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November 2006 ...
 
orsmupdate 2006.11.30-23.14

Welcome to Orsm.net. Why cant everybody just get along? Because they're all retarded!

What a sensational time of the year. The weather is becoming more perfect by the day, the cricket is in full swing, December is just hours away and we have just three more updates before the year is over! I don't know what everyone else is doing but god damn I am looking forward to that week off between Christmas and New Year!

This got me looking through the site archives and worked out this is update 48 for the year - thus far just 1 less than all of 2005 with the aforementioned 3 still to go. I don't know if I should be proud or woeful. I say it every year but this year I have definitely worked harder and longer on the site than any other and missed out on a lot of shit because of it. Awww poor me huh...?

Not that I dare complain though... of all the jobs I've had in my life there is none other I would rather be doing than running this site... except retirement maybe...? But its time to rejuvenate. I've been thinking and planning and scheming for the last few months on changes I want to make to the site. I wont go in to major detail suffice to say things need to be added, removed, freshened, automated, and most of all I want to see a complete new design. I've got a million ideas but as always would love to hear from you guys.

The Ashes... it's probably a little too early to start gloating but doesn't England just suck at cricket? I tried to watch or listen to as much of the five days as I could and it just got sweeter with every bowl and every run but to be completely honest I think the thing I took most delight in was the lack of email in my direction from the Poms. Usually there is something telling me to fuck up or not get too cocky but I'm just glad that you guys have accepted the reality so soon in the series...

On to my week which really has been all over the damn place. Up and down, round and round. Good, bad, average. It kicked off Friday - lunch with a mate in a trendy little noodle bar called Wagamamas. I know they are starting to pop up everywhere so if you like noodles then go no further. We followed that up with a beer at the nearest pub watching the cricket. Honestly if I could spend every Friday like that I would be a happy man.

After that it was home to work for a few hours then off to the annual 'Wanneroo Agricultural Show' which is basically a whole bunch of rides, greasy food, shitty stalls selling shitty products and an extremely poor fireworks show which showered us in debris. Did I mention the people? Imagine a few thousand rednecks and yokels all crammed into one largish area and you're pretty much there. Strangely enough it was good fun though and at the very least a good perve opportunity if that's your thing........

Early start on Saturday. My sister and her BF finally found a rental and it was moving day. It was also buy a fridge and washer day so we got moving to the nearest sale and much to my surprise had both of them on the trailer and back to their place in less than a couple of hours.

Sunday... 'the first Sunday of summer'. TFSoS has absolutely nothing to do with the date but rather that magical one when the heat arrives - the first sign of what's ahead. Sadly though all I had planned was to attack the garden. I've done pretty well with it lately and the goal of getting it sorted before summer kicks in and I can relax was beginning to be realised but I just didn't have it in me to stand in the sun all day. I chose instead to stay inside [in the aircon!] and reorganise everything back to where it was before my visitors moved in back last May. I really can't put into words how good it is to have my space back. No clutter, no mess and for the most part everything is in its place. I pray to god it lasts!

I finally ventured outside early afternoon to give the car a quick wash all in preparation for the holy TFSoS tradition - a cruise along the coast with the boys. Okay so we've been pretty lax with it the last few years but it was a pretty relaxing way to spend an afternoon. Hopefully there'll be plenty more like it in the coming months... bring on summer!

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Don't even think about paying for porn on the net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn? Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us who get it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and accept paying for porn the less free porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!

I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Stop The Aussies - Hottest Duo EVER! - KickAss Game - Fucking Wild - Freestyling - Tasty Latina - Dick Sucking Hoe

Boobie Flashing - Holy Fuck - Britney's Bits - Camgurl Cutie - Sobriety Test - Flexi-Teen - Moron - Evil Soldiers

How Dumb? - Mega Tits - Piss Lifter - Alyssa Milano - Lucy Clarkson - Ass 'N Titties - Facialed - Blonde Hunee

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?" He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos." She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell." St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized." She says, "That's okay, I've already got holes for that."

click here for more

WHAT PORNO'S WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE...

