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August 2004...
 
orsmupdate 2004.08.26-21.42
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Welcome to Orsmnet. I'd like to take this opportunity to set the record straight for the representatives of news and celebrity gossip media organisations that have been trying to contact me in regards to rumours which have been circulating recently - it is true, I AM dating both of the Olsen twins. I can release no further information at this time suffice to say that a sex tape will be released in the not too distant future and my only comment on the matter is "they are both completely shaven, baby!!!!!!".

I've had a complete change of heart this year on two things I've always been fairly against [at least on a personal level] with the first one of those being bikes. I woke up one morning some time early this year and decided that it's time to take the plunge. Not just a normal push-bike obviously, some fat Harley type of thing that makes far too much noise for my own good. I know the Jap bikes are faster etc but I prefer cruising to racing so low and slow it is.

We've always had this thing in our family that bikes are dangerous and for as long as I can remember we were brought up being discouraged from owning one. It was never a case of if you buy a bike you'll be disowned... just that you were a bloody idiot if you did. Nine months down the track and it hasn't progressed much further than a pipe dream aside from me making a call enquiring about lessons a while back.

At this point its one of those things that I'll do one day when I've got more free time so for now it stays on the list. I'm not saying I haven't done it yet because my oldies will frown upon it, just that there are more important things to worry about at the moment. I get obsessive about shit like this too - if I start I'll be compelled to see it through until I become a competent rider, have all the latest shit and of course the best bike. Almost all too hard...

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My latest little must-do revelation has come in the last couple of days and pertains to gun ownership. Guns are something I have always been against. I've never needed one, I don't have any enemies and I don't feel I need one for self defense. My objection to them is that you can't trust people plus every time you switch on the news there's a report of someone being wasted courtesy of a crazed gunman.

I've been shooting once before - it was a work Christmas party probably 5-6 years ago. Our boss took us out to the middle of nowhere and we spent a couple of hours shooting a variety of different 'toys'. The one thing I remember about the day was just how powerful they actually are. Seeing a huge pump-action shot gun fired on TV doesn't come close to capturing what it's like to belt out a few rounds in real life. There was also the danger of standing around with a couple of co-workers which I despised and probably felt the same way about me. I was an apprentice back then and fuck, who knows what goes through people's heads...

Anyway as I was saying - a few days ago I found myself compelled to do a Google on 'buy handguns online' purely due to the fact I have always wondered how much they cost. A couple of hours later I'd picked out the gun I wanted and started making calls to find out how to get a gun license. Quite the turn around huh?

So this Saturday Orsmnet tech wizard Honer and I are headed off to a shooting range to start the process. I'm quite excited but at the same time hoping that if I can just fire off a few rounds for an hour it'll be enough to get the whole gun thing out of my system for a few more years but we'll see.

A 'boys and their toys' call could be made here and you'd be well within your rights to do so but I guess in the end it all comes down to money and whether or not I can afford to divulge in these little extravagances that grab my interest from time to time.

One little extravagance I don't mind divulging in is NewbieNudes.com. I spend most of my spare time there surfing the well over 100,000 free pics which are updated daily, interacting with the babes that post pics and perusing the extensive vid section. If you're a Newbie Nudes virgin then today is the day to check it out!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean..

Click for more awesomeness

Killer Swell - Michael Moore Vs Casino - Salad Fingers: Episode 4 - Paintball Minigun - Invisibilty - Helicopter Man

Hold The Button - Nice Upskirt - PopUp Check - Blast Billiards - Johnnie Sweet

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A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" "Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."
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Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.
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There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

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Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

ORSM VIDEO

People do dumb things all the time and its even better when someone catches it all on tape... sort of like what happened to this cop. Common sense that dictates the simple things like "don't drive on the train tracks" was obviously not adhered to and in its place he opted for "Ima gonna show off for the camera". How embarassing...

Dumb Cop: Real Life Chief Wiggam

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His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life." "No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did. Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. What saved his life this time? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

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MyFreePaySite.com is the latest thing to sweep the net. Here's how it works: you go the site and you download to your hearts content! It's that simple. They've got ALL the latest celebrity sex vids, thousands of porn vids and squillions of pics and like I said it's ALL FOR FREE! All you gotta do is give them an email address to sign up - you can even use a hotmail address! Check it out now!

READER MAIL
It felt a bit like everyone had something to say this week. All good by me - it's a pretty good sign that some of you actually had a hand free whilst surfing the update. For all the rest, shame on you! If you've got something to say, got a good joke to tell or seen something that is Orsm-worthy then click here and send it my way!

BKelley wrote:
Subject: (no subject)
I must say that even though I truly enjoy your site everyday, I feel I must disagree with the set of pics that include the use of cocaine. That set is a demoralizing and apprehensible use of sexual enjoyment. This set, I feel, should be discontinued and literally erased from the site. As a person who is a recovering addict, it shames me to see such a vulgar display. Such pics are not condusive to the recovery of addicts everywhere. And although I am merely one person, I know that I am not the only one that feels this way. I thank you for your time in reading my email, and taking this issue under advisement.

Fair call but the pics won't be removed from the site. If I removed everything that offended everyone there would be little left to come here for. -Orsm

Yerffaccm wrote:
Subject: Your View of America
Mr. Orsm, I'm currently an American citizen considering making the move to Australia within the next few years. I was just curious as to how people in your country viewed the current actions that President George W. Bush is taking aroung the world, namely in Iraq, and just your overall opinion of him and the United States in general. Also, do you think John Kerry would make a better leader. If you have the time I would really appreciate you getting back to on this, your insight as an Australian citizen would be great to have.

Touching on anything remotely political is usually a bad idea - there's always some Nazi who has the exact opposite view point and feels it necessary to write me an all caps email telling me how fucked I am and that all Australians are just convicts. I'll throw this one open to any one who wants to comment and see what comes back...

PoshBill wrote:
Subject: From England
Hello, I couldn't help but notice that at the beginning of this months editorial you felt it necessary to have a pop at the English (British) Olympic team, uncalled for me thinks. The reason behind australia beating us in the medal stakes is that as a nation you are more hungry to achieve, as this is something you have never done. I can understand that as a nation you are going to hold a bit of resentment for the fatherland of your country, especially when achieving our goals is something we know all about. It doesn't pay to be to cocky especially when all you and your people are is English degenerates that got caught thieving or brassing in my country hundreds of years ago and got slung out. All that is left to say is that Australians are winging, squinty eyed, leather faced, mining, sheep fucking, vb drinking cunting fucks.

Ya site is fucking fabulous though mate, keep up the good work and if it makes you feel any better, after Danni Minogue you are my favourite australian. p/s please excuse any spelling or punctuation mistakes........I was dropped on my head as a baby.

Adam wrote:
Subject: Eleanor site
Hey dude, I know you're busy and get a ton of lame-ass emails telling you to check this out or something like that but it's in reference to Eleanor on eBay on your August 19th update. UniquePerformance.com is the company that created "Eleanor". They reproduce the Shelby's with Ford and Shelby himself approving the projects. I would definitely recommend checking it out. Frigg'n cool !!!

