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Welcome to Dominos. First we
start with a classic crust covered with smooth tasty Cheddar, a
soft wafer thin crust, delicious creamy cheese, a mound of bacon,
another wafer thin crust, lashings of liquid cream cheese, a puddle
of oil covered in cheese followed by a tasty layer of pizza crust
covered in even more cheese. After that we crumb and deep-fry the
base then its time to choose your favourite toppings starting with
bacon, mayonnaise, cheese, cream cheese, liquid cheese, cheddar
and oil. Then it's just a matter of topping the whole thing off
with a generous layer of cheese and you're ready to eat!
How are we all this week? Good?
I'd love to say I am fan-fucking-tastic but I've been getting attacked
by random headaches which is quite rare for me. Add to that and
a distinct inability to get to sleep at night and that about sums
up the last week.
Things have actually been nice
and quiet with the most exciting thing being the haircut I got on
Tuesday night. Why is that exciting you may ask? Mostly because
the last time I had one was back in August and even then it was
only just a trim. Admittedly I was reluctant at first because the
whole long hair thing had really grown on me but having hair as
long as it was really amplified the fact I am losing the stuff at
a rapid rate. Now that it's been butchered I feel like a weight
has been lifted off my shoulders and I've never been happier.
It's that time of the year again...
more fucking car problems! I swear to god my baby hates me and I
have absolutely no idea why. Come to think of it, it may be something
to do with the fact my much loved transportation has become spiteful
and jealous towards me after declaring my intentions to finally
upgrade to something less troublesome in a few months after winter
has passed.
What was it this time? What wasn't
it may be a better question. The last couple of times its been serviced
they have told me about a 'minor' oil leak from the engine and up
until recently I ignored it because a) I didn't want to blow any
more cash on it than I had to and b) there were no oil drops on
the driveway where I park the damn thing... until recently. Plus
I was starting to smell burnt oil when I was driving - obviously
the leak had intensified and was now burning up on the exhaust manifold.
There was also the relatively recent problem of an extremely noisy
front wheel bearing that has been driving me absolutely insane.
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So I drop it in yesterday bright
and early Wednesday morning hoping that these 'minor' problems would
be sorted by mid-afternoon. I wait patiently all day and then the
call comes and as always its bad news. "Umm yeah... we pulled your
car apart and we've noticed its leaking from several other places
too. It's going to be a much bigger job than we thought so we will
have to keep your car over night and start again on it tomorrow".
Of course you do. Why am I not surprised? "I guess it's
not covered under the extended warranty either is it?" I said. "No."
Of course not.
Today comes and after hearing
nothing all day I call them an hour before closing to find out what
was going. They tell me to head down so I organise a ride and prepare
myself for the inevitable disappointing news and of course
I get it. Firstly, they haven't been able to replicate the incessant
ringing noise which closely resembles that of a train travelling
at speed that I described in detail and a check of the front end
identified sweet fuck all. Of course even after taking
the manager for a lap around the block I couldn't get it to happen
again. Of course the next time it started [and didn't stop]
was on the way back home. Of course.
As for the leak... thankfully
it no longer exists which is a shame because I could have used some
of the oil to lube up and make the ass fucking I got on the bill
a bit easier.
The new car thing is something
that's bugging me. I've been on about it for so god damn long now
but as I mentioned above I'm not quite ready to get it happening
just yet. That hasn't stopped me from researching though - I refuse
to get fucked over on a dud again so I plan on knowing exactly where
I stand when the time finally comes. So what kind of wheels am I
thinking? Well that's a secret but if someone decides they would
just like to just give me AUD$150k then it would definitely be one
of these.
Don't even think about paying for porn on the
net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on
the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn?
Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us
who get
it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and
accept paying for porn the less free
porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com
teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!
The
Napster Of Porn - Nancy Hall at FreePorn-Resource.com
has been fighting for a free adult internet since 1999. As featured
on Howard Stern and featured adult resource on the top major search
engines. Surfers should never have to pay for porn ever again if
they use her free
adult comsumer resource.
