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September 2001...
orsmupdate 2001.09.25-22.34

Another Birthday has come and gone. Quite uneventful too which is what I wanted. 24 is really just a 'nothing' year. 18, 21, 30, 40, 50 and 60 rank as being important events to celebrate but everything in between isn't really a milestone.

As far as presents go - a $50 cd voucher.... a couple of t-shirts from my sister and my friends got me my favourite Eau De Toilette [aftershave] - Kiton. Oh also got about 50 of those ICQ and MSN birthday greetings from some of you which was cool. I suppose there really isnt too much I need - just a brand new computer and with optional female will do nicely but I don't like my chances.

Validate This - Lame Spy - Slap Nuts - All Pussy - Crazy Mum

Who ever the sick fucks are that do shit like this - you deserve to be severely beaten with a large stick. It's a screen shot I took [about 3 hours after the first plane hit] of someone trying to auction off the WTC Buildings on Ebay. Very fuckin wrong. As you would expect - Ebay deleted it pretty quickly.


Very brief period of extremely bright sunlight followed by variable winds of 2000 knots and temperatures in the mid to upper 6000 degree range with no measurable moisture.

SPF 12000 sun block highly recommended if standing near an outside, reinforced structural wall of less than 3 meters thick.

The following is an excellent list of some Aussie slang...

BRUCE AND JACKIES - When you see a particularly attractive girl on a cold day "Look at the Bruce and Jackie's on her". Referring to Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan - a right pair of hard nips.

AEROPLANE BLONDE - one who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'!

BADLY PACKED KEBAB - a vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.

BRITNEY SPEARS - Modern Slang for 'beers'. e.g. "Couple of Britney's please Doreen".

MUMBLER - an attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.

BEER SCOOTER - the ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it. i.e. "I don't even remember getting home last night, I must have caught the beer scooter".

BUNNY-BOILER - an unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in the film "Fatal Attraction". e.g. "I don't like the look of that aeroplane blonde-could be a bunny boiler".

DRINK-LINK - a modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS - a young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wears to show their level of training.

NELSON MANDELA - rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).

ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE - the need to defecate imminently.

PEARL HARBOUR - cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out here!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.

SALAD DODGER - an excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY - a deeply unattractive woman.

TART FUEL - bottled Alcohol-pops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.

UP ON BLOCKS - menstruating. i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".

WALLACE AND GROMIT - Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.

WYNONA RYDER - Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen".

Peach Zemenova

Last time I updated I posted a couple of pics of a chick I thought was Shannon Elizabeth - the chick from American Pie. Well apparently I was wrong. The pics were of a bird called Veronica Zemanova.

Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica

Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica - Veronica

Veronica - Veronica - Veronica

This page is definitely the coolest 404 on the entire web. Took me a while to figure out what the fuck it was all about though. Quite well done. Seen any good 404's? Email me.

Oh yeah... I had my semester 1 Cisco exam last Friday nite. Scored 90%. Woohoo!!! Also decided to drop a couple of the Project Management units I was/am doing in my other full-time course. Nothing bores me more than talking about how to 'manage scope'. Who the fuck cares!!?


Make sure if you are in or around Perth this coming long weekend you check out 'Compost' at Ambar nite club on Sunday nite [the 30th September]. From all accounts, everything points to this being the best event to come to town in a while and should not be missed! Ah Ambar... home of beautiful women in tight pants and low cut tops... See y'all there. Grab more info on Compost here.

I've also just been informed of a local Perth band debuting at Mustang Bar this Wednesday nite [September 26th]. Panic State play a mix of new and and old classic rock covers and need some support to get them off the ground. Definitely worth a cruise into Northbridge for some midweek entertainment.

Need more info?

Tiz all from me guys. Check back soon for more and more and more and more. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.18-18.07

Rather than concentrate on this whole terrorist madness which has consumed the world now for the last week or so, I think it's time to do my bit and try to return some normality to the world. If you aren't interested in a whole swag of free porn and priceless and shit like that then I suggest you go elsewhere.

