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February 2001...
 
orsmupdate 2001.02.27-23.02

Just a quickie today coz I am tired as fuck and need sleep...

A young guy moves to the big city and goes to a big department store looking for a job...

The manager, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home." Well, the manager liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The kid, "One."
The manager, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?" The kid, "$101,237.64." The manager, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

The kid, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4."

The manager, "You mean a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?!" The kid, "No no no, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, "Well, since your weekend's fucked, you might as well go fishing."

--------------------------------------------

And finally I thought I would post some vids which can only be labelled as horrific, all in their own special way ofcourse....

Annie - Jump - Wrong

Beddies for me kids.... decent update on Friday. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.23-22.46

Thought it was time for a large update now that I have a bit of spare time to kill. Have been a busy little bitch lately and its only going to get worse. Anyways here goes...

I really doubt that too much of this storey is true - quite entertaining though...

Scientists at NASA built a gun specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all travelling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers.


When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow. The horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken".

--------------------------------------------

I'm still finding myself addicted to watching Super Greg. What a turd. That fucken mono-brow is what gets me I think... actually it could be the 'trying to squeeze a shit out of my ass' look that does it. Apparently the page takes a while to load [if you are on a slow connection that is!] so be patient.

--------------------------------------------

I'm hoping that there will be a few happy campers out there as of now. I have figured out a way to post vids onto this page the same as I was up until a few weeks ago [before my free host shut down]. I've only got a limited amount of web space to play with so each time I update I'll ad new vids to it. The only bad side of that is that you wont be able to get your hands on the old ones as soon as the new ones go up UNLESS I get a few emails from people requesting em back. Quite simple really. By the way - I KNOW that most of the vids in my archives work... stop emailing me about them. Just incase anyone wants to know - I am sick to death of getting that stupid mpeg of the guy firing the gun and getting thrown back. I've seriously gotten it about 20 times now.

Anyways - here is the latest and greatest. Have kind of gone for a 'Jubblies' theme today so I hope you all enjoy.

Avalanche - Boing - Bust Breast - Wobblies - Too Big

TIME TO INVEST IN A LOTTERY TICKET

The car was only three weeks old when it hit the guard rail on the upper section of the Toowoomba Range [Quensland] early this week. As you can see the rail came through the front of the car, through the fire wall, through the front passenger seat, through the left hand rear passenger seat and stopped short of coming out the back. The guy driving walked away totally unharmed.

Crash Pic 1 - Crash Pic 2

Just incase anyone is feeling a little bit down today have a read of this. It's one of those stupid things you get in your email all too often but I did actually read this one.

  • At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
  • At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way.
  • The only reason anyone would ever hate you, is because they want to be just like you. No kidding! I know some of those people.
  • A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
  • Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
  • You mean the world to someone.
  • Without you, someone may not be living.
  • You are special and unique, in your own way.
  • Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you.
  • When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
  • When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.
  • When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.
  • Always remember compliments you received, forget about the rude remarks.
  • Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much better when they know.
  • If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Everyone feeling all nice and warm inside now? Can anyone say load of crap?

--------------------------------------------

More Aria anyone? Check these out...

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria

Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria - Aria

While I am here I may as well post a couple more vids... why the hell not huh!?

The first one I think I have posted before. Not THAT funny but the kids will definitely laugh at it. The second is some fuckin funny shit. I watched it a few times to truly appreciate it and finally the last one is pretty fuckin sick. I wont explain it.

Javelin - Chip Shot - Vuh-Ji-Huh

There's a few billion pics here that are waiting to be turned into Priceless ones but:

a) I cant be fuct at the moment.
b) It's too hard to come up with ideas for new Priceless Pics; OR
c) I cant be fuct at the moment.

For the time being I have added 5 new ones to the bottom of this page. Have seen better but have also seen worse... whatever.

Umm... your fly is down. Subtle ways to tell someone you can see their dick...

I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
The cucumber has left the salad.
You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
I can see the gun of Navarone.
Little Elvis has LEFT the building!
Men are From Mars, Women Can See Your Penis
You've got Windows on your laptop.
Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
You've got your fly set on Monica instead of Hillary.
Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
Paging Mr. Johnson. Paging Mr. Johnson.
Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
Dr. Kimble has escaped!
Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out.

I think that'll do for today. More soon. Email me something. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.23-1.15
Super Greg

Just an ever so quick update before I go to bed. I basically just wanted to post a url. It's another one of those joke site type deals [well I hope it is anyways!]. Something like Bonsai Kitty I guess...

Anyways - make sure you check out Super Greg. The guy is a complete and utter A-Hole. I laughed for atleast 10 minutes whilst remaining completely mesmerised by him. Funny shit.

