Orsm.net on Facebook Orsm.net on Instagram Orsm.net on Twitter

Click for more awesomeness

June 2002...
orsmupdate 2002.06.27-16.53
click here for more

Well who would have thought - 2 updates in less than two weeks. Amazing huh? I fooled myself into believing that this week would give me the chance to do absolutely fuck all [ie. sit on the couch and watch DVD's] but it turns out I was wrong... no rest for the wicked apparently. The need for laziness was brought on by the successfull completion of my second last Cisco exam. Yes - I did actually manage to pass the first two and now all that lies between me and that magical piece of paper stating that I am indeed a CCNA, is one final exam... this is the bad boy - the big one. Will probably do that in a few weeks. I first need to reacquaint myself with the entire four semesters curriculum which should be a whole lot of fun.

Besides all that, I wish I had something half-way exciting to write about this week but there's nothing really worth noting. Got something interesting to share? Email me. Nothing beats email from random strangers about nothing or anything or whatever... actually there are probably a few things but what the hell eh!?

A few weeks ago I posted an email that I was sent in regards to Saving Internet Radio. Seems a few people didn't appreciate it. Read what happened here.

Difference Between Software Developers & Drug Dealers - Famous Soccer Quotes

More Nickon Larock Translations - You Know It's Cold When - How To BE A Coke Machine

Click for more awesomeness

A few interesting points raised in this email...

Patrick wrote:
Subject: (no subject)

Hey Mr. ORSM,
Look, I dont know who the fuck is calling you names because you wont update your site as often as they want you to. But they need to SHUT THE FUCK UP! THOSE PIECE OF SHIT CUNT LICKERS CAN CHOP OFF THEIR DICKS AND SHOVE THEM UP THEIR FUCKIN ASS!! Your site is great. Keep it up, and no need to hurry those updates. They are fine the way they are. And next time some one bitches at you about the update, tell them that I will CUT OFF THEIR NUTS AND MAKE THEM EAT EACH ONE WITH THEIR OWN FUCKIN FORK AND KNIFE, THAT IS, IF THEY HAVE NUTS. FUCKIN BITCHES.

click here for more


20. The cucumber has left the salad.
19. I can see the gun of Navarone.
18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.
17. You've got Windows on your laptop.
16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
12. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6. Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
And The Number One Way to Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped.
1. I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts

The reason I post so much of this computer generated stuff is coz it rocks!

CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy

CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy - CG Fairy

click here for more

A man is sitting on a train across from a Busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs to his delight he sees she is wearing no underwear…

The blonde realises he is staring and inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," replies the man and promises to avert his eyes. It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

"I can also make it wink," says the woman.

The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"

Stunned, the man replies in disbelief, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?"


I'm pretty close to having the necessary funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about, Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...

I'm in the process of trying to get it all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll be seeing more Holly on the site.

... now click the damn links below and go check out these great sites!

- Fling Babes -

Click for more awesomeness

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be The richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine."

So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them.

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

A gay man finally decided he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, so he went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you, I'm gay."

His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she'd heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You're gay, doesn't that mean that men put their penises into your anus?" "Yes mom they do." "And you put other men's penises in your mouth?" He says nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, I do."

His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again!"


On acount of it being so fuckin cold at the moment I thought that these may help to warm a few people up. I'll post the rest in coming weeks...

Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals

Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals - Beach Gals

A young Internet entrepreneur named Brett leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. Poor Brett broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, Brett finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!" Astounded and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin--no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, Brett stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... That was me."

click here for more

Two Nuns are riding their bicycles down the back streets of Rome.

One leans over to the other and says, "I've never come this way before."

The other nun whispers, "It's the cobblestones."

click here for more
Click for more awesomeness

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."


Alan Malcolm wrote:
Subject: Hey there!!!!!!!!

Hey there man hows it goin?

well anyway let me tell ya a little story, you see me an my girlfreind are in a long distance relationship an both of us love this website ( respect 2u ) an anyway i went down to see her last weekend an she sed she had a little surprise in store for me, so i i thought 2myself wat it cud b. I WAS TOTALLY wrong, she took my hand an took me 2 her room where she asked me 2 get undresssed an lay on the bed while she went 2 get the surprise! she came back with a small bottle hidden down her top so i enquired wat it was. she sed 2 close my eyes an lay back an relax while she gets undressed an readys the surprise.

