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THE PROBLEM WITH EVERY PORN SITE ON THE WEB IS THAT THERE'S ALWAYS A CATCH... UNTIL NOW. HERE'S WHY
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orsmupdate 2015.02.26-20.35
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Welcome to MY BALLS.

I've been so busy cranking through various parts of the site which are broken or buggy that this update is way behind schedule. If anything its nice to actually have the time to dedicate towards such pursuits. Still much to do but can't even imagine what else could be possible if this keeps up.

Thanks to all who offered advice on my plantar injury. Have not yet replied to most but am taking steps [steps - geddit?] to rectify the fucker. Most significant improvement has come from new shoes. Don't remember the last time I bought a pair of daily wearers that cost more than $50. Actually the same applies for exercise shoes and come to think of it, all of my shoes except anything I'd wear somewhere formal-ish. At a certain point you become a cheapskate and having fancy kicks drops dramatically on the priority list. Instead, walking into a sports store and finding the bargain aisle triggers a major serotonin release and therein lies the problem. Turns out that cheap mentality actually buys you unsupportiveness whereas forking over a couple of hundred bucks for that killer pair of Asics would have saved me a year of pain and physio/chiro/podiatrist bills. Really wish I'd worked all this out sooner. You don't know until you know though right? Well now I do and wrapped comfortably around my feet currently are an overpriced, ultra-supportive pair of runners and fuck me drunk, the pain has been steadily decreasing all week. It's even possible to walk down stairs without having to go sideways one step at a time gripping the rail for dear life. Cortisone injection is booked for next week however if this keeps up I'll cancel.

My next conquest was a fence. Tracked down 2 additional parts and made a fucking fuckload of tiny adjustments before retiring to await the inspector's inspection. He came, he inspected, it passed. He couldn't see what I was so worried about either. Definitely wasn't going to tell him it was all DIY... not that it made any difference in the end... but that was a good 3-4 months of staring at and tinkering unsuccessfully with the stupid thing attempting to fix the problems. The plus side of the operation, and this goes back to the cheapass thing again, is it literally saved me thousands but again, the time and stress of it all almost wasn't worth it. There might be a lesson here...

-CLICK HERE TO SEE WHAT YOU MISSED LAST WEEK ON ORSM-

Rest of the weekend involved numerous activities, many of which aren't particularly worth devoting words to except perhaps for Chinese New Year... or CNY as us cool kids call it. After punching out some motherfucking eggs at a family breakfast Sunday, most of the rest of the day was spent at home working on this very website before later heading into the city. Basically it was just the main street closed to traffic and lined with craploads of stalls selling Asiany foods intertwined inexplicably with others that weren't. And it was awesome especially if you like Asian food and being tall in a sea of Asian girls. We wandered slightly into the city from there and onto some of the Fringe World Festival. Not really too sure what its all about except something something arts. So music or theatre or comedy or whatever. And that too was awesome. Funny thing is I'm usually quick to shit on the fact there's rarely anything good to go along to and often point to how other cities do it so much better than us... well maybe need to open my eyes occasionally and stop being a fuck.

Alright dudes time to get rolling with the update. I assure you with all my powers that this bad boy is a show stopper and a heart stopper and a gob stopper and many other kinds of stoppers so grab your Kleenex, some lube and prepare for the best god-fucking-damn Thursday update of any site on the internet. Check it...

