|THE STORY OF PENIS VAN LESBIAN
A handsome young man walks into the office of a Hollywood
agent with his resume. He introduces himself as Penis
Van Lesbian. The agent reviews the young man's slim
resume and says, "You have the obvious good looks
and excellent demeanour of an actor. I think you could
go far. Have you had any roles that I might be aware
"Other than high school plays, no sir," says
the young man.
"I know the reason-it's your
name," says the agent. "Penis Van Lesbian
is a name that will hold you back. I'd love to represent
you, but you'll have to change your name."
"Sir," the young man replies,
"Penis Van Lesbian was my father's, my grandfather's
and his father's name. I will not change it for any
"If you won't change
your name, I cannot represent you," says the
With that, Penis Van Lesbian
leaves the agent's office never to return.
Five Years Later...
The agent arrives at his office and
shuffles through his mail. He opens an envelope and
removes a letter. A check for $50,000 drops onto his
desk. He reads the letter:
Dear Sir: Several years ago you refused
to represent me unless I changed my name from Penis
Van Lesbian. Later, I thought about it and I decided
your advice might be a good idea after all. But instead
of completely changing my name, I abbreviated it,
still keeping the flavour of the original.
Now I am a rich and famous actor,
known to millions worldwide. I owe you a debt of gratitude
for your advice, so please accept this check with
my humble thanks-for it was your idea which has brought
me to such wealth and fame.
Very Sincerely Yours,
Dick Van Dyke