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Every guy has a penis as big as Orsm's.
32. All women are completely bald.
33. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then fucked in a moving van.
34. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
35. Any other girl is a MILF.

ORSM VIDEO

I GOT MY FLESH LIGHT AND ALL I CAN SAY IS FUCKING FANTASTIC!!
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY IF YOU LIKE YOUR PENIS THEN YOU WILL LOVE FLESH LIGHT! YOU WILL BE AMAZED!

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "OK Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either. "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached - I'll be having my baby on my own." After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair." "Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes." "Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologises, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!" "What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked. "Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark.

DIGGING UP THE PAST

Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo

Paleo - Paleo - Paleo - Paleo

click here for more

THEN... AND NOW...

SCENARIO: JACK PULLS INTO SCHOOL PARKING LOT WITH RIFLE IN GUN RACK.
1963 - Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack's rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 - School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

SCENARIO: JOHNNY AND MARK GET INTO A FIST FIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
1963 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

SCENARIO: LITTLE JEFFREY WON'T BE STILL IN CLASS, DISRUPTS OTHER STUDENTS.
1963 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

SCENARIO: BILLY BREAKS A WINDOW IN HIS FATHER'S CAR AND HIS DAD GIVES HIM A WHIPPING.
1963 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 - Billy's Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy's sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

SCENARIO: MARK GETS A HEADACHE AND TAKES SOME HEADACHE MEDICINE TO SCHOOL.
1963 - Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

SCENARIO: MARY TURNS UP PREGNANT.
1963 - 5 High School Boys leave town. Mary does her senior year at a special school for expectant mothers.
2006 - Middle School Counselor calls Planned Parenthood, who notifies the ACLU. Mary is driven to the next state over and gets an abortion without her parent's consent or knowledge. Mary given condoms and told to be more careful next time.

SCENARIO: PEDRO FAILS HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH.
1963: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006: Pedro's cause is taken up by ultra-liberals. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can't speak English.

SCENARIO: JOHNNY TAKES APART LEFTOVER FIRECRACKERS FROM THE 4TH OF JULY, PUTS THEM IN A MODEL AIRPLANE PAINT BOTTLE, BLOWS UP A RED ANT BED.
1963 - Ants die.
2006 - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

SCENARIO: JOHNNY FALLS WHILE RUNNING DURING RECESS AND SCRAPES HIS KNEE. HE IS FOUND CRYING BY HIS TEACHER, MARY, WHO HUGS JOHNNY TO COMFORT HIM.
1963 - In a short time Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2006 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.

And this is what they call progress?

click here for more

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READER MAIL
Got some cool shit to share? Well you've come to the right place! We, the people of Orsm.net, do hold in high regard all things pertaining to compromising pictures of a tasty Ex or current female, jokes, vids of you and your mates acting all retarded, anything car related and as a matter of fact - anything anything related. All you've gotta do is click here and make the magic happen!

AL wrote:
Subject: gday mate
Hey Mr Orsm, long time viewer, fellow sand-groper and regular nice guy AL here... I just wanted to say a little bit about the daylight savings. I am a firm anti-clock changing fella, and have several reasons I think you, along with most decent red blooded WA males will agree with, which are often overlooked.

While getting up an hour early is a fucking stupid idea, thats not my main gripe. While I am a nocturnal critter who likes to go to bed when its 10 degrees cooler and nice and dark, well... thats my business. What Im talking about, is the misuse of power. Where did the decision come from? You honestly think the pollies sat down and researched the benefits and drawbacks of daylight savings? Hell no! That would get in the way of buying their 7th govt. mobile phone, deciding which 5 star restaurant to hold their meetings at and all important govy issues like that.