Am off to bed. There shall be a large update tomorrow that shall ensure that all the Bandwidth Whores out there in Internet world get their fix. Finally, I will have some vids back too. Bored as fuck? Email me. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.20-22.45

I got an email from Eric. I get the feeling that he was a little bit upset about me posting links to [Aria] vids from his site. I've pulled the links to keep him happy. [God only knows why he didn't just rename the files and all would have been fixed].

Eric wrote:

Take my videos down of Aria. You are stealing my bandwidth. First and Last warning!!!!

Eric

I can probably see where the guy is coming from considering how many of you Bandwidth Whores there are out there. Ah well, I hope whoever got the vids likes em.

Next email was from some turd who didn't leave their proper email address...

Leslie wrote:

I thought that the picture of the girl ready for the prom with the rapist stuff written was bull shit

Quite simply, with a name like 'Leslie' - I don't care what you think.

--------------------------------------------

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announced to her boyfriend that after dinner she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells him everything there is to know about sex and condoms. At the counter the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: A 3-pack, 10-pack or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl", the boy tells the pharmacist. "I intend to plug every orifice in her body, twice!!".

The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack saying the boy will be rather busy - it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy turns up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" she says to him.


The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bow's his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious".

The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!".

--------------------------------------------

I'm sure you all would have seen this by now? Funny shite.

This one is prolly worth checking out too. I really can't be bothered explaining what it is about except to say - if you are bored then have a look.

I'm a superstitious piece of crap when I wanna be and today was when I wanted to be. I spent the best part of the afternoon walking around waiting for something bad to happen. Had one of those gut feelings you get but this one was inspired by me losing a Gold Neck Chain I was given from my grandparents. Honestly thought I was going to get run over or get smashed up or die or both or all. Thanks fuck I found it in my bed about an hour ago.

Well that's it. Just a short crappy update today. Too tired for anything more. Likelyhood of another update before Friday: Low... However, there will be a shitload more stuff than there is on today's update [yeah today's update sucks I know!]. Have managed to get my hands on another 20 megs of web space [I think] so I will be adding some sort of 'weekly vids' type deal. The vid pile is mounting like crazy [as in I have about 700-800 megs of decent ones that I want to post but don't have the space].

Nite people. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.18-3.56

Yes I know I have been neglecting my site for the last week or two but I've been a busy little boy. It's a combination of been back at school [this year with a lot more contact hours] and I have been busy building a website for a new company. Pretty basic but not bad considering it's the first one I have built besides this one you are reading now AND it's not finished yet [the Flash intro is getting ditched along with a few other things]. Email me and let me know what you think.

I've got the feeling that these links that I am about to post may not work for too long. What are the links to you ask? They are Aria Vids. Big one's too [20megs each]. Check em out before they change the links and they are gone for good.

MAKE sure you right click the link and select 'Save As...' otherwise they wont work properly....

Aria Vid 1 - Aria Vid 2

By the way - I've had a shit load of Aria pics land in my email box lately. I'll try and get around to posting em in the next few days.

Check out this below. I love shit like this. Interesting.

<--- Snipped from Usenet --->

With reference to my unbeatable chess program - here is an informed view.

This has certainly been thought of before, and most chess algorithms try to simulate this kind of knowledge, but currently, creating a database of every possible chess game is not possible. Here's why…

On average, a chess game between 2 decent players takes about 60 turns. At each move, there are, on average, 40-60 possible moves. I'll use 50 for convenience. That means that for 10 moves, there are more than 10^16 possible combinations that need to be stored. Assuming you can store each combination in a single byte, that's 9000 terabytes of data. To go to the end of the game will require around 10^102 bytes of data. Even if you networked a bunch of computers together, each with 1000 terabyte drives (which of course, aren't available yet), you'd need 10^87 computers - that's 10^60 computers per square micron of the Earth's surface.

If you pre-eliminate all but the best choice for the computer at every turn, you cut the total number of moves to 10^51, which means you'd only need 1 billion computers per micron of the Earth's surface.

There are other things you can do to reduce the problem size, but it should be obvious that the storage requirements are well beyond the total combined storage space of every computer in the world right now.

Ultimately, even if you could somehow store every possible move, the program would not be unbeatable. It would be very good, to be sure, but to say that it's unbeatable is to imply that it is possible that a player can win at chess regardless of what his/her/its opponent does. If you could say that about any player, then you can say it about both players in a game, and you have a contradiction, since both can't win.

<--- End Snip --->

My email has pretty much been getting bombarded lately. Keep sending me shit. I love it all. I do read everything you guys send me but don't get offended if I don't throw a reply back at ya - I am too busy lately yo do that. Actually, you'll get a reply if you call my site 'cute' or something like that like some chick did the other day.