So i am layed there eyes closed waiting for this surprise and den i feel a cold substance bein squirted all ova me. next she told me 2 keep my eyes closed an den she started licking everylittle ounce of it off. it felt soooooooo gr8 but den she split out where she got the idea from.................www.orsm.net yeah! she got it from here! dats y i jus wanna say thanks and many handshakes for puttin this kindda stuff on ur website cos its made our sex life even more exciting now.

all the best
alan & sarah xxxxxxxxx

click here for more

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

click here for more

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

Whoever said that nothing in life is free was full of shit. Have you checked the site archives lately? They're brimming with thousands of images and vid's. Stuff like this... Nikki Nova butt-naked all for your viewing pleasure...

- Nikki Nova -

click here for more

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Revenge

Her Name is Gemma,
She lives and works in Barkingside, Essex, UK. I was with her for just over 18 months, then she broke it off, saying that she wasn't fucking around. She is a cheating and lying bitch, a month later she gets engaged, now then, you tell me would you believe her. Included is a picture of the tattoo on her belly, just in case you can't remember her face. Just like to say to her "FUCK YOU, you lying, dirty slag, hope you rot in hell. If you see her in the street say hi, and tell her how much you like the photo's. Don't know how strong you go.
Please don't post my email.

Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma

Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma

Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma - Gemma

click here for more

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead and ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

click here for more

An Australian was holidaying in New Zealand and was walking through a farm and came across a New Zealander having sex with a sheep, the Australian said to the New Zealander "In Australia we shear them", the New Zealander turns around and says "I'm not sheerin this with nobody!!"

click here for more

As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange, buzzing noise coming from within.

Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door.

Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and saw her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

click here for more


When the Creator was making the world, He called man aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex life. Man was horrified! "Only 20 years!" he complained. But the Creator didn't budge. That was all He would grant him.

Then He called the monkey and gave him 20 years. "But I don't need 20 years," said the monkey, "10 is plenty." Man spoke up and said, "Can't I have the other 10 years?" The monkey agreed.

Then the Creator called the lion and gave him 20 years. The lion said he desired only 10 years. Again, man asked, "Can't I have the other 10 years?" "Of course," roared the lion.

Then came the donkey. He, too, was given 20 years and like the others said 10 years was all he needed. Man asked again for the spare 10 years and again received them.

This explains why man has 20 years of normal sex life, 10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion about it, and 10 years of making an ass of himself.

I don't want to give too much away but let these next pics be a hint for the next Orsm update... can anyone say 'all celebrity special?'

click here for more

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mum was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause… a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

click here for more


Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude

Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude - Jude

Click for more awesomeness

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come dressed as different emotions eg. anger, fear etc. On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and he opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.

He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?" And the guy says, "I'm green with envy". The host replies, "Brilliant, come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped round her most intimate parts. He says to this woman "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"

And she replies, "I'm tickled pink". The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party".

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time, and the host opens the door to see two Jamaican blokes, stark naked, one with his penis stuck in a bowl of custard, and the other with his penis stuck in a pear. The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you doing? You could get arrested for standing like that out here in the street. What emotion is this supposed to be?"

The first guy replies in his Jamaican accent, "Well, I'm fucking discustard, and my friend here has come in dispair."

click here for more

Probably shouldn't have crashed and burned it in my opinion... whoops...

click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge


This one will only apply to the Aussie's amongst y'all. I tried it and the number does get you through to directory assistance BUT I have no idea if it does actually get you the call for free or not.

Did you know that there is a number for directory assistance that is FREE. It is 1223 (as opposed to 12455 where this is charged at 25 cents) and is exactly the same service. Apparently Telstra under Government law is supposed to provide a free operator service - hence the number 1223, but they don't advertise the service etc. They are trying to make as much money as possible with the number 12455.


It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

click here for more

As this update slowly winds to a close I present you with 8 of the finest vids the web has to offer. There's some exceptional vids this week. Noted standouts include the Jelena Dokic vid and the Urinal vid. Nipples and penises basically. As usual if you are having problems viewing them then all you gotta do is check the site help as I don't reply to email requests for help! [Would you believe I've got better things to do!?]