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ORSM LINKAGE

Reef BabesYou’ll Want To Take A Look At The Candidates For Miss Reef Chile - Dumb TweetsThe Dumbest Tweets Of 2015 So Far... Holy Shit How Do Some Of These People Remember To Breathe? - Now We KnowMiley Cyrus In One Minute, In One Take – Her Entire Career Condensed Into 60 Hilarious Seconds - Timing!60 Amusing Instances Of Photographs Captured At Exactly The Right Moment - IntenseCrazy Shootout In An Apartment Hallway - UR Silly38 Incredibly Derpy Animals Who Prove That It's Not Just Us Humans Who Are Silly - Nailed It!Xtina Does Britney. Smashes It In Every Way!! - Myth BustedWill Fake Eyes On A Bike Helmet Ward Off Swooping Magpies? Hell No They Won’t- PuzzlingBe Prepared To Be Stunned, Well Maybe Not Stunned... We Don't Want To Hurt You. Perhaps Prepare Yourself To Be Very Impressed By The Coolness Of This Game! - So So WrongLispy The 'Racist Camera Man' Teaches Us A New Word And Turns An Anal Scene Into A Hilarious Cluster Fuck.

Epic BossYou Are About To Embark On The Most Awesome Boss Killing Fest In The History Of All History, Past, Present And Most Likely Future. - Hipster TitsBlanka Somogyi Is The Hot Hipster Model From Your Dreams - ExposedNever Heard Of Adrienne Bailon But Fucking Nice Titties!! - Busty WinAs The Sun Sets, Busty Winona Disrobes And Looks Terrific In The Twilight! - Fuck TruckWhen You're On The Road And Trying To Make Good Time, You Don't Want To Stop For Anything But Gas. So If You Need To Fuck, Have That Whore Sit On Your Dick While You Keep On Truckin'. - Break Her!Asian Pornstar Amai Liu Gets Banged By Big Black Schlong. Pretty Sure He Breaks Her Vagina Too... - AmazingBlonde Secretary Secretly Sucks Her Bosses Dick At The Office. - BigbadaboomDash Cam Captures The Moment A Gas Explosion Obliterates A House - Double BJOne Lucky Guy Receives A God Tier Double Header From A Couple Of Hottie Emo's.

Box DudeThe Mysterious (And Stupid Looking) Alien Force Known As The Box Dudes Have Started Invading Our Galaxy Once Again. Please Do Everything You Can To Defeat Them! - Unlucky!Air Conditioning Unit Falls And Lands On A Man Killing Him Instantly - HardwareGreat Girl... Or Greatest Girl In The World - Snow BlowBlondie Sucks Off Her Man In The Snow Before Beautifully Taking A Load On The Face - Fap FapMeet Solveig Mørk Hansen, Sports Illustrated’s Newest Member - Blond PeachIsabella Farrell By Cameron Davis Will Give You Reason To Keep On Living - Cheeky NipBehati Prinsloo Slips One Out At The Oscar's After Party - PerfectionThe Beach Has Never Looked Better Than With Canadian Model Charlie Riina On It...!! - AbhorrentWhat We're Looking At Here Is The Mexican Lumpback Whale, A Solitary Creature. It Has No Known Predators, And Only Feeds On Pastelitos And Tequila Backwash. - Nerd FuckMy God How Fucking Insanely Hot Can One Fuck Session Be? I'm Serious. You Must See This!

I was walking downtown the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the belt, same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"  Anyway, they arrested me.
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A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry; that was an insect". To which, her daughter replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".
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My daughter just walked into the living room and said "Cancel my allowance, trash my bedroom, throw all my clothes out the window, take my front door and car keys away and kick me out of the house". Well she didn't actually put it quite like that - she said "Dad, say hello to Mohammed..."
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Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says "yes but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine".
--
Texas A&M Study Rated Obama 5th Best President in America's History. From a total of 44 US Presidents: Obama is rated as the fifth best. The A&M's Public Relations Office released this statement "After almost six years in office, Americans have rated President Obama the fifth best President ever". These are the details according to Texas A&M: 1. Reagan and Lincoln tied for first;
2. Twenty three presidents tied for second; 3. Seventeen other presidents tied for third; 4. Jimmy Carter came in fourth; and Obama came in fifth.