Al Berto wrote:
Subject: Spyware
Hi, Mr. Orsm. I completely agree with you about pop ups and spyware. It's almost impossible for someone without (and even for those with) computer skills to stay off of them. But there's one very easy solution for almost all spyware: get rid of Microsoft's Internet Explorer. That's the best way to protect your computer from all the rubbish of internet. Try Netscape, Opera, Mozilla (the one i'm using) or whatever. Anything but MIE. And if you don't like them, you can uninstall them (i wish i could uninstall MIE)

SuperTwink wrote:
Subject: my mate gayth
Hi orms. First I just wanna say killer site d00d. it rocks lol !!!11!1 anyway attachd is a pic of my gay mate nath. we snuk into his room last nite after we were out oin the town and found him with 2 guys. . can you post it on the site for the world to see. K thx bai

Obvious fake but the guy still looks like a complete homo so here it is. -Orsm

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Robert Boehm wrote:
Subject: Weird Hotel
Hello Mr. Orsm, it's been a while since I've last mailed you, but, just in case no one had been quicker to do so, I wanted to tell you that the "weird hotel" looks a lot like a place called "Propeller Island City Lodge", as to be found under propeller-island.de/. And I hope you're interested in this bit of information after all. :-)

hercurette wrote:
Subject: Because of you I wank too much
Mr. Orsm. I am one of those people who can only wank to hardcore porn. Your site has always had the hottest chicks, but I have noticed how much more hardcore it has gotten in the last 4 updates or so. Thank you, Mr. Orsm! It doesn't go unnoticed!

Colin Jones wrote:
Subject: Appeal
The other day I was walking through the park and saw this poor homeless soul sleeping on a bench. This sad castaway of society, was shivering and lonely. I thought that as a random act of kindness it would be the least I could do to offer a home cooked meal, a bed, and a comforting arm and a hug. I'm forwarding this on to everyone I know, in an effort to bring light and hope to the homeless people in our communities. I hope that others will see this and also feel compelled to give those less fortunate, a helping hand.

Pyry wrote:
Subject: random shite ?
Greetings from nowhere ! Love your site, it really expands understanding and makes the world smaller ? Anyway, here's something that proves, that we finns are very self-confident. Our technological pride, Nokia, is preparing to conquer the world despite lousy developement in mobile phones...

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Rob Duda wrote:
Subject: Pic
Just a little something I thought you might like. Shprt skirts are back!

Aussie Rules Footy needs something just like this. -Orsm

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Robert R. Giannini wrote:
Subject: Actual jail mug shot
This mug shot was from a Gwinnett County, Georgia book-in photo off of the Sheriff's website. Normally the deputies just take pictures of the face, but this time they made sure to include the shirt.

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Ramon Vall Guillemat wrote:
Subject: truck for costumice cars
Hi guys!! I write from Catalonia inside Spain. one year ago my father went to England to see a show, and He took a photo of the truck up on a poor car, I think that is a good machine to costumice cars. Best regards and I enjoyed your site every week, it's great!!!! don't change!!!

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jörg neumann wrote:
Subject: video for u
hey mr orsm, we made a stop motion movie, and if u like to, u can put it on your site...

Different... -Orsm

click to view video

Andy wrote:
Subject: Rocket fuel factory goes boom
In 1989 a rocket fuel factory caught fire in Henderson Nevada. The shock wave is awesome! I love the site. I wanna see more of that Swan chick....

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CKLA wrote:
Subject: some pics for you
Hey Mr.Orsm, awesome site. Here are some pics of me and my friends having some fun...thanks
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At church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.

Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said "I can't hear you". Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the offering?" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you".

By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question." So they traded places and Joe asked "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?" To which the priest answered "By Golly you can't hear in here!"

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In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged "need." "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "That was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said officer Taylor "I walked up to Lawrence and he's... just pumping away at this pumpkin." Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.

"I just went up and said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realise that you're having sex with a pumpkin? He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said,"A pumpkin? Fuck me, is it midnight already?"

ORSM VIDEO

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit. The giraffe & elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit.

"Lion", they reprimand, "why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!" The lion answers, "That little fucker has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"

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A man was walking down the road and he finds a bottle. He opens it and a genie jumps out. "Thanks' says the genie 'I've been stuck in that bottle for fifty odd years... I'll grant you three wishes....but think carefully".

The man thinks for a while and says "I want to be uncontrollably rich". The genie claps his hands and tells the man "When you go home, you will find your first wish granted". "For my second wish, I want an endless supply of beer". Again the genie claps his hands and tells the man "When you go home, you will find your second wish granted." The man thinks for a while and then tells the genie "My last wish is a bit personal... can I whisper it to you?" The man whispers into the genie's ear. The genie says "You'll have to give me a day or two on that one... but you will get it."

A couple of days later the man is in his Kitchen, pouring a pint of bitter from his tap, when there's a knock at the door. Who could that be wonders the man... and goes to answer the door. He was shocked when he opened the door... he found a Klu Klux Klan member with a burning cross on his doorstep. "What the hell are you doing?" asked the man. "Well..." the KKK member replied, "you wanted to be hung like a black man!"

RANDOM SHITE
Before you surf through the below pics this week please be warned that there is some completely fucked up shit contained within. There's also plenty of good, interesting and possibly even arousing stuff but towards the end you'll come across an image that will remain burned inside my head for life...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

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Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with, "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!"

In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor. "What you need," he said, "is a female parrot, too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives."

Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Suddenly, she heard the parrot screech, and she knew that things hadn't changed.

"Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said. The owl said, "Whoo? Whoo?" And the parrot said, "Not you, you big-eyed bitch!"

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On a curvy mountain highway late one night, my dad was complaining about the car behind us. "That guy must be drunk!" he said. "Every time I move over to let him pass, he slows down. When I get back on the road, he gets closer and stays on my tail."

Thirty minutes later, the car turned on a set of flashing blue lights. Coming up to our window, the officer said, "Sir, I'd like you to take an alcohol test. You've been swerving on and off the road for half an hour."

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Okay thats me all done for another week. I'm glad it's all over so I can finally rest. I realised that other day that for the last month I've worked 7 days a week. The inevitable burn-out will show its ugly head soon and undo all the effort I've put in since I switched to weekly updates. Ah well...

Anyway until next time be good, stay off the chem's and for the love of god try being less selfish, make my day and visit my wishlist and make a brother happy! Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2004.08.19-23.11
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Welcome to Orsmnet. If it's your first time here then you are in good hands - an Australian academic recently proclaimed to the world that porn is indeed good for you and as luck would luck would have it a whole lot of porn can be found on this very site.

So how is everyone enjoying the Olympics? I must admit I'm more drawn to watching them this year than in years gone by but that's probably got a lot to do with scheduling. I don't usually go to bed until sometime between 1-2am which for me is when most of the events are on live so bed times are becoming even later.

A couple of things I've noticed though... and whether it be due to lack of coverage or me not listening hard enough is the absence of the "AUSSIE! AUSSIE! AUSSIE! OI! OI! OI!" cheer coming from the stands. Maybe there aren't many Aussies in Athens who knows. The other thing is a distinct lack of emails from the Poms about how they're going to kick our ass but this is probably almost entirely to do with us currently kicking theirs in the medal tally...

