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November 2004...
orsmupdate 2004.11.25-11.01
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Welcome pilgrims to Orsmnet and thanks for giving.

Some of you guy's may remember me crapping on about my upcoming school reunion a while back and I'm happy to report that it's finally been and gone. In the lead up I changed my mind a few times as to whether or not I would actually attend but despite that, I was always going to go. Yes its hard being me.

The whole thing wasn't without some bitching and complaining though. Somewhere along the line my name was tossed up to help with [read: do] the IT stuff. Fair enough - happy to do my bit so I set up a crappy little website and some forums so people could communicate [all of which went totally unused come to think of it] and looked into setting up a webcam link between here and where ever the London contingent from our year was going to be.

They seemed to expect us to have some sort of live hook up not dissimilar to how it's done on TV and all over a 56k modem which is apparently all we would have at our disposal at the venue. Ended up we did have a high-speed connection available so we organised a laptop, a webcam and had it running within 10 minutes of arriving which would have been perfect if the other end didn't waste a few hours trying to get their shit working. There's a word for it but I aren't going to call anyone a spastic because that would be mean...

After that was out of the way it was time to start doing what you're supposed to do at reunions and talk to people whilst consuming alcohol. All I can say is thank Christ for name tags or there would have been a lot more unfamiliar faces in the room although this wasn't exactly fool proof. On a couple of occasions people walked up to me to say howdy and appeared somewhat dejected when I asked if we knew each other from school or were they there as someone's partner. Ah well...

What was most interesting was what people are doing now and this information could be extracted with one or any combination of three simple questions. "So what are you doing now?", "where are you living these days?" and "are you married or single or what?". The answers were: some absolutely nothing, others in trades or fancy high paying jobs through to at home with the kids. Some living overseas, some still at home with the parentals. Some single, some married, some divorced. It soon becomes pretty clear that reunions are just one big wank fest - everyone wants you to know that life is good whether this is the case or not.

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Seeing how people turned out is what it's all about. Some had not changed in the slightest. Some of the ugly chicks got hot. Some of the beautiful people were plain and boring. Some of the geeky, withdrawn types had gone from unapproachable to doing the approaching. I guess when you break it all down the dynamics are fascinating.

For me the answer to the "what are you doing now?" question was a simple 'IT consulting'. That's not to say I'm ashamed of this site or anything - quite the opposite - I just thought it was probably the smart move to say I was a computer nerd as opposed to the Chinese whispers that inevitably take place but that pretty much went out the window once a certain level of inebriation was reached.

On a whole the reunion wasn't too bad. I had absolutely no idea what to expect but it was good to catch up with some of the guys I used to hang around with in high school. It's funny what people remember - the jokes, the nicknames, the idiosyncrasies or certain people and just some of the long forgotten shit we used to get up to. I'm already looking forward to the next one...

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

If you feel like getting interactive, you can always chat with TangoTime's 2000+ gorgeous webcam models entirely for free. Their FREE live video teaser chat feature is hot! You're bound to find someone you like, as there are over 100 models live any time of the day, 24/7! Click here to check it out now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

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Stupid Human Tricks - The Singhsons - Punctuation - Lego Church - Perverted Personals

Girls Gone Wild - Britney Spears Flash - Fat Chick Idol - Aboriginal Idol - Inside The Klan - Expensive

Two blondes Sharon and Carmen walk into a department store to the counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Carmen." "Yeah. What's it called Sharon?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What the does that mean?" At this stage the store clerk offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me.'" Sharon takes another sniff and offers her arm to Carmen again saying, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"
The couple had split up a few months ago but still remained good friends, which worked out nicely since they lived in the same apartment building. One day the man slipped on the ice and broke his arm. He met his ex in the lift and she asked if there was anything she could do to help. He said, "Well, if it's not too much trouble, could you help me take a bath?" She readily agreed and soon was washing him when she saw an erection begin to appear. "Now isn't that sweet," she cooed. "Look, it still recognises me."

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A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them totally confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a park bench. Two of the men had black penises, but the one seated in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realised the confused couple were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on and on for nearly half an hour, explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society.

"In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression expressed by gay men in contemporary society." After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the Gallery," asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there is no African-American representation at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch..."

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Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina

Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina - Gina

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"


I've had this next clip kicking around on my hard drive for years now - I could never bring myself to delete it. Why? It's definitely not the best porn you will ever see and the couple is not exactly what you would call hot but its one redeeming feature is how fucking annoying the guy is. The guy carries on like a complete retard and it offends me on more levels that I am probably aware of. I'm completely non-violent but I sooo want to punch him. Check it out...

- Most Annoying Porn Ever -

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Many years ago a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?" "That fellow is travelling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair.

Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with my daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out... "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"

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I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com and I'm here to set the record straight - THERE IS NO CATCH! You won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or tonnes of junk mail or anything else you don;t want.

It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE! So why wouldn't you click click here and try it!? Tonnes of FREE pics, vids, live web cams plus a whole lot of other stuff that I'll leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.

I always love hearing from you fine folks out there on this interweb thingy so keep the mail rolling in! If you've got something to say, something you wanna see on the site or feel it necessary to attack my character then you may do so by clicking here.

Danielle Morgan wrote:
Subject: Pryceless Photos
Great site you have. One thing about the priceless photos. They're great but you have so many. I think it's time to cut the crap ones out and get it back to 20 pages. Also I think the 4-5 photos where you have the persons fullname is pretty irresponsible. There are some dickheads around who with a fullname could identify a person and harrass them, etc.

paul mccarragher wrote:
Subject: Tara Reid
Had a look at the Nip Slip, whatever she was on I'd like a kilo of it, look at the eyes, the lights are on but no-ones home, sad to see a very attractive young lady subject herself to the surgeons knife with such disasterous results. Where are all the "real" girls, if your out there send some pics to ORSM please.

Waterboy wrote:
Subject: bi Sydney chick
OK, I'll join the long cue in saying, please for god's sake, try to get a weekly update from her. That was the coolest, At least start a section that encourages that sort of behaviour. puhlease.

Gloria wrote:
Subject: hello
Hello! I am writing about your latest video update called Crazy Arabs - I would like to know the name of the song that is played on that video.

Anyone? -Orsm

Mike wrote:
Subject: custom Honda
Hey man, love the site, been a faithful viewer for a long time now. In reference to the series of images labeled "Honda Custom", the car is owned by Alpine, and was made to showcase their products for SEMA and other automotive shows. This is NOT a daily driver for someone, and I don't think it can actually be driven as such. I saw this car in a sport compact magazine a while back, and if I remember correctly, they spent something close to a half a million US dollars creating this car. Keep up the great work!