--------------------------------------------

Sandra has finally asked me to remove her pic. I'll be doing it because she asked nicely this time so enjoy it while you can.

<--- Snipped from My Message Board--->

John Fleenor wrote:

I was just wondering what kind of women, if there are any, are looking at this site...I'm looking for some freaks to get together with on a regular basis, take pictures, go to swinger's clubs, swap and have some sexual fun in the San Francisco Bay Area, get back to me if you might be interested and we can talk, I've got 3 pics I can send if you'd like...

<--- End Snip --->

Unfortunately I couldn't let this one go... I had to reply to it... I used another email account I have and went fishing...

Orsm wrote:

Hi... My name is Natalie,

I saw your posting on the Orsm board that you made. I read that site every week or so. I work in the Bay area. Send me your pics and if I like em - I'll reply.

Nat P :-)

A few days later I check my email and the Kook has replied AND included photo's.

John Fleenor wrote:

The first one is a couple years old, the 2nd is more recent and the 3rd is of me and the wife of the first couple I was with....hope you like :)

John

John - John - John

I laughed my fuckin ass off when I looked at the pics. Sure - maybe the first and second pics are of him but the third one? NO WAY!!! ... and what's with those fuckin jeans in the first pic? Absolutely shocking.

Feel free to email John boy and tell him he is a Kook.

--------------------------------------------

Came across a pretty bloody funny story a couple of days ago...

WOMAN HAS NOKIA SURGICALLY REMOVED FROM ANUS

Taiwanese doctors have removed a mobile phone from a woman's bottom after a sex game went wrong. X-rays revealed the 20-year-old had a Nokia 8850 inside her rectum. Doctors at Taipei Medical University hospital said she had been playing sex games with her boyfriend. Hospital spokeswoman Elaine Weng said staff were wondering why they had used the mobile as a sex toy.

She said: "We guessed it's because some cellphones have a vibrating function."

--------------------------------------------

I think that'll do for the moment. Going to go and lie down from and try to recover from this fuckin hangover I've got. I swear, I have NEVER been as drunk as I was last nite. I broke the golden rule and went to bed without drinking the mandatory 1 litre of water [it couldn't be helped coz I wasn't going to sleep of my own free will] and am suffering because of it. I discovered alcohol prolly 8 or 9 years ago and this is the first proper hangover I have gotten and it fuckin sucks. There is nothing worse than being woken up by a splitting headache and then 'spewing' at least 10 hours after your last drink... ask me - I know.

Got some time? Send me something. Anything. Anything at all.

Want your site linked? Email me your site address and I'll post it.

Anyways Campers... I'm outta here. Enjoy. Mr Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.12-11.33

Well aren't I a dickhead. Thankyou to the person that emailed me saying that the links to the Aria pics I posted a few days ago didn't all work. I have fixed em now and they are back.

Aria 8 - Aria 9 - Aria 10 - Aria 11 - Aria 12 - Aria 13

Anyways... I did get a few emails from people around the place telling me how they came across my site. Quite interesting. My favourite was the one where some radio station advertised me on air and on their site. Anyone else wanna let me know you can do it here. I'm off. Have to be up in about 6 hours for school. Grrrrr... Enjoy. Mr. Orsm

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.11-1.07

Just a quick update coz I am rooted and need sleep. If anyone can be bothered then feel free to send me an email telling me how you found my site.... and I don't mean if you liked my site or if you thought it was shit. I mean where did you come from to get here? Actually I - if you wanna send me an email telling me that my site sucks then do that too. I'll prolly send you an email back asking you why you bother reading my site or better still, post your email and your address on this page so everyone [not just me] can think you are a dickhead too.

<--- Snipped from My Message Board --->

Very good doctoring job, maybe you can doctor a picture of you with a Dick!

<--- End Snip --->

This idiot [who was too gutless to post his/her email address] was referring to the Buffy Priceless pic. What a fucken childish thing to say. Sounds like something I would have said as an 8 year old... you know how it goes when you are in the playground at school and someone calls you 'dumb' and you retort with "atleast I've got a dick" or something to that effect. Fuck me.

I also got an email from some guy who was quite obviously technically challenged saying something like "what's the point of having videos if they don't work?". Let me just say that to the best of my knowledge they ALL work. Ever heard of a little program by the name of Winzip?

Q: Whats green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit the frog's finger....

Anyways... Stumbled across a couple of cool sites worth having a look at...

Bonsia Kitty is the first one. It took me a few minutes to realise that it is only for laughs. I sat there thinking how much a bunch of sick fucks these people are [and I HATE cats too].

X Dude. This site is still very much under construction it looks like but it has probably got the best Flash introduction that I have seen on the web yet.