Anyway's that's it from me for this week. Make sure you tune in next week coz it's going to be the biggest and best update to ever grace these pages! Have a good weekend, be good, stay off the chems and dont forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr Orsm.

orsmupdate 2002.06.18-20.49

Contrary to popular belief - I am not dead! With the stress of the shit that has been going on over the last month or two I just needed a break for a few days where I didn't have to look at the site or do an update or whatever. It was compounded by some other legal threats thrown at me by a different bunch of people [that shall remain nameless] however I rectified that and everyone is happy.

Efforts are underway to bring Priceless back online albeit in a different format. That's being worked on now so hopefully there'll soon be something for you guys to whittle away the hours on once again.

Anyways, besides all that I seem to have gotten myself hooked on playing Jedi II - Outcast. As a rule I generally don't play games due to an incident that happened a few years ago. It was not long after I got my first computer and discovered Half Life. I was addicted and practically chained myself to my computer for the two weeks it took me to complete it. If you haven't had the chance to check out Jedi yet then I highly recommend it. What's so good about it you ask? It's simple - Lightsabres and Jedi mind tricks. Fuckin unreal!

Have also been busy with Cisco. Had the semester four theory exam last week [which I passed] and have got the practical exam this thursday night. If I can manage to pass that, all that shall remain is one final theory exam to get my actual qualification and i'll finally be a CCNA type dude. Woohoo!

Everyone seems to have gone soccer mad with the World Cup being on. I'm not really getting into it myself and am almost sick of hearing about it especially when it is plainly obvious that the only REAL code of football is Australian Rules Football!

I know I said I was getting into Aussie Big Brother when it first started a few months back but I have now completely given up. I quite watching a few weeks back when they did a double eviction and two of the 3 people that made it worth watching got evicted. It's become glaringly obvious that the producers have droppped the ball this year. The only people left now are just boring morons that offer nothing in the way of personality or anything that could even remotely be classed as interesting viewing.

Coming back to the lack of updates as of late, I do want to point out that this won't be a recurring problem for much longer. I've all but dropped the full time course I was doing and am just doing my CCNA at the moment. What this means is that I am going to be working on the site full-time again so as soon as the school stuff is out of the way you can expect a minimum weekly update [hopefully 2] and a shit load more content to look at. More pics, more Pricelss vid's and more humour. In other words, bare with me for a couple of weeks because it'll be worth it!

I also finally got off my ass and organised a post office box for myself so if you ever want to send me anything [ie. hate mail, presents or anthrax] then you can do so at:
Mr Orsm
PO Box 417
Wembley WA 6913

On with the update... I've added five new Comic Galleries this week! I was going to add one everytime I updated but it's been so long I thought you guys would appreciate it. The existing ones can be found starting here. Don't forget that if you've got plans for the next few weeks it's probably a bad idea to surf the site archives as they're chock-full of thousands of pics and vid's.

Comics 8 - Comics 9 - Comics 10 - Comics 11 - Comics 12

I spent a few days sorting through some of the jokes you guys sent me and thought these were worth sharing...

Kids TV - Life's Lessons - Bill Gates Vs GM - Dear Abby

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

A male Whale and a female Whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female: "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

This they tried and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors were swimming to the safety of the shore.

Enraged, the male whale told the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female whale becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow seamen."

click here for more

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the man on the top bunk, the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night the man leans over and says, "I'm sorry, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye, says, "I've got a better idea... let's pretend we're married."

"Why not," laughs the man.

"Good," she replies. "Get your own fucking blanket."

SlickSpike@aol.com wrote:

Subject: local random shite

at a local high school, there is folding seats in the football fied stands, they can either be stuck down or up, and due to the bleaching of the top of the seats, if you flip up the seats so there darker bottom is showing, you can do some pretty fun things...


A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No," he says. "The seat is empty." "This is incredible!" said the man.

"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?" The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral.

click here for more

From the Sydney Morning Herald in Australia comes the story of a central west couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned his private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place.

On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.

click here for more


The main character in the story is a girl. When she was at the funeral of her own mother, she met this guy who was also there but she did not know who he was. This guy happened to be her dream guy so she fell in love with him at once. A few days later the girl killed her own sister. When the Police asked her why she did that she gave a shocking answer... What is her motive in killing her sister?

She was hoping that the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, go to the police and tell them to lock you up. This was a test by famous American psychologists used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in this test and answered it correctly.


Worth A Surf... these guys have emailed me at some point begging and pleading to be linked... so go check out their sites!

