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March 2002...
orsmupdate 2002.03.28-16.15

It's been an busy couple of weeks. I've found myself very much thrown in the deep end trying to put in to play the stuff I have been studying for the last year or two now. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm referring to having the site on it's own server finally. Scary shit for a while there. A lot of the stuff you learn in the classroom is easy to do in theory but with practically no real-world administration experience it has been stressfull. Huge thanks to Brad, Chris, DtM, Mad Matt and everyone else that has helped me get this thing happening how I wanted it.

Orsm.net has been moved AGAIN to another server where I now have bigger bandwidth and an even more powerful machine. You guys sucked down over 400 gigs in a week so I really had no choice. The speed issue should be sorted now. It was due to a config error beyond my control and it took a bit of time to isolate and rectify.

Anyways, enough about that. Let's talk about me!! I've finally decided to move out of home. Myself and a couple of mates are looking for a house closer to the city. Should be good to get away from the insanity that surrounds me here. All we have to do is find a decent house and we are gone. I'll also be back on broadband which will be a relief. Nothing sucks more than going from 512k down to 56k and it's been an agonising few months.

There has been so much shit going on in the last few weeks that I haven't really had any time to pay attention to the goings-on of the world around me. There was St. Patricks day - which I missed the oppurtunity to post some of the few million Irish jokes I have lying around here - I've tried to make up for it this update though.

There was also the 'bomb shell' for Australian Rules Football. The only real code of football that exists I might add! The Captain of North Melbourne Football Club was forced to resign in disgrace after being caught with his penis half way down the Vice Captain's Wife's throat (what a mouthfull that was). I've added a Priceless pic to the galleries accordingly.

Zimbabwe also had the elections which were apparently rigged. Check out this letter I received from a friend in Zim. What a joke.

If youre familiar with telnet, try connecting to this: towel.blinkenlights.nl - must have taken forever to do it.

Once again this is a massive update. What else were you expecting but huh? I've added some more Priceless pics - they start here somewhere. In the coming weeks I am going to add forums and start fattening up some of the other sections, including the Comics section and hopefully the Priceless Vids section. Also worth a surf is the Archives - thousands of images and video's and other random shite.

There are two rules for success:

1. Never tell people everything you know.

Can I add that whoever it was that typed in 'playing with my daddy's penis' on Google and found my site - you are a sick fuck... not too sure what that says for my site but you are still a sick fuck.

More Useless Trivia - Diving Mishap - The Gas Company - Work Well With Others

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This shit is fucked up... it makes me think of when a cat has gives birth and eats the membrane surrounding it's new-born. Try and keep THAT mental picture in your head as you check ou the pics...

Home Birth - Home Birth - Home Birth - Home Birth - Home Birth - Home Birth - Home Birth

Mark wrote:
Subject: A new pic for your priceless collection.

First of all I would like to start by congratulating you with the fine site your owning and have created. I loved priceless pictures for a long time, and now one of my friends came to me with the story of that his girlfriend had cheated on him... happends allot, right? well.. yeah.. but this time, she cheated with his brother on him while he was (and at the moment still is) in the Armee fighting in Bosnia. He had some nude pictures of her on his laptop, so that he could look back at her with a smile during the time that he couldn't see her.. now that he found out the news about her cheating, he asked me if I could forward this pic to you, as revenge, to see if you could put it on your site.

- Cheating Bitch -

Wanna get back at someone who has fucked with you? What better way than to send their demeaning pics to me! Email me here.


Linkage. These guys have whored themselves out to me for a link at some point or other and I proudly present them to you for your surfing pleasure.

Spaff - Da Gimp - She Will Be Mine - Spoiled Milk - Gun Munkys - Dumpster Funk - Shal - Giving In

Earlier lst year I posted an animated movie of The Killer Bean. A coffee bean shaped creature with a bad attitude and a couple of guns by his side. This was created by a guy named Jeff Lew. When he's not working The Killer Bean he's working on the animation for Matrix 2. Anyways, here's the preview to the eagerly awaited KB3... [if you have problems playing the vid - check the site help!]

