Homer: I saw this in
a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its
SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I
think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."
Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse!
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate.
[Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad.!?
Homer: Can I go now?
Homer: Here are your
messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes.
Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube.
You have 30 minutes to move your cube.
I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have
Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think
his name is Mother Shabubu now
Homer: Kids, kids. I'm
not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.
Homer: So I says, blue M&M, red M&M,
they all wind up the same color in the end.
Homer: Hey, we didn't have a message
on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.
Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will
call me "sir" without adding, "you're making a scene."
Homer: Kids, just because I don't care
doesn't mean I'm not listening.
Homer: It's not easy to juggle
a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit
in eight hours of TV a day.
Homer: Are you saying you're never going
to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical
brain: Use reverse psychology.
Homer: Oh, that sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Okay, I will!
Homer: When I first heard that Marge
was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany,
like that movie Spaceballs. But instead it was dark and disturbing.
Like that movie... Police Academy.
We're looking for a new food critic, someone who doesn't immediately
pooh-pooh everything he eats.
Homer: Nah, it usually takes a few hours.
Homer: Oh, they have the Internet on computers
Homer: God, if you really are God, you'll
get me tickets to that game.
Ned Flanders: Heidely-ho, neighbor. Wanna go
to the game with me? I got two tick--
Homer: [slams the door, looks heavenward] Why do you mock me, O
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle
that Bart tossed up there.
[Marge scrapes it off the ceiling into Homer's
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but -- [bites] Mmm, sacrilicious.
Well Marge, have you ever seen a field glow like that?
Marge: It's eerily beautiful, but are
you sure this is safe?
Homer: Of course not. But you know something? Sometimes you have
to break the rules to free your heart.
Marge: You got that from a movie poster.
Homer: Well, when there's nothing left to believe in, believe in
Homer: It's like David and Goliath, only
this time David won!
Brockman: Springfield has come down with a fever: football fever.
If you have the fever, there's only one cure. Take 2 tickets, and
see the game Sunday morning.
Public Service Announcer: Warning. Tickets should NOT be taken internally.
Homer: See? Because of me, now they have a warning
Homer: Please don't eat me! I have
a wife and kids. Eat them!
I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today
is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster. Lisa! Get in here.
[Lisa walks in] In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!
Well, I hope you've learnt your lesson,
Lisa: never help anyone.
[Homer can't stop
Marge: I've brought somebody to help you.
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: It's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?
Marge: It's NOT Batman.
Ah, Andy Capp, you wife-beating drunk.
ghost: Marge you gotta help me, I have to do one good deed to get
Marge: Well I got a whole list of chores:
clean the garage, paint the house...
Homer's ghost: Whoa whoa whoa. I'm just trying to get in, I'm not
running for Jesus.
Bad bees! Get away from my sugar! Ow! Ow!! Oh, they're defending
Homer: I want to set the record straight:
I thought the cop was a prostitute.
[Ned and Homer are
driving in a snowstorm.]
Ned Flanders: Homer, we just hit something!
Homer: Ooooooh, I hope it was Flanders.
(Offering Lisa a donut.) Donut?
Lisa: Uhh... got any fruit?
Homer: This one has purple in it. Purple's a fruit.
Homer: But every
time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember
that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!
Homer: And how!
Big brother representative:
Now, Mr. Simpson, may I ask why you're here?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge. Don't say revenge.
Homer: Ummm... revenge?
Homer's brain: Okay, that's it. I'm outta here. (step step step
step step... slam)
Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I
don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can
continue killing you with beer.
Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The
trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Homer: If something goes wrong, blame the guy who can't speak English.
Homer: Awww... 20 dollars!? I wanted
Homer's brain: 20 dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo hoo!
Lisa: Dad, we did
something very bad!
Homer: Did you wreck the car?
Homer: Did you raise the dead?
Homer: But the car's okay?
Bart & Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: All right then.