows that drugs + Asia = death. I feel that what he's done is quite arrogant and selfish by having no respect for his family and friends. What did he expect? Now for the rest of their lives his family must suffer the pain of losing a loved one in such circumstances.

The main thing that's really annoyed me about all of this is the calls from the bleeding hearts to observe a national minute of silence to mark the execution. Admittedly the notion was shut down pretty quickly but it strikes me that the only reason anyone puts their hand up and gets involved is to get on TV. If he had of made it back to Australia without being caught would anyone have called for a minutes silence after some junkie was found dead in public toilets after overdosing on his gear? I doubt it...

Moving on... the past week has more or less been a carbon copy of the previous one. More shit around the house, more pulling weeds and the bobcat guy finally came. Unfortunately we only got so far...

click here for more

There was always the matter of a tree which was smack bang in the middle of 'progress'. It turned out that the bobcat was no match for it so another guy with an excavator came and dug it out. We're guessing it was at least 40 or 50 years old and as such had some massive roots attached so it took a fair amount of digging to dislodge the damn thing. Now I just need to wait until the bobcat guy is available again to take away all the sand and I can move towards finishing it off. When will that be? Who knows... his exact words were "maybe tomorrow, maybe Sunday or I'm not sure". You've gotta love being at the mercy of tradesmen...

As expected there has also once again been more issues with my much loved [yet jinxed] car although this time I am to blame. I was in a bit of a rush last Friday afternoon and in my haste to reverse my car into a parking spot I 'gently' nudged a pole. The end result left the corner or my rear bumper missing some paint. I now officially give up. I refuse to spend one more cent on it and as soon as possible I'm trading her in.

Before I forget... after countless requests I've been busy this week trying to get a whole crap load of new Prycless pics done and you guys will get to see them between now and Christmas. The first new additions can be found here. Anyway let's get on with the update shall we...

The Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resorce.com has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if they use her free adult comsumer resource.

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

Bodily fluids are banned from EBay. Nevertheless, if you want to see horny broads swapping man cream like some form of liquid pro balling trading card, then I've got the swap site for you.

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Click for more awesomeness

Amazing Escape - Cleric Clocked - The Porn List - Bound To Happen - Mobile Games - Lez Orgy - Ashlee Drunk

Hot Hitch Hiker - Jessica Simpson - Sexy Brunette - Michelle Leslie - Cam Hottie - Sexy Strip - Best Bod Ever

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich. "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $12.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine, until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and salad," says the man. "Same for me," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be $32.48." Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "Several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something like that, but you'll always have as much money as you need for as long as you live." "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man looks a bit crestfallen, sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

click here for more

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh Mum! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

click here for more

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Cindy and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Cindy, and you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Cindy, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Joe, its winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

If you haven't seen this yet then there is something wrong with you. It's been doing the rounds for the last week or two via email and I should know because it's come my way about 4.3 million times already. To be honest I'm not entirely sure if it's real - I've read various theories from it being done with stop motion to people actually having seen the place in real life. Who knows... either way it's extremely impressive! Check it...

- The Best Christmas Lights Ever -

click here for more


A woman and her boyfriend are out for New Years having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.

After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar - a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

"First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice."

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue! Salty but okay. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks - this is okay. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it .... in one second the sharp lime taste hits... at two seconds the Baileys curdles... at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says, "So, how did you like it? It's called a Blow Job Revenge!"

click here for more

Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet? Its the webs only FREE adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult movies, and even download all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for yourself and have a look!

This has been one of those weeks where the email flow has been a touch quieter than usual. It's not as if none of you guys took the time to send me anything... there was still crap loads - I just didn't get inconceivably swamped like I usually do.

If you'd like to change all that then I would absolutely love to hear from you! Feel free to send anything whether it be pictures of a naked significant other, a cool video of some sort, a joke that made you laugh so hard milk came out your nose or pretty much anything else you've got lying around. To do this then simply click here and send to your hearts content!

John Jones wrote:
Subject: Oppulance
Hey Mr. ORSM, Keep up the good work. About those fucking big yachts, only one has the name showing, "LeGrand Bleu". Seems to have been owned by Paul Allen (Microsoft) at one time. Now apparently owned by one of those newly created Russian Magnates (Mafia?). Impressive piece of work, and beautiful photos too!