If you've been reading my site for any period
of time you would notice that each week I plug Newbie
Nudes. This just isn't because they are paying me to do so...
it's because Newbie
Nudes is easily the best site of its kind on the net today.
Hundreds of thousands of pics which are added to daily, tonnes of
vids and the ability to interact with thousands of people that love
to get their gear off and show what they've got... did I mention
it's all free too? Check
it now!
I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked
out Revenge TV
yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard
about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites
to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is
truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of
ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does
that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge
TV is how! Click
here to see what I mean...
Hot
Latin Goddess - Prime
Suspects - Fucking
WRONG! - Chix
Dump - RateMyPix
- Fiery
Arse's - Tasty
Ella
Badonkadonk!
- Insane
Bass - Paris
Hilton Flash - Hilarious
- Stutter
Rap - Bitchy
Bitches - Ooops!!
- Cool Signs
I will go down on you and make
you extremely happy. But only long enough to make you think it is
going to get better. Then i will come back up and fuck you like
no other!! Sincerely yours, Gas Prices.
--
There were two old men sitting on a park bench passing the day away
talking. One asked the other, "How's your wife?" The second old
guy replied, "I think she may be dead!" The first man asked, "What
do you mean you THINK she's dead?" The second explained, "Well...the
sex is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up."
Three guys at a classy golf course
are waiting for their friend to show up in order to complete their
foursome. After waiting several minutes and at risk of losing their
tee time, the three notice an oddball standing by the clubhouse
all by himself, carrying a bag of clubs. The three of them look
at each other, shrug their shoulders and figure, "Why not?"
They ask the stranger if he would like to play
with them, and with a thick Italian accent, he agrees. While playing
on a green, one guy asks, "So, what do you do for a living?"
The Italian guy responds, "I'm a hit man." Not believing
the guy, they begin to laugh.
"No, I'm not kidding," he replies,
"take a look at my sniper rifle here in my bag, it costs $1000
every time I pull the trigger." The three golfers begin admiring
the rifle and the huge scope that is on top. The first guy jokingly
says, "I bet I can see my house from here with that thing!"
As a friendly gesture, the hit man hands him
the gun and says "Here, take a look." The first guy takes
the gun and looks toward his house through the scope, just past
the next hole.
"Hey!" he yells while looking through
the scope, "My wife is naked with the neighbour and they are
kissing!" He asks the hit man, "How much for you to pull
the trigger?", the hit man replies, "$1000."
The guy then yells, "Okay, I'll give you
$2000; I want you to shoot my neighbour in his penis for obvious
reasons and I want you to shoot my wife in her mouth for always
nagging me!"
With that, the hit man takes his rifle, loads
it, and takes aim toward the guy's house. He is sitting there for
a long time, just looking through the scope. The guy yells, "What
the hell are you waiting for?" The hit man says, "Hold
on here, I'm about to save you a thousand dollars!"
ORSM
VIDEO
NOT
GETTING ENOUGH OF THE REAL THING? FLESHLIGHT WILL CHANGE THE WAY
YOU GET OFF FOREVER!
A white guy is walking along a beach when he
comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the
lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he
has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and
the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom,
in a mansion surrounded by 50 beautiful women He makes love to all
of them and begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something
soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $1,000
bills. Then, there's a knock at the door.
He answers it and standing there are two persons
dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest
tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's
dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove
their hoods; it's the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to
the other one," I can understand the first wish having all
these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to I can also
understand him wanting to be a millionaire, but why he wanted to
be hung like a black man is beyond me.
Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com
yet? Its the webs only FREE
adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude
webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult
movies, and even download
all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an
email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free
hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for
yourself and have
a look!
READER MAIL
I say it every week but it happens
every week - with so much quality mail coming my way you guys make
it just about impossible for me to pick which reader mail to post
on the main page and my inbox has the stretch marks to prove it!
If you would like to contribute
and possibly have your shit featured on Orsmnet then we are always
more than happy to receive anything that involves nakedness of your
ex or current chick, crazy videos, insane pics or fuck-ass-funny
jokes! All you must do is click here and
make the magic happen.