Retardeder - Freak Hallucinations - Mind Orgy - Big Fact Hunt - Lax Time - Dirty Toy - Big Chris

Look Inside My Mind - Da Gimp - Adult Site Surfer - Jiglet - Giving In - Perky Sluts

click here for more

Chicks with BIG Jugs... which reminds me. If you happen to own a set of BIG Jugs or just any set of Jugs at all, then feel free to drop me a line with some of your pics! I've said it before and i'll say it again - I'm a breast man.

Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs

Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs - Jugs

Three blondes are stuck on a desert island when one finds a magic lamp (as you do). They rub the lamp and a genie pops out, giving each of them a wish.

The first blonde says, "I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF* she turns into a redhead and swims off the island.

The second blonde sees this and says "I wish I was 25% smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF* She turns into a brunette and makes a raft from the trees on the island and sails off.

The third blonde sees this and says "I wish I was 50% smarter so I could get off this island." *POOF* she turns into a man and walks across the bridge.


Now this is one fuckin big snake. I can't quite get over the pic of the small child inside it's belly which has been eaten...

Anaconda - Anaconda - Anaconda - Anaconda

click here for more

I'm pretty close to having the necessary funds to do the Holly shoot BUT a little more help is still required by you guys! If you don't know what I am on about, Holly [pictured left] emailed me aaaages ago offering to do a shoot exclusively for the site. Woohoo...

I'm in the process of trying to get it all organised so, so long as I can get the $$$ together we'll be seeing more Holly on the site.

... now click the damn links below and go check out these great sites!

- Fling Babes -

A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to charity.

"First of all," says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by Medicare. Second, I have five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."

"I'm terribly sorry," says the United Way man. "I feel bad about asking for money."

The lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"

Zippie wrote:
Subject: Picture worth 1000 words..

Hello Orsm
Here's the story. My girlfriend of 2 years had planned to study abroad for the spring semester. Ok no problem, I'll find something else to do in the mean time. Right before she leaves she dumps me cold. No appologies. Then I find out from a friend that she hooked up with some guys on a lay-over in London before she even made it to her school in Cannes. After being there a week she then tells me on the phone that she is "Seeing someone" What? You've been there a week? Seeing some Texan, there on business, he eventualy screwed her over anyway. Now the semester is over and she is on her way back. It is true a picture speaks a thousand words. See the sweet picture that is without a price ;) I just stumbled into your site and have to give you props. I love the fact that you had an idea and went for it. If you could include this picture in your next update I would greatly appreciate it.

Nasty nasty nasty... This is a perfect example of why going out and getting blind drunk when know you have to work the next day is not a good idea...

A trainee doctor is performing his first autopsy with the chief coroner when the coroner is called out of the room for a minute. Before leaving, the coroner tells the trainee to give the corpse a quick once-over and see if he can determine the cause of death. When the coroner returns, he asks the trainee what he's decided. "Well sir," the trainee says, "I believe she drowned."

"And how did you reach this conclusion?" asks the coroner.

"Well sir, if you look between her legs you'll see a small prawn".

The coroner looks between the corpse's legs and says, "Mate, that's not a prawn, that's a clitoris".

"That's weird," says the trainee, "it sure tasted like a prawn!"

click here for more

This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up! Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!

blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

click here for more

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer. The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled by this and asks, "What's wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

Phil Hudd wrote:

My Ex Wife
Helen Diamond
Caught doing her fave hobby

click to enlarge
click to enlarge


I'm a huge dog lover... especially if the dog in question isn't vicious and staring at my nuts. Kinda like these ones...

Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy

Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy - Puppy

click here for more

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling.

The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and says, "I have a friend who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella rather than his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water.

He raised his umbrella and went; "Bang, bang," and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more


The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on corporate America recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: Bowling.
2. Sport of choice for front line workers: Football.
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: Baseball.
4. Sport of choice for middle management: Tennis.
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: Golf.

CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls get.


All I can say is "I want one"...

Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg

Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg - Koenigsegg

click here for more

Patrick wrote:
Subject: payback

A friend of mine videotaped me with his wife April a couple years back. She's now divorcing him. She admitted to cheating on him a few times and gives him hell about seeing his kids among other things so he gave me the tape and said do whatever to slam the bitch. She's basically a no good slut so I figured what better way to warn people aways from this low life trailer bitch then to send some pics to orsm. Love the site. Keep up the good work. Later.......

p.s I'm also going to send a little video clip of the trash whore getting her face sprayed by yours truly if you want to use it.

click here to download the vid
click to download

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean were sent for.

Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it ain't Paddy".

The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over". The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't Paddy."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes." "What, he had two arseholes???" said the mortician.

"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Everytime we went into town,folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arseholes..."

click here for more

You may remember a few weeks ago I posted some reader mail from a dude who goes by the ghetto name of Nickwon Larock. After a few brilliant translations sent to me from you guys I got another email from Nickwon. Feel free to translate.

NickwonTFP2@aol.com wrote:
Subject: Thanks for the shots homeboy!!!
Yo son you is funny muthafucka thanks for all the shot outs you been giving me on yo website. I was simply trying to give you some props and y'all try and snap on a brutha! But its all good homeboy the attention is well deserved seein how I stay ghetto fabolous. The translations was mad funny kid they had me and my niggaz guttin! Anyways keep the pigeons comin in flocks.

Stay white.......One Luv
Nickwon Larock

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

MARAIS D wrote:
Please check this out

Hello there Mr Orsm

This is what college students get up to when they are bored and have lots of extra tamato souce.

Ps. Excelent site (shit i think that is spelled wrong)

Deon Marais

Let a couple of guys loose with a Darth Vader costume and a camera in the lead up to the premiere of the latest Star Wars movie and look what happens...

click here for more

Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader

Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader - Darth Vader


A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his penis in a vice.

She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to".


What starts off so good just ends up all bad. Why the fuck do people do this? Personally, I've never flet then need to start taking all sorts of hormonal drugs and growing tits...

She/He - She/He - She/He - She/He - She/He - She/He

click here for more

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, Inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment.

Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly. Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she had been. She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear then whispered, 'Baaa' and rejoined the flock.

click here for more

A Ukrainian and a Jew were discussing how far each could make a dime reach, and agreed to try it and meet a few days later to see who'd get the most out of a dime.

The Jew bought a cigar, and smoked one-third the first day and saved the ashes.
He smoked one-third the second day and saved the ashes. He smoked one-third the third day and again saved the ashes, and on the fourth day he gave the ashes to his wife to use as fertiliser on her roses.

He told the Ukrainian, "I know you can't beat that for stretching a dime."

The Ukrainian said, "I got you beat. I bought a Polish sausage for a dime, and the first day I ate one-half, and on the second day I ate the other one-half. The third day I used the skin for a condom, and the fourth day I took a shit in the skin and sewed it back up.

The fifth day I took it back to the butcher and told him it smelled like shit. He agreed with me and gave me my dime back!"

Soccer Look-A-Likes - Soccer Look-A-Likes - Soccer Look-A-Likes

Soccer Look-A-Likes - Soccer Look-A-Likes - Soccer Look-A-Likes

click here for more

Elmer says to Luke, "It's our 25th wedding anniversary, the wife and me, so I got her a nice present."
Luke says, "What'd you get her?"
Elmer says, "A monkey."
Luke says, "A monkey? Where the hell you gonna keep a monkey?"
Elmer says, "In bed with us."
Luke says, "In bed with you? What about the smell?"
Elmer says, "Well, hell, I put up with it for 25 years. I don't think it's gonna bother a monkey."

click here for more

Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with.
Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.

click here for more

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

click here for more

Random Shite. The only shite that doesn't stink... or so I'm told...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

Question: What's the difference between a computer and a Scotsman?
Answer: On a computer you only have to punch in the information, ONCE.

Before I get on with the this weeks vid's I have to say please stop sending me the Priceless vid. I'm estimating that I have got it atleast 100 times now. Anyways... here it is...

- Indecent Proposal -

click here for more

Viewing pleasure guaranteed with this lot. Some funny shit there...

Leave it to me to once again go above and beyond the call of duty with the entire Aria & Adriana series. Next time you go to call me a 'cunt' for not updating as often as you would like, just stop for a moment and remember that it's little pearls like this that make it all worth the wait...

Cat Fight 1
Cat Fight 2
Cat Fight 3
Cat Fight 4
Cat Fight 5

Don't email me with video prolems because you won't get a reply. If you are having problems with the vid's then check the site help - It's all explained there!

On that note - I'm out of here. When's the next update? As soon as I have the time to sit down for 3 days and put one together! Until then, be good, stay off the chem's and don't forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Click for more awesomeness