8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.

8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.

8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants, open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.

9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.

10.00 Light work out at club with handsome funny personal trainer. 10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.

12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.

12.45 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notices she has gained 17kg.

1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.

3.00 Nap.

4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.

4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.

5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.

7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.

10.00 Hot shower (alone).

10:50 Carried to bed (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).

11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.

11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.


THE PERFECT DAY - HIS

6.00 Alarm.

6.15 Blow job.

6.30 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section.

7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked buxom wench who bends over a lot.

7.30 Limo arrives.

7.45 Several Bourbons en-route to airport.

9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.

9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (blow job en-route).

9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.

11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Dom Perignon.

12.15 Blow job.

12.30 Play back nine (of golf course) - 4 under.

2.15 Limo back to the airport (Several Bourbons).

2.30 Fly to Cairns.

3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot.

4.30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs) - on light tackle.

5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson (bending over... naturally).

6.45 Shit, Shower and Shave.

7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; marijuana and porn legalised.

7.30 Dinner: lobster appetisers, Dom Perigno (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.

9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV as you watch match of the day; Eagles beating Essendon by 100 points.

9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over).

11.00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing ale.

11.30 A night cap blowjob.

11.45 In bed alone.

11.50 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.

12.00 Sleep.