Alex
Luque wrote:
Subject: Mistake in Mexican babes post
These
girls aren't from Mexico, they are from Madrid (Spain).
And to be more specific, these pics were stolen from one girl's
computer in her room at the campus of the University of Alonso
X El Sabio. Of course i cannot prove they are from Spain but
the evidence is in the plug sockets in some pics. In this
link you can check that is a type C plug socket and that
is used in all countries of Europe except the United Kingdom,
Ireland, Cyprus and Malta in words of this web page.
Also the newspapers covered
the issue and i think the police is still trying to find the
guy who stole the pics and distributed it. (Sorry I didn't
find any link to a newspaper). I decided to write to you because
2 things. First, Spain is very very often confused with Mexico
and other Latin American countries in the world of internet.
This is because of the fact we are all "hispanoparlantes"
which means spanishspeakers more or less. I think 99% of the
pics claiming they are spanish girls are actually latin american
girls. The second thing is because I hate that people declare
pics collected from the internet as theirs like this guy who
says they are his classmates. |
Jl Connors
wrote:
Subject: not absolutlly correct
this is to that person who had a problem
with random
pic #6 lighten up will ya the world is uptight enough
without people like you pointing out every thing we do that
is not absolutlly correct afraid of offending someone how
come some people are allowed to say what ever they want
but some are not allowed to say any thing that someone somewhere
might find offencive please let me know if you have a reasonable
explaination. thanks i'll be wait'in on a responce
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jeremy smith
wrote:
Subject: German Sex-Ed
Hey Mr ORSM. So I clicked the link to
"German
Sex-Ed" and was immediately taken back to the age
of 3 when I was told how babies were made (there was a brother
on the way). I completely forgot that that book is what
brought me into the world of sex, albeit it a long time
before I realised I got to join the party. Massive head
spin.
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ducky
wrote:
Subject: Crazy Hateful Bitch part 2
After seeing your clip of the Westboro
Baptist Church member on Fox news, I had to see their
site. Just make a link so others can see how crazy these
jackasses are. Keep up the good work dude, I'm gonna go
vomit.
These people are fucking crackers.
Read all about their exploits on Wiki here.
-Orsm
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Clayton
wrote:
Subject: big ass bruise
Thank freedom for sites like this. This
crazy asshole had been drinking whiskey for two days straight
and went skiing in harsh, way below freezing conditions
in just that vest and pants. April fools day, Breckenridge,
Colorado. He tried to do a 540 in the park and didn't make
it. He landed his hip, ass, and thigh on the binding of
his ski and this is what he had to show for it. What a beauty.
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Brad
wrote:
Subject: fire demons
Hey Orsm, I took this photo of a bonfire
at a bush doof on saturday night. Scared the crap out of
me when I checked the LCD preview! The one on the left has
a tail draped over its right shoulder... And for the record
there are no alterations to the image.
I can actually see it... scary.
-Orsm
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J.R
wrote:
Subject: orsm pic
Hey Mr Orsm. I found this number plate
while on holiday in dunsborough. I though it must be the
most unlucky number plate ever. Non personalised aswell.
Love J.R
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<with held>
wrote:
Subject: Pics for ORSM
Hi Orsm, most awesome site mate. I have
some pics of my better half and we thought you might like
them. Would be cool to see them on your site if you could.
There may be more to come.. Please keep my details private.
Thanks mate.
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Mark
wrote:
Subject: Fw: Truck vs Police car Crash At Benalla
Apparently the SS had only 26k's on the
clock before it was turned into a convertible.... this made
the major news state wide ,BUT Alas, the copper wasn't in
the crumpledoor!
Mass carnage! -Orsm
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Traz!
wrote:
Subject: Hey! Heres some pics of my ex ;)
Hey mr orsm great site. iv got some pics
of my ex enjoy! Take them all if u want them
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TM wrote:
Subject: Me & The Missus
Hey there, I just love your site. So
many things to look at so little time. Here are some pix
of the wife & I doing what comes naturally. Keep up
the good work.
