Yes, the one we've all
been waiting for... the Darwin Awards 2002. The candidates
have finally been released! For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given
to the person who provided the Universal human gene
pool the biggest service by getting KILLED in the
most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition
this year has been keen again.
Some candidates appear to have trained their whole
lives for this event!
DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old
man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after
squeezing head-first through an 18-inch-wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October,a 49-year-old San Francisco
stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
accidentally jogged off a 100- foot-high cliff on
his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach
when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand
caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at
the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying
him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying
to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge,
VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead
at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado,
24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into
the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega,
GA, ROTC cadet, Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death
in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who
was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate
the flak vest Berrena was wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was
killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the
7. In February, according to police
in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor,
33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie
in the game of chicken they were playing with their
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
1. In Guthrie, Okla., in October,
Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a shot from
his 22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off
a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez
in the head, fracturing his skull.
2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn
Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement,
declined to use a broom in favour of a propane torch
and caused a fire that burned the first and second
floors of his house.
3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized
in Andover Township, NJ, and his wife Bonnie was also
injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the
window to see what would happen, but apparently failed
to notice the window was closed.
TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
several friends when one of them said they knew a
person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along
the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 am. Upon arrival
at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that
no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had
continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the
cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet
before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham,
"is that God was watching out for me on that
night. There's just no other explanation for it."
Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER:
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich
Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan, 22
doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich,
46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected
defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where
he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as
the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top
of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time
he suffocated. "It seems to be just one of those
freak accidents that happen."