NO, it was all the pompous fuckin hippy cunts who forwarded that fucking "lets get daylight savings" email. The latte' sipping sort that want us to be like Sydney (you been to that place? what a fuckin shit hole). With the decision coming from stupid pollies, bending to the will of every fucking hippy cunt in town who simply had to hit "forward", just wait. The power will go to their heads, these fuckwits who blindly sent on that stupid fucking email (of which I received about 8 times a day for weeks on end) will think "hold on, we can change things just by sending mass emails around" next thing you know, we're saluting an American government, living next door to Gary and Bruce, who are celebrating their 3rd wedding anniversary on the same day as their adopted Iranian transvestite sons 38th birthday by inviting the entire gay/lesbian Hesbola community over to their fucking wig wam for a game of nude volley hackey sack and a bit of tofu radish dip topped off with a quick sacrificing of a virgin.

look out mate, these unequal opportunity fuckers will take over, and the next thing you know V8's will be outlawed, beer will be taxed in lieu of Fagachinos, our flag will have some silly fucking boomerang on it, cricket grounds will be forced to have 'Friday fag day', there will be fuckin Gay only parking bays down the beach, blokes will be marrying goats and all manner of fagget shit will be popping up all over this perfect beautiful state of ours. Did any of the people out bush or on farms get a chance to spam the pollies? ps. if you want daylight savings, get up a fucking hour earlier.

I'm still on the fence as far as to whether I support or oppose it but some interesting points nonetheless. -Orsm

John wrote:
Subject: RE: Launch as Seen from Space Station
Whoever sent you the Space Station pictures is a moron, here's the article on those pictures from Snopes. (Which tells you that no, he obviously did not take them himself, got a forwarded email with them and sent them in) Still cool, but not the space station. Cheers!

I was joking about taking them himself! -Orsm

Muzza wrote:
Subject: Reader Mail: Subject: revheads
"...was fukn great till the blower drive belt went pop and it all went quiet."????????
What drugs is graeme on? You can clearly see two rooster tails of sparks come from the wheel rims near the end of that vid. This can mean only one thing: this guy has done a monster burnout, and managed to pop both tyres nearly simultaneously, thus making the burnout even better. If it was a competition scored on the same rules as SummerNats, the driver scored extra points for popping tyres within the time limit, not to mention that instant smoke! If you look closely, through the smoke, you can just make out the driver exiting the beast shortly after the tyres pop. He looks pretty happy with himself, and rightly so, I say! Very tidy effort. Cheers from Muzza in Wagga, home of Revfest.

<with held> wrote:
Subject: Euro-Weenie Cops Riposte
Hi Orsm, I felt compelled to respond to the attack on the 'Euro Weenie Cops' in your last update. Given that the NYPD just ended a guy's stag night (and life) in a hail of bullets here's my riposte to Daniel who thinks the answer is to give cops guns. Because nobody died and the Euro-weenie cops don't end someone's stag night in a hail of bullets. Like this. Daniel must be all in favour of this kind of police work ... After all what better way to resolve problems than to shoot them? Sad mentality.

Shane wrote:
Subject: Kindergarten's version of a pair of scissors
Hi Orsm, Gotta love the innocence of kids eh?

Ha! -Orsm

click to enlarge

Tofie wrote:
Subject: oops!she did it again
You must be sick of this crap, but may you could use one of the attached for your Random Shit column