So let's concentrate on something important. My Birthday! Yes that's right folks, this Friday September 21st see's my 24th Birthday. Do I feel like an old cunt? Yes i do. No grey hair to speak of yet though and I still don't feel dirty or crude for ogling teenage girls [legal teenage girls that is!]. I mentioned it a while back but my site has finally passed the 1 year old mark too. Hopefully it will continue to grow for all to enjoy. If you wanna buy me or my site a prezzie to celebrate you can start by checking here.

Before I get on with it, I thought that some of you may be interested in reading some of the responses I have recieved from people who want me to fight Mastercard and keep the Priceless section going.

So far the response has been incredible. Realms of support has flooded in from every direction and it's all greatly appreciated. You can read some of the email here.

Not interested? Check out 30 brand new Priceless pics. They start here.

Best Breasts Ever - Best Breasts Ever - Best Breasts Ever - American Pie Chick - American Pie Chick

Stealth Bomber - Stealth Missile - Stealth Boat - Aussie Olympic Spirit - Aussie Olympic Spirit

Cool ASCII Art - Don't forget to vote!!

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Sam invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Sam's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Sam and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Sam and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Sam volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to Sam and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Sam said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So, he sat down and wrote, "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But, the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Sam received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But, the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day: Don't lie to your mother.


Most of you probably remember a while back when I posted a series of Lil Gauge pics. Usual story - heaps of email asking for more. Well here they are...

Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge

Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge

Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge - Lil Gauge


Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.

The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady over to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

Seeing this, the Madam sends over a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do! Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap but she's a little too heavy. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the previous two and runs away!

Madam is by now, absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She asks, "What did you want to do, to make them run away like that?" Bruce said: "I just asked if I can pay in Australian Dollars".

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Link friendly... check out these sites coz they are all better than mine...

Internet Gossip - Mad Cow - Green Fairy - I Want A New Girl Friend - B0g - Snow Surfer

Either no one out there plays any sort of mind games or no one wants to talk about em... except for this dude. Bit of a legend in his own special way...

Alan wrote:
Subject: Mind Games

I told my ex bondage is not dirty because it is the most trusting thing 2 ppl can do together. I tied her to the bed and sat on her face making her lick my ass hole and put my nuts one each side of her nose. I then tied her legs to the head board and fuced her ass i think they heard it at the police station (5 miles away). I blew on her face MIND GAME *BONDAGE IS NOT DIRTY IT IS THE MOST TRUSTING THING 2 PPL CAN DO* ME I GOT TO GET A NICE GIRL TO LICK MY ASS FUC HER ASS BLOW ON HER FACE

Done some fucked up shit to fry someones head? Let us all know.


Ever been out somewhere and seen someone you couldn't quite place as far as their sex goes. This bunch fit that bill down to a tee...

Not Fem 1 - Not Fem 1 - Not Fem 1 - Not Fem 1 - Not Fem 1

Not Fem 2 - Not Fem 2 - Not Fem 2 - Not Fem 2 - Not Fem 3

Not Fem 4 - Not Fem 4 - Not Fem 4 - Not Fem 4 - Not Fem 4

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem.

The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to New York." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear.

She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."


Ah yes... Random Shite time I think and these pics truly are just that - Shite.

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

Today I proudly bring you a bevy of fucked up vids... even an Mp3. I really have no idea where you people who send this stuff to me get it from but it's all welcome.

Click here to see a TF Vid

Hungry Girl - Piss Drink - Piss Drink Too - Not Fem

Mariah Carey Lez - Kylie Minogue & Geri Halliwell Lez

The Ultimate Lez Vid - Strap It On Lez

Shaggy - It Wasn't Me [Parody]

And finally this one. No idea what the hell this dude is singing about but I just about cried laughing watching it. Note: You need Real Player to view it. Its free for download here.

- Tunak -

That about brings this update to an end. If you've got anything you wanna have a say about then Forumise yourself or email me.

Almost forgot - a lot of the Vids and Mp3's havent been working too well lately. Not much I can do unforunately. This pretty much explains it.