ORSM VIDEO

IT'S PROBABLY THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ONLINE PORN. SERIOUSLY. EVER. HERE'S WHY YOU'LL CARE
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SCIENTOLOGY IS CRAZIER THAN YOU REALISED

-After of South Park's Scientology episode, the church hired people to spy on Matt and Trey to find something on them to use for blackmail. The investigation ultimately turned up nothing but the fact that they're pretty normal people.
-Known as Operation Snow White, the Church launched a long-term plan in the 1970s to gradually infiltrate Government institutions, as well as private organisations, that had investigated or been critical of Scientology or L. Ron Hubbard. As many as 5,000 Church members managed to gain access to 136 US Government agencies, private businesses and foreign embassies, stealing or destroying records held about the Church and its activities. It remains the largest infiltration of the US Government to date.
-Scientology is pitched as a way for people to improve themselves and their lives. The religion allows adherents to progress through various "levels" - which they must pay for. The levels involve course-work, counselling, and tasks, for which Scientologists pay a lot of money.
-The German government refuses to recognise Scientology as a religion. The organization has officially been labelled an 'abusive business masquerading as a religion.'
-Starting in 1973 "Operation Snow White" planted operatives inside the IRS, the FBI, the Justice Department, and the American Medical Association among many others, stealing and copying tens of thousands of documents that might be useful in threatening or silencing Church opponents. It was not uncovered until four years later.
-To join the Sea Org, members must sign contracts agreeing to its original mission as stated by Hubbard "an exploration into both time and space". As such, these contracts last for more than one lifetime, and those joining must agree to return to the organisation when they are reborn for as long as one billion years.
-Wikipedia has banned the Church of Scientology from editing any of its articles. It is a punishment for repeated and deceptive editing of articles related to the controversial religion.
-Sea Org members are not permitted to have children while working for the organization. Women who get pregnant are either pressured to abort the baby, or they must leave. Sea Org members are not provided health insurance, are not given sick days, and the Sea Org will not purchase their medicine for them. Sickness is also treated as the fault of the sick person.
-When founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote Dianetics and his other self-help books, they were intended for serious medical review. While he defined the concept of Dianetics as being a form of organised thought and spiritual healing, supporters submitted academic papers for peer review which claimed the medical and spiritual benefits of the book's principles. Neither the papers nor Dianetics itself received backing from the medical or academic communities.
-The Cult Awareness Network listed Scientology as the #1 most dangerous cult. Scientologists sued them into bankruptcy and now owns the New Cult Awareness Network
-Letters that Sea Org members write to their families are screened before they are passed on to make sure they do not contain any negativity or messages of unhappiness. The Sea Org management reserves the right to ship different family members off to work in other countries or areas without any approval from the spouse. If the family complains, they are punished.
-Spend more than a couple of minutes online and you'll find someone saying negative things about pretty much any religion you care to name, major or otherwise. Whereas most major religions just leave these comments be, the Church of Scientology is very sensitive about anything it perceives as a slight against its reputation and has a long history of suing people who publicly denounce it. The most famous incidents of Scientology lawsuits are those it has launched against individuals and groups who have referred to the Church as a 'cult'.
-In 1943, L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology founder fought a 68 hour naval battle with two non-existent Japanese subs after misusing his vessel's SONAR.
-The church is being investigated by the FBI, with a focus on human trafficking within the Sea Org at the Gold Base in California. The investigation remains open.