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Kane Dennis
wrote:
Subject: spanish punani
One of my Spanish mates flicked these
photos on to me of a friend/dirty slut of his that he has
been chatting with on line. Dont know if hes for real or
not but the truth is that she is damn hot so what else is
there to do but share them with the rest of you dirty dogs
out there!
|
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Anthony
wrote:
Subject: Aerobatics
Hey guys check out this world championship
aeroplane aerobatics out in Japan, its awesome. Just click
on the link, its a pretty big file but well worth it. Don't
forget to turn your speakers up!
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A man is driving home from work
when he sees a car on the side of the road, on its roof, and flames
all around. He stops his car and walks over to the wreck. Inside
is a beautiful woman in the car who's bleeding to death, so he rushes
her to the hospital. Six months she lies in the hospital, and he
is with her every day and every night. He donated blood regularly
to keep her alive.
Eventually, she recovers fully, and they get
married. Life is good for a few years, until one day she gets fed
up and decides to leave him. He only loves money, and she knows
she is just a trophy wife.
She comes down the stairs, struggling with her
two suitcases, reaching into her pocket for the keys to the Jaguar,
"I'm leaving you," she says. "Oh really, and how
are you going to leave? The keys in your hand are for the Jaguar
I paid for. It's my car. You are not taking it anywhere."
"Fine," she says, and ! throws the
keys at him. "And those bulging suitcases? The clothes you
are wearing? Everything I've paid for. They are my suitcases and
my clothes. You're not taking them anywhere."
"Fine," she says, throws the suitcases
at him, strips off her clothes and throws them at him, too. "And
the blood in your body? I sat with you for six months in the hospital.
You know half of the blood is mine. You're not going anywhere."
With that she quickly sticks her hand down the
front of her panties, pulls out her tampon, throws it in his face
and says... "I'll pay you back in monthly instalments!"
ORSM
VIDEO
Dear Mrs. Johnston, our store is
considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless
your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over
the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.
MEMO Re: Mr. Mark Johnston - Complaints - 15
Things Mr. Mark Johnston has done while his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
and randomly put them in people's cart's when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to
the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
tone, Code 3 in housewares... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of
M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told
other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from
the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins
to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as
a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,
asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming
the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna
look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those
voices again!!!!"
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited
a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper
in here!"
RANDOM SHITE
Sin, sex and vulgarity make
up this weeks RS and I am awfully proud to claim responsibility.
Reckon you can handle it? Check it...
RS
- RS
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RS
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- RS |
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I'VE
BEEN PLUGGING ALL SITE ACCESS FOR SO LONG NOW I THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT
TIME TO BUY A MEMBERSHIP AND CHECK IT OUT FOR MYSELF! WHY THE HELL
DID I WAIT SO LONG? THIS IS AWESOME! CLICK HERE & CHECK IT OUT!
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard
to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they
faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need
to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.
She asked Ben what he had done over the weekend.
"I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit
your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!"
She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I
took a ride on a choo choo." She said "No, you took a
ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use "Big People' words."
She then asked little Alex what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!"
the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Alex thought
real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride,
and said, "Winnie the SHIT."
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One
took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off,
wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window
seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke." "Don't
get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll
get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up
the Marines shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned with the
coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like
one, too." Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the
Marines other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they
all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the
Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what
had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?"
he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between
our nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes
and pissing in cokes?"
ORSM
VIDEO
Guess what girls and boys? This is the bit where
the update comes to an end - the fruition of countless hours of
hard work by little old me. Impressed? If you are, and you're a
female with big boobs then you should definitely email me naked
pics of yourself immediately.
If you're reading this then it's probably safe
to say you've scrolled all the way down the page and are possibly
even wondering when I will return next. The answer to that question
is next Thursday... unless the headache which is currently pounding
my brain morphs into some sort of a haemorrhage and kills me. In
the mean time feel free to tell the world about this fucking awesome
website you found called O-R-S-M-DOT-NET!
Until next time be good, stay off the chems and
keep it in your pants, son. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm. |