Cheaky Chef wrote:
Subject: circumcision
hey, my old roomate got circumcised recently atr the rip old age of 30! lets just say it was very painful - here are the pics to prove it

Nightmares coming my way... -Orsm

click to enlarge

Wigga De Wack wrote:
Subject: pics for you
hey, orsm site, look at it weekly, loving the shit you have to offer. thought id contribute, hit fraser for the weekend thought i would send a message to all the tourists and backpackers that go to fraser. attached photos of the message we wrote on the dunes. also just recently got rid of my mates laser, thought we would kill it with a bang, hard to believe but we drove it 50k to the wreckers after this, not to mention having cops rock up while in airtime

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: Interesting Aircraft (take 2)
Well I work at a FBO at an International Airport here in the U.S. We had this airplane come in and I luckily had my camera on me to take a picture. You'd think that they'd like to keep it low key... Love the site dude, keep it up! (no pun intended)

click to enlarge

WanTeD wrote:
Subject: Hey Mr. ORSM
Hey I was at a drug store and saw this ad. I took a picture of it using my phone. "Chicco" in arabic means: "put it in".. I dedicate this pic to Michael Jackson.. --Keep up the good work ORSM

click to enlarge

CJ wrote:
Hi Orsm, The ultimate nightmare. You go to a party. The food is good, there is plenty of alcohol, the company is good and everyone is having a good time until some female starts bitching that there are other women dressed exactly the same as her, but they look better. Photo attached. Am I missing something??

click to enlarge

Mike McDonough wrote:
Subject: BMW for Sale - Great Deal is you move quick
I've got a buddy selling a 2002 BMW 325i, cheap cheap cheap to pay off a gambling debt..... black, alloys, 21,250 miles, as new, except a small dent in The roof due to a soccer ball (darn kids!!!). Leather interior. Engine A1 condition, 170 BHP. See attached photo. He'll take $ 4,000 for quick sale.

click to enlarge

eweotter wrote:
Subject: happy campers
Mr. Orsm, Love your site, visit it every day at least once. Keep up the great work. Here's a pic i took while riding around in the hills of West Virginia, (USA). I thought it would fit in with your RS.

I believe this is where Love Bugs come from... -Orsm

click to enlarge

Adam wrote:
Subject: My friend does a crazy magic trick
I filmed this the other day. I have more if you like this one.

Someone please tell me how to do that!? -Orsm

click to watch vid

Robert James Hoffman III wrote:
Subject: From Robert the funny video guy...
Hey man, I don't know if this is something you'd be into or not. These are called pirouettes and I do alot more than most anyone else in the world can do, 15 spins on one foot. It's pretty cool to watch.

click to watch vid

Chris wrote:
Subject: Weekend to Wales...
Hello there Mr O. Just a quickie - I've attached a vid I created when I took some guys from my work (in England) for a weekend to my home country of Glorious Wales, dunno if you like it or not, it was one of those 'no women allowed' weekends, need I say more, it was the bollocks! It was filmed in April of this year so it was still bloody cold!!! Thinking of going in to the 'filming' business, so was hoping to get a bit of feedback - do your regulars like it??? Could I offer it up as a stag weekend extra (film your embarrasing moments, remind yourself why you shouldn't get married...)

click to watch vid

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Skanky Bianca
Hey Orsm, Heres some pics of a serious skank in JHB, South Africa. Bianca works for <removed> if anyone wants a quick hump. Besides fucking ALL her boyfriends and Ex fiancee's best friends.. she took these pics, a day after borrowing the camera from him. His names Adam <removed> - a sad asshole, everytime he caught her, HE would beg for her to come back.

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Having this cool little job I do I am sometimes privy to things that no one else is and today I proudly bring you a clip from one of the coolest new reality'style sites that you won't have seen anywhere else before - SmileBitch.com! This clip I have for you guy's is absolutely hilarious and only surpassed in quality by the rest of the pics and vids at Smile Bitch. Make sure you check it out and remember to Smile Bitch!

- Smile Bitch: Mellissa -

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A couple just got home from their honeymoon, and when the husband went back to his house after work he found that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.

Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home or called. She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week." The husband answered, "But it's only been two days. What do you mean a week?" "I am only here to get something to eat," she told him.

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This guy goes out to Las Vegas, and wins really big in one of the casinos. When you win big in Vegas the casino will give you free things, like meals, show tickets, or rooms, this is all designed to keep you there so that you will lose what money you have won. After winning fifty thousand dollars at the crap table, the casino decides to give the guy a night in the penthouse suite.

The guy goes up to the room, opens the big double doors, and steps into a three-room suite. The room is on a corner of the hotel and two walls are nothing but windows, with a fantastic view of the city. There's a wet bar in one corner, with a big screen TV The guy drops his bag of money in a chair and stands looking out the windows at the city. He realises he is all alone and needs someone to share his good fortune with. He calls down to the front desk and tells the clerk to send up one of the best high-priced call girls in the city.

Thirty minutes later there's a knock on the door. The guy opens it and there is the most gorgeous girl he has ever seen. Long blond hair, short red dress, and spiked heels. She walks into the room. The guy goes over to the bar and fixes two drinks; he gives one to the hooker, and drinks one himself.

"Now, down to business," he says, "how much for a hand job?" The hooker says, "Honey, a hand job is $500.00" "What, that's outrageous. "Come over here," She says walking towards one of the windows," see that strip mall over there," pointing out the window, "I own the last two stores on the end. I was able to buy those stores with the money I saved from giving hand jobs. I must be pretty damn good."

"All right, screw it, money is no object." A half hour after she's done the guy is sitting on the couch reveling in ecstasy. He gets up, goes to the bar and makes two more drinks. He gives one to the hooker and drinks one himself.

"That was the best hand job I have ever had. How much for a blow job? Honey, a blow job is $5000.00" "What, that's outrageous." "Come over here," She says walking towards another one of the window, "see that hotel and casino over there on the corner," pointing out the window, "I own that, I was able to buy it with the money I saved from giving blow jobs. I must be pretty damn good. "All right, screw it, money is no object." The guy gives her $5000.00.

An hour after she's done, the guy is laying on the couch, head rolled back, eyes rolled up inside his head, a little drool coming out of the corner of his mouth. He gets up, barely able to stand, staggers over to the bar, mixes two more drinks, gives one to the hooker, and drinks one himself. "My god, that was the best blow job I have ever had, I've gotta know, How much for some pussy?"

The hooker looks at him and says, "Honey, if I had a pussy I would own this whole city."

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Every now and then I like to throw a link out to a couple of sites that you guy's may never have seen before and this is one of those weeks. Check em out...

Ania & Fran - Kaktuz - Azn Fetish - Amateur Porn Poetry - Waste Your Day - Ulanga - My Place On The N3t

A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.

The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly.

He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream."

"No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued. "Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes.'" "Keep going!" "I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss." POOF!

"The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman. She said, 'You now have three wishes.' I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, 'I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger.' She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, 'What will be your second wish?''"

"What next?" begged the bartender. "I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream.' She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

"Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, 'You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?'. I looked at her and replied, 'How about a little head?'"


An attractive redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realised, she had fallen head over heels in love with him, even though he was a married man.

"Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?" Taking her by the shoulders, Sam replied, "Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motel rooms - is that really what you want for us?"

"No, no," she sobbed, heartsick. "Oh well," said the lawyer. "It was just a suggestion."

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Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's utterly exhausted. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, "Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener." "I didn't bring the bottle opener," Steve says. "I thought you packed it." Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.

Joe and Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.

So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise.

After three more days pass without Raymond in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. "NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised." Five more days pass. Joe realises that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner down the road, so the two turtle's weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and says, "Just for that, I'm not fucking going!!"


A pleasurable mix of the finest that the web has to offer is Random Shite...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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This little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink. He's been sitting there for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The poor little guy starts crying.

"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time," says the truck driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," says the little guy between sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance. I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my wallet was left in the cab.

At home I found my wife in bed with the gardener. So I came to this bar, and was thinking about putting an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison."

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A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?"

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This was another one of those updates that I thought I had no chance of getting finished but the good lord gave me the strength I needed to keep working and supply you all with top quality free porn and various other matter you've all come to love... so I hope it doesn't suck!