I thought this week I'd take some time and explain one of the things that I believe is wrecking the internet - spy ware. I'll be honest, I'm pretty good with most things computer related. I keep Windows up to date, virus scanner updates daily and all the other applications I use are also updated regularly. On top of that I am protected by a relatively decent firewall. Yes I'm pedantic when it comes to my computer and I like things to run smoothly without any problems.

Anyway this week I made the mistake of installing eDonkey. Next thing I know every time I open a browser window I get a stupid pop-up window for some pathetic product I am never likely to buy. Evasive tactics - load AdAware, update it and do a full system scan. It finds about a dozen things which shouldn't be there so I remove them. Reboot and open up Internet Explorer and up pops the bloody window once again. This kind of crap shits me off no end I swear. I go to Google and do a search for spy ware removal tools, download a few different things and eventually find one that works and removes the crap from my machine. Hallelujah!

click here for more

So when someone like myself who, if I do say so, is quite adept when it comes to this sort of thing can get infected with the aforementioned scourge, what happens to the average computer user who doesn't know any better?

I'll give you an example - a few weeks back I get a call from a family friend in dire need of help because their computer was "doing weird things'. From the sound of it they've gotten infected with a couple of spy ware programs. Not a problem I say. I download a few removal tools, burn them to a disc and head over. It turns out the computer was [for use of a better word] fucked. Forget about surfing the net - open a browser window and you are greeted with a shit load of pop ups and are completely hijacked making it unusable.

Turns out the anti virus software had expired and thus stopped updating although this wasn't completely to blame. Make the mistake of going to the wrong website where some retarded webmaster has set it up so stuff auto-installs without you even knowing and soon you'll be in the same boat. It ends up taking a few hours of screwing around and extreme patience but I finally managed to get it functioning again.

Spy ware also has ramifications for website owners. I've read that certain spy ware programs can redirect you according to certain links you click. For instance, if you were to click a link on Orsmnet to an advertiser the spy ware will simply divert you to a different site or just replace the referral code with their own. The result being I don't get credit for a sale should you decide to buy something and if you didn't know, that's how websites survive.

Mr Average Joe Computer User is the one that suffers worst with this shit and if it continues the way it has done over the last couple of years eventually people will give up and be turned off going online altogether.

Before I get on with the update I just want to say cheers to SideTraked.com for providing me with the script that will handle video downloads on the site for the time being. If it proves successful then I'll make it a permanent fixture.

Well one site I KNOW has no spy ware, and that shares my hatred for it is NewbieNudes.com. The guys there serve nothing but nude pics of the finest chicks on the planet. NN has over 100,000 totally free pics with over 800 new[bie!] ones added each day - check it out!

If you feel like getting interactive, you can always chat with TangoTime's 2000+ gorgeous webcam models entirely for free. Their FREE live video teaser chat feature is hot! You're bound to find someone you like, as there are over 100 models live any time of the day, 24/7! Click here to check it out now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean..

Click for more awesomeness

Transform - Elanor - Great Story - If Everyone Could Vote - Beer Girls

Fengshui Motherboard - Pure Love - McDiddys - Doing a Lynndie - US & Coalition/Casualties - Wasn't Me

Two eggs are boiling in a saucepan, one is male the other female. The female turns to the male and says "Look, I've got a crack!" The male turns to her and says "No point telling me, I'm not fucken hard yet!"
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True bravery is arriving home late after a boy's night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask "Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?"
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My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read, "To hear a replay of this week's sermon, push the button."

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Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction centre, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. Before long the Captain in charge of the induction centre began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99% sign up for the top GI insurance.

This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting. The Captain decided that he would not ask Bubba Joe about his selling techniques but that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch.

Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000."

"If you take out the supplemental GI insurance (which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month), the government pays your beneficiary $200,000." "NOW," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into battle first?"

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Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of whom are crying and Screaming. One, over in the corner is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gay's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" Neil says to Bob. "All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy."

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when we take the pacifier out of his ass."

ORSM VIDEO

Was a bit of a tough one deciding what to post here this week but after much deliberation by the judges it was decided that this very funny skit from SNL would do the job. It features Lindsay Lohan and her breasts. Check it out...

- Lindsay Lohan: Harry Potter Skit -

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An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer. All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."

The Kiwi (obviously impressed by this) drinks his beer throw his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "Wull mate, in Niw Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi.

He says "In Australia we have so many fucking South Africans and Kiwi's that we don 't need to drink with the same ones twice!"

click here for more

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney almost died. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt.

click here for more

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?"

"I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

MyFreePaySite.com is the latest thing to sweep the net. Here's how it works: you go the site and you download to your hearts content! It's that simple. They've got ALL the latest celebrity sex vids, thousands of porn vids and squillions of pics and like I said it's ALL FOR FREE! All you gotta do is give them an email address to sign up - you can even use a hotmail address! Check it out now!

READER MAIL
If you've got something interesting you'd like to share with the world then you're more than welcome to send it my way so I can merrily post it on the site for all to see. You can contact me here.

vic wrote:
Subject: correction
Just have to say I love your site but i want to correct the Basket Hotel. It's not a Hotel it's the Corporate Home Office of the Longaberger Company and How do i Know this well i work there it's Located in the Town of Newark Ohio. But we do have a Hotel and yes it looks like a noraml Hotel. By the the way We make Baskets!!!!

Baby Blue wrote:
Subject: basket hotel
Mr. Orsm -- big fan of the site. Just a random thing: the basket hotel that you have posted right now is actually an office building...or was...i live near it but i haven't been to it for a while so i dont know what changes have been made... it's fashioned after the logaberger (if thats how you spell it) basket and was originally made as an office HQ brach for the company. Again, this is random...and before you say anything, you're welcome for thus usless piece of info, but i'm a huge fan of the site, and wish ya good luck with the new update schedule. Naked women ROCK!!!!!!

Steve wrote:
Subject: Crazy Bitch Video
Just a quick note to say that the "chick" going ape shit in the crazy bitch head job video has a suspiciously large Adams Apple. It looks to me like he/she either still has a package or got rid of it fairly recently...

I've actually posted pics of her before... her name is Aria but in my opinion doesnt even come close to the REAL Aria... -Orsm

alex wrote:
Subject: This guys off his fucking rocker....
hi orsm, don't know if you've seen this site, thetruthforyouth.com, but if you haven't I suggest you check it out. It's literally the only site ever to offend me. Tim Todd deserves public lashings. Have a good day and keep up the great work.

Dave wrote:
Subject: gemini
hey orsm. a while ago i sent in pics of my white gemini coupe at the plex doing 14's, well last weekend was the torque trophy at barbagallo raceway and i enetered the gem we qualified with a 1.16:7 and then after 4 laps of the race this happened. it shat me to tears $5000 worth of engine down the drain.

click to enlarge click to enlarge

Brian Helman wrote:
Subject: Yahoo typo.
Only thing altered was the yellow arrow I made.