Eric wrote:
Subject: Lacking a sense of humour "so American"
I personally thought the "special forces" pic was more a priceless pic than random shite, but either way very funny. It's just like an American to get all offended by this, no sense of humour, you should have known. Or was that the plan? Incite a reaction. Either way, Mr. Chris Koury needs to look inside his own country, before he travels so far to kick someones ass, and no shortage of those should he find in the good old U.S. of eh. Home of the Dumb Mother-F***ers. Besides, if buddy doesn't like it, he doesn't have to visit the site. Leave the site for the rest of us who like a good laugh.

hog wrote:
Subject: us wanker
chris koury please pay attention - DON'T LIKE IT THEN FUCK RIGHT OFF- ok. Everyone ones orsm world with better without you. ORSM keep it and fuck the nay sayers. Like matty b got to love fridays

Andrew wrote:
Subject: Dont know why people do this...
Hey Orsm - Long time reader... Any way, I have no idea why people go on websites and grab photo's and try to pretend that the stuff actually happened to them, maybe it is because they are really sad and lonley in their own lives... dont really know... but anyway this guy you posted today grabed these pics of a site called eventvibe.com here in Phoenix Az USA. The hot blonde in the pictures is Yvonne Black. Just thought I would share... Yvonne's site is decent, but eventvibe is a great place for pics of really beautiful women out clubbing around the western US.

Jellyman wrote:
Subject: Veyron Veyrooom!
WOW. Have you seen this car? Bugatti Veyron. 1001 hp, 0-100 in 2.5 sec, top speed 407 kph, 407-0 in 12 seconds Unbelievable. Too bad the price is also unbelievable... a cool million!!!

click to enlarge click to enlarge

Kep wrote:
Subject: CheeseBurger
I was lookin through the site last week, and came across your cheeseburger section and felt inspired to create the "real" cheeseburger...

Mmmm tasty... -Orsm

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: OUCH pics!!!
Hey! Firstly, you got a KICKASS site going man! Been following it from South Africa for bout a year now. Dislocated my finger playing cricket. I took these pics with my mobile on the way to hospital. Keep details private mate. Cheers..

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Tom wrote:
Subject: My Very Owned Picture
Here are some pictures of my friend John getting antiqued at a party I recently had. Needless to say, he was pretty messed up, if you can't tell from the picture.

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TorForSale wrote:
Subject: Sunset
Sunset I really like, who would'nt?

Looks about perfect to me. -Orsm

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VirginiaG wrote:
Subject: Find the bands - test your musical knowledge!
This will keep you busy! There are 72 bands here. eg bottom left hand corner is Guns n Roses. Only 71 to go !!!! A colleague and I have found about 45 so far... If anything, print it on a good laser colour printer.

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Brian wrote:
Subject: Webcam Victim
Here is why you should let people know if you are using the web cam.. It is also a good reason not to wander around the house naked !!

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: wedding fuckup = )
Hi there here real photo on my real friends weddings! Enjoj! Please do not show my data

Ooops...!! -Orsm

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Ross MacPherson wrote:
Subject: Motorcycle Hit VW at 250 km/hr
The Honda rider was travelling at such a "very high speed", his reaction time was not sufficient enough to avoid this accident. Swedish Police estimate a speed of ~250 KM/h (155mph) before the bike hit the slow moving car side-on at an intersection. At that speed, they predicted that the rider's reaction time (once the vehicle came into view) wasn't sufficient enough for him to even apply the brakes. The car had two passengers and the bike rider was found INSIDE the car with them. All three involved (two in car and rider) were killed instantly. At 250 KM (155 mph) the operator is traveling at 227 feet per second. With normal reaction time to SEE-DECIDE-REACT of 1.6 seconds the above operator would have traveled over 363 feet while making a decision on what actions to take.

daniel wrote:
Subject: FW: your next pimped ride!!
Gday tiger ive finally come across something worth sending. Came across this little beauty at crown casino in good old Melbourne after one hell of a day at the races. Thought it might tickle your fancy. Keep Up the Good work mate.