-David Miscavige, the leader of the Church of Scientology's wife disappeared in 2007 and hasn't been seen since.
-There are strict rules surrounding their upbringing, including strict diets and no contact with anyone outside of the religion. When it's time to be audited, children are encouraged to "spy" on their parents and tell the church everything that is going on in their household. Scientologists also believe in silent births, which basically means there are to be no spoken words by anyone attending. Hubbard believed that words spoken during times of pain and unconsciousness can have an adverse effect on one later in life.
-The religion of scientology, which teaches about an alien overlord, the Galactic Confederacy, hydrogen bombing souls and implant stations all came from the mind of a published sci-fi and fantasy author.  Hubbard was well-known on the pulp fiction circuit and was even acquainted with famed authors like Isaac Asimov (I, Robot). He continued to write short stories and novels right up until the early 1950s, when he published Dianetics and began to fully explore the mythos behind Scientology.
-To join the high ranks of Scientology you have to sign a Billion Year Contract.
-L. Ron Hubbard was quoted saying "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wanted to make a million dollars, the best way to do it would be to start his own religion". years before starting Scientology.
-Although Scientology is viciously opposed to the use of psych drugs, L Ron Hubbard was using Vistaril, a psych drug, when he died.
-The Church of Scientology has a compound in California called Gold Base that is guarded by snipers and armed gate guards. It allegedly houses a prison that practices torture, and a paramilitary training school.
-L Ron Hubbard once begged the Veterans Administration for psychiatric help.
-Vince Offer, the ShamWow! guy, used the proceeds from his late night marketed movie, The Underground Comedy Movie, to sue the Church of Scientology.
-Scientologists refer to non-Scientologists as "wogs". The term is copyrighted. It is unsurprising to learn that Hubbard was a racist too.
-Jenna Miscavige Hill, the niece of the Chairman of Scientology, David Miscavige, first learned about the story of Xenu from watching the "Trapped in the Closet" episode of South Park.
-As the Church grew in the 1960s and 1970s, journalists and government authorities began to take an interest in its actions, particularly in cases where it appeared that initiates might be getting scammed out of large sums of money. The Church and Hubbard's response was to issue guidance to its lawyers and followers that critics should be identified, followed, investigated for criminal or morally-dubious activity (the definition of which included homosexuality and sexual promiscuity) and then blackmailed or publicly smeared in an attempt to discredit their accusations.
-The Church of Scientology is not a church, it's a corporation.
-There is a Scientology drug rehab program called "Narconon". It uses saunas, vitamins, minerals and oils to tackle the effects of drug addiction, but critics say it's "medically unsafe" "quackery" and "medical fraud".
-Hubbard was a serial masturbator, noting in his diaries "I have a very bad masturbatory history. I was taught when I was 11 and, despite guilt, fear of insanity, etc. etc. I persisted".
-In 1970 the English Court of Appeal found that Scientology does not engage in religious worship
-A randomised study of the Stress Test the Church offers had 3 individuals submit diametrically opposed answers. The results all reflected negative results, requiring treatment. Which means the test is weighted towards negativity.
-Charles Manson took 150 hours of Scientology courses and rejected it as "too crazy".
-Lisa McPherson, a Scientologist, was involved in a car accident and resultantly became mentally unstable. She was kidnapped from the hospital by agents of Scientology, held against her will, refused proper psychiatric treatment and allowed to starve to death.
-The Church's 'Fair Game' doctrine allowed for the harassment and covert investigation and smearing of critics and ex-members, and was used famously to target the journalist Paulette Cooper. Cooper had written a book called The Scandal of Scientology, in which she roundly criticised the Church, not least for its anti-psychiatry stance. In response, it launched Operation Freakout, a sustained campaign of litigation, fake bomb threats in her name and harassment, all with the stated goal of having Cooper hospitalised, imprisoned or even driven to suicide.
