|From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday, November 26, 2001 8:17 AM
Subject: The Cave
We've all been putting in long hours
but we've really come together as a group and I love
that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster
that says "There is no I in team" as well
as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby."
That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting
a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave.
And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to
be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even
more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey,
you don't want to be stung and neither do I so we
need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign up
sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video
address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most
powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while
we're taping please do not ride your razor scooter
in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy
one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to
shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think
hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its
recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front,
and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were
gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may
be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate
our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar,
Love you lots.