|WACKY WAYS TO ORDER A PIZZA
If using a touch-tone,
press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order
to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card
name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra
Terminate the call with,
"Remember, we never had this conversation.''
Answer their questions
In your breathiest voice,
tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something
Tell them to put the crust
on top this time.
Ask what the order taker
Say hello, act stunned
for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
Rattle off your order
with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with
that, panic and become disoriented.
Tell the order taker you're
depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Order 52 pepperoni slices
prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are
about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
Act like you know the
order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?''
If they repeat the order
to make sure they have it right, say, "OK. That'll be $10.99;
please pull up to the first window.''
Ask if you get to keep
the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Move the mouthpiece farther
and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk
the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of
Tell them to double-check
to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Say it's your anniversary
and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture
waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
Say you'll be able to
pay for this when the movie people call back.
Ask if they have any idea
what is at stake with this pizza.
Doze off in the middle
of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are
Ask what their phone number
is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
Act like you're ringing
the police. Report a petty theft.
If he/she suggests anything,
adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.''
Start the conversation
with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and...action!''
Be vague in your order.
When they repeat your
order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time.''
Start the conversation
by reciting today's date and saying, ``This may be my last entry.''
State your order and say
that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
Ask if they're familiar
with the term "spanking a pizza.'' Make up a description to
go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
Learn to play a blues
riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play
Make the first topping
you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, "No mushrooms,
please.'' Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
Order a one-inch pizza.
Dance all around the word
'pizza'. Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say, "Please
don't mention that word.''
Have a movie with a good
car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!''
when a bullet is fired.
If he/she suggests a side
order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
Order a steamed pizza.
Ask for a pizza without
If the order taker gets
too annoyed, pout and complain, "The last guy let me do it.''