- The Killer Bean -

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness, and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a pint goes flat soon after I draw it, so it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together.

So I drink one for each o' me brothers and one for meself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it at that. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two pints. All of the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for a second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I want to offer my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks quite puzzled for a moment. Then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains. "It's just that me wife had us join that Mormon Church, and they don't allow drinking, so I had to quit." Hasn't affected me brothers though."


Wanna see more Holly on the site? A few weeks back, she emailed me saying she was prepard to do a shoot exclusively for the site but there was obviously going to be a catch... I have to come up with some $$$ to get her to do it.

This is where I need your help. I need you to sign up with some of the following programs so I can cover it. At worst - just click some damn banners around the site!

- Fling Babes -


click here for more

One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied: "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mummy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."

Her mum shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, Darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewellery."


Aer Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B'jeesus" said Paddy "Will ye look at how fookin shortdat runway is! Dis is gonna be one a' de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see!" "You're not fookin kiddin, Paddy" replied Shamus. "Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de enginesin reverse" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" saidPaddy. "Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus. "And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul"said Paddy. "I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus fullof nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down, stamped on the brakes and prayed o Mother Mary with all of his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tyres and lots of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta be de shortest fookin runway I have EVER seen in me whole life".

Shamus looked out the side window and replied "Yeah Paddy, but look how fookin wide it is!"

click here for more

A man is standing in a bar when he hears a voice coming from the peanut bowl. "I really like your tie," it says. "You're smashing, you are. You're really lovely."

Surprised, the man picks up his drink and walks to the table. Passing the cigarette machine, he hears another voice. "You and your wife are ugly, fat and stupid," the voice says.

The man is baffled and asks the barman what is going on. "I'm so sorry," says the barman. "The peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is out of order."

click here for more
click here for more

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens. He kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up. "No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant.. Has anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" - all the nuns stood up.

click here for more

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees" replies Tiger. "Well, what on de good earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.

"Feckin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Dem boys at BMW tink of everything!"


It all depends on how you look at it...

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Have never really been a big fan of J-Lo and these pics don't really do her cause any good. Can anyone say fat ass...?

Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez - Jennifer Lopez

It has been said that if you place an infinite number of monkeys by one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary masterpiece. The internet has proven this not to be the case.


No point introducing Random Shite... so here it is...

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The man places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks, "What if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."


The chick in this vid is absolutely gorgeous. I actually think that she is one of the 2 models that are on the Dave Letterman Show reguarly that hands out those big cheques. Watch for the awkward head shake...

- Fine Teen Cum Shot -

Black Squirt - Good Aim Cum Shot - Brutal Blow Job - Japanese Tuna Ad

Piss In My Mouth! - Thirteen-Ball Storage Capacity - Flaming Dick - Karate Ad

That's it from me, Folks. Cisco Semester 3 exam is next Thursday. Time for me to get off my ass and start studying. I'm sure i'll find some time to get an update happening next week but don't hold me to it. Got some good shit to post too. May even post a rather special series of vids that I have been saving for a rainy day too.

Have a good Easter break, stay off the chem's and be good AND don't forget to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2002.03.18-20.03

Welcome to Generation III of 'Orsm.' As you can probably see, there's been more than a few changes made to the layout of the site. I've spent several hundred hours pain-stakingly sifting my way through the more than 6,000 files that comprise it and it's finally finished.

So why's Gen III here so soon? It was planned that this incarnation of the site wouldn't 'go live' for at least another month or two but the shit pretty much hit the fan a few weeks ago and I had no choice but to glue myself to the computer for more then 2 weeks straight to get it done. No school. No social life. Nothing.

What happened? I recieved a call from my host saying that I had to do something ASAP about the site. Reason: up until now the site has resided in web space that comes with my dial-up account plus about 7 or 8 other accounts belonging to friends and family [thankyou to DtM, Tom, Peter, Justin, Hard Liner, Trevor S, Stuart, Chris, Sloth, Pac Man and anyone else who I've forgotten!]. Since the inception of the site back in September 2000 that's suited me just fine, however in the last few months the traffic has sky rocketed and was, I'm told, degrading the performance of not only the shared server it sat on, but the rest of the network too. There was no choice - site had to be moved. Fair enough. I've known for a while now that this day was coming - it's actually the reason I started designing Gen III in the first place!

