A magic act performed on Saturday night, where fast
food vanishes down the performer's throat, and then
shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on the taxi
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
Back End of the Bat mobile:
The states of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a
really hot curry. "I had a Ring Stinger in the
Benghazi restaurant last night, and now I've got a
dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse feels like the back
end of the Bat mobile."
Beaver Leaver: or Vagina Decliner.
The invisible but warm coats worn when walking home
after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival
home after a booze cruise, even though you're too
pissed to remember where you live, how you get there,
and where you've come from.
The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and
with phallus aforethought, score with a BOBFOC last
night. This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo
court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.
Bone of Contention:
A hard-on that causes an argument. E.g. one that arises
when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on
TV with his girlfriend.
Breaking the Seal:
Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder,
repeat visits to the toilet will be required every
10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punch bag. The female
Blue-Veined Hooligan. The one-eyed skinhead.
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.
One-handed reading material.
The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently,
wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.
The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you
get when abroad.
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman
from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples
with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other.
The position is similar to that used when playing
a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling
both of her nipples simultaneously.
Fizzy Gravy or Rusty Water:
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
Free the Tadpoles:
Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap
at too high a speed.
Going For a McShit:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention
of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged
by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them
that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
A vigorous masturbation session.
Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of a very
The type of bowel movement you experience after dining
for a week in fast food restaurants.
The contents of a Wonder bra. I.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually
fuck-all in there worth seeing.
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks
away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly
packed with stunners when you come back in.
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up whisks away the stunner you slept
with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly
in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she
looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
Sperm Wail or Spuphemism:
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
Starfish Trooper or Arsetronaut:
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at
least 10 pints.
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with.
(1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case
their bag falls off.)
A lady who goes down first time out.
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that
your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
People who, when returning a video to the shop, suddenly
lose the use of their legs, and are compelled to park
on the pavement, as close to the shop as possible.
Closely related to cash point cripple.
To defecate in public for other's enjoyment, as in
from a tree onto a cow.
The stirring sight of a dog in full sail, dragging
its keel across a living room carpet to scrape it
free of barnacles.
Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch. The inexplicable
sight of a pair of shapely Queen Anne legs, oddly
attached to a welders bench.
Thumb up bum, finger up fanny.
Beer Cones -
Invisible traffic cones surrounding a drunken person,
allowing him to safely stagger through traffic, which
will swerve to avoid the cones.