No promises on more from me again this week - I've got my semester one Cisco exam this Friday nite so the rest of this week will be spent studying 15 chapters of OSI model type stuff. Anyways. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.15-1.05

Email after email telling me that the Nostradamus quote is a fake. Email after email of people practically gloating that I made a mistake. Who cares!?

Alex wrote:

Hello Mr ORSM,
You should watch what you post ! Unfortunately, Nostradamus died in 1566, so it's rather unlikely he wrote this passage in 1654. The quatrain is not to be found in his published oeuvre. It's a hoax. The text apparently originated on a Web page entitled "A Critical Analysis of Nostradamus," written several years ago by a student named Neil Marshall. Marshall made up the quatrain to demonstrate - quite ironically, in light of how it is now being misused - that the writings of Nostradamus are so cryptic that they can be interpreted to mean almost anything.

Why should I watch what I post?? It's my site and I can post whatever the hell I wanna. I honestly think that people are getting a little too carried away over something so miniscule. It was just a quote for fuck's sake!

What I did try and do was pay homage to those who lost their loved ones in this disaster.

I wonder what the response would have been if the quote had been legit?

Anyways... thats my whinge for the moment. To those of you who have sent in Priceless pictures that relate to this tragedy - they will not be used. Bad taste. Very bad taste.

I'll get of my ass and post again this weekend to let you all know what is happening with this Master Card fiasco.

Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.12-12.29a

Freaky shit...

"In the City of God there will be a great thunder, Two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb" , "The third big war will begin when the big city is burning" - Nostradamus

From us Aussies to you Yanks - our thoughts are with you all.

Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.8-12.24a

If you build it - they will come... and come they have. Mastercard has set their lawyers upon me to try and bring my site down. Check out the letter I got from them:

Dear Sir

MasterCard International, Inc

We act on behalf of MasterCard International, Inc. ("MasterCard"). Since 1999, in Australia and worldwide, MasterCard has aired and published a series of television and printed advertisements (the "MasterCard Priceless Advertisements") that feature the names and/or images of a series of goods and services purchased by one or more individuals in which, either voiceovers and/or other visual displays, convey to the viewer the price of each of these items. At the end of each of the MasterCard Priceless Advertisements, the phrase identifying some priceless intangible that cannot be purchased (such as "a day where all you have to do is breathe") is followed by the word and/or voiceover: "priceless". Immediately following "priceless" are words and/or voiceover "there are some things money can't buy, for everything else there is MasterCard". All of these words appear in lower case letters, except for "MasterCard". In addition, MasterCard is the owner in Australia of the registered trade mark MASTERCARD in a number of classes and the registered trade mark PRICELESS in class 36.

It has come to our client's attention that you are currently publishing at URL http://orsm.ii.net/priceless/index.html (the "Orsm Website") offensive and obscene content using the format of the MasterCard Priceless Advertisements. This content also uses the PRICELESS trade mark without our client's consent or license (the "Infringing Material").

Please be advised that by publishing the Infringing Material you are:
" Breaching MasterCard's copyright in the MasterCard Priceless Advertisements; and
" Breaching the PRICELESS trade mark.

Accordingly, our client demands that within seven (7) days of the date of this letter, you will:

1. Remove the Infringing Material from the Orsm Website; and

2. Refrain from publishing or distributing the Infringing Material or other material which infringes MasterCard's rights as set out above.

Our client reserves its rights.

Yours faithfully

Karen Hayne

If you didn't understand that, it means Mastercard is claiming I am violating copyright laws by displaying the Priceless parody pictures on my site. They've also contacted my web host and made similar demands to them to remove the offending material.

At this point, I'm in the process of getting some legal advice to help me keep everything as it is and to ensure you guys get what you came here for.