The resolve? I've splashed out some serious cash and moved the site to it's own dedicated server. Basically, I'll now have the flexibility and resources to develop the site into something much bigger and better.

So what does this all mean for you guys? Firstly, I've now got my own full domain so you can now reach my site by surfing to Orsm.net. Secondly, I'm pretty sure that I've got everything back online now which should mean no more broken downloads and dead links.

It's taken 2 modems uploading 24/7 for a week to get all the files on to the new server so there's a chance we've missed a few .If you find anything not working then please email me so I can get it sorted.

What do y'all think of the new design anyways? You like what you see? I'm pretty happy with it this time and it's a bit brighter and easier on the eye than the last version too. Less seedy I think. It's been designed to be a shit load more surfable, faster, work in a number of different resoloutions and both in Netscape and Internet Explorer. Priceless vids should all be working now as well as all the vids in the archives.

Drop me a line and let me know what you think of the new look. Myself and a friend just finished building this site too. Don't think it'll win any awards or anything but it has the desired effect.

Anyways, enough dribbling. On with the update. Probably worth starting with one of these...

Random Galleries 1 - Random Galleries 2 - Random Galleries 3 - Random Galleries 4 - Random Galleries 5

New Priceless Pics - Priceless Video - The Archives - Comics

Some reading to keep you occupied...

Bus (Wanker Of The Year) - School Prank - If Noah Had Built The Ark Today

Ever wanted more bandwidth? This article made me moist just thinking about it. 500 megabits per second!

This guy is my new hero. The world needs more people with an attitude like his.

Click for more awesomeness

I'm a huge car freak and although I don't drive anything even resembling a muscle car at the moment, I still have the utmost respect for the guys that do. This thing sounds like one mean mutha and would be just a little bit of fun to drive I think. Aussie muscle rocks!

Chris wrote:

Congrats on producing a very interesting web site, I have a look at your site at least once a week and I am entertained every visit. I see now and then on your web site that you have an interest in cars. I have built a few cars of my own. Attached are a few pics of a car I built a few years ago and is still going strong today. It is a Twin Turbo Commodore running on straight LPG. I designed the setup myself and it was quite successful. Basically it was a standard Holden 308 with 2 standard Garrett t3 turbos, the same ones that come on the 6 cylinder VL Commodore. The car runs solely on LPG so it took me quite a while to sort out the LPG setup. On the Dyno with the boost at 6 pounds the car made 368 rear wheel hp and 495 foot pounds of torque. It has a 60ltr LPG tank and I could get about 450km to the tank, if you were not giving it a hiding.

Twin Turbo V8 - Twin Turbo V8 - Twin Turbo V8 - Twin Turbo V8 - Twin Turbo V8

If you want some info on how to construct you very own fire breathing monster then you can email chris here.

click here for more

Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.

"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"

"I know what I'm doin. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"

These chicks would have been pretty damn hot... 50 or 60 years ago!

Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma!

Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma! - Hey Granma!

Some Saudi Airlines "ACE" mechanics needed to taxi this aircraft. They started the two outboard engines and did not realise that the hydraulics for the brakes are operated by the inboard engines...

Saudi Air - Saudi Air - Saudi Air - Saudi Air - Saudi Air

Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari


1. Thank you - we're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't care.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and inexperienced.
7. What am I - flypaper for freaks!?
8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
12. Yes, he is an agent of Satan, but his duties are largely ceremonial.
13. No, my powers can only be used for good.
14. How about never? Is never good for you?
15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
16. Your idea seems reasonable... Time to up my medication.
17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.


I love these emails. Although this chick definitely falls into the 'skank' categorey I thought I should share her with you.

Swabb wrote:

ok, well this bitch decided to fuck one of my buddies on weekend when i had her at my dorm. If anyone wants to get a hold of her, her email is funnelfrk@hotmail.com, and goes under the sn funnelfrk on AIM and Yahoo. She is well, pretty slutty... Goes to Oklahoma University in Norman Oklahoma.