On that note its time for me to make like a tree and leaf but before I do I would like to point you at my wish list! This is the one place you can show me your love for the thousands of hours I spend each weak chained to my computer bringing you this site for free!

Anyway, until next time be good, stay off the chem's and feel free to cry yourself to sleep at night if you think it will help. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2004.11.18-21.27
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Boys, girls, women, men and of course trailer trash, I welcome you to Orsmnet.

Seriously this last couple of months have just been like a bad joke. It's starting to feel like every possible thing that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Maybe I pissed someone up there off in a big way. It's been a never-ending stream of site hosting shit, a car which keeps breaking, near constant family bullshit and now my latest little hurdle - finding a new residence.

I got a call from our landlord earlier this week. I saw his number popup on caller ID which immediately conjured thoughts of some sort of bad news on account of the ONLY time we ever hear from him is once a year when we need to change the lease or whatever.

I answer the phone, we get through the pleasantries and I'm soon informed that he's putting the house on the market. Fucking great. Apparently it would be perfect if we can get our shit out by the end of the year but mid-January will be okay if necessary. Sure, two months notice is nice but I definitely didn't see this coming and it throws a rather large spanner in the works.

What the hell do I do now is the question I've been asking myself for the last couple of days. I've been saying for a while that I want to get off my ass and buy a house but I want to do it on my own terms and in my own time.

If I look to rent again it's going to be ultra-hard to find another landlord that doesn't have a problem with pets... especially a 50kg German Shepherd. I could go back home but lets call that the absolute last resort. I've also had a couple of offers from friends saying that I am always more than welcome but one, I don't like burdening people and two, isn't offering someone a place to stay a knee jerk/right thing to do reaction when you say you need to find somewhere to live? I'm probably being pessimistic so any of you who did offer me a room, thanks anyway!

Ideally my next move from renting would have been straight into my own house. Over the last two and a half years I've accrued so much shit its going to take forever to move it all. From fridge to washer and dryer to couches to all the tonnes of hand me downs you get when you move out of home. I definitely don't want to have to double handle it all if I don't have to.

click here for more

So I guess the next step is to start looking seriously for somewhere to buy. Nigh is the inevitable reality of having to deal with real estate agents, bank managers and numerous others I won't particularly like and all of which want money from me that I don't and won't have for the next thirty years.

The other thing that has pissed me off about all this is that any hopes I had of having a lazy January are nothing but a distant memory now. This poorly timed moving shit is going to push that back at least another year by the looks so prepare for full psychological meltdown sometime between April and May. Updates should be interesting...

Two quick shout outs. First one is to Li @ DoMeDry.com for the awesome fan pics she sent me [which you can see here and here] and secondly is to Daniel from AniaAndFran.com who is just a bloody great guy! Please don't give them an opportunity to call me an asshole and go check out their shit!

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

There's every chance by this stage of the update you are already bored to death of my crap and looking for a change. Enter UselessPeople.com. You'll be blessed with regular updates, tonnes of new shit you won't have seen on a million other sites before plus if you like to get interactive you can do that too. There's even a sweet competition to see who can post the most too! So whaddya waiting for - go checkout UselessPeople.com now!!

If you feel like getting interactive, you can always chat with TangoTime's 2000+ gorgeous webcam models entirely for free. Their FREE live video teaser chat feature is hot! You're bound to find someone you like, as there are over 100 models live any time of the day, 24/7! Click here to check it out now!

Don't get screwed, get the best of porn!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Britney Shakes Her Titties - Depleted Uranium - The Rasterbator - Chrome M3 - The Age Gauge

The Last Two Men - Spew Your Goo - Shake That Ass - Message From Bush - Globe Master

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self- defense. After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student, "What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?" The student replied, "BIG ones."
A woman was watching her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this manoeuvre, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it will," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers..."
A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" "Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway." "OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?" "That's my business!" snapped the woman. "Oh, right!" said the young man, "I didn't realise you made a living at it!”

click here for more

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past, looks up, and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says, "Smoking a joint - come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is "dry" and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard climbs down the tree, walks through the jungle to the river and leans over to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?" The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting and smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing the joint. He looks up and says, "Hey you!"

The Monkey looks down and says, "Duuuuuuuuuude!!...... how much water did you drink?!!"


This footage is pretty amazing and describing it as full on would be an understatement. It was shot recently in Fallujah as a group of American soldiers do battle with Iraqi insurgents. It actually almost looks like they're having fun and was reminisce [for me at least] of parts of Black Hawk Down. Check it...

- Battle In Fallujah -

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A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo... she took the seat right beside him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, “Business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Asian Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!" "Appu" the man said. "Appu Papadopoulos. But my friends call me Paddy."

click here for more

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge.

The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

click here for more

Need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. Thanks in advance guys.

I've suspected for some time now that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. The usual signs - phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my g/f. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

Should I take it into a panel beater or should I buy some filler and try to repair it myself?

click here for more

I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com and I'm here to set the record straight - there is no catch! You won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or anything unexpected. It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE! So why wouldn't you try it? Tonnes of FREE pics, vids, live web cams and whole lot of other stuff that I'll leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.

Good to see that my comments last week about pulling back on the Election related emails seem to have been heeded and it's definitely been a quieter week on that front as a result. Anyway there are still plenty of other bits and pieces floating around to amuse you guys with and you can find them below. If you've got something to say or share or just feel like telling me to eat a dick then you are more than welcome to do so here.

Nathan wrote:
Subject: reply to the "deranged nigger"
This is a reply to that racist coward. Keep your hillbilly, inbred, racist, fat ass away from the computer. Go back to burning a cross in your front lawn while hiding under a whitehood. Might as well not even cut out the holes for your eyes since you're already as blind as they come. And to you Mr.Orsm don't ruin this awesome site with racist bullshit emails like that.

Dan wrote:
Subject: last weeks email
Hey orsm, I have a story to tell you. My dopey younger brother, who happens to be 27, just pulled me over to have a look at your site and to read a letter he wrote to you a week or so ago. It was the one about the bloke and the crow bar and hitting a car next to the side walk. He used my private e mail, which means I have to now change all my pass words (god he's a little prick). Anyway just thought you would like to know that he wont be using his hands for a while.

Rudd wrote:
Subject: Aussie
G'Day Mr. ORSM, One of my pet hates is for the inhabitants of this great land of ours to be called OZIES. What I hate the most is when so called Australians spell it that way. The Wizard doesn't live here and Dorothy and Toto never came to visit. We are AUSSIES. The country is not Oztralia. Get it right people and stop falling into the yankee way of spelling. Have a good one.

Ram Moorthy wrote:
Subject: sri lankan Chicks
Dear ORSM. Suggest that jay stops smoking the shit before posting. Those birds are obviously Thai believe me no oriental connections in the Island. Maybe he met that at the local casino.

james haryett wrote:
Subject: Bush
Hey Mr.Orsm Your site is the shite. It's the only site I'll keep coming back to for laughs 'n the ocasional wank. Here is a pic I made of Kelly Osbourne & George dubya. Don't ask!