Sometimes even the best of us make mitsakes... -Orsm

click to enlarge

Blair wrote:
Subject: wickedpoems.com
I said I wouldn't pester you again. I lied. But only because I'd like you to have these two great caricatures that you can do what you like with -- hopefully steer punters my way.

click to enlarge click to enlarge

Dan Willers wrote:
Subject: funny vid
heres what some college student decided to do with their spare time and money

I've gotta figure out how to do that... -Orsm

click to download

Shaft 313 wrote:
Subject: Campaign Donation
And they claim the new reforms limit free speech.

Kind of obvious whats going to take place in this video but it made me laugh nontheless. -Orsm

click to download

Bald_Calgarian wrote:
Subject: more pics for you
I went to a slow pitch tourney last weekend and here is what I had to put up with all weekend. Thanks

Poor bastard... must have been hard... -Orsm

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: corn fed girls
Just a pic from a Rally in Conesville, Iowa, USA. Corn-fed girls strutting their stuff! Please don't use anything about my address in the sight. Thanks

I prefer Aussie chicks. -Orsm

click to enlarge

Nick The Stagg wrote:
Subject: REVENGE story
REVENGE: I can't believe what the stupid bitch did, a person, called Rachel, who I spent New Years Eve with bought in pictures of me absolutely out of it and showed them to all of my friends so now I have to have revenge.

This is one of the many stories that I know about her: It was the second day of the school holiday last year and I was sleeping at her house and after a particularly long drinking session me, her and her brother were walking up the road and she was shouting and screaming (because she spun drunk cider.) When we got to their house she said that she was hot and decided to take off her t-shirt so I went to watch TV while she annoyed her brother and tried to phone her new boyfriend. After a while both of them came into the living room and for no reason she jumped on top of me, then her brother thought it necessary to take her bra off for her, so she ran around topless for the next half hour. After that she got in the shower and broke half of the stuff in the bathroom, then she came out with a towel around her waist and didn't even bother getting dried and jumped all over me again so I pushed her onto the floor and went to the kitchen for another beer then she ran in and flung her arms around me, while she did her brother ripped off her towel so she was laying naked on top of me so I pushed her away and told her to put some clothes on which she actually did, half an hour later. And she remembers absolutely nothing of this whole event especially the parts about her brother undressing her, I hope lots of people read this.

Mika Haarala wrote:
Subject: This is the only way to advertise!
Please, dont post my infos.... just add this "Real way to advertise the best drink ever". Thanks man, love your site... best there is..

Screw the drink... the world needs more asses like this... -Orsm

click to enlarge
Bruce Todd wrote:
Subject: Mother nature has had enough!!!
Mother nature has had enough of human kind destroying her atmosphere! These pictures are of Edmonton Alberta Canada take in the summertime July 11 2004. Snow sleet and hail are not supposed to be around during what has historically a very hot month...
click for gallery

Anthony Kouzinas wrote:
Subject: Broome
Hey man. Just thought I'd share a few pics of some of the many tourist attractions in Broome (a small town up north in Western Australia for those of you who don't know). Me and my bro took these a few weeks ago when we were up there on a family holiday. Enjoy.

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Brian M. wrote:
Subject: Ukraine: The Winner's of Eurovision Song Contest !
Ukraine singer Ruslana who won the Eurovision song contest a while back
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click here for more

Three Old Ladies named Gertrude, Maude, and Tilly were sitting on a bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far. Bless her poor little heart.

RAUNCHY RADIOLOGY
Amazing what a couple of Radiology students can come up with when they're drunk and bored...

X-Ray Shenanigans - X-Ray Shenanigans - X-Ray Shenanigans - X-Ray Shenanigans

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over, I need help urgently! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, and I can't even start it. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde replies, "According to the picture on the box, it's a big chicken." Her boyfriend hurries over to find the puzzle spread over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. Turning to his girlfriend he says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a chicken"

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, and then..." he sighs, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box..."

click here for more

George Bush and George Bush Senior were dragging the deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his along, too. "Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, But I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."

After the third hunter left, they decided to try it. A little while later George said to George, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," says George, "but we're getting farther from the truck."

Click for more awesomeness

ORSM VIDEO

A married couple went to hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. at this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

click here for more

A little boy was 8 yrs old when his parents decided to have him circumcised. After a few days of recovery, the boy went back to school. After about an hour, the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse. He went to see her but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was.

She suggested that he call his Mom and see if she could come and get him. The nurse waited in the other room while the call was made. After a few minutes the little boy came out and started walking back to class, but the nurse noticed that his penis was hanging out of his pants.

She said "Johnny, what are you doing? You can't walk around like that." He replied, "Well I told my Mom how much I hurt and she said that if I could just stick it out till lunch time she would come pick me up then."

RANDOM SHITE

I've tried to take you from the spectacular to the craptacular and back again this week. There'll be highs and there'll be lows, there'll be laughter and there may even be tears but there'll definitely Random Shite...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization... Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around saw that all the staff had Spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" Well," he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that. The spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift." As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent."

"After you get it out, how do you put it back?" Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."

click here for more

An elderly couple go to see a doctor because they're having trouble remembering things. After an exam, the doctor says, "You're fine, but you should write notes to help your memory." That night the old man gets up to go to the kitchen. "Will you get me some vanilla ice cream with strawberries?" the wife asks.

"Sure," says the husband. "Shouldn't you write it down?" "I dont have to," he insists. "It's vanilla ice cream with strawberries."

Twenty minutes later he returns with a plate of bacon and eggs. "Goddamn it," she yells. "You forgot my fucking toast!"

click here for more

Okay thats me and I'm done for another week. Allow me to take the oppurtunity to say that I am absolutely buggered after doing this update, more so than usual so you guy's better fuckin enjoy surfing it!

Before I go - to the soul who bought me 'Go' off my Amazon wishlist you are an absolute champ so thank you very much! If there's anyone out there who hasn;t seen this movie I highly recommend it!

Anyway until next time be good, stay off the chem's and for god's sake make my day and visit my wishlist and make a brother happy would you!? Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2004.08.12-23.29
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Hello and welcome to Orsmnet. If you're new to this website then you are definitely in good company - Orsmnet was described by the Pope as one his all time favourite websites and was recently quotes as saying "that shit is off da hook!"

Before I get on with any sort of update I'd like to take this opportunity and say that the Olsen pic I posted at the top of last week's update was definitely a fake! All you need to do is take a look at a real pic of them and it soon starts to become pretty clear. I mean for starters the bodies used in the fake actually have boobs which is more than you can say for the twins.

So the Olympics are finally upon us and I for one say not a moment too soon. It feels like anything and everything Olympic related is being forced down our throats at every turn. I've no idea how it is in other countries but it's not just a recent thing either - coverage began to intensify probably about a year ago. Every day on the news there'd be a warm-up for Athens's type story covering how far behind the bloody Greek's were in construction to some dude you've never heard of and his lifelong quest for Olympic glory.

The next big thing, especially for us Aussie's, was March/April this year when gold medal hopeful, Sydney Olympics star and possible homosexual wonder boy swimming champion Ian 'Thorpedo' Thorpe accidentally fell off the blocks during qualifying thus disqualifying him from competing in his signature event. The media had a field day which lasted several weeks until the guy who actually won the race was beaten into submission and surrendered his spot to Thorpey. This whole fiasco made for great public debate and you can bet we'll be hearing plenty more about it no matter what the outcome of that particular event.