I got these about ten thousand times so I've just stuck them all together. -Orsm

click for gallery
Betty wrote:
Subject: Ex-Girlfriend Pictures for the site
Here's some pics of my ex-boyfriend getting his knob polished by the fat whore he cheated on me with. I swiped some vids from his computer also, if you want me to e-mail those.
click for gallery
mod 2004 wrote:
Subject: Great Fuck
Hi Mr. Orsm, great site! I just wanted to send you some nice Hi-Res pics from me and my good friend of mine. We never had a relationship, but time by time we had a great fuck together... and Anja has really great Boobs... Go on man! Your site rocks!
click for gallery
Some Stooge wrote:
Subject: Only in Texas ...
Now we're talkin' boys n girls !! 28" rims with low profile tyres - could only happen in the US... couldn't it. He's the man!!! This is the Sheriff 's Police Car of the Local Sheriff Department in Texas (only in Texas). Specifications - ENGINE: 7.0L Supercharged V8, 515 KW, 904 Nm Torque. MAX SPEED: 250 (Limited). ACCELERATION: 0-100 in 6.5 sec. (Quick for a car that weighs more than 3.5 tonne!) WHEELS: 28 inch chrome TYRES: 325/35 R28 Profile
click for gallery
Nurries wrote:
Subject: Some Pics for ya
G'day ORSM bloke, Just thought I'd finally get off my arse and send some pics to you. Post what you want, or don't. Some of the pics are from the V8 round over your way earlier this year. Think I'll be moving across next year, got have a change from Melbourne. Keep up the good work bloke. Cheers.
click for gallery
<with held> wrote:
Subject: Brilliant South African City Lodge Advert
Hi Mr Orsm. Great site yada yada.. anyway I got sent this brilliant Advert for a hotel chain in South Africa. I doubt it will ever see television but its still brilliant. Please don't post my details. Cheers
click to watch video
Dale wrote:
Subject: Perth Stripper
Had a top night at "Mick Dundee's" place last Saturday. Had a girl over , she was a lot of fun. Claims she can fit 15 ice-cubes in her ass. She did about 5. Serena. Fuck she can talk though. All i can say about the video is ... "Big Red , move your fucking head !!"
click to watch video

Back in the days before twist-off beer caps, two Newfies went camping. They packed a cooler with sandwiches and beer and set out. After two days of hiking, they arrived at a great spot but soon realised that they had forgotten to pack a bottle opener.

The first Newfie turns to the second and says, 'You gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer." "No way, bye," says the second. "By the time I gets back, you'll have eaten all the food." "I promise I won't," says the first Newfie. "Just hurry!"

Five full days pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie. Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie gives in to hunger and digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells, "I knew it!! I'm not fucking going!!!"

click here for more

A Lebanese arrives in Sydney as a new immigrant to Australia. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says "Thank you Mr. Australian for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, money , free medical care and free education!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Russian ".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Australia!" The person says "I no Australian , I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Australia!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an Australian!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an Australian?" She says, "No, I am from New Zealand!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Australians?" The Kiwi lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says, "Probably at work!"

ORSM VIDEO

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SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 50th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'." "Yeah?" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

ELDERLY SEX
One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor 'assisted living apartment' killing him instantly. Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honour. I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... he could fly."

RANDOM SHITE
Absolutely nothing gross or for that matter disturbing in this weeks RS. True story. Take the first pic for instance...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS

click here for more

Four men were bragging about how smart their Cats were. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third a Chemist and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat: "T-square, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said: "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said: "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass. Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the government employee And said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Employee called his cat and said: "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for workers compensation... and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave!

click here for more

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies. I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?" Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your arse, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again.

ORSM VIDEO

And that is update done. Time of death: Thursday 30th November 2006. Anyway I hate long goodbyes so I'm just going to cut to the chase this week..

- Check out the site archives because they fucking rock.
- Next update is next Thursday - the same as it is every week.
- Tell your friends to come check out ORSM-DOT-NET! or I will knife them all.
- Email me!

Until next time be good, stay off the chems and have a bloody good weekend. Enjoy. Mr. Orsm.

 
orsmupdate 2006.11.23-23.01

Welcome to Orsm.net. Irene! Fuckin' Irene!

Wooo... After all the hype, speculation, commentary and controversy the Ashes have finally begun and for those of you who have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about then you're definitely not an Aussie or a Pom.

Every couple of years Australia meets England for the Ashes Cricket series with the winners taking not only the trophy but gloating rights too. It's a light-hearted rivalry and like most fans I have been particularly looking forward to this year after Australia was painfully defeated last time around. That is all about to change though - yes this year I'm quite sure that the Aussies are going to reassert their dominance and knock those little Pommie bastards all over the field all summer long. Bring it on!