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Cool Photo
Hey Orsm, like the site especially the pics of other peoples girlfriends and ex's! so much though that i thought id send this pic id found on my comp of a girl i fucked then had 'cyber' with her over the web cam, little did she know i mastered taking stills. only got one but will try and provide more & new material for the future. Am really hoping i get to see this pic up on ur site dude! cheers

click to enlarge

Pammy wrote:
Subject: my fav t-shirt
Dear Sir, I thoroughly enjoy your site, my husband and I read it whenever we can. Many times I laugh my ass off, am amazed by the stupidity of the human race or simply extremely wet after I look at all the hot PICS you post. Keep up the great work! PS Thought you might get a kick at my favorite T-shirt.

click to enlarge

John Donald wrote:
Subject: free to a good home....
My neighbor is looking for a good home for their cat. He said it's really lovable and friendly, but his wife said the cat makes her nervous when it stares at her. She wants it out of the house. If you know of anyone, let me know. The picture is attached.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Israel Tech
Hey Mr. Orsm Just wanted to give you a holla to keep up all the good work. Also a recent RS pic reminded me of something I was privelagedy to witness on my recent trip to Israel. Some backround info first. Israel's #1 export is Tech, mostly military tech. As Part of my trip there I was taken to a top secret facility and saw what they were working on. Here's a pic of a very special.... um, item, I managed to snap a pic of.

click to enlarge

Damo wrote:
Subject: vending machine
hey mr orsm, hows it going. just thought id show you some of the mischief us engineering boys get up to at uni. it works because when the door is held closed the machine thinks a bottle hasnt been dispensed, because it hasnt come out the other end. it then goes to pick up another bottle and then 2 are released. apparently it can be done a couple of times but i guess it just depends how greedy you are.

click to watch vid

VoRn wrote:
Subject: Video
To Mr Orsm. Hey guy, [sucking up part about how your site kicks ass]. It just clicked then that to send you this video I have of my friend doing an insane Corkscrew in our old Backyard Wrestling federation. I'm the guy who gets the pin at the end.

click to watch vid

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Aussie Aussie Aussie
hey, well i thought i should attempt to contribute to your site, since i use it like nearlly every day to get off. Im a bi Sydney chick and i love your site. Rock on Please do not include my real name or contact details

click to watch vid

Scotty wrote:
Subject: burnout vid
wazzzzzzzaup mr orsm. If your looking for some vids you can put this on the site then try this one.

This is all Toyota's are good for... -Orsm

click to download

Adam wrote:
Subject: Steve eats a slug (Video)
Hey Man, i love your site, check the updates every week. Anyway, here's a video of my friend eating a slug off the ground for $40. He bite's it in half. Post it on the site if you like. Thanks, keep up the good work!

Something about Dr Suess and worms springs to mind. -Orsm

click to watch vid

Bruiser wrote:
Subject: About the Slammed Van from Indonesia
I would just like to say to the person who posted the pictures of the slammed van from indonesia that people in that country arent the only ones who build "crazy rides" such as that one. I myself, an american, am building a jeep cherokee bodydropped to the doors. there are TONS of people such as myself who build these crazy slammed and draggin rides over here in the US, just check out some of the ones

click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge

Heaven Leigh wrote:
Subject: Corporate Suburbanite at Play
Hello. I just discovered your site over the weekend and it is the sickest, vilest, most loathesome example of depravity I have ever witnessed. I fucking love it!! I'm a corporate slave in a suburb of Dallas, Texas and I wanted to share some pics with you. Hope you enjoy!

click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge click to enlarge
Click for more awesomeness

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it." "You're right," the guy says. "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

"You have a deal, my friend," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play...

"You're right... I've never seen anything like that before," says the bartender. "That hamster is really gifted." The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender. "Watch this," replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvellous voice and great pitch. A fine singer by any standard.

A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. "It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar. "Are you some kind of nut?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy." "Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist!"

click here for more

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess." "What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen eggs, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?" "Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.? Aunt Karen was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and the plane got hit? She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.? And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."


Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before the angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven, whereupon she takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into the toilette, and pulls the lever. The angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations, and you turn me down. She simply gargles and she gets in. Would you explain that to me?" Sorry, Dolly," says the angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."

click here for more

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honour, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins Are Coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then, she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, your Honour, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident.' I just lost it."



You want the goods? I got the goods...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Click for more awesomeness

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest biker in the face and says, "I went by your Grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine-looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your Grandma and she is good - the best I ever had!" The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell yo u something else, boy. Grandma liked It!" At this point, the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders, looks him square in the eyes, and says, "Grandpa... Go home, you're drunk!"

click here for more

Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."

click here for more

Well folks that pretty much puts to bed another update. If I managed to drag you away from whatever it is that you're supposed to be doing then my work here is done. One final word, if you'd like to show me your love for the countless hours I spend pouring my heart and soul into this very site then swing by my wishlist and prove it!! Anyway, until next time be good, stay off the chem's and don't be a fag. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2004.11.11-23.11
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This is Orsmnet. Welcome to it.

Jesus is it that time already? We're not even half way through November and the talk amongst my circle of friends has been all about what the plan is for New Years.

For the last five or six years we've done more or less the same thing - head to the same bar we always go to, get drunk and have a good time. After that we head back to someone's house and party for the rest of the night and into the next day. The trick is to then try and make it through the day without falling asleep so you don't wake up in the middle of the night and can function normally for the rest of the week.

This year though it looks like everyone is ready for a change. The general consensus is that instead of beginning the festivities on New Years Eve, we'll instead have a quiet night and do the Perth Cup thing on New Years Day. For the uninitiated, the Perth Cup is held at Ascot Park Race Track with the whole day loosely based on some sort of horse race although I can honestly say I've never met anyone who went there for the racing.

The event is centred around a whole bunch of big tents that are sponsored by various companies or clubs or whatever that you pay some exorbitant ticket fee to hang out in. The better the tent, the more expensive the ticket. Some are free beer and wine through to full open bar with sit down meals and varying levels of entertainment. Without trying too hard you can easily walk away from the day $200-300 poorer.

The thing is I've never actually been to one. My first complaint is always that there is no fucking way I am sitting in a tent on a sweltering 45 degree day. Not going to happen in this life time let me tell you. Secondly, I've always managed to find something better to keep myself amused... unfortunately some [read: most] of those activities are not the kind of stuff I should share with the world due to the incriminating nature of them...

click here for more

The closest I have ever come was last year. My brother called me and I had to make a run out there to meet him. I can honestly say that the 15 minutes I sat out the front in my car waiting for him to find me was as rewarding as anything I have done my whole life. The constant stream of hot chicks dressed to the nine's, parading back and forth is almost enough to tempt me into attending this year... almost but not quite.

I think this is another one of these age related things where my aforementioned circle of friends are finally starting to shy away from the party like you're a retard ethos and act more responsibly. I don't think I'm quite ready to throw in the towel just yet though... I look forward to New Years Eve every year so I fully expect to make the most of it whilst I can.

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

There's every chance by this stage of the update you are already bored to death of my crap and looking for a change. Enter UselessPeople.com. You'll be blessed with regular updates, tonnes of new shit you won't have seen on a million other sites before plus if you like to get interactive you can do that too. There's even a sweet competition to see who can post the most too! So whaddya waiting for - go checkout UselessPeople.com now!!

It's usually pretty normal these days to go to any website and get a few of those annoying pop-up windows happening. Sometimes they're tolerable but usually they just bug you to death. This is where Pop Up Blocker Test comes in! This 100% FREE service analyses your computers ability to block even the most brutal pop-ups and then recommends a bunch of free tools you can use to protect yourself in future. Life is about to get a whole lot easier - check it out now!