Since then it's been a never ending string of doping scandals. Almost every week someone is being accused or busted for taking human growth hormones or whatever the hell it is they inject to get an edge. From cyclists to weight lifters it seemed everyone was on the gear.

click here for more

This got me thinking about the Sydney Olympics four years ago. Sydney in 2000 was touted to be the thing to put Australia on the map - not that we weren't already of course, it's just that the rest of the world thinks we all keep Koalas as pets and ride Kangaroos to school... okay for the record the Kangaroo thing is true but I haven't had a Koala as a pet since I was 6 years old...

Anyway back to my point... in the lead up to Sydney expectations were high. It was on track to, and ended up being the greatest Olympics ever held. Ask anyone. The general public wanted to see our beloved athletes bring home gold on our own soil. Fair enough, I was one of them but is there any chance that officials just looked the other way whilst dodgy shit went on so as to not disappoint a demanding country?

If I cast [what's left of] my mind back four years ago I don't remember too many doping scandals in the headlines... not for Australia at least anyway. That's not to say there wasn't any, just that I don't remember any... and what I say goes, remember!

Alternative you could argue that after the 2000 Olympics at which Australia had one of its greatest medal hauls ever, the upcoming 2004 crew were beleaguered with such unrealistic expectations of their performance that their only resort was to reach for the chem's and dope up.

On the entirely other hand again it may well be worth pointing out that I am 100% full of shit and have far too much time on my hands. I love this country just as much as the next guy but what you're reading is simply my overly sceptical, overly active, try-hard conspiracist thought processes taking control and conjuring a few words about things which almost definitely never happened... or did they?

Bullshit aside on the off chance that there are any of the Aussie Olympic team reading this then good luck!

If you get bored of the Olympic coverage then don't forget my mates at NewbieNudes.com who'll keep you entertained. Newbie Nudes now has well over 100,000 user submitted pics for you to view plus thousands of videos too. Check it out - you won't be sorry!

If you feel like getting interactive, you can always chat with TangoTime's 2000+ gorgeous webcam models entirely for free. Their FREE live video teaser chat feature is hot! You're bound to find someone you like, as there are over 100 models live any time of the day, 24/7! Click here to check it out now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean..

Click for more awesomeness

Most Addictive Game Ever - Salad Fingers: Episode 3 - Hoax Photo Test - The Olympics - Bejeweled

Porn For The Blind - Orgasm Girl - Build A Better Bush - Soccer Cheerleaders

I must confess to having a crush on Alyssa Milano as a kid. Who didn't I suppose? I'd tune in every week to watch her in Who's The Boss or whatever that shit was called just to see sweet Alyssa do her thing. These pics prove that some things never change...

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George W Bush begins his speech to open the Olympic Games. "Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! An aide comes over and whispers: "Mr President, those are the Olympic rings, your speech is below!"
--
A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Vergen' Mary.
--
A ragged individual stranded for months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account."

click here for more

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of THE ROAD. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right UP." The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there". The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, and then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.

"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," he answered. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell."

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."

I GIVE YOU PERFECTION..

Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka

Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka - Anuka

click here for more

Barbara Bush is being driven around Washington D.C. and spots a little boy sitting in a park with a wagon. She thinks, "this is a great press opportunity" so she has her driver pull over. She gets out to talk to the little boy and discovers that he has 6 little puppies in the wagon. She comments on how nice they are and the little boy says "Thank you ma'm, they're Republicans!" Of course Barbara is extremely pleased by this.

A few days later, George decides to take a morning jog down to McDonalds, which is close to the park, and Barbara mentions that if he should see a little boy with a wagon he should stop and talk to him. Well, George sees the little boy with his wagon and puppies so he tells the little boy, "what nice puppies those are!" The boy says, "Thank you sir. They're Democrats!" "Wait a minute," says George, "You told Barbara that they were Republicans." The boy responds, "Yes sir, they were, but now their eyes are open!"

click here for more

Two Gay Guys are walking through the San Diego zoo. They come across the gorilla cage and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage, and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?" "Am I hurt... AM I HURT?" the patient shouts. "Wouldn't you be!? He hasn't called. He hasn't written..."

ORSM VIDEO

Whether it be how to drive, how not to drive or how to modify a car so that it's aesthetically pleasing and practical, it's safe to say that some people have absolutely no idea and this video clearly demonstrates that point. Makes you wonder what the hell these guy's were doing while everyone else was being taught common sense. Check it...

- Some People Have No Idea -

click here for more
Click for more awesomeness

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "You fucking idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."

And the moral of the story: Doesn't matter what a man does, even when he is listening, he's still going to get it wrong!

click here for more

CURVACIOUS KARI

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari - Kari

MyFreePaySite.com is the latest thing to sweep the net. Here's how it works: you go the site and you download to your hearts content! It's that simple. They've got ALL the latest celebrity sex vids, thousands of porn vids and squillions of pics and like I said it's ALL FOR FREE! All you gotta do is give them an email address to sign up - you can even use a hotmail address! Check it out now!

READER MAIL
If any of you guy's has tried to send me email in the last week or so there's a good chance I didn't get it - something broke and as such most of the email meant for me did not get through. What I am trying to say here is if you sent me anything important in the last week it would be a good idea to resend it! Now with the mail...

Brian wrote:
Subject: Another bullshit artist
Hiya ORSM - Tell Bish he's a fucking idiot. That's NOT a pic of his girlfriend - that pic has been doing the rounds of 'amateur teens' sites for fucking years. Not that I ever look at those sites of course - someone told me (honest). Yeah OK - so I looked ONCE - but I saw that girl and fell in love with her, so she's more MY girlfriend than that fucking liar's.

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<with held> wrote:
Subject: Warped Thong
I took this pic at the Vans Warped Tour 2004 in Milwaukee Tues July 20th. Please don't post my info if you use it. Nice ass though!

Fucking sensational ass! -Orsm

click to enlarge

Jason wrote:
Subject: Some pics
Hey Orsm! Just wanted to write you a note to let you know that I enjoy your site!!! A week or two ago, my wife and I were cruising on the internet together and she said it would be cool to have sex while someone watched on the webcam so we got on Yahoo chat and had sex while about 15 people watched. While I don't have pics of the session, I do have some pictures that we took before hand. If you don't mind posting them. Please don't post my info...thanks!

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bailey and matt wrote:
Subject: funny old man shit
sup bro. we were sitting on the side of the road when this old cunt cruised on past. gotta love the old people and their electric ride on death machines! we think hes a few bananas short of a pavlova aye love the site

In a chilish kind of way that's funny. Reminds me of the Ali G movie after his car gets vandalised. -Orsm

click to download

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Smile And Say "Moose"
Kentucky woman busted for drugs mugs it up for jailers. The 24-year-old Kentucky woman was nabbed yesterday on gun and drug charges and tossed in Paducah's McCracken County lockup. According to the local sheriff, Mandy Lee was in possession of methamphetamine, which probably goes a long way towards explaining her distinctive approach to posing for the below mug shot. Now you know...say NO to drugs!

click to enlarge

Fabian Hyland wrote:
Subject: AIRBORNE
Hy Orsm... first of all your site rocks!!! and its even better coz ur from WA!! im a perth boybut studying over east in QLD at the moment... just thought u would find this pic of me doing a clark kent impersonation amusing... keep up the great work...

click to enlarge

Virginia G wrote:
Subject: Fire hazard
(This had me wondering if the opposition company to Glade may have circulated this as well to reduce market share - however, I've still unplugged mine!) It makes you wonder how many are caused like this??