--------------------------------------------

A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.

Reporter: "Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?"

Farmer stared at the reporter and said, "Do you know that the bull fucks the cow once a year?"

Reporter (getting embarrassed):"Well sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?"

Farmer : "Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow four times a day?"

Lady : "Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?"

Reporter: "I am getting to the point Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits four times a day and only fucking you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?"

--------------------------------------------

I just read the sad news that Stile Project is shutting down.

That's it! I've had it! Sorry folks, but the Stile Project will have to be shut down for real this time. There is not enough money for one person to maintain a site of this size and popularity, and to be honest, I'm sick of talking to people like you.

The Stile File was a way to get the more serious fans involved in this process before I post the news to the site. Sy.net (My ISP) is scheduled to shut the site down for good on Tuesday, February 13th.

Thanks for all of your support. My e-mail address of stile@stileproject.com may not be up for long, so you'll want to send your letters of sorrow to jstile@home.com.

On the other hand it could be another one of those Stile Proj hoaxes that have gone on before!? Either way it will be sad to see him go.

I'm outta here. Be good. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.09-2.36

Okay... haven't updated in a few days but I have been pretty bloody busy. First week back at school and my new course appears to be a shit load of Linux and Unix type stuff. Have been wanting to get my teeth stuck into that Linux for a while now but every time I have played with it I end up staring blankly into the screen wondering what the hell to do next. For anyone that doesn't know - Linux is an operating system. Those who use it will tell you that it is a shit load better than Windows. Anyways...

<--- Snipped from Usenet --->

Hypothetically speaking, if a star billions of light years away exploded, and the big super nova explosion of light that is radiated hasn't reached our planet yet, and we were to look at that star somehow, what would we see? The original star before it exploded? , in effect we would be looking back in time, as the events such as the explosion has not reached us yet.

<--- End Snip --->

... and now for the promised Aria Pics.

Aria 1 - Aria 2 - Aria 3 - Aria 4 - Aria 5 - Aria 6 - Aria 7 - Aria 8 - Aria 9 - Aria 10 - Aria 11 - Aria 12 - Aria 13

Random Shite anyone? Tony from Elegance Neon has been filling my email with a shit load of pics lately. Anyone else wishing to do so should prolly click here and get busy.

Beer N Tits - Body Builder - Chicken Head - Coke Bust

Fat - Fat - Fat

Glasses - Caught - Pimp - Who Da Man

I just spent a shit load of time cleaning up the Priceless section of my site. It was a fuckin mess. It wouldn't suprise me if it was crashing the occasional browser or two but anyways... I added 8 new ones. That takes the tally now to 129 of em. Pretty impressive considering that I started off less than 6 months ago with about 6 or 7 pics. The new ones start on this page. Can't remember who sent me this one but it is some pretty funny shite. Also cleaned up the archives of my updates too. If you are bored as fuck then make sure you have a little looksie.

I'm outta here. Going to pick up my new 40 gig hard drive. That takes me up to 70gigs of space on my computer. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2001.02.04-12.36p

AAARRRGHHHHH!!! Back to school tomorrow. It's been a lovely 5 or 6 weeks of holidays but now that is all about to end. I have to get used to getting up every morning at around 6 AM so I can catch the train into the city. What's so bad about that you say? Millions of people do that every day of the year just about... Well, for a start - for the last semester of last year I only had 4 classes a week that I had to attend. Roughly 8 contact hours it worked out to and not much study on top of that. This year is gunna be 8 AM to 5 PM Monday to Thursday... I am a big fan of getting out of bed around lunch time and staying up most of the nite. This is going to be a hard year... poor me huh!?

Click for more awesomeness

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "What is the difference between potentially and realistically?"The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars and ask your brother if he'd sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.

"So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million could buy?"

The boy pondered that for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?" The boy replied, "Yes, sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million dollars, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag."

--------------------------------------------

I just stumbled across this. It was posted in some newspaper somewhere in the good 'ole US of A.... what a psycho...

Okay, I didn't wanna post 2 jokes in the one update but this one is a bit of a ripper [if you ask me]...

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me,can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."The woman below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

--------------------------------------------

Okay, let me just say that I am not gay [not that there is anything wrong with that!] but this picture is really quite cute...

Anyways - best I be off to beddies. There'll be a Priceless update in the next couple of days with about 5 or 6 pics going to be added. You can send me more of em right about here. I'll also be spending some time in the next few weeks changing the Priceless section. All of the pics will be thumbnailed so those of you on slow connections don't have to wait all day for each page to load. Have also been sent a pile of Aria pics too. Very nice. Stay tuned for them. I'm outta here. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.


Click for more awesomeness

 

 

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