-In 1993, upon learning that they were to play a show at a venue owned by the Church of Scientology, the band Tool was opposed to performing. They played, but Maynard, the lead singer, spent most of the show baa-ing like a sheep at the audience.
-They believe that any critics or enemies may be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist.
-L. Ron Hubbard's eldest son L. Ron Hubbard, Jr. rejected his father and scientology and changed his name to Ronald DeWolf.
-They believe that all psychiatrists are evil, scheming, diabolical monsters who are part of a global conspiracy of drug control and murder.
-L. Ron Hubbard's book "Battlefield Earth" stayed on bestseller lists despite being critically panned because The Church of Scientology had members purchase thousands of copies, some going so far as to repeatedly buy the same copies.
-Auditing is a process said to "clear" us of Body Thetans as well as the mental implants they supposedly impose on our minds.
-L. Ron Hubbard and the Church of Scientology teach followers that psychology and psychiatry, particularly that involving prescription medicine, is barbaric and corrupt, and that mental illness should instead be treated using alternative, spiritual methods of healing and treatment. Who would have thought that a religion that believes in thetans, H-bomb volcanoes and Xenu would have an issue with requiring medical care for the mentally ill?
-When L. Ron Hubbard showed off Scientology's first "clear" member (the highest level of achievement with skills that included perfect memory), the woman couldn't even recall what colour tie Hubbard was wearing
-Scientology believes that human beings evolved from clams.
-The Church of Scientology routinely gives its members security checks to determine if they've been unfaithful to the church. The "Security Check Children" is a 99 question interrogation, given to children of ages 6-12.
-According to the Church doctrine's 'Operating Thetan Level III', Xenu was the evil dictator of the Galactic Confederacy which existed 75 million years ago. According to Hubbard, Xenu brought billions of people to earth (called Teegeeack at the time), grouped them up near volcanoes and proceeded to drop hydrogen bombs on them. The souls of the dead people then had to watch a "3D, super colossal motion picture" which gave them false memories of Jesus, the crucifixion and all major world religions. These souls apparently now negatively affect everyone who has not had them removed by the Church.
-There's a scientology museum in Los Angeles called "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death".
-Scientologists who break the rules while members of the Sea Org must subject themselves to the Rehabilitation Project Force (RPF), which includes regimes of harsh physical punishment, forced self-confessions, social isolation, hard labour and intensive ideological indoctrination.
-In 1943, L. Ron Hubbard wrote a series of private letters about losing his command and various military blunders, and general good health. Later, he founded scientology and claimed heroics and injuries in the war.
-In 1967, the paranoid Hubbard (who feared persecution in the US because of his 'radical' ideas) set up Sea Org, a naval-based unit of the Church of Scientology which sailed around the Mediterranean in the late 60s and early 70s. Naval uniforms and leadership conventions were established, with some teenage, female members famously wearing tank tops and hot pants as their uniforms. Today, the Sea Org is mostly land-based, though high-level social and religious gatherings still take place on its flagship, Freewinds, which is based in the Caribbean.
-Members of Scientology's inner circle have to work 100+ hours/week for the church, face severe restrictions on family affairs, and can be sent to a private prison to do hard labour if they break church rules.
-A CBS "48 Hours" special on Jeremy Perkins, the mentally disturbed son of Scientologist parents who, because of the Scientology doctrine of opposing psychiatry, refused to put him on the anti-psychotic drugs that would have stabilised him and prevented him from killing his own mother.
- Nancy Cartwright, the woman who voices Bart Simpson, once donated $10 million to the Church of Scientology, which was almost twice her annual salary.

