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The Advice Asshole...

Got a problem too big for Oprah or Jerry Springer? Well you're in luck because the Advice Asshole is here to help! Email the Advice Asshole with all your problems at theadviceasshole@yahoo.com.

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I was banging your girlfriend the other night and she told me my cock was to big. She said she was use to little dicks. What can I do to make it fit in that dirty little cunt of hers?

Horse

Dear Cocksucking Queer

What you can do is fuck off. The first thing about this e-mail that pisses me off is that fact that you can't FUCKING SPELL. If you're going to be throwing accusations around, the first thing you need to do is splurge the $4.95 it costs for a fucking dictionary, and learn how to spell. After you do that, try insulting me again... The second thing that bothers me is that I don't even have a girlfriend, I currently enjoy "one nighters" 7 days a week... How dare you insult me... BITCH.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong.

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Hi there,

Since you're the advice expert, could you tell me what the butterfly position is ?

It's the favorite position of a girlfriend of mine, and there's some many different butterfly positions on the net, I thought I'd ask you.

Btw, mr. orsm always writes to stay of them chems. What the fuck are chems ? I live in belgium and I've never heard of it.

Thx in advance and greetz !

Siegbert

Hey there Siegbert,

The butterfly position is where you go outside with a net, catch a few butterflies and rape them anally in front of your girlfriend. "Stay off the chems" is just another way of saying "Stay out of the shower, and don't use soap." Seeing that you live in Belgium, I'm suprised that you don't know that one...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong.

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Dear Advice asshole?? Is that what we call you?

My neighbour is an absolute jerk and the other day while we were sleeping he let our dog out through the gate so we had a lovely council fine of $55 to get him back..he's the kind to let his dog out everyday to piss and shit on our lawns grr - ..I want revenge and I don't care how long it takes... I don't want him to think it is me as he might try something else ....but I want him to suffer the prick!!!

Any suggestions?

Dear Revenge Seeker,

Seeing as I enjoy causing pain to other people, I'm willing to help you for a small fee of $29.95 a month, until your goal is achieved...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong.

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

PS. I bet you were betting I'd share my assholedness with you for free... People are so cheap this time of year.... Jesus...

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Dear Advice Asshole

If there is no "air" in outerspace, Would a frisbie fly? How high dose a fly fly right side up before it flies upside down to land on the cieling? Is it true that having sex doggie style on the full moon will ensure you having a male child?

Yours truly

JS40OK

Dear Js40ok,

You were wise to not use your real name. It is quite obvious to me that you are just caught up in old wive's tales. I mean, seriously, having sex on "the full moon" won't make you have a male child. First off, I'd hate to break it to you bro, but there are 12 full moons a year. Secondly, a man with your idiocy does not need to be procreating. So do yourself and, more importantly, the world a favor and go take a knife to your below average sized schlong, and end the possibility of children. If you're asking me stupid ass questions, I'd hate to see you as a parent.

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong.

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com

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Do you have any tips on how to increase my amount of cum? I want to be able to just cover my wife's big tits in it and see it dripping out of her mouth when she can't swallow it all.

Please help,

Spewing Goo

Dear Lack of "Spewing Goo,"

It's ok, you don't have to lie. You just want to tell your "male companion" how to store up his cum, because you the like the taste and feeling of being gagged with it and having it sprayed all over your man boobs. It's ok, I don't judge people. I just make fun of ones that are different than myself...

The number one way to store up your cum is NOT TO MASTURBATE...

That's just my opinion, and I know I'm not wrong.

-The Advice Asshole
theadviceasshole@yahoo.com


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