- Record Profits for 2000/2001: US$20 Billion
- World Wide advertising campaign: US$50 Million
- Cost of hiring some high class lawyers to kick Orsm's ass: US$5000
- Coming off as a greedy corporation that doesn't have a sense of humour: Priceless

I'll keep ya's posted on developments. Wanna have your say? Message Boards are here or you can email me here. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.6-17.50

Last time I saw a response this big was when I posted the first set of Aria pics. If you don't know by now - I'm talking about Holly. Half of the email or Icq messages were from people saying give us more because she is hot; then from people asking me if i know her; some from people telling me she was nowhere near as god as Aria; and the rest from people spinning out because they knew the locations where the pics were taken. To answer a that one - the pics are taken at Hillarys Boat Harbour

This being the case its time for me to come good with my promises and post some more of this delectable treat...

Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly

Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly - Holly

I've still got a shit load of these Holly pics lying around here. If you wanna see more then you can do 1 [or 2] of 2 things. Number 1 - you can email me and tell me to hurry up and put some more on the site OR you can buy me something nice. I Leave it to you guys.

This is by far one of the best jokes I have heard in a very long time...

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he is pulled over by the Police.

The police officer approaches him and asks: "Have you been drinking Sir?"

"Why?" asks the man, "Was I all over the road?"

"No" replies the Officer, "You were driving splendidly.

It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."


Seems that quite a few of you thought that Roudy was a complete and utter tool and decided to send a few files from my want list this way. Thankyou to you all - it is muchly appreciated. I will be trying to post those in the next week or so. I've uploaded about 20 or 30 new tracks but I haven't had the time to update the Mp3 page just yet. Stay tuned for em.


Eminem's tour of Australia is to go ahead despite concerns about a sickening attitude towards women, appallingly obscene language, and irresponsible attitude to sex and violence and of course, the dungarees. But Eminem said despite these shocking idiosyncrasies he was willing to judge Australians for himself...

It looks like Stile is selling up and moving on. It's a shame in my opinion. It was only just a little cat video afterall. Although I do think the site was more interesting a year ago - it is still one of the best sites on the web.

Stile Project - IWANGF - DGNR8 - Phucked Up - Cloud 10

That's it for today, folks. Have a good weekend and stay off the chems. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.3-18.31

I'm a pretty easy going sort of guy most of the time. If you email me with a stupid question because you need help, you'll usually get a reply. If you email me with abuse, you'll get a reply. If you email me with praise you'll possibly get a 'thankyou' reply. The only kind of emails that really fuck me off are from people who see me as some sort of a service. Take this Fuck-Wit for example...

Roudy Geezer wrote:
Subject: I can help...

Hi if you send my some Gorgeus teen pic's then i can tell you were to get all of whats your wanted list... (cant be bothered to look 4 pics) O and NO this is not a wind up,i can tell you were to get all of them. Think about it send pics on reply please

Roudy - please go and fuck yourself. You really are missing the spirit of the site. Everything you see here is given at no charge to you or anyone else and I'll stop having sex with your sister before I send you anything in exchange for a few links that probably won't work.

Cheers to all of you guys who send stuff my way, whether it be vids, pics or mp3s, it's all good and muchly appreciated.

Just before I evacuate this space - The Holly pics I posted a few days ago seem to have attracted an overwhelming response. I'll post some more of her soon. Is it possible that we have someone on par with Aria?? Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

orsmupdate 2001.09.2-12.32p

Am pretty bored at the moment. It's Fathers Day today and when I wake up I'll be off to Dad's house for lunch. What did I get him? Nothing this year. Mostly due to me being a poor ass at the moment but I'm pretty sure that he'll get over it. I can probably still lap up the fact that I spent $200 on him for Christmas last year huh?

Mind Games... The art of fucking with someones head because you feel like it. If you wanna share your accomplishments with us all, email me here.

I was impressed when I saw these pics. They were taken in 2 VERY public spots less than 5 minutes from where I live. Apparently her name is Holly. If you guys like her email me and I'll post the rest.

Links go out to the kind folks at...

Little Effect - Murderize - Sex Info 101 - Drinking Hard - Dance Tones - Fat Willie

Now that I've done that I can go to bed and not feel like I am completly neglecting my site and you guys my loyal surfers. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

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