My whinge this week is about those retarded fucks who protested the G20 Summit thing in Melbourne last week. Ignorance is bliss so I'll be perfectly honest when I say I have pretty much no idea what the G20 is all about and I don't particularly care. I also don't really understand why the people protesting are so upset about the G20 convening, why they attacked the cops and news crews, why they trashed a McDonalds and Nike store and just generally destroyed anything and everything in their path. Seriously, what does destroying someone's car or trashing a police van or putting a cop in hospital achieve? It's the age old thing of those in power making the decisions so if they don't like it maybe they should put down their bongs and get involved.

What I would like to have seen is rubber bullets, tear gas, pepper spray and fierce beatings dished out by the police. Fuck these hippy morons. I'm just glad that they didn't get their message across and like I said above - they're all fucking retards and I hope they die.

Moving on... the other big news this week was the retirement of swimming legend Ian 'Thorpedo' Thorpe. You've got to admit that for a 24 year old he's done pretty bloody well for himself and he'll be remembered for all eternity but whether or not that is for swimming remains to be seen. Why? I kid you not - every single person I have spoken to this week has brought up or at least hinted at the fact that Thorpe loves a bit of 'Thorpedo'.

Rumours have been circulating for years about Thorpe's sexuality and he hasn't exactly done all that much to quell them and after watching the press conference, the way he speaks and who could forget his effeminate mannerisms there's no doubt in my mind. What's he afraid of anyway? Come on Thorpey - out of the pool, out of the closet too!

Daylight saving... I'm almost shocked to utter the words but good old Western Australia is finally getting it! I really didn't think we'd ever get it but surprisingly out politicians have actually done something that involves giving instead of taking away.

The last time we had a daylight saving trial was 91/92 so I barely remember what difference it made to me but I do know the people that are most strongly against it are the farmers and in particular dairy farmers. I'll claim ignorance again on this one but apparently the cows need to be milked at a certain time so the poor farmers will need to get up an hour earlier. All this despite the fact they are actually waking up at the same time as they normally would [daylight saving or no daylight saving] except the clock says something different. Figure that one out! Anyway in my simplistic interpretation it seems that a few million people who would otherwise benefit - cant.

Anyway enough social commentary... lets get on with the update shall we...

Don't even think about paying for porn on the net! What's the matter with you? Why are all you new surfers on the net running around with your credit cards and paying for porn? Don't you see that by paying for porn it ruins it for all of us who get it for free? Don't you see that the more people give in and accept paying for porn the less free porn we will see on the net? FreePornLessons.com teaches you the in's and out so check it out now!

How long have I been promoting Newbie Nudes? Forever! Why? Because it is the fucking best! Believe it or not there are over 400,000 active users, almost 1 million photos, and 17,000 videos AND it's growing by the day! So if you haven't checked out god's greatest gift to the internet and want to see and interact with real babes then Newbie Nudes is the place to be! Check it now!

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I can think of two reasons why you haven't checked out Revenge TV yet. First up it's because you are new to the net and haven't heard about what will long be remembered as one of the greatest sites to ever be surfed. Secondly, because you are a spastic. This is truly the ultimate revenge site - thousands of vids and pics of ex's that managed to leave a jilted lover in their wake. How does that jilted lover get his own back? Revenge TV is how! Click here to see what I mean...

Lolly Pop Kyra - Skate Or Die!! - Tasty Lesbians - Cheating Housewife - Soft Porn - Wigger Please - Perfect Ass

Screw The Country - Vida Guerra - Shit The Tub! - Cam Whores - Psycho Woman - Flabney Spears - In Style

Bikini Comp - Gothic Slut - Let Rip - Silly Bitches - We Have Nipples - Hockey Biffo - Penelope Cruz - RateMyPix!