Don't get screwed, get the best of porn!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

50 Reasons - Mistaken - Realistic Internet Simulator - Leave It To Bush - At Home With Jenna Jameson

Virtual Bar Tender - Tha Bladdy Ozboard - Watch Your Step -You Don't - Perth Pocket Bikes

A Texan takes his 12 year-old daughter to the doctor and asks to have him give her a subscription to the contraceptive Pill. "You want to put your 12 year-old daughter on contraceptives!?" asks the doctor, somewhat shocked, "Er, is she sexually active?" "Naw," says the Texan, "She's just like her ma, lies there like a sack of potatoes".
A lady walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?" The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there." She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones." The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

click here for more

A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window... "Uh, yes, officer?"

"What are you doing?" "Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine, sir " Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?" The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a lovers' lane. And nothing obscene is happening! "What's your age, young man?" "I'm 25, sir." "And her... what's her age?" The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

click here for more


Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora

Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora - Dora

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver: "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard!" The silence in the cab was deafening.


After a woman undergoes breast enhancement surgery – also known as a boob job – it's not uncommon to experience a loss of feeling in the surrounding area for several weeks or months after. I can only assume that this was the case with Tara Reid at the birthday party for P Diddy where she gave an unexpecting paparazzi the photo-op of a life time and let slip with her entire boob. Check the vid...

- Tara Reid: Boobie Slip -

click here for more


Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Bob, were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Bob "Bob, it's been a long time now. I REALLY need to have sex..."

Bob stood and pondered for a while, before replying "Go to Earth, oh Thor, and find thyself what they call a "prostitute", and give her a bloody good seeing to..." And Thor did, and he saw that this was good.

The next day, he came back up to see Bob, and told him of the previous night's events. "Oh Bob," he said, grinning like a shagged out God, "It was wonderful. We had passionate sex 37 times..."

"37 times?!?!" exclaimed Bob. "You must go and apologise this instant!". So Thor went back down to earth and found the aforementioned prostitute, saying "I'm sorry about last night, but you see, I'm Thor..."

"You're Thor?!" Shouted the girl. "YOU'RE THOR?!?... I CAN'T EVEN PITH!!!"

click here for more

I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com and I'm here to set the record straight - there is no catch! You won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or anything unexpected. It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE! So why wouldn't you try it? Tonnes of FREE pics, vids, live web cams and whole lot of other stuff that I'll leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.

My inbox continued to be bombarded with opinions and thoughts from all over about the political going-on's of the last few weeks and due to space restrictions I've posted the bulk of them on the Overflow page. I think its time we let the political stuff die for a while and get back to what this site is about - having some fun. For everyone else, if you've got something to say, something you want to see on the site or just feel like ruining my day, you may do so right here.

Seth wrote:
Subject: Aussie Muscle
Hey there again I have some new images for you that relates to a post you had about a US member sending... this was the link.... www.orsm.net/../falconfinally01.jpg. I have a link regarding some other info and what some guys in Australia are doing with their cars. Thought you may be interested.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: deranged nigger
Dear orsm, great site and love your work but must have a bitch about something. The other week you featured a video clip of some fucking deranged nigger with a crow bar smashin up some chics car at the lights. First of all I would like to say (and I hope it gets back to this piss ant nigger mother fucker) that it was a totally gutless and callus act. Typical gutless fuck who attacks a car with a single female in it. Too bad he didnt have the balls to attack a car with a dude in it. And the niggers wonder why the cops have this Rodney King attitude to all the fuckers. Its a shame that one dickhead has to ruin it all for all the other blacks. I also noticed that none of the dumb yanks around here bothered to lend assistance. If I or one of my clan saw that shit goin on out comes the police baton from the glove box and then the machette from the boot and we lop the guy off to a new level. I hope you handed the tape over to the cops so he can get his just desserts. Imagine if it was ur missus in the car. How would you feel then. And another thing. This nigger was probably jacked up on coke or meth and without these drugs he would just be another peice of dilapitated ghetto scum. You have a great site so dont ruin it with shit like that.

I think this was proven to have been set up and never happened for real. -Orsm

mt swam wrote:
Subject: werd to the mother ship (check it)
hey mr orsm. whats crackin? hey ive been checking your site since 2002. (the 2nd time i browsed your site was the first time i took mushrooms from balingup. it was fukt up cos they kikt in when me and my mate were checking a really gross 'shit in mouth' video).

so yeah, i too am a west aussie and i too have lived in wembley. what a rad place it is. especially the lakes or swamps you may call them. now im in darwin and i would like to thank you for all the effort you put into your site every week. it has given me hours of enjoyment over the last 2 years...

so how do you handle all this popularity??? people are looking up to you.. you are now a role model and what you say is going to influence thousands of impresionable young people around the globe. the only problem i get with your site is that i cant really check it out in net cafes because of the graphic content. but oh well. i hope all goes well for the site and you...

Dennis wrote:
Subject: Comment
Just thought I'd comment on the pic of the road sign from the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. First of all, "the loop" as it is known locally actually passes over itself (or under itself, depending on whether you are going up or down the mountain). In my opinion, this whole area of Tennessee and North Carolina is one of the most beautiful places in the world. Great site, I've been checking it out for several months now and you never dissappoint!

Brian wrote:
Subject: rs
Right after they cleaned the handprints off, they removed the ad... crap! Well, glad I had gotten this one.

Shame we can't see her sweet spot... -Orsm

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: random pics
Hey got some pics for Random Shite or anywhere on your site. This is just one of the crazy cars you can find in Indonesia. They do all kinds of customs that's beyond any sane man's dreams. The car in front of it is what it looks like when it was standard. Anyway, your site rocks and I enjoyed every update.

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: Racist sauce
Orsm, Love the site, I came across this in a supermarket in the UK. Being from South Africa I was very surprised to see this sold on a shelf especially seeing as things are so PC these days.

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Jay wrote:
Subject: Sri Lankan chix-part 2
Hey ORSM my man, thank you for publishing my last mail. I love your new weekly like updates-keep it going! Your site is the best man!The pics i hve sent u this time got some sri lankan chix together with some foreign chicks in a girl's nyte out. Yours dude- Jay. Save my ass!
click for gallery

<with held> wrote:
Subject: high school boobs!
yo orsm, what up. i got some pics of some chicks from my school. dont show my email so i dont get in trouble. thanks man. enjoy

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Eric wrote:
Subject: Comments and Pics
Orsm - Have enjoyed your site for months, and really appreciate the links to the various sites (newbie nudes is great!). I also liked the Revenge TV one, since I was looking for a place to put a couple of pics of my ex-gf who I ran across while she was still my gf giving a guy head in a parking lot (she had too distinctive a car not to be obvious). Anyway, can you recommend a good revenge site for pics; and while I'm looking, can I ask you to post these two of her on your site. For those that recognize her, she does give great head, so give her a try if you can!

Brad A wrote:
Subject: funny pics
Orsm, First of all let me say that I love your site, I got all my friends checking it out. Second, to all those people who complain about shit on your site, they need to get a life. Anyways, I thought that if I'm going to be checking out your site all the time I mine as well try to contribute. Here are some pics of my english bulldog sleeping (there pretty funny).