A house burned down...nothing left but ashes. With good insurance the home will be replaced and most of the contents. That is the good news. The insurance investigator sifted through the ashes for several hours. He had the cause of the fire traced to the master bathroom. He asked what was plugged in the bathroom. They listed the normal things.... curling iron, blow dryer. The investigator kept saying "No, this would be something that would disintegrate at high temperatures."

Then, they remembered a Glade Plug-in in the bathroom. The investigator had one of those "Aha" moments. He said that was the cause of the fire.

He said he has seen more home fires started with the plug-in type room fresheners than anything else. He said the plastic they are made from is a THIN plastic. He said in every case there was nothing left to prove that it even existed. When the investigator looked in the wall plug, two prongs left from the plug-in were still in there. They had one of the plug-ins that had
a small night light built in it. They noticed that the light would dim.... and then finally go out. A few hours later, the light would be back on again. The investigator said that the unit was getting too hot, and would dim and go out rather than just blow the light bulb. Once it cooled down, it would come back on. That is a warning sign. The investigator said he personally wouldn't have any type of plug-in fragrance device anywhere in his house. He has seen too many burned down homes. A warning to all.

Jack Schitt wrote:
Subject: Ostrich farm
Yo Mr Orsm. Saw these two signs at an ostrich farm alongside the N7 outside Cape Town. Great site, keep it up. Enjoy

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Andrew Scott wrote:
Subject: Karratha Skiing
Mr ORSM. You might find the attached suitable for your ORSM Video section.

Probably not the best vid I've ever seen but I get the idea, I just kept imagining the gravel rash you'd get after stacking it in the wrong direction. -Orsm

click to download

shaneo wrote:
Subject: local car talent
i know you like your cars... so here's some footage from a quiet place in the southern suburbs of perth... enjoy! :)

Not too bad... for a Ford. -Orsm

click to download

Jef wrote:
Subject: some interesting pics...maybe
Hey Orsm, love your site. After a year and a half of visiting your website, I finally have something that may be interesting enough to send you. I live New York City, and my apartment is just next to the Israeli Mission. A couple of weeks ago, the NYPD had to send the bomb squad due to a suspicious looking package. Obviously nothing happened, but seeing a guy walking with a full protection suit just next to the UN and the Israeli mission is always a warm and comforting sight.

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Majd wrote:
Subject: Iowa
here r some pics that i took while i drive'n by Iowa City, IA, this place is nice.
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WORTH A SURF
I love my job. The perks are great. The guy's who run the following sites were all good enough to offer me lifes little pleasures such as tasty 18 year old sisters, hand jobs and even a full body massage all for free if I could just get some of you to go check out their sites...

Video Dump - College Slackers - Newbie Nudes - Got Orion - Stop Living - My Big Breasts - Drunk & Disorderly

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of his standard response of reassuring her that that wasn't the case, her husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?" He shrugged and said, "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

Well Adam and Eve had just consumated their relationship for the first time and Adam was sitting against a tree smoking a cigerette. About this time God comes through the bushes and sees Adam's smug smile.

Now God's being all knowing says "Adam, I see you and Eve have experienced the pleasures of the flesh as I had planned. Very good indeed. By the way, where is Eve?" Adam replies, "Lord, she's down at the river washing up." God rushes toward the river screaming, "Now I'll never get that smell out of those fish!

ORSM VIDEO

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronising tone of voice, ‘and how are we doing this morning' or ‘are we ready for a bath' or ‘are we hungry?' Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.

One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So... you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today!" she said in her most patronising tone.

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and gulped it down in one mouhtful, saying, "Well, I'd better run it through again! Maybe I can filter it better this time!"

click here for more

A teacher in a small Texas town smilingly asked her 4th-grade class how many were Bush fans. Not really sure what a Bush fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except one boy, Johnny. The teacher, a little taken aback, asked Johnny why he didn't agree with the rest of the class.

Johnny replied, "I'm not a Bush fan." "Why aren't you a Bush fan?" Johnny said, "I'm a John Kerry fan." The teacher asked why he preferred Kerry. Johnny said, "Well, my mom's a John Kerry fan, and my dad's a John Kerry fan, so I'm a John Kerry fan."

The Republican teacher really lost it, because this is Texas. She asked Johnny, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? What would that make you?" Johnny replied, "That would make me a Bush fan."

RANDOM SHITE

You can still be you but let me be frank here... simply put I think I've out done myself this week with Random Shite. A flurry of mouse clicking on the below links should be sufficient in proving this too... so what are you waiting for...?

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Click for more awesomeness

A Red Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".

The waiter says, "Whoa, Chief! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?" The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position. Me come in, me drink coffee, shoot off some crap, leave mess for others to clean up, then disappear for rest of day."

click here for more

There was once an Indian lad who was born with only one testicle. All during the years of his youth he was teased about having only one testicle and he was given the name Onestone.

When he grew up he was so angered by being called Onestone all his life that he declared that he would kill the next person that called him Onestone. Everybody laughed but they quit calling him Onestone.

Then one day one young Indian maiden forgot and laughingly called him Onestone. Whereupon he grabbed her and dragged her into the forest and made love to her until she died. When he returned everyone body was astounded and was extremely careful not to call him Onestone again.

Years later he encountered a woman who had left the tribe who ran to him saying, "Greetings Onestone!". Once again he grabbed her and dragged the woman into the forest. Although he made love to her night and day, after a week he gave up and returned to the tribe.

So the moral of this story is... You can't kill two birds with one stone.

click here for more

One day. George W Bush and Osama Bin Laden are walking through the desert. They come up on a genies bottle. Osama picks it up, dusts it off and *BAM* a genie pops out! "I am the genie in the bottle. Since there are two of you, to make it fair I will give each of you one wish."

Osama insists he goes first seeing as he found the bottle. Bush just nods and graciously allows him. "I wish that you would take all of the middle east, throw the Jews out, and surround us with a wall as high as the heavens above! This wall will be impenetrable! No infidels can send missiles into it, they can't bomb it, and we can have in these walls the peace we desire and all the food we want to eat. It will be our paradise!" The genie nods and instantly Bush is sitting outside the largest wall he has ever seen. Bin laden is gone.

"Now that they are encircled by this great wall, all of the middle east can live in the world they want to live in" said the genie. "So what is your wish Mr. Bush?". "Hmm," thought the President, "can't bomb it?" "NO! You cannot the walls are too thick". "Ok cant send a plane to fire missile's into it?" "NO the walls are too high, they reach to the heavens!" Bush thinks for a minute, then snaps his fingers, gets that great look of I GOTCHA on his face and says. "OK! FILL IT WITH WATER!"

click here for more

ORSM VIDEO

A brand new vid from my mates at AmateurAllure.com this week and it absolutely kicks ass too! If you're reading this thinking it's just another porn vid then guess again - the Amateur Allure girls are can suck a dick better than most and they love doing it! You can also find tonnes more pics and vids @ AmateurAllure.com!!