Upon hearing of Thorpie's retirement announcement today, Kim Beazley congratulated Billy Thorpe on his retirment and his contribution to Australian music.
--
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

click here for more

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city centre studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week.

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath."

"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water." "What about your husband? asked the model. "Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris. "Good," said the model. "Now that that's been settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight."

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair.

The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modelling swimmer or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her. "It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself."

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. "Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred. "Yes, he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?" "Just to show you the difference," answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times." "Yes, said Fred, I have - but the rest of the dart team hadn't."

ORSM VIDEO

FLESHLIGHT... NOT AS CREEPY AS YOU THINK! I GOT MINE AND IT IS HONESTLY THE FUCKING
GREATEST THING EVER! CLICK HERE TO CHECK IT OUT.

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

click here for more

Have you guys checked out MyFreePaysite.com yet? Its the webs only FREE adult megasite where you can see the hundreds of nude webcam girls, stream thousands of DVD-quality full-length adult movies, and even download all the celebrity videos all for free. And all you need is an email address to join! Shit, theyll even let you signup with a free hotmail account! You will not believe this, just go over there for yourself and have a look!

READER MAIL
Week in week out I senselessly dribble away in my blog about my life and what I’ve been up to and I thought it would be cool to hear from some of you guys for a change. Tell me something! Who are you? Were do you live? What’s you family like? What do you do for work? If there are any good ones I will post them up on a page [obviously minus all your details] for all to read. Email me here.

Noah Sensayumah wrote:
Subject: if we're not supposed to eat animals...
You ask: if we're not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat? Well, if we're not supposed to eat people, why are THEY made of meat? (Eating your girlfriend doesn't count, unless you want to 'eat' a cow in the same way.) Sort yourself out. You can't have it both ways.

I can never tell if these kind of emails are for real or from retards...? -Orsm

Daniel wrote:
Subject: cop run over...
Looks like those euro-weenie cops need to get themselves a gun and a clue. They were not even able to break a window with those pansy-assed little sticks they carry, and the guy in the car was doing his best to kill one of them. A car is a deadly weapon, why not return the favor with a few well placed rounds of .45ACP...

d wrote:
Subject: VegasMILF
Orsm, Keep up the good work, we love it in the states. This is a sexy 42yr old MILF I met in vegas, she wouldnt let me take a frontal, but you get the idea.

Sensational cheeks... but can we see the muff please? -Orsm

click to enlarge

<with held> wrote:
Subject: She was a crazy bitch
Awesome site! Been reading it for years now... wow has it been that long? But this is my first time to write had a crazy ex that decided to beat the fuck outta me cause she couldn't stop doing meth...so my revenge is i'm sending in my vids and pics to ya so they slowly work their way across the internet....feel free to let people know my contact info and sorry i gotta forward it in sections kinda having some computer issues right now wont go into it

click for gallery click to watch video

Craig wrote:
Subject: red bull shit
Went sunday. Perth side. Great day. Best place? under the planes as they were landing back at the strip. Only took a couple of stills. Mostly vids, and no doubt you'll get heaps of submissions....

There's a whole bunch here taken by and courtesy of Saffrey. -Orsm

click to enlarge
click to enlarge click to enlarge

Mike wrote:
Subject: Launch Seen from International Space Station
Launch, as seen from the International Space Station. The Space Station happened to be passing by when the Shuttle launched 09/09/06

Nice pics mate! Did you take them yourself...? -Orsm

click to enlarge click to enlarge
<with held> wrote:
Subject: What the hell does it mean?
Hey orsm. Love the site, I had to show you these from our local "Rambo". This guy is trying to run his own security company, the question is ...."What the hell does it mean?"
Some Guy wrote:
Subject: wot a clever fella....
For those not in the know, a couple of icebergs have drifted in about 80km off the coast of the bottom of the South Island of NZ. They're drifting parallel to the coast after drifting up from the Antarctic where they broke away about 6 yrs ago... pretty cool stuff...
click for gallery
iulian serban wrote:
Subject: Cool pictures of the fall in Romania
Hope to send u some other cool stuff from romania. i will be onoured if u will show theese pictures to the world. Thx.
click for gallery
Matt wrote:
Subject: Bosnia
Hey man, I'm currently stationed in Bosnia, love your site, sure helps pass the time over here. Just a couple of pics to show a fucked up country like this can be beautiful, even if it's just for a few minutes. 1st pic was taken by a Dutch soldier in the SW of the country, the last two were from my balcony around 6am.
click for gallery