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Tazman wrote:
Subject: Video of home made potato gun 2
Hey Orsm, you posted the video of my friend gettin shot with our potato gun last week heres the new video we made with the same gun, we shot a steel bolt through a box truck at the same velocity we shot my friend. Guess we wont shoot him anymore

click to watch vid

Tommy Fryar wrote:
Subject: Watch the Girl Behind Homeplate
Attached is a video of a girl at a Boston Red Sox vs Texas Rangers baseball game who flashes the Rangers pitcher as he is delivering the ball.

You'll need to look closely to see her. -Orsm

click to watch vid

Russ wrote:
Subject: A pittance of time.
Hi ORSM. This is a departure from the 'fun' stuff. At 1100hrs on November 11th every year we sacrifice 2mins of our time to remember the supreme sacrifice that Canadian men and women made in the greatest human catastrophe of all time. It brought a tear to my eye as a reminder of all the lives from every nationality that were wasted. If you decide not to post this at least it will have given you food for thought.

click to watch vid

Cyph wrote:
Subject: Video - Oh, that slap has to hurt
Hey Orsm, I got this video from a friend who knows someone who goes to this highschool in Perth. Since its quite funny, I decided you (and everyone else who frequents this site) could share the laughs. I bet the two in the video werent expecting all this fame, enjoy!

click to watch vid
Matt wrote:
Subject: Hi orsm
these are my photos. you can put them on your site if you want.
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orsm fan wrote:
Subject: Fan Mail Mister Orsm
love the site - its one of the BEST FREE SITES EVER i have been a fan for two or three years now - the RS is great (like that box of chocolates "you never know what your going to get"). these pics are a girl a mate of mine knows - mmm belly dancing mmm boobage mmm ORSM !!

God dayuuum!! -Orsm

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An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch!"

click here for more

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So off he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede's house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?" A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my fucking shoes on!"

click here for more

A dear elderly woman went to a K-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on sale.

Suddenly, the frail looking woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming “PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!”

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front a growing crowd of customers. The manager goes to the woman and asks, Ma'am what is wrong? She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

Once again, the dainty little woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming “PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES, PINCH MY NIPPLES!” and doing so draws and even bigger crowd!

In shock, the store manager pleads, Ma'am, why are you saying that? In a huff, the woman says, BECAUSE I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I AM BEING FUCKED!!

The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded.

click here for more


Honda Custom - Honda Custom - Honda Custom - Honda Custom - Honda Custom - Honda Custom

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him.

"Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money! Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money! Irving, do you remember that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money."

Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes..."

Click for more awesomeness


A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Well... I call them by their last names..."


Some weeks are harder than others to pull together this eclectic collage we call Random Shite and this week was one of them. Have I nailed it? Who knows... check it for yourself...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict! Look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you!!"

To which the wife responds: "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

click here for more

A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, "Bless me, father, for I have sinned I was with seven different women last night." The priest is silent for a moment, and then says "Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp. "And I'll be forgiven?" asks the man. "No," replies the priest, "but it will wipe that fucking smirk off your face!"

Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy

Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy - Amy

click here for more

Before I go - big shout out and warm fuzzy thank you to the kind person that picked up Blade Runner off my wishlist. I haven't seen it in years and I thoroughly enjoyed revisiting it. For everyone else, if you'd like to show me your love and appreciation for my countless hours of hard work poured into bring you this site every week for free then head over to my wishlist and make my frickin day! Anyway, until next time be good, stay off the chem's and don't be such a try-hard. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2004.11.04-23.08
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Hello folks - this is your Orsm speaking. I'd like to welcome and thank you for flying Orsmnet today. Our destination is anything but what you're supposed to be doing, current altitude is way over your head and our estimated arrival time is as long as you can get away with before someone realises you haven't done any work for the last few hours...

What can I say this week except for wow. The world has gone crazy with politics and unless you've been asleep or dead for the last few days you've probably managed to have your say on who you think would make a better President of the United States.

Blog sites, forums, message boards, chat - pretty much anywhere people could have their say they were doing it. I actually thought the lead up was out of control but the last few days have been utter chaos. I've read views on everything from why Bush or Kerry should or will win through to how happy or disappointed people are with the result. Going back four years I was still somewhat of a computer illiterate but I definitely don't remember people taking to the net in such numbers to debate over who should lead. It was almost as if no one outside the US cared. How things have changed...

As expected there's been an onslaught of email come my way especially after I posted the Bush vids earlier this week. I was praised by some and abused by others. My reply is simple. No I am not an American but it doesn't mean my opinion doesn't count and anyone who thinks I don't have a right to that opinion can go fuck themselves.

I'm sick of the way people perceive and invent other people's opinions for them. Example: I post a couple of videos on my website that show President Bush in a less than favourable light only to be given a hard time about Iraq and Afghanistan and terrorism.

I can happily cop shit all day long but did it ever occur to anyone that some of us have other interests beyond those things? That who leads the US and what happens over the next four years may affect more than just those who live there? Obviously not. I'm not here to force my political views down anyone's throat and I think more people should adopt the same mentality.

click here for more

For starters the one thing that scares the shit out of anyone involved in online porn is the proposed 2257 legislation which, with the re-election of President Bush, will now most likely be passed. This is aimed at forcing people who run adult websites to keep strict records about every single model and every single picture on their site/s. Sit back for a minute and think how many images you have seen on this site alone and then imagine the complexity of record keeping for it. Absolutely impossible and likely to kill a lot of sites you know and love.

The one thing I have enjoyed though is watching the coverage. I find it SO much more interesting than Australian politics I can barely even put it into words but I must admit the way the system works is somewhat confusing. The whole Electoral College thing comes across as being the hardest way to get a result and perhaps not entirely fair not to mention antiquated. I also didn't understand why people were forced to line up for so long just to cast their vote - for me at least it was all done in less than 5 minutes from walking out the front door and getting back home again. Sure, the US has 15 times the population we do but didn't anyone think of this?

Anyway... enough senseless rambling from me. I'll leave it by saying the next four years are going to be interesting and I sincerely hope that some of the shit that what the more pessimistic people out there have predicted does not come to fruition. The world is watching.

If you've been reading my site for any period of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so... it's because Newbie Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today. Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention it's all free too? Check it now!

It's usually pretty normal these days to go to any website and get a few of those annoying pop-up windows happening. Sometimes they're tolerable but usually they just bug you to death. This is where Pop Up Blocker Test comes in! This 100% FREE service analyses your computers ability to block even the most brutal pop-ups and then recommends a bunch of free tools you can use to protect yourself in future. Life is about to get a whole lot easier - check it out now!

Been scammed by porn sites? Not sure which ones are worth your money? Then head over to RabbitsReviews.com and get the best of porn. Read in-depth and independent reviews of leading adult sites and discover the one that's perfect for your kinky needs and desires. Check it now!

I got a message the other day from one of my cohorts telling me it was about time I introduced you guy's to his site. I replied with a voracious 'hell yeah'. The site? BeerAndShots.com and I could probably crap on all day about how good his new design is, how good the free porn is and how I spend more time at his site than I do my own... but I shall refrain, and suggest that you guy's check it out for yourselves!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Celebrity Houses - Inconspicuous - Life - Amytiville Toaster - Give Bush A Brain - Paris Hilton - Pop Up Blocker Test

Clown Tech Support - Search For Her - Celebrity Bra Sizes - Are You Dumb - Acne Be Gone - Zoom

Three vampires walk into a bar. The waitress comes up to them and asks them what they'll have? The first vampire says, (Transylvanian accent inferred) "I'll have a glass of O Positive." The second vampire says, "I'll have a glass of AB Negative." The third vampire says, "I'm the designated driver. I'll just have a glass of plasma." The waitress turns toward the bartender and yells, "Gimme two bloods and one blood lite!"
One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went to the pub...
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

click here for more

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?" Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird." The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. The police asked him what happened. The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off, and the next thing I knew is I'm here."