Hasta kiddies,
Swabb Maynard

Skank - Skank - Skank - Skank

If there's one thing I need after spending so much time on this frickin site rebuild, it's take a holiday. Am thinking that this is where I wanna go... Hard Rock Hotel In Pattaya.

Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel

Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel - Hard Rock Hotel

Had enough? Think my site sucks cock? Try these links...

Shake It Babe - What's Wrong With This Picture? - Play Magazine

Aussie Erotica - Pages Of Rage - Bullyah - Sex Info 101 - Brutal Wizard

If you want your site linked then read this page and then drop me an email.


A woman walks into a shop that sells VERY EXPENSIVE PERSIAN RUGS. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up right now. As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day Ma'am, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably she asks, "How much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna crap your pants when you hear what the price is.

click here for more

XxBWingxX@aol.com wrote:
Subject: The wanna be wanker of the year

My letter is addressing Tom norgay about wanting to be wanker of the year. well, you need help if you and your friends get together to wack of ya little perverts. Your not worthy to visit orsm especially if your only 13.

Yeah I agree. I definitely wouldn't want any of my mates touching my dick. For starters I doubt there would be enough hands in the room to get it all covered.


For those who run after sales: A sports shop "Decathlon" in Germany, during their opening made the following advertisement: Get dressed for free, from head to toe, first come first served.

Only condition: come naked.

Sports Store - Sports Store - Sports Store - Sports Store

Many years ago I ran into a gal who said she could bite both of her breasts at the same time. I thought this was odd. Being as young and naive as I was I told her "I bet you can't." She bet me a drink that she could indeed sink her teeth into both breasts simultaneously. Although not too big a busted woman, she was quite round, I thought maybe it was possible. I challenged her and she accepted. The only thing I asked was that she let me use my Polaroid to snap the magic moment of truth or failure. Well, in the wink of an eye she ripped open her blouse and sunk her teeth into those nice soft breasts. I didn't miss a beat and snagged the shot which will for ever go down in memory of classic photos. I just found the photo and you being the good friend you are...I share it with you today!

- Chick That Can Bite Her Own Boobs! -


Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale

Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale - Carnivale

Iggypoo wrote:
Subject: Priceless Submission

uncle priceless, here is my submission. this is a pic of some arab fool who couldn't spell for shite. was rushing to work and luckily my digicam was with me.

Angle Of Death - Angle Of Death

I'm not really much of a bike fan but I'm guessing it was because I didn't know it attracted chicks like these...

Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders

Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders - Umbrella Holders

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block? Mom replies, "No, because she is on heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

click here for more

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads - Here Lies My Wife - As Cold As Ever."

"Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last."


You all know that there's no way I can do an update and not post some Random Shite...

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite - Random Shite

Click for more awesomeness

Lulu was a hooker, but she didn't want her Grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's Grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the hookers. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."


I've dug deep into the depth of my computer this week to bring you a few fucked up vids that I've been meaning to post for some time now... and I'm sure you will agree that there's no logial reason to do most of the stuff these people do. Some of it's just down-right wrong.

Worst/Funniest Piss Ever - Piss By The Pool - Piss In Cup Then Drink - Nasty Secretary Pisses On Couch

Bedpost Fuck - Foot Fuck - Pussy Cum Fart - Teen Squirt

Lucky Escape - Massive Rack - Nice Corset/Penis Combination - Teen Up Skirt

I know how much everyone enjoys' it when I post an Aria vid... or plenty of Aria vids and considering this is the all new site - I didn't want to start off on a bad foot. So here's another Aria vid.

- Aria In Bed -

Having problems viewing the vids? All the answers are in the site help! Please don't email me with questions.

That's all for this week folks. As you read this, I'm probably busy going through fixing my fuck-ups around the place so if you find anything broken or not working or anything then drop me a line so I can try and get it fixed.

Anyways, be good, stay off the Chems and remember to vote! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

Click for more awesomeness