Abra-Kebabra:
A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast food vanishes down the performer's throat, and then shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on the taxi floor.

Aussie Kiss:
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Back End of the Bat mobile:
The states of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a really hot curry. "I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back end of the Bat mobile."

Beaver Leaver: or Vagina Decliner.
A homosexual.

Beer Coat:
The invisible but warm coats worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

Beer Compass:
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

Boiler Suit:
The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.

Bone of Contention:
A hard-on that causes an argument. E.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

Breaking the Seal:
Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Budgie's Tongue:
Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punch bag. The female erection.

BVH:
Blue-Veined Hooligan. The one-eyed skinhead.

Cider Visor:
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

Cliterature:
One-handed reading material.

Cock-A-Doodle-Poo:
The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.

Crappuccino:
The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you get when abroad.

Double Bass:
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

Etch-A-Sketch:
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

Fizzy Gravy or Rusty Water:
Diarrhoea.

Flogging On:
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

Free the Tadpoles:
Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

Frigmarole:
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit:
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Going For a McShit:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

Greyhound:
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hand-to-Gland Combat:
A vigorous masturbation session.

Hefty Cleft:
Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of a very large vagina.

McSplurry:
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants.

Millennium Domes:
The contents of a Wonder bra. I.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath:
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

Mystery Bus:
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Mystery Taxi:
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

NBR:
No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

Picasso Arse:
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Sperm Wail or Spuphemism:
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut:
A homosexual.

10-Pinter:
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

2-Bagger:
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

Titanic:
A lady who goes down first time out.

Todger Dodger:
A lesbian.

Wank Séance:
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.

X-Piles:
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Video cripple:
People who, when returning a video to the shop, suddenly lose the use of their legs, and are compelled to park on the pavement, as close to the shop as possible. Closely related to cash point cripple.

Yobble -
To defecate in public for other's enjoyment, as in from a tree onto a cow.

Yachting -
The stirring sight of a dog in full sail, dragging its keel across a living room carpet to scrape it free of barnacles.

BOBFOC -
Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch. The inexplicable sight of a pair of shapely Queen Anne legs, oddly attached to a welders bench.

TUBFUF -
Thumb up bum, finger up fanny.

Beer Cones -
Invisible traffic cones surrounding a drunken person, allowing him to safely stagger through traffic, which will swerve to avoid the cones.