The police went to the beach, found the girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spat on me, so I broke its neck, cracked it's eggs, and set its nest on fire."

Never lie to kids... especially little girls!

click here for more

An old mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to the bed. "You lissin-a me - I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a coulple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find your beautifula wife in bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then? Pointa to your watch and say: ‘Times up?'”

click here for more

A San Francisco cabby picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and the driver won't stop staring at her in the rear view mirror. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to kiss a nun." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1 You have to promise you are single and #2 You must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" "OK", the nun says, "Pull into the next alley"

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, "I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween Party."

Test time: Imagine you and a mate are sitting around watching TV when a chick comes over. One thing leads to another and you end up tag-teaming the poor girl in both holes. When that magical time comes for the 'final release' you need to make a quick decision as to where you are going to ejaculate. Does this guy either a) run out of time, b) have poor aim, or c) like to play jokes on his friends?

- Never Do This To A Mate -

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An army service deserter was running down a road escaping from two MP's. He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her ,"Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."

The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied, "He went that way".

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said." I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said she understood. The GI said, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

click here for more

I keep getting emails from you guy's asking me what the catch is with MyFreePaySite.com and I'm here to set the record straight - there is no catch! You won't end up with a massive credit card or phone bill or anything unexpected. It's a lot like Orsmnet and all fucking FREE! So why wouldn't you try it? Tonnes of FREE pics, vids, live web cams and whole lot of other stuff that I'll leave you guy's to discover for yourselves! Check it here.

As was entirely expected the majority of email over the last week or so has been politically related. It would appear that everyone with access to a soap box grasped the opportunity to either have their say or give me shit for having mine. There was also plenty of other subjects covered and as has been the fashion of late some of it has been bumped to the Overflow section. Aside from that, if you've got something to say, something you want to see on the site or feel like telling me to go fuck myself then you may do so here.

Matt wrote:
Subject: a sad day in america
Mr. Orsm, I'm an american and a loyal fan of your site. For both of these reasons, I felt compelled to write you to say how disappointed I am with the outcome of the election. I live in California, a state that heavily favored John Kerry. We honestly didn't think Bush had a chance. He is the most assinine president our country has ever had. It's been documented time and time again how he's dropped the ball at home and abroad. Hardly anyone I know supports him (exept for the two guys who work down the hall from me). Given that he handily won the popular vote, it makes me question my citizenship, and has made me seriously consider moving to Canada. They seem to be pretty reasonable up there. I just want to say to all of your international readers that not all americans support Bush, his cabinet, or his policies. We're really not bad people... at least some of us aren't... honest! I hate the fact that I have this asshole representing me. I feel like I've been ass raped. To think of putting up with this man for another 4 years makes me physically ill. I dunno... I just had to write something to someone. We had the choice of sending a clear message to the world. One was a message of hope, global community, and reason. The other was a message of arrogance and independence. By electing GW, we've effectively told the world that they don't matter. At this point I think the US needs a good ass kicking in order to get back on track. I love my country, but I hate what George W. Bush has done to it. This man is not my president. Wish us luck.

Bob. wrote:
Subject: O-well..it was a good run...
I loved your site.... Why did you have to diss. bush personally? Your country was Not attacked, mine was...maybe I am too nuts about this but... piss-off!!! I do not want an admitted WAR CRIMINAL as my president...nuff said. I even got my WIFE to like your site! This sucks, I mean..I really loved to look at all your varied content...could not wait for the next update...ect. I would read about your experiences and think...damn this dude is just like me! We all have opinions...and as they say, opinions and assholes have one thing in common, we all have one and they all smell different. But I would never dream of doing or posting the things that I have seen on the site recently.My country is at war. This sucks...later.

Rich McClellan wrote:
Subject: On the Eve of a National Election
I see you ran a segment on the election update where you say that the re-election of GWB would not be a good thing. I would not want to assume that you think that the election of Kerry would be a good thing. Both have positives and negatives to bring to the table. It is a selection between the lessor of two evils as I see it.

With GWB, people may not agree, but at least they know where he stands and what he is after. With Kerry, can anyone be really sure of what he stands for at the moment and when or if it will change to suit his purpose? This is what scares me.

Your opinion is not wrong by any means, nor or you an idiot. You are stating what you think, which is what you should be allowed to do with out any consequences. Also, you do not slam GWB, Promote Kerry or try to sway people in any one direction. You are expressing your freedom of speech, but not persuading anyone who may not have an opinion of their own.

Chris Matthes wrote:
Subject: People say you are stupid for not supporting Bush?
Unfortunately the people who do not understand your opinion are unable to comprehend the complexity of the situation and the consequences for the actions of the U.S. The US invasion of Iraq has lead to terrorist recruiting tools such as the torture pictures and isolated the U.S. from the world (well Bush has) from the larger goal of stopping terrorism. I think you will find that on Nov. 2 (unless Bush cheats) the American people will stand up and say no more.

artguy wrote:
Subject: Stay strong
I'm sure the Bushies will lambast you for those vids (man, that Schwartzkopf one is damning). Funny, because the core of Bush lovers are religious fanatics-- yet somehow they are here (not exactly a godly site) ready to write back with fire and brimstone but far more colorfully than their preacher would do it.

mufflon wrote:
Subject: dear mr. orsm
in the beginning i'd like to apologize for my bad english. the reason for that may be that i am from austria (small country in europe; pop. 8,000,000.00) and that i am really wasted. but there is one thing i'd like to tell you: please dedicate your site in the next 12 hours or so to president bush and him being a complete asshole. i don`t know how people in the us see it but the EU and all it`s members (including austria) are horrified of him being re-elected! you have the potential to reach a huge number of people and maybe change their minds. i even think that the movie "fahrenheit 9/11" shows him as a too nice person.

mr. orsm, please think of the rest of the world (us-elections may not bother australia but they do bother europe) and help us not only by posting videos of him showing his well-known stupidity but also state your own opinion (and if your opinion is to re-elect him then have it your way but think about the amount of people getting killed!). i'm begging you. the world depends on you.

Kleanheat wrote:
Subject: Yanks
First, Cool site and you haven't changed your style much in the 3 years I've been visiting which is great. Second, I'm from Perth too and I was wondering who your AFL side is if your into it. Third, is it just me or is American loaded with some of the dumbest, most ignorant people on the planet? No idea or concern about anything other than their own backyard and the price of fuel for their sports utilities. And no one should dare criticise the President even if he is a Redneck coward moron with a corrupt deputy. How could anyone show patriotic love for an idiot like Dubya? Sure Mike Moore is pretty full-on but he has some valid points that even the dumbest evangelical republican can't deny. Like the fact he's running your economy into the ground and needs billions more to fund his war for oil.

Orsm viewer wrote:
Subject: Squiiirt Song
Hello Orsm, I was wondering if you knew what the song is, and the group who sings it, which plays during the Squiiirt Video of the October 28, or recent updated Orsm page. I know it is only about 17 seconds long, but it is a sweet sounding song and it would be awesome if I could get that song. Thanks.