Hugo wrote:
Subject: M5 power check this out
G'day. Some pics of an idiot of Umhlanga Rocks on the north coast of KZN.

Expensive. -Orsm

click for gallery
Werdna wrote:
Subject: Truck Prank
Hey, I have been visiting for a little over a year now, and just have not had anything exciting to share. Well I little while ago I found a nice large roll of wrap, and my brother was headed to a new job, So I put one and one together and got this....Peace
click for gallery

markos ramirez wrote:
Subject: old crazy italian
I know your website is in English but this old crazy italian sing bob marley in an amazing style

click to watch video

Vlado wrote:
Subject: Ufo over Sarajevo
Hi. I find this amazing clip on the net. The guy on the video is making an announcement about MEPSO theater festival in Sarajevo, when suddenly...

I wasn't a believer... until now. -Orsm

click to watch video
graeme wrote:
Subject: revheads
g'day orsm, went down to narrogin for the revheads weekend over the last coupla days. what a fukn feral thing that is! got a bit of video, and thought you might appreciate this little burnout from a datsun 1200 wagon...on steroids. was fukn great till the blower drive belt went pop and it all went quiet. enjoy
click to watch video

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello" I politely said, "This is Fred. Could I please speak with Robert Campbell?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fukin' number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robert's correct number to call him, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with Robert, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a Cunt!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'Cunt' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're a Cunt!". It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "Cunt" calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said "Hi, this is John Smith from the phone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, that's because you're a Cunt!"

Then one day I was at Lakeside Shopping Centre, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a gunmetal grey Land Rover cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first Cunt (I had his number on speed dial by this stage,) I thought that I'd better call the Land Rover Cunt, too. I said, "Is this the man with the gunmetal grey Land Rover for sale?" "Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked. "Yes, I live at 221 William Street. It's a terraced house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Steve Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Steve?" "I'm home most days as I'm currently unemployed." "Listen, Steve, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Steve, you're a Cunt!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two Cunts to call. Then one day I came up with an idea.

I called Cunt #1. "Hello?" "You're a Cunt!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Steve Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "I live at 221 William Street, a terraced house. There's a gunmetal grey Land Rover parked out the front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Steve. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Cunt," and hung up.

Then I called Cunt #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, Cunt," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll do what?" I said. "I'll kick your arse," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, Cunt, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 221 William Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 7 News about the hood war going down on William Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to William Street. I got there just in time to watch two Cunts beating the crap out of each other in front of six police cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew. Now I feel MUCH better. Take it from me, anger management really works...

click here for more

SUPPLE TEEN

Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika

Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika - Vika

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the little dog discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard "that was close, that dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes, but the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" Instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet...

And just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

ORSM VIDEO

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Two weeks ago was my 40th birthday and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say "Happy Birthday," and probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone any "Happy Birthday." I thought, "Well, that's wives for you, the children will remember." The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word..

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning, boss. Happy Birthday!" I felt a little better - someone had actually remembered.

I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me!?" I said, "That's the best thing I've heard all day! Let's go."

We went to lunch but not somewhere we'd normally go - we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." By this stage I was buzzed so I just nodded and off we went.

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go change." "Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday. And there I sat... on the couch... naked.

RANDOM SHITE
Not a bad little mix in this weeks RS if I do say so. I'm sure there'll be plenty to amuse and bemuse all of you guys and fill your friends inboxes for days to come. Check it...

RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS - RS -