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David Nichevich wrote:
Subject: Here are some photos from Saturday night lightning show
Saturday Night's [26 November 2005] Electrical Storm in Perth. None of these shots have been edited (except for colour) or composited to add strikes together. They are 'as is' during 5 second exposures. Funny how the big cloud in strike 3 has a saucer shape. No photographers were injured during the storm.

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Aberdeen Angus wrote:
Subject: Christmas carols.
Hi Mate, I Heard your fake christmas carol on the last post, here's one (well the tune's the same) from Edinburgh's finest band from the early 80's. The end is the best.

Truly heart warming! -Orsm

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Big John wrote:
Subject: windup
Hi Mate. This is a radio windup by Robin Galloway off Real Radio in Scotland. The Glaswegian guy with the birds loses it.

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Slimhaydy wrote:
Subject: Paulmccann Northern Ireland thing!
It's all well and good having some kack little song but that same Northern Ireland team lost a few days to my lowly little country of Wales. Don't get to overexcited!!! Thought id send u a video of some fantastic football skills seeing as you Aussies have gone nuts about th World Cup.................. congrats by the way and enjoy!!!

click to watch vid
VirginiaG wrote:
Subject: Uruguayan training
Footage from a Uruguayan training session in Sydney last week...
click to watch vid

ovidiu n wrote:
Subject: bitchslap video from romanian wedding =))
Cheers, Orsm!I'm ove from Craiova, Romania (I bet u dunno where that is :P); finally i have smth appropriate for your site... it's fucking hilarious (pay attention to the man with moustache)!!!enjoy. ps: great site, keep up the good work

What did the hand say to the face? -Orsm

click to watch vid

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall. He called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return, I expect it to be completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the new mural. To his surprise, what he found was a painting of a cow with a halo, surrounded by hundreds of Indians in various stages and positions of making love. Furious, he called the artist in.

"What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why, that's exactly what you asked for." said the artist smugly. "No. I didn't ask for pornographic filth! What I asked for was your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind!" And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it 'Holy Cow! Look at all those fucking Indians!'"

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A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa... Go home, you're drunk."



The diary of an English migrant that's only been here a short time. Oh and by the way - Queensland has long been described as known as 'Beautiful one Day, Perfect the next'. Obviously its not everyones cup of tea...

Said goodbye to England a few weeks ago now and have been loving life in Brisbane! Now this is a city that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a deck chair on my veranda tonight, it was beautiful. I've finally found my home, I love it here.

Really heating up now. Got to 32 today. Not a problem, live in an air-conditioned house, drive an air conditioned car to an air conditioned office. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants. What a breeze to maintain. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

It's not been below 30c all week. How do people get used to the heat? At least today was a bit windy but it's taking longer than I thought to adjust to the heat and humidity.

Fell asleep by the pool and got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. Got to respect a climate like this.

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at lunch Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. Learned my lesson, no more pets in the heat.

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant bloody blow dryer! It's hot as hell. The home air conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $450,000 house and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Its 35 degrees. Finally got the air con fixed today. It cost $500 to get the temperature down to 25, but this humidity make it fell like 30! Stupid repairman, I hate this stupid place.

If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Bloody heat. By the time I get to work my cars radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet and I smell like baked cat!!

Went out after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the car. I thought my arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat.

The weather report might as well be a bloody recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really 'warm up' next week. Doesn't it ever rain?

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 36 today. Now the air con has gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said "hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $2500 house payment to bail my arse out of jail for assaulting the repairman. Bloody Brisbane. What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here?

WHAT??????? This is the first day of Summer?????? You are fucking kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!


Random Shite... the internet equivalent of that big juicy pimple you just can't stop picking at... so pick away!

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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A rich millionaire throws a massive party for his 50th birthday. During this party, he grabs the microphone and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it.

"I will give anything of mine to the man who swims across that pool." So the party continues with no events in the pool until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool a man is swimming as hard as he can and fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, "I am a man of my word. Anything of mine I will give: my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" The guy grabs the microphone and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the prick who pushed me in!"

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Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!" "You did," came the reply. "And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work on Monday."



Well folks that sad time has come – time to wind this update to a close. Its been a journey, an adventure, a life changing experience but I wouldn't trade it for the world. All I will ask is if you've enjoyed surfing through this bad boy of an update that you share the love and tell the world about ORSM-DOT-NET!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and remember that at very least you require one shower a day. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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