Apparently the clip is from a movie called 'Squirting 101' and the name of the squirter in question is Cytherea. As for the song - My My My by Armand Van Helden. -Orsm

click to view vid
Kieran wrote:
Subject: Re: Eye sore
I saw your update and noticed the pics of that car. I actually saw the car on the road the other week after not seeing it since 1986. It's "Captain Cleanups" car who goes around to primary schools teaching kids not to litter, etc. Here's something I quickly found to prove my claim. BTW Great site, keep it up.
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Nick wrote:
Subject: Yellow ute/van
Just so all the locals (Sand gropers) know this van/ute was actually built to transport Captain Clean Up. I know this for I was present when her turned up at Primary School one day back in 1987. He had stickers, pamphlets the works. It was all about a litter clean up campaign. Not sure who was behind it. I have seen this vehicle on the Michell Freeway between Huttons St and Reid Hwy a few times in the last 9-12 months. And yes is is a holden Ute under that bodywork.

Robert James Hoffman III wrote:
Subject: From the guy who brought you dancer face and mac switch
Hey man here's my latest. Hope you like it. This is what I would imagine would happen if a man directed a maxi pad commercial. And I got another one in the works. Should be done by november. Just bought some nice equipment so the sound will be better.

Classic clip! -Orsm

click to watch vid

Marcus Wesson wrote:
Subject: Funny Bush
Orsm, love your site. I see these postings all over L.A. Thought you'd like them on your site.

Look's like they didn't work! -Orsm

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Bob wrote:
Subject: Dubya
Hey dude! Thanks for the great site! Came across a pic of Dubya and had to fuck with it a bit (of course!). After seeing Farenheit 911, now I know the guy is a spineless, self-serving fuck...Probably the anti-Christ. Put it on the site if it serves you. May God perserve us and the world from this wanker getting elected again...

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Dam Hippie wrote:
Subject: Untimely End
Here is an event that I happened to get on my camera. It looks like one of our favorite stars had a few too many and decided to end it all. The aftermath was too graphic but I sent the picture of his last moments. At least he had good taste in beer. R.I.P. you will be missed.

click to enlarge

Mike wrote:
Subject: A possible picture for your web site...
Orsm: While traveling with the family on vacation, stumbled across this wacky road sign. I know - it isn't a pic of a beautiful babe or slick car, but it is quasi-car related and possibly worthy of posting. Forgive me - for I am a lowly roadway engineer/geek and get excited by these things! For the record, this sign (and another one that is a mirror image of it) may be found on US 441 on the Tennessee side of Great Smokey Mountain National Park.

click to enlarge

p s wrote:
Subject: Photoshop prycless pic
A little something (or maybe nothing, who knows) for your prycless photoshop thingy depicting george bush in a light that will make people realise just how much of an evil arsehole he is, ehe. Keep up the great site mate.

click to enlarge

big_harold wrote:
Subject: Gettin too old for this shit
Hi Mate, Some buddies of mine in Iran late last year - starting to wonder if they're getting paid enough for this shit. Max respect to Scott and Taras the mad russian.

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Nigsy wrote:
Subject: Heathrow Airport Scam
Orsm, Another great update. Have a look at this. A couple of guys have been going around the main airports in London dressed as chaffeurs and asking the information desk staff to put out calls for their missing clients. Childish I know, but very funny....

click to open

Ice Man wrote:
Subject: Shake it Don't Break It!!!
Mr. ORSM. Huge fan of your web site for some time now and I finally think I have some footage you will enjoy. I took this video inside a club when I went to Cancun Mexico last August. I think you might get a few laughs from it.

click to watch vid
Chris L wrote:
Subject: 426 hemi - 1/4 mile
Hi Mr Orsm , check this out hemi all the way .

p.s keep up the good work....

click to watch vid

BigB wrote:
Subject: Sun&Bass
servas di wadln!! sardinia was this summer defenitely the place to be because of the largest Drum&Bass festival (the so called Sun&Bass) in Europe, so i went with a few friends to st.teodore and made a damn sick party for the hole week!! Here are a few impressions, so i hope next year there will be even more hot girls from all over the world!!! Nice greets from AUSTRIA!!!!

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prague puss wrote:
Subject: Locals in Prague
Mr. Orsm, First off, thanks for the site, makes for good entertainment. I made a recent trip to Prague and was lucky enough to find this beautiful young lady, thought you would enjoy, I certainly did.

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A man is dating three women and wants to pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her... then he married the one with the biggest tits.

click here for more

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

I love this vid. It's the latest from the lads over at PleaseBangMyWife.com and let me be the first to say it features some HOT FUCKING! Basically the Please Bang My Wife boys find couples who need that extra little spark in their love life and send in one of their own to take up where poor hubby left off. The rest as they say is history... check it out...

- Please Bang My Wife! -

click here for more

Billy Bob's pregnant sister had a car accident and went into a deep coma. In a coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "You had twins. A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, 'Oh, no, not my brother. He's an idiot.' Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," says the doctor. The new mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful name. I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise." Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" "Denephew."


Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...

First floor. The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor. This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.""Wow," said the women,"Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor. This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor. The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

click here for more

A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, "Why, that's a thermos... it keeps some things hot and some things cold."

"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing.... I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What's that,” he asked? "Why, that's a thermos... it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".



I should have gone hard and doubled up on RS this week - there's so many good images floating around that it seems almost unfair to horde them away from you guy's. This lot will have to do though I guess...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Click for more awesomeness

Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately In Love. For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in tears, "We can't see each other anymore..." she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Declan. "Daddy says that crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you are a mere crab, and a poor one at that, and crabs are the lowest class of crustacean... and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways."

Declan was shattered, and scuttled sideward away into the darkness and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion. That night, the great Lobster ball was taking place.

Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne.

Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the floor... and all could see that he was walking, not sideways, but FORWARDS, one claw after another! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush and finally, the crab spoke... "Fuck, I'm pissed."

click here for more

A man comes in a bar at the top of a high building. He walks up to the bar, orders a large beer, swallows it down at once, walks to the side of the building and jumps down. 10 minutes later he walks back into the bar, orders another large beer, drinks it, walks to the edge and jumps down again. 10 minutes later he walks back into the bar, orders a large beer, pours it down his throat, walks up to the edge again and jumps down. 10 minutes later he walks into the bar.

Another man who had been watching him all the time walks up to him and asks, "how do you do that? You finish a glass of beer, you jump of this building and you walk back in?" "Well," says the first man, "if you drink a glass all at once you become all warm inside, and as you now hot air is lighter then cold air so I float down and walk back up." The other man filled with joy over the explanation, so he orders a large pint, drinks it, walks to the ledge, jumps of and falls to his death on the pavement 50 stories below. The bartender shakes his head and says, "Superman...your such an asshole when you drink."

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

click here for more

As usual before I go... massive props and shout outs to whomever the caring souls were that picked up the stuff off my wishlist for me! None of you guy's left details as to who you are but you all rock my world! For everyone else, if you'd like to show me your love and appreciation for my countless hours of hard work poured into bring you this site every week for free then head over to my wishlist and make my frickin day! Anyway, until next time be good, stay off the chem's and don't be such a loser. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2004.11.02-21.54

With the impending US election I thought I'd take this opportunity to do a special election update. I won't go into a speech about why I aren't a Bush supporter or why I think him being re-elected is a bad thing [I honestly cannot be fucked listening to email after email from people telling me why my opinion is wrong and that I'm a moron] but I what I will do is leave you all with some vids to enjoy...


Click for more awesomeness