THE JOURNEY IS OFTEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE DESTINATION

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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden, an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there.

"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same.

Finally, a policeman came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY MERCEDES DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!" he exclaimed.

"You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?" the lawyer asked.

"HA!" the policeman replied "You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "OH MY GOD! MY ROLEX!!"

ORSM VIDEO


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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEN AND NOW

SCENARIO: JACK STARTS A FIGHT WITH JOHN AT SCHOOL

THEN: A large group of boys form around the two, they beat the shit out of each other, they shake hands and the next day they are best mates.
NOW: The police are called. They arrest John and Jack. All cellular phones with videos of the fight are confiscated as evidence. Both are charged with assault. Both are suspended, even though Jack started the fight. The parents are summoned for consultation and the other children who saw the fight get trauma counselling. The video of the fight is available on YouTube.

SCENARIO: JACK DISRUPTS THE CLASS BECAUSE HE CANNOT SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP

THEN: Jack gets a hiding. He can still not sit down because his arse got a spanking, but he shuts up, finishes school and becomes a successful businessman.
NOW: Jack is is tested for ADD then put on Ritalin because he is hyperactive. He becomes a zombie. Jack cannot cope and leaves school in the 8th grade.

SCENARIO: JACK THROWS A STONE AND BREAKS A NEIGHBOUR'S WINDOW

THEN: Jack gets a spanking. He has to work in the neighbour's garden for a week and get a job to pay for the window.
NOW: Jack gets a spanking. His father is arrested for child abuse. Jack is placed in foster-care. The psychiatrist convinces Jack's sister that her father sexually abused her and their father goes to jail. Jack's parents get divorced because the psychiatrist fucks Jack's mother.

SCENARIO: JACK FAILS ENGLISH AT SCHOOL

THEN: He attends extra English classes, passes school and graduates from university.
NOW: The teacher is blamed for the failure. A local human rights group takes up his case. They determine that compulsory English at school is blatant racism. It becomes a major political issue. A case is made against the school and the Department of Education. English is removed from the curriculum. Jack's passes school very well, but mows lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

SCENARIO: JACK TAKES FIRECRACKERS, MAKES A BOMB AND BLOWS UP AN ANT HILL

THEN: The ant hill is fucked. Thousands of ants are killed.
NOW: The animal protection groups are called in. Jack is arrested and charged with urban terrorism and cruelty to animals. His parents are placed under surveillance. Jack's younger brothers and sisters are taken away from home. Their computers are confiscated. Jack's father is placed on a list of terrorists. He is fired and cannot get another job. The family starves.

SCENARIO: JACK FALLS AND SCUFFS HIS KNEE DURING BREAK. HIS TEACHER DRIES HIS TEARS, CLEANS THE KNEE AND GIVES HIM A HUG

THEN: Jack soon feels better and by second break he is running around again.
NOW: Jack's teacher is accused of being a paedophile. She loses her job. She receives a suspended sentence. Jack receives therapy for five years and becomes a faggot.

I LIKE WATCHING YOU SLEEP

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ORSM VIDEO: THE I'M KINDA ANGRY EDITION

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in New York . The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions". "Anything, anything!" declared the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28-inch studded matching necklace for our engagement".

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation. "Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Hamptons along with a 40-acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France".

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York , then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally" she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10-inch penis".

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said "Okay, okay, I cut, I cut!"

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ORSM VIDEO

Want to contribute to Orsm? Just click here and do eeeet!!

A man walks into a public men's room. His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart.

He approaches another man and asks "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled. He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants.

Next, the man asks him to hold his cock while he pees.

The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his cock back in his pants.

"Oh, I can take care of that" the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now".

BODY PAINTING IS WAY, WAY BETTER THAN CLOTHES

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An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon, he asks the drunk "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk shouts "Yes, oi am".

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks "Brother, have you found Jesus?" The drunk replies "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks "Have you found Jesus, me brother?" The drunk answers "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?" The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

RANDOM SHITE

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.

One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she never called in or came back to the office when she left early, so how was she to know?

The next day, they all three left the office right after the boss left.

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the gym before meeting her dinner date. The blonde was very very happy to be home, but when she got to the bedroom she heard a muffled noise from inside.

Slowly, quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS. Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.

The next day at coffee break, the brunette and redhead decided they were leaving early again, and asked the blonde if she was coming with them. "NO WAY" she exclaimed "I almost got caught yesterday!"

SHORT SHORTS: THEY'RE A PRIVILEGE NOT A RIGHT

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A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marvels at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone" Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear.

"But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece!" says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough" says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green" he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already!"

ORSM VIDEO


"Well let's get right to it shall we? No point delaying the inevitable" he said in a thick Indonesian accent...

-Check out the site archives. Now with more of them actually working!
-I have it on good authority that next update will be next Thursday.
-Tell your friends, family, colleagues, co-workers and neighbours to check out ORSM-DOT-NET otherwise my friend Ray punch you in the face with a dick taco.
-Need to clear your conscience? Judge me? Want to fight me? Threaten me? Sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Show me the twins? Then go for it! Just make sure you email me here!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and keep on truckin'. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 

 

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