- The Amateur Allure Girls: Part II -

Before I cruise allow me to shout out to a huge thanks to Joseph from Mexico who rather generously picked up the 'Young Ones - Every Stoopid Episode' DVD from my wishlist for me. It arrived a couple of days ago and I am dying to watch it so thankyou very much!

Okay thats me for another week. I didn't even get started putting all this together until this morning so it's been a LONG 14 hours sitting at the computer let me tell ya. Anyway until next time be good, stay off the chem's and for god's sake make my day and visit my wishlist and make a brother happy would you!? Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2004.08.05-17.57
click here for more

Welcome one and welcome all. Can you believe that August is here already? I ask you - where on earth has this year gone? Before too long it'll be time for my mandatory "I hate Christmas" update where I get to bore you guys with things like why I hate shopping at that time of the year. This in turn will be followed a few weeks later by an update that starts with something like "its my site and I will update it when I want!". Yes folks, its all down hill from here.

I'm very nearly an only child. Yes, its time for the love of both parents to rain down upon me, me and only me. As of today my brother departs Perth to head for Europe to do the whole London thing as well as Greece to watch the Olympics and all the rest of the stuff you do whilst being a tourist in that part of the world. He'll be joining my sister who has been living in London for the better part of two and a half years.

My brother is a good guy but we all have our doubts about just how well he'll go being so far from home. Up until now he's lived at home with mum and had it pretty easy - things like rent, cleaning and even cooking are probably all as foreign to him as Europe is going to be.

For most of our lives he and I have never 'got on'. I used to get annoyed at how lazy he was, he didn't like copping shit. We were at each others throats constantly - arguments, altercations and punch ups were a way of life for us growing up and for that matter pretty much right until the time I moved out of home but in the last couple of years that's changed. He's got off his ass, got a trade behind him and has become what I like to describe as a normal guy. As for me... well I've always been perfect and blameless so no change was required on my behalf...

click here for more

The thing that worries me most about him heading off to distant shores though is he still has a big mouth on him and still well and truly doesn't like copping shit. Take the past weekend for example: he was at a club having some drinks, went to the toilet to make some space for more alcohol and 'for some reason' was elbowed by a random guy at the urinals. About half an hour later he spotted the guy again. Several moments later the guy was on the floor after copping a fly kick to the head courtesy of my brother.

I admit I found this quite amusing but it got me wondering with the stories I've heard about some of the seedy parts of Europe what'll happen to him if he tries the same shit? Perth is more or less a small town and compared to other places is a regarded as a safe city to live. The majority of people don't go out carrying guns or knives which they'll use without thinking twice about. Surely Europe is a different story.

I don't know here - maybe my perception of what he can expect is somewhat askew. Funnily enough I have never had the pleasure of doing the trip myself. Most of my friends, cousins and countless others I've come across over the years have made the pilgrimage to that part of the world but I'm still yet to get there. I'd planned to go when I was 20 but circumstances at the time led to me never getting around to it so you could say I've spent the last 10 years living London and Europe vicariously through the aforementioned groups of people.

For me now though the desire just isn't there anymore. I'm older, wiser and a lot more focused on where I want to be in the future. I could never understand how so many guys I went to school with attempted a year at university, realised it was too hard and headed for London only to spend the next 5+ years getting drunk and doing nothing with their lives.

Yeah I do want to travel at some point but I'd be a lot happier doing it when I can take 3 months off and do it on savings and in comfort rather than be forced to work my way around.

I find that I don't have the need to travel so much now that I have found NewbieNudes.com. NewbieNudes.com allows me to do what I'd do on a trip like that - check out babes - from my armchair. Yep you can search by country and see babes from all over the world - all nude of course!

MyFreePaySite.com is the latest thing to sweep the net. Here's how it works: you go the site and you download to your hearts content! It's that simple. They've got ALL the latest celebrity sex vids, thousands of porn vids and squillions of pics and like I said it's ALL FOR FREE! All you gotta do is give them an email address to sign up - you can even use a hotmail address! Check it out now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Click for more awesomeness

Star Shmucks - Salad Fingers: Episode 1 - Ebay Sales Technique - Devirginize Marc - Bad Drivers

The Death Star? - Racing Babes - CD-Rom Experiments - Credit Card Sigs - Have You Found It?

Winona Ryder... not someone I usually regard as being overly hot... not until I realised she actually was that is...

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Two parrots are sitting on a perch, one say's to the other "Can you smell fish?"
--
Leaving the wedding reception the honeymoon couple hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills. The driver wasn't too sure how to get there and said he would ask directions when they got closer. Meanwhile, the lovers couldn't wait and got down to it on the back seat. Seeing a fork in the road the driver said, "I take the next turn, right?" "No way, get your own broad," said the groom.
--
How many Rednecks does it take to eat a meal? Two. One to eat and another to watch for cars.
-
A stockbroker catches his wife in bed with another man. He says to her, "What's going on?" She say's, "Believe it or not, John, I've gone public!"
--
Saddam has just been given the death penalty... only trouble is David Beckham is taking it!

click here for more

A little boy wanted to know what it was like to have $100. His mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed for two weeks but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.

When the post office received the letter addressed to God, they opened it and decided to send it to Prime Minister Howard. The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy $10. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $10 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows; "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through the government. As usual, those thieving bastards deducted $90 for tax."

click here for more

A Texas preacher rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!"

ORSM VIDEO

It's not every day you get to see a video of a leader of the free world drunk and mucking around but this video provides exactly that. It features what appears to be a somewhat inebriated George Bush at a friends wedding. Interesting to see a guy that so many people regard as a complete moron fucking around and having fun like any other regular guy would...

George Bush: Drunk

click here for more

One fine day, Jim and Bill are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realises that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Bill, come here; I've got some trouble down here." Bill comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Jim? Everything okay, mate?" Jim shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 8-iron! Apparently, you can't get out of here with a 7."

click here for more

Once upon a time, allegedly, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. "Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you." "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit." "Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".

ALL THE RIGHT MOVES

Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta

Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta - Iveta

click here for more

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship: "How do you feel about sex?" the man asked, rather hopefully. "Oh, I like to have it infrequently," she responded.

The old guy thought for a moment then asked, "Was that one word or two?"

click here for more

READER MAIL
Some pretty cool email has come my way lately and below I try and give you the cream of the crop. If you've got something you'd like to share or even just see on the site then drop me a line here.

Jason wrote:
Subject: Retrosexual Man
As a proud Retrosexual, I must insist that one more condition be added to acceptable reasons to cry. That being the first scratch in the car. However, after the tears have fallen, the Retrosexual man finds the motherfucker that did it, and DEALS WITH IT! Another code of the Retrosexual man: The Retrosexual man loves his car. It can be a great car, it can be a piece of shit car. He can believe it's a great car, he can acknowledge that it's a piece of shit car, but he always loves his car.

Ripper wrote:
Subject: retrosexual code
As a long time fan of your site, I had to let you know that I happen to work with the guy who invented the Retrosexual Code. His website is www.frizzensparks.com . I think you ought to give credit where it's due, as this code of ethics he came up with has been reprinted all over the net.


Money Makers INC wrote:
Subject: reciving to much spam? check this parody out
You are receiving this email because we got your email address from a cd that we brought of a low life scum bag who spent all day harvesting email addresses from the Internet via user net posts and website's without permission.

If you feel that you have received this email in error or do not wish to receive additional special offers please reply with the word remove in the subject line so that we can verify that your email account is indeed active and that you are actually gullible enough to belive us.

Once we have established that you are a gullible fool we can start to bombard you with other advertisements and sell your email address to other spam operators wee can also con you into receiving our free sample of absolutely useless herbal viagra, and some defunct money making schemes.

David Forrest wrote:
Subject: mysterious girl
more pictures of that mysterious girl... http://www.faceparty.com/hard-nips

Bish wrote:
Subject: My Girlfriend...
Hey Mr Orsm, Gotta say that you have a great site, that i look forward to every week!!!! your site is 'one for the lads'. I thought i'd have to contribute with a pic of my girlfriend, i think that she is worthy of some attention!! hope it's worth posting!!!!

WOW! More please! -Orsm

click to enlarge

Mike McDonough wrote:
Subject: Airpower 101
You got to love AIR POWER. F-16 over Falujah. 1 pilot. 1 weapon. Injured/killed: 30-40 terrorists

I guess you would call that 'owned'. -Orsm

click to download

Wilton wrote:
Subject: drunk Brazilian
Dear Mr Orsm, I've been visiting your site for about a year now. There's always interesting stuff. The weekly updates were definitely a good decision. I'm sending you a photo of a Brazilian drunk fellow who's surely had a lot of beers. Hope you'll enjoy. Best regards!

click to enlarge

Marc McElrath wrote:
Subject: Emailing: Fiji Fan Club
Hey Mr.Orsm, we took these photos of the local Fiji boys out on the piss last week as you can see we haven't many tourist chicks around for a while

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Michiel wrote:
Subject: Hi
Hello, shot this pic last saturday. :)

Gee... that's never happened to me before... honestly... -Orsm

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Great Party!!
Hey ORSM you have an awsome site I look forward to every update. Put this on the site for me. It was one hell of a party and these girls were fun. keep the name withheld. Thanx.

click to enlarge
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Luke wrote:
Subject: WA, greatest place on earth.
Hey Bro. Not sure if you'll get to this one and if you do, post it. But just thought i'd give you the usual raps of the killer effort you go to to keep so many people around the world entertained for that few hours escape from this disgusting thing we call our lives, two thumbs up!! Anyway trooper just thought id give wa a good sconning in this email also, me being born there and now living in sunny "the place of the worst drivers in the world" queensland, i love that place, flat smooth roads, considerate patient drivers (within reason of course), and the home of the mighty west coast eagles!! attached some photos of my truck, shes a supreme cruiser and gets plenty of attention so i figured maybe score a sticker off you, just plain white text about an inch tall saying orsm.net, im too lazy so swoit mate..

Mads Lauritzen wrote:
Subject: Pitstop
Hi Again. I've made this film, please let it spin on the cyber highway. You can check out my site here: www.madslauritzen.com

Pretty fuckin cool. -Orsm

click to download

Melvin wrote:
Subject: some pics
Hi mr orsm please do not use my email address dude. Just wanna let you know I really dig your site and to share 2 pics a friend sent me of his ex. teasing him via webcam, you rock, man!

click to enlarge click to enlarge

Ross MacPherson wrote:
Subject: Wheels got stolen
On Sunday around 2:00 someone stole my wheels and I am appealing for witnesses. If anyone saw anything, please let me know. I am even prepared to offer reward.Thanks in advance. PS : I attach a photo taken where the robbery took place.

click to enlarge

R.W. Rick Redmond wrote:
Subject: WICHITA FISH STORY
This was a pretty interesting story from The Sunday Wichita Eagle Newspaper a couple of weeks ago. A resident in the area saw a ball bouncing around kind of strange like in the development's pond and when he went to investigate, it was a flathead catfish who had obviously tried to swallow a child's basketball whi ch became stuck in its mouth. The fish was totally exhausted from trying to dive but unable to because the ball would always bring him back up to the surface. The resident tried numerous times to get the ball out but was unsuccessful. He finally had his wife cut the ball in order to deflate the ball and release the catfish.

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Adam McKie wrote:
Subject: Bob Hawke on derby day!
Mr Orsm, check out these pics a mate sent me of our former PM on Derby Day. How Drunk is he?
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Click for more awesomeness
click here for more

"A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks."

"He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says.. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires."

"He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

"Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like maybe a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

"He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry." "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

click here for more

A tipsy Hogan gets on a bus in Ireland and asks the driver how long the trip is between Limerick and Cork. "About two hours," says the conductor. "OK," says Hogan "then how long is the trip between Cork and Limerick?" The irate driver says to him: "It's still about two hours. Why'd you think there'd be a difference?"

"Well," says Hogan "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year, but it's a hell of a long time between New Year and Christmas!"

ORSM VIDEO

Click for more awesomeness

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot. The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot. "What about this one, Madam? A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only $20."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks. "Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity." "Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his New home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the woman, "Fuck me, a new brothel and a new madam" "I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel" says the woman indignantly.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home. "A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters. "Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complained the girls, but they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.

A short while later, the woman's husband comes home. Well fuck me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old clients. How ya doin', Dave?"

click here for more

The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists - a university graduate and an old Aboriginal guy. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "TIMBUKTU". First to recite his poem was the university graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels two by two
Destination - Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the old Aboriginal top that they thought. But the old Aboriginal calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a hunting' went
Met three whores in a pop up tent
They was three, and we was two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The old Aboriginal won.

RANDOM SHITE

Okay maybe it sounds full of myself to say this buy you gotta love this section don't ya? Some of the shit that ends up in here suprises me on occasion and if this weren't my site its something I'd still want to check out each week... so check it out!

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Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronising tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So... you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today." At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time!" The nurse fainted.

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A child psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "We all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second mother, "You are obsessed with money. You've called your daughter Penny He turned to the third mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

The fourth mother takes her little boy by the hand and whispers "Come on, Dick, we're leaving".

ORSM VIDEO

A brand new vid from my mates at AmateurAllure.com this week and it absolutely kicks ass too! If you're reading this thinking it's just another porn vid then guess again - the Amateur Allure girls are can suck a dick better than most and they love doing it! You can also find tonnes more pics and vids @ AmateurAllure.com!!

- The Amateur Allure Girls: Part II -

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Well it seems that mission to get this puppy put together to give you guy's another week of free entertainment has finally come to an end and not a moment too soon let me tell ya! I'm off to the airport now to see my brother off so I bid you all farewell.

Until next time be good, stay off the chem's and for god's sake make my day and visit my wishlist and make a